Chapter 5

My alarm for six o'clock seemed to sound moments after my head hit the pillow, despite it was 7 hours later. After brewing coffee I went to the front door to open it and get a breath of what I hoped would be cool morning air. There, to my shock, I found Gail sprawled in the doorway asleep. Actually I hadn't seen her face yet, but who else would be wearing a huge black baggy sweatshirt and oversized black sweatpants and black men's shoes and be on my porch. Somewhere she had found black lipstick and sloppily put it on and her eyes ran black eye make-up. I suspect she kept the make-up in her pockets, which probably doubled as her purse, and I also think she must have gotten drunk, somehow, overnight.

I toyed with the idea of just leaving her there and calling the police, I was so sick of her act, but the good person in me reached out for her.

"Gail, Gail, GAIL!" I shouted through the screen, startling her.

She woke and pulled herself up to a sitting position without making eye contact.

"So I made a fool out of myself for the past 6 or 7 years. So I lived like a homeless person for a couple years. You think when you found me yesterday it was the first time I pissed or shit myself? Nobody ever fucking asked me the why of the way I looked since my freshman year in college. I realized last night that was because no one cared, they didn't pity me, they thought I was nuts. You woke me up last night Rob. I sat in a culvert up the road for a couple hours reliving some of the great times I had with my Mom and Sis. I started laughing. I laughed a lot and caught myself with a smile I couldn't wipe off. I only had about 4 bucks but I managed to find a 7-11 with a generator about 2 miles up the main road and I bought some Colt 45 and walked in the dark talking and laughing with Mom and Sis. Don't ask me why, but last night after you ripped me a new asshole, I saw things from your point of view for the first time. Why I locked myself in this façade for all this time I don't know. I guess I thought I should make the rest of the world miserable." Gail said as her words got more and more emotional. She was on the verge of crying when she finished.

"I want you to help me like you said you would. I want to be fucking normal. I swore when I woke up this morning I would be Gail who woke up that morning back in '97 waiting for Mom and Sis to arrive. My Aunt Midge was a bitch who hated me. She couldn't wait for me to graduate and go back home with my Mom, and I couldn't wait to leave either. I wasn't a very good girl in high school. I fucked around a lot and partied a lot to be sure I got out of the house. Auntie Midge called me a whore and a tramp, but I didn't give a shit. My marks were great, I was getting a scholarship and I was having fun and I wasn't at her house when I was out. That morning I was as happy as I ever was and then my world crashed. What I did after that,... THIS!", she said gesticulating up and down at her "look", "THIS was supposed to show the world and God that I was unhappy with everything. It never occurred to me that no one would care. Save me Robbie, help me get my life back."

I didn't know what to say. I don't which of the words I said to her made her stop and look in life's mirror to see what she had done to herself. I suspect being trapped and thinking of her mortality was the impetus. I'm sure seeing me and reminding her of when she at least had some sort of life structure at college probably helped as well. Spiritually though, I think her Mom and Sis made a visit to show her the open door. Her outlook now was a true genesis that couldn't be traced to one source.

I opened the door and helped her up. She told me she was nursing a little hangover wanted coffee and aspirin. I sat her at the breakfast bar and gave her what she wanted, all the while talking to her to be sure she wasn't on any drug or hallucinogenic that would change her attitude back to its former later on. The fact she smiled more in the last 10 minutes than I ever saw at school told me she was real, the change was real.

"I'm going to go upstairs and dig out some clothes for you. If I was at my own house I could help you more. My hockey players left some stuff behind, plus the guy who I rent this from has grandchildren and I've seen some odd stuff here and there." I told her as she nodded and thanked me.

Then as I started up the steps she called out to me.

"Rob, you know I'm not going to be a needy puppy that you have to look after. I'll contribute and be a part until I can be on my own. I'm not begging."

"You know Gail, this isn't going to be easy for you, and I'll help you in every way. I won't let you beg. You'll work at this, or your ass is out. Fair enough?" I told her, giving her somewhat of an ultimatum.

