Chapter 8

"Where are we going?" I asked as we set off.

"One of the smaller places," Antonia answered. "They'll be happy with cash."

I suddenly realised that I hadn't the faintest idea what was going on. Antonia had decided that I needed better wheels and suddenly, here we were, off somewhere to buy something I wasn't certain I wanted without the faintest idea of what I was going to do when I got there. I also realised I wasn't particularly happy about it. I pulled the car into the side of the road. "I'm not going anywhere until I know what we're doing why," I said.

"Don't you trust me?" Antonia said, teasingly.

"It isn't about trust. It's about knowing what the hell is going on. I feel I'm being steamrollered into this."

She giggled and patted my hand. "Trust Auntie. We're going to buy you a good second-hand car. As I said, my brother was car daft when he was younger and you couldn't be around him without learning a bit about them. We want to avoid the main dealers because they'll want all sorts of paperwork and don't deal in cash. So we're going to visit the smaller places. Now many of them are shysters — real Del-boy types — slap a coat of paint on a wreck and tell you it's had one careful lady owner. I think I can remember enough to avoid the most obvious pitfalls. You okay with that?"

"Yes, thanks. And I'll add to it. You know one of Charles's powers is that he can find out about things if he's in the presence of the right people and has a focus so he should be able to tell us if a car is real or crap."

"I like it," Antonia said.

"Er, can I ask a question?" Harry said tentatively.

"Fire away."

"Well, Charles..." she stumbled over the name, "... persuaded Tonia and Debbie and I to be with you, right?"

"Yes, go on."

"Well, it's just a thought, but could he persuade the salesman to tell the truth and ask for a fair price?"

Antonia and I exchanged astonished glances.

"Blow me," I said. "I never even considered that. Harry, you're a genius."

Antonia swivelled round to give Harry an admiring look. "If you weren't so far away, I'd kiss you," she said.

Harry wriggled with pleasure.

"Right. So our first stop is one of the big franchises so Charles can learn all about cars, then we go a-hunting."

"Did it occur to you to ask if I could or would do this?" Charles complained in my head.

"Shut up, Charles," I thought back.

He sighed. "Why do you make things so unnecessarily complicated? Show me the vehicle you want and I'll make one. Why all this rigmarole and fol-de-rol?"

It was my turn to sigh.

"What's up?" Tonia asked.

"Just Charles being his usual helpful self. Wants to create a car out of thin air. Would you do me a favour and tell him about registration and road tax and insurance, please, so I can concentrate on driving?"

Feeling somewhat foolish talking to thin air, Antonia explained about Vehicle Identification Numbers and registration plates and the DVLC and Road Tax and Certificates of Insurance.

"Now do you understand?" I thought at Charles when she'd finished.

"Load of stupid nonsense," he muttered.

"Thanks," I said to Antonia. "I think he's got the picture."

"How do you know?"

"He gets rude and huffy."

From the back seat Harry giggled. "Actually, that was cool," she said. "I didn't know half that stuff before."

"Glad to be of service." Antonia said.

We visited one of the large, franchised used car dealers first and the girls had a fine time teasing the salesman who couldn't tear his eyes off Antonia, especially when she bent down to stick her head into the interior of a car, which she did with alarming frequency. Harry took the opposite tactic and draped herself over bonnets, pretending to be bored with the whole thing but sticking out her chest and watching the salesmen out of the side of her eyes. I managed to keep a straight face throughout, though with some difficulty.

We strolled through the selection of cars, Antonia asking inane questions and Harry pouting like mad. Perhaps because he was so distracted, the salesman let loose more information about his wares than he probably should have. After an hour we decided we had enough. The women thanked the salesman profusely for his time and we sauntered off.

"That was fun," Harry said when we were back on the road, her eyes shining. "I wouldn't have dared behave like that if you two hadn't been there."

"Same here," Antonia said. "We bring out the best in each other."

I shook my head and laughed. "Best? You're a couple of exhibitionists. That poor man's probably rushed straight to the toilet to relieve himself."

"That's disgusting," Harry said primly.

"But good fun," Antonia added and they burst into fits of giggles.

Eventually they calmed down enough for Antonia to direct me to a garage she remembered.

"No flirting," she said as we pulled up outside. "This is business."

This place was a stark contrast to the franchise dealer. It was scruffy. The cars were crammed tightly into a small, tatty lot. There was no comfortable office, only a small stone building with dirty windows. The cars were a quite old and had obviously seen better days.

"This is yucky," Harry said.

"It's gone downhill a bit," Antonia admitted. "Still, we might as well see what there is."

As soon as we entered the lot, a man emerged from the building. Like his wares he had seen better days. His three-piece suit was frayed at the cuffs and needed cleaning and there was a food stain on his tie. His smile was as oily as his hair and went no further than his mouth. I disliked him on sight.

"Good afternoon," he said unctuously. "Looking for a car, are we? You've come to the right place. All quality vehicles and excellent runners."

"Tell you what," I said. "There's no need for you to be out here in the cold. We'll wander round for a while and see if there's anything we're interested in and then come and talk to you. Okay?"

"Not at all," he said too heartily. "Just tell me what sort of vehicle you're interested in and I'll take you directly to the perfect vehicle. Plenty of choice. Is the vehicle for yourself, sir? Or one of your lady friends? A nice little runner for the younger girl? Your niece, is she?"

"At the moment we've no fixed ideas. We're only looking," I said, liking him less and less every minute. "Charles, make him go away," I thought.

His eyes took on a slightly glazed look. "In that case, sir, I'll just let you look. I'll be in the office if you need me."

He slunk back to his shack.

"Ugh," I said to Antonia, who was examining the cars on offer. "What an odious little bastard."

"Hasn't changed then." she said. "I think that's even the same suit he was wearing the last time I saw him." She pointed at a car. It was nearly ten years old but looked very smart with gleaming paintwork. "Now, this thing is a wreck. See here and here and here? That's been painted over. Without primer, too, I'll bet. It'll be rusted through within a year." She opened a door and lifted the carpet. She took off one shoe and, balancing carefully on one foot, banged the heel against the floor. Little flakes of rust flew up. "Better with a screwdriver," she grinned. I had Charles make one and presented it to her. She gave the floor a vicious poke and large flakes broke away. "See what I mean?"

"I'm impressed," I said. "It looks like a nice car, too."

"It's supposed to look like a nice car so you buy it," she retorted. "It's what you don't see that's important."

"Makes sense."

She knelt down and peered underneath. I resisted the obvious temptation. She poked and prodded with the screwdriver.

"Exhaust's shot and the rust has been covered over with rubber paint." Harry and I exchanged astonished looks. "Let's look around and see if there's anything worth buying at all. To tell you the truth, even your old rattletrap is in better condition than some of these."

"Well, it has only had one careful owner..." I said. She raised an eyebrow. "And me." I smirked.

We scoured the lot, especially the rear where Antonia said the better cars were normally tucked away. We found two possibles. I went to fetch the owner who was staring out of the window looking most agitated. He was clearly not happy about us wandering freely around his lot but couldn't break Charles's compulsion. We indicated the first of our choices.

"Good choice, sir. Very reliable cars, these. This is the SE model and comes with CD player and electric front windows and velour upholstery. Got the 2 litre engine, too, so you won't be lacking power." He was almost rubbing his hands.