Chapter 8

I was suddenly struck with the gravity of the situation. I could lose everything here! Clasping my hands tightly behind my back to stop them shaking, I tried to slow my breathing while Andrew, Paul and Kate looked down on me. My Judge, jury and executioner. I felt very small. Would I ever master this game? Was I cut out for this? It wouldn't have taken much for me to burst into tears and flee. Forever. I couldn't believe I called Kate a bitch. I should have thanked her for slapping me. God, was this it? Was he finished with me? Studying my Master's face, I wished he were smiling. I was sure I could make him smile again. Shivering almost uncontrollably, I decided to fight, and fuck the consequences. I was not going to give up. I had come too far for that. If he wanted the truth, I'd give it, and let the cards fall where they may. After what seemed an eternity, he finally asked his question.

"Do you know what you have done?"

As soon as he asked it, I felt so ashamed. My cheeks burned and I would have given anything to be alone with him. The grass in front of me became blurry as my eyes filled. A single tear began its lonely trek down my cheek. "I... I have disappointed you."

"You have broken a number of rules, and your behaviour has been unacceptable." My shoulders were trembling and another tear dripped down my nose and I watched as it plummeted to the ground below. "But that isn't all, is it?" His voice was soft, scary... hypnotic.

"N... No," I whispered, my eyes filling and the grass in front of me becoming blurry.

"Speak up, and don't make me tell you again. Make your confession, Dominique. Now."

Oh God. I cleared my throat. "Y... Yes, Sir." Master seemed too familiar. I didn't deserve to call him my Master.

A moment. I just needed a moment. Fuck it. Taking a deep breath, I collected my thoughts. I straightened myself and knelt up tall. Proudly. With my body as tight as a drum, I closed my eyes tightly to blink away my tears. They ran in streams down my cheeks, but I decided against wiping them away. So what if I cried. I exhaled slowly and opened my eyes.

Watching Dominique on her knees stifling tears was difficult to bear. The trial of confessing before others would certainly test her. A sense of déjà vu came over me as I asked my question. It was very strange, but a memory of Rebecca speared into my mind. Sometimes I just need attention, I heard her saying. We were talking together after a punishment and her mascara had run, just like Dominique's. It's better this way, she had said. I'll learn. And she had. I almost smiled to myself, realising the message. Somewhere along the way Dominique had become sidetracked, and she needed to be reigned in. In a sense, Dean had been right. I had been too gentle with her. But not for the reasons he thought.

The desire to sweep her up into my arms flooded through me and abated in a split second. Why did I hold myself back sometimes? I knew it wasn't appropriate at that moment, but it wouldn't have been the first time if I had. I usually drew a frustrating blank when I started thinking about it. Rebecca would have been surprised. Indecisive would not have been how she described me. And yet here I was, thinking of her while Dominique relented and let the tears flow. Had I truly let go? While Dominique sobbed, I realised I had some confessing of my own to do. But I would afford us some privacy for that. In the meantime, I decided that if Dominique was going to make inroads into her vanilla ways of thinking, it was going to be today. And it wasn't going to be easy.

I knew what to do. And I recognised that this might be the last time I ever involved other people in our play. Dominique would not miss Paul. Not when I was done. I should have seen it. It was as plain as the nose on my face. Dean's cabin was too much for her. It was too random and too stressful. It hadn't opened doors, it had smashed them down with an axe. Her world had been warped and she probably wasn't sure what to make of it. Even bringing Paul in had been a mistake. Dominique was not Rebecca. And I did give a fuck. As she straightened up and steadied herself, I reached into my pocket, feeling for my handkerchief. Remembering the egg was wrapped in it, I thought, perfect. I was tempted to smile as I retrieved it and held the small cloth out for her.

"Thank you, Sir," I said, sniffling. "Thank you." Bringing the soft cloth to my face to wipe it, the scent of my pussy invaded my senses and I blushed, glancing up at Andrew. He smiled. He smiled! He was having a private moment with me, and for some reason it made sense. I relished it, carefully folding his handkerchief and drying my face with it. All was not lost! He still had faith! Kneeling up straight again and taking a deep breath, I balled the cloth in my fist and held it tightly. "Sir," I began, concentrating on his eyes. This was not how I envisaged my confession. "I have been guilty of a so many things."

"Go on, pet." He called me 'pet'!

"Yes, Sir. I um," I said, hesitating. It didn't sound right. Then it dawned on me. "This girl is guilty of d... disobeying you. You made it plain she was to submit to whom you chose. Th... This girl was rude and wilful and she is very sorry for that, Sir. Sh... She finds it difficult when others are involved, Sir. She felt confused and things happened so fast." I wiped another tear from my cheek. "I... She... She knows we have talked about it and she knows it is a limit you may push. But it is still very new to her and she felt cornered. H... Her jealousy took over, Sir."

"Explain what you mean, Dominique."

"Y... Yes, Sir. This girl is um, also guilty of allowing mischievous thoughts to become feelings, Sir. And she... she found her fantasies involving Paul occupying her idle time. She was looking forward to seeing him more than she should have been, Sir." I glanced at Kate and she looked daggers at me. "Th... This girl feels that jealousy clouded her judgment. Her jealousy of Kate made her lash out, S... Sir."

"I see," Andrew said, nodding thoughtfully.

"There is another thing, Sir. This girl is also guilty of not paying proper attention to your instructions regarding her collar. She is very sorry for not asking about it. She loves it so much and if she knew she could wear it whenever she wanted, she would not have taken it off. Well, not while at home, Sir." I wanted to smile but I stopped myself.

Andrew nodded again, scratching his chin. "Is there something else, Dominique? Something deeper?" he asked.

"Um," I hesitated, looking from face to face then down again. "Yes," I whispered.

"Go ahead."

"This girl feels... torn, Sir. Torn between her vanilla side and her submissive side. She has been assuming things, Sir. Assuming her place, and assuming what is important and what is not. Her mind has been active but she has not confessed the things she has been thinking. She assumed she knew what you would want or need to know. She has been filtering, Sir. Filtering thoughts and feelings, sharing only those she knew would please you." I looked up at him and he seemed almost pleased.

"You do it to keep me happy, don't you?"

"Making you happy is always this girl's intention, Sir," I replied softly. It was no excuse and he knew it.

"Happiness based on half truths and omissions is not real happiness though, is it?"

I looked down at my hands and fingered the handkerchief. "N... No, Sir. This girl doesn't know what else to say. She is sorry, Sir. She has been careless and displeasing and her focus has wavered. She knows she acted poorly and she knows she can do better. Please, Sir. She... She'll do anything!" I pleaded, looking up at him. "She'll accept anything! Please let her prove herself to you, Sir. She knows she should be punished. Please punish her, Sir. Make it all go away, please..." My tears returned in a rush, and for a moment I felt cold and alone. Kate was right. I was a cry-baby.

"You are going to be taught a lesson."

Falling at his feet and kissing his shoes, I whispered, "Thank you, Sir. Thank you. Thank you." Joy and relief seemed to merge. I can do this. I WILL do this.

"I want you to trust me today. Let go. Understood?"

Gazing up at him, the look on his face was one I would never forget. His eyes bored into me with a determination that seethed. And the strangest thing was, I loved it. Without saying a word, he spoke to my centre. This is what you deserve. I nodded, whispering, "Yes. Anything."

His hand appeared before my eyes and I held it and he lifted me back to my knees. "Trust me to make decisions regarding your limits, Dominique. Accept my will. Find freedom in letting go. Let me decide what is right and what is wrong, and what is important and what is not. Confess without fear. The truth can only bring us together."

I dropped my gaze to the ground and nodded again. Taking another deep breath, I asked softly, "May this girl speak, Sir?"

"Only if she addresses me by my rightful name."

I glanced up again. Was that a smile? Biting my lip, I whispering, "Thank you, M... Master. I..." Paul and Kate seemed to fade into the background as I spoke. "I feel humbled, Master. Humbled that you care enough to help me become the submissive you desire, and the submissive I want to be. I don't know what I've done to deserve the chance to earn your forgiveness, but thank you for that chance." I swallowed, resolving to do anything for this man. Andrew. My Master. "I want nothing more than to please you. My heart, mind and body are yours. Master, I know I have let you down. And I'm sorry beyond my ability to describe. I'll do better, Master. I'm determined to make you proud of me again."

As I listened to Dominique's thoughtful words, I was touched by her simple honesty. She knew what was expected of her and she knew she should not have defied me. Even taking everything else into consideration, there would be a price to pay for that. Gazing down on her, I set my jaw. "Go to your room and strip. Get your collar. Do not put it on. You don't deserve it. Proceed to my study and kneel in the middle of the room facing away from the door. I do not want your face to be the first thing I see when I walk through that door. Place your collar on the floor behind you. I want it out of your sight." I threw the key to the ground in front of her. "Now, GO!" Picking it up and scrambling to her feet, she excused herself and hurried past us up to the house. When she was out of earshot, I turned to Paul. "I don't know what came over her."

"They all have their setbacks," Paul offered kindly.

"Yes, yes. I know you're right."

"Would you like us to leave?" he asked.

"No, I'd like you both to stay. I'm going to need your help with what I have in mind."

"Hmmm. Well, I'm sure Kate won't mind a change in plans. Her dominance needs work anyway," he added, chuckling. Kate pouted then giggled, and I couldn't help but smile. Paul was a good friend, and though he was humouring me, I could see the concern in his face. Hindsight was a wonderful thing.

"I tend to agree with you," I said, and we all laughed. "What about you Kate? Do you have anything you'd like to add to this conversation?" I asked.

"I would be pleased to play any part you would like me to play, Sirs," she replied eagerly. "But, may I just say something?"

"Go ahead."

"Well I um... I just think you are both very lucky, Sir. Dominique is adorable and you make a wonderful couple."

Paul concurred. "She's right, you know."

"Yeah, I know. And thanks. All right. I'll explain how I want this to pan out, and then we'll go on up. No rush. We'll let her sweat for a bit."

"Sounds like a plan, my friend," Paul said, giving me a wink.

"Okay. I want it to go like this..."

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I thought I was going to be sick. Quickly pulling off my clothes, I stood naked in front of the mirror. My mascara had run and I looked like a sad clown. As I breathed deeply, I held my hand in front of my eyes and my fingers shook like leaves in the breeze. Determined to make a good impression, I ran into the bathroom and washed my face.

His words echoed in my mind, haunting me. 'Is there something else, Dominique? Something deeper?'

When Andrew said that, I hesitated and I thought I knew why.

Sometimes I felt like two women. One of them completely accepted and relished her submission. She delighted in bringing pleasure to the one she loved. She had never felt as happy and as content as she did when she submitted. Everything made sense to her. She accepted the fact that very few people were like her. She was sexually secure. Satisfied. Balanced.

Then there was the other woman. She was hurt. Hurt by her own rejection of the norms of the society in which she was raised. She wondered why the man she loved didn't treat her like a princess. She thought she should be worshipped and spoilt. She was still in there. She was my vanilla conscience.

As I dried my face with the bath towel, I tried to convince her that what she didn't or couldn't understand was that she was being worshipped and spoilt. She had never been listened to as intently as Andrew listened to her. Her desires and her fears had never been given as much attention as Andrew gave them. She had never been treated as respectfully as Andrew treated her.

After running a comb through my hair, I ran over to the window. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Kate pouring fresh drinks for them. Still, I wanted to be ready. Walking quickly over to the bedside table, I retrieved my collar. God, I was so nervous. I steeled myself. This is what he wants. This is what I deserve.

I headed for his study.

In time we finished our drinks and ambled up to the house. I'd given Dominique plenty of time, and the three of us knew our roles. Paul thought I was absolutely right, and Kate made the point that I shouldn't back off now, not when it was clear that Dominique was expecting something 'special'. I thanked them for their input as we pushed open the back door and soon stood at the threshold of my study.

Kate murmured, "Wow." Paul admonished her, but it was okay. I had the urge to say the same thing. Only the low lamp next to the toy box on the side table had been turned on. It lit up the wall with the mounted playthings.

Dominique's skin flickered golden in the sixty or seventy candles she had hastily lit. Kneeling in the classic style with her back to us as ordered, she was naked and her skin glistened as she breathed. She was oiled from head to toe, black hair shimmering. The silver locket of her collar glinted from the floor behind her.

I surveyed the room for any other surprises. A bowl of dip and crackers sat on the coffee table, flanked by a jug of iced water and three glasses. I was pleased there weren't four. For a submissive in trouble she was working hard at putting things right.

"Dominique... do not speak..." It was so quiet I could hear her breathing. "Put your hands behind your head and lace your fingers together." She did so without hesitating. I motioned for Paul and Kate to move to the lounge area and observe. Moving in the opposite direction, I said, "Do not move Dominique. Do not look at me or anyone until I say you may."

Taking my crop from its mount, I clipped it to my belt and opened the toy box, retrieving a coil of silk rope. I walked up behind Dominique. "Arms straight up over your head, hands clasped together." She did so. I wound the silk rope up her wrists, binding them together with a nod to the shibari style Paul likes so much. I looked over to him and he nodded and smiled. Kate was watching intently. I turned back to Dominique and said, "Keep your hands straight up over your head." I leaned down and picked up her collar from the floor behind her.

Dangling it in front of her face, I hissed, "Do not speak." She nodded almost imperceptibly. "This is your collar. " I dropped it to the floor in front of her and continued. "It is a symbol Dominique." I unclipped my crop. "Thirteen months ago we began this journey together. The collar I placed around your neck signified the beginning of 'us'. You were to respect it by respecting me." I punctuated each point with a slap of the crop against my calf. "The collar tells you that you are different." Slap. "It tells you that you are mine." Slap. "And it tells you that you are owned." Slap.

Walking slowly around her, I said, "With the acceptance of my collar, you chose to place the gift of your submission in my hands." I stopped in front of her and admired the form of her body as she kept her head bowed, arms straight up and steady. "By your actions, you have placed your submission to me in jeopardy." I started walking around her again and I heard her exhale. "I will NOT..."

Pop! Outside of her left thigh. She flinched and gasped with the shock. It wasn't very hard.

"... tolerate your begrudging acceptance of my will. I will NOT..."

Pop! Top of her left buttock.

"... accept anything less than your unerring desire to please me. I will NOT..."

Pop! Top of right buttock.

"... accept your judgment on what you will or won't confess to me. I EXPECT..."

Pop! Right thigh.

"... you to let ME decide what is important to confess, and what is not." I stopped walking. "I WANT..."

Pop! Right thigh again! She gasped.

"... you to accept your place with me."

Pop! Right thigh again. Her arms shook.

"Honestly..." Pop! "Fully..." Pop! "Openly..." Pop!

Her arms swayed, her hands making small circles above her head. I walked in front of her and stopped, mustering my most menacing tone. It wasn't difficult. "You know very well what is expected of you. You may answer when I ask you a question. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir," she whispered.

"Louder."

"Yes, Sir!"

"You have been slipping, haven't you Dominique?"

Her shoulders shuddered in another stifled sob. She cleared her throat, steadying her arms overhead. "Y... Yes Sir."

"And you have been thinking inappropriate thoughts, correct?"

"Yes Sir. My confession-"

"Shut up, Dominique. Even when you are being punished you can't do as you are told, can you?"

"N... No, Sir." Her voice came in a tremor. Her arms were visibly shaking with the effort required to keep them overhead.

"You have been coveting the attentions of Paul, haven't you Dominique?"

"Yes, Sir," she whispered.