Upstairs I found a few things that would make her look at least a bit feminine. I even found a choice of underwear, either from this guys wife or daughters. Some looked real tiny, some real big, but I was no panty expert. I usually handled them in the dark so...

I went up through the roof hatch and pumped 10 full gallons of filtered rain water into the bathroom tanks. Enough to give her a long shower and a toilet flush. I didn't usually flush every time to conserve, but someone else, I couldn't handle that.

I went back down and explained that the best the shower would get was "real warm" with the system we had to use until we had running water into a hot water tank. This system took the chill off the water and that's about it. Before she went upstairs I made her promise one thing, to throw her clothes outside the bathroom door and let me burn them. She looked at me tentatively, but somehow trusting, then she smiled. "OK."

I realized how little I had seen her smile in the time I knew her when I saw her agree to let me burn her clothes. I thought right away it was important for those clothes to be GONE. I realized the commitment I had made to her, to help her and to get her work. AmeriFuel - AmeriGas was always looking for CAD artists, especially those with a geological background. I only hoped she was as talented as her credential led me to believe.

I heard the water go on upstairs and I went up about 5 stairs to see the pile of clothes in front of the door. I went the rest of the way up and picked them up, surprised at how heavy they were. Even though they were washed yesterday at the hospital, they were still a bit pungent as they had to be in such warm weather. It was obvious the baggy front pockets of the pants had things in them so I checked to be sure here wasn't a wallet or pocketbook.

Gail's possessions were an SSI card, a welfare card, a State of Minnesota proof of age, ID only, drivers license, a black eyebrow pencil, a small pot-like container of black cream (rouge?) and a bottle of black liquid shoe polish (which I later learned she used to make her hair black). This was all she had unless she had a place where she crashed occasionally or stowed things. I kept the ID cards and went to the brick fire pit in the backyard and doused the clothes with gas and torched them. Dour Gail was dead in theory.

Once back inside I sat to finish my coffee and called my office near Atlanta. My connection there, Iggy, had asked me many times about CAD programmers and I asked if he would do me a favor and take a friend of mine in on speculation only. Just see if she would be of any help, sort of like a temp. If they liked her, they could hire her. I only asked she get a fair chance. As a favor he would take her without interview on my word. I had to be in that office within the week and I would deliver her.

Getting Gail an opportunity was much easier than I thought and already I feared I had bitten off too much. I guess I was looking for a miracle, I was so anxious to save her. With the second thoughts swirling I heard her call out for me.

"Rob, can you get me something instead of shorts? I haven't shaved my legs in... well, lets just say a long time. I look like an animal." She cried out with probably the first worry of how she looked in years.

"Do you want me to get you a razor? I have shave cream or lotion if you want it."

"No, please Rob. One step at a time."

"Well, I don't have any pants except mine. You couldn't offend me with hairy legs Gail, at least anymore than with the way you smelled or looked before. Come down so we can talk." I hollered back up.

I heard her begin to come down the stairs, but rather than turn and look her over, I decided not to make her feel like a freak. About half way down the steps I heard her start to cry.

"Gail, everything will be OK. You're doing the right thing here. If you weren't ashamed of how you looked before, you have nothing to worry about now. You know there's a real person inside you and we just need to put you together." I said still looking away waiting for her to walk into my view.

I heard her get into the stool behind me and sniff away a few tears before she tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around and saw a lot prettier face than I had expected with almost strawberry blond hair, combed back wet. She had heavy peach fuzz around her neck as I scanned her body down over her baggy t-shirt and shorts to her hairy legs. She looked to be fairly trim with a small beer type belly, which may even have resulted from going hungry too often. When I got back up to her face she smiled at me and I saw a face of Gail I had never seen before. She lit up brightly.

"I feel like a person again. I was so deeply committed to that dark and sad look that I forgot what it felt like to be a woman again. I felt sexless, but already I feel... I don't know... umm... vain? Is that the word I want?" She said with a certain air of confidence.

"Could it be a little self pride taking the place of self pity?" I asked. "You look like you might be a pretty woman waiting to be polished and shined."