Chapter 9: Counseling

Jenny had never thought she'd be grateful for dire financial straits. She was also grateful that she'd had to move to a new checking account when their joint account had been cancelled. She had had every intention of adding Jerry to her checking account and credit cards, but since she hadn't, she had a measure of control. She used that control to keep him in her apartment and force him to eat with her. She was downright thankful that her school district had wonderful health insurance and that insurance was going to cover the cost of their sessions.

The first session, two days ago, had been very tense. When she'd explained the background of their situation, she'd been terrified by Jerry's open hostility. Most of the session had been devoted to working out acceptable rules for living together. Jerry had insisted that she "never pollute my room," but then he was also willing to make all sorts of agreements about his language and what he would say. They'd spent the last two days like what Jerry called "new cellies" and aside from eating together they didn't see each other.

Jerry had spent the first hour of the session with the counselor in private, and then it was Jenny's turn. They had finished with a half hour session together. Jenny had started the hour by being as honest as she could about what she had done and why.

Towards the end of the hour, Dr. Gardner leaned forward and asked softly "Jenny, did you ever enjoy you time in 'the trailer' as you called it. Did you ever look forward to it?"

The question had caught Jenny very much off guard, and she barely suppressed an automatic 'No.' "I never looked forward to going there, but there were some times when I did look forward to some of the men. I never fantasized about any of them, and I certainly don't miss any of them. But I do have to say that I did enjoy some of what I did up there. You have to understand some of those men are skillful lovers, and I do enjoy sex. That doesn't mean I didn't miss it with my husband or would ever cheat on him. This is very important to me. He has to accept that didn't cheat on him, that I was doing this for him. I think it was noble and..."

Jenny realized that she was crying, tears running down her cheek. Dr. Gardner handed her a tissue and then said, "continue."

Jenny took a deep breath and said, "He was never supposed to know. I wouldn't have done it if I thought he would find out, but I'm not sorry. I owed him and I wanted him back still a man. If someone had to take it up the ass, I didn't want it to be him. I would have done almost anything to protect him. I don't know why he keeps calling me a slut and a whore. I never even pretended to be either of those for the guys. I was a party girl, a good time girl, but I would never do that for money, and I'd never cheat on my husband."

Dr. Gardner gave her time to compose herself then said, "I admit I've never seen a case quite like this. I'm going to try something a little bit different when we're together. If I'm right we'll cut this process down, but you have to understand that... Let's bring Jerry in so that you can both hear this."

When Jerry came into the room and took his chair, he was leaning away from Jenny. Jenny was leaning toward him and it hurt to see him so withdrawn from her.

Dr. Gardner cleared her throat to get their attention. "I just told Jenny that this was a most unusual case. On the one hand, I'm optimistic because you both love each other so deeply. On the other, you have some very deep issues that you need to get past.

"First Jenny, you're going to have to understand that what you did was wrong. Jerry, you're going to need to believe that what she was doing was being done for you and for no other reason. Jenny, you could debate the correctness of your choice, but you cannot debate that you didn't include your husband in that decision. You unilaterally changed the structure of your marriage. Sex matters, and your sexuality is now very different from what it was when Jerry went to prison. When you are in bed from now on, you will have experiences that will shape the way you react sexually. Jerry never agreed to be married to the sexual person you are now. Jerry has every right to reject that person from his life. Even the most conservative of Catholics recognize adultery as grounds for divorce. Make no mistake - this was cheating."