Chapter 9

Joan wandered around her house feeling lost and very nervous. By the time she'd seen Ken earlier in the week, she'd decided that under no circumstances would she see any of those people again. Ever.

But every time she'd thought of Eric or Sally, and how she'd feel if she never saw them again, her eyes teared up. She had had to call them one last time, then had managed to let Eric talk her into letting him and Sally come over. Her hands shook as she laid out the last plate for brunch.

She sat down, the quiet of her home... no, her house... enveloping her. It was a very nice house. Very expensive, and would go for close to five million if she ever decided to sell it. It was not, quite, a McMansion, since it did have a small amount of land. Only an acre, but in this area that was a lot of land.

Everything in it was high quality. The appliances were all top of the line, the rooms tastefully decorated with expensive furniture. There was a fifty-inch plasma TV (that she almost never turned on) and a high-end surround-sound system in the living room. Every place she looked screamed success. Every place but one: the mirror.

Sally, for all that she wasn't rich, had something that Joan knew she'd never have. Especially not now. Sally had a family. Joan had a career.

If she were absolutely frank about it, Joan would admit that she really did love running a highly successful business. But having spent time with Sally, Eric and the baby, the realization that she was alone had slammed into her like an avalanche. She didn't want to be alone. She knew that, despite how welcoming the people there were, her time at the mansion had to end. She wanted a family and knew she wouldn't find it there.

Actually, that was the problem. She had found it there, but it was someone else's. Well, that wasn't exactly true either, which was something else that was making her nuts. She had fallen, hard, for Eric. Her body, her mind, her... soul... all screamed out that they wanted him. That would have been bad enough. But, God help her, she felt the same way about Sally. And that was just wrong.

It was bad enough that she'd allowed her own hormones to control her enough to sleep with a married man -- two married men, actually. It was worse that she'd slept with women -- eagerly and joyfully. It wasn't that she had any moral issues with that. She knew that it didn't matter one whit if the person she fell in love with was a man or a woman. But to fall in love with both a man and a woman was insane. It could only end in complete disaster. Never mind the fact that she'd had sex with one underaged girl and, God help her, knew she'd have sex with another if the opportunity presented itself.

A person had to have standards, had to have a moral direction in their life. Otherwise, what did their lives amount to? Nothing but a bunch of hormonal impulses. And no doubt about it, she'd given into hers with a vengeance. Maybe she was approaching menopause. Joan held her head in her hands, wishing she'd had the strength to stand firm when she'd called to say goodbye.

She jumped as the doorbell rang. Walking into the entranceway, she automatically glanced at the mirror to check how she looked. She froze. For one fleeting second, she thought that someone else was staring back out at her. Someone with flaming red hair and deep green eyes. Eyes that expressed, in that second, how unhappy they'd be if Joan...

Never mind. She shook her head, plastered on a smile and opened the door.

Brunch was nice, even though Joan wasn't the cook that Sally was. Sally was more than eager to help in the kitchen and everyone pretended there was nothing wrong.

"Where's Christine?" asked Joan.

"We left her with Annette and Genie," replied Sally. "They offered and we thought it might be nice to get out for a while without her. Not that we don't love her or anything, but babies are a lot of work!"

Joan grew just a little sadder inside when she realized that she wouldn't get to see the baby again. But she smiled and continued on with the few preparations that were required. It was important not to let them see how hard this was for her.

She wasn't fooling anyone. Both Sally and Eric could feel the unhappiness rolling off her in waves. Naturally, that made them unhappy. Both knew that, somehow, Joan completed them. Made them more. Life without her would be a poorer place indeed.

Once coffee was served, they moved out onto her back porch. Brunch had been cordial, more like a meeting of casual friends than a meal between lovers. It cut all of them, though Joan had no idea how upset Sally and Eric were. Finally, once they were seated under a large umbrella, Eric realized that unless he said something, Joan would allow them to leave here, and she'd be gone from their lives. That, in his opinion, was unacceptable.

"Joan," he began, "have you ever wondered about what goes on at the mansion?"

She smiled, a smile that would have fooled almost anyone who wasn't feeling her emotions.

"Of course," she replied. "I've been there and it's not like it can be ignored."

He was silent for a moment, then said, "You've seen the physical side, true. But there's more to it than that. A lot more."

"Eric, please understand. This isn't easy for me, but I just can't..." started Joan.

She stopped when the glass in Eric's hand shattered.

"Oh my God," said Joan as she started to get out of her seat.

"Sit down," he said in a sharp voice. Startled, Joan sat down, looking at the huge blond. She'd never heard that tone of voice from him, and it scared her. "If you're going to throw us out of your lives, then we want our say. I think it's only fair."

Her mouth too dry to speak, Joan nodded, noting the blood starting to drip from his hand where the glass had cut it. Sally quietly took the remains from his hand and began to clean up the glass.

"Life at the mansion," began Eric in a more normal tone of voice, "is not like life in other places. Surely you've noticed that. We follow different rules there and have a different sort of morality. It's new to Sally and I, and I'm sure that it's new to you as well."

He paused for a second, then went on. "Did you know that Ken is married?"

Joan nodded and he continued.

"To both Arianwen and Jane?"

"You're not allowed to marry more than one person at a time, so it can't be legal," replied Joan in a quiet voice.

"Who is the government to decide who you can and can't marry?" asked Sally. "Look around you. Are they really qualified? For Goddess' sake, the moron who's president is trying to ban marriage between two people of the same sex because it doesn't coincide with his religious beliefs. A person who raised his hand and swore to uphold the Constitution, which guarantees freedom of religion, but who is trying to force his religion on everyone in the country? That's who you're gonna let decide who you should be allowed to love?"

"Calm down, Sally," said Eric gently.

"It was against the law to marry more than one person for a long time before Bush was president," responded Joan.

"Does that make it right?" asked Eric. "It's moral for a government to decide who can love whom? I mean, c'mon, can you really use the words 'morality' and 'government' in the same sentence?"

"We don't believe they have the right to decide who we can love. And that's how everyone at the mansion feels as well," he continued. "So we can't get a piece of paper that says we're married, so fuckin' what? It doesn't change our feelings."

Eric's phrasing penetrated her brain. It sounded almost like he wasn't talking about Ken anymore. Was he talking about marriage to her? No, probably her imagination. She sighed. This wasn't going the way she'd imagined. She was supposed to sit down with them and tell them that she just didn't feel comfortable seeing them anymore. Surely she could do that, right? But when she opened her mouth to say just that, her throat closed and tears came to her eyes. The thought of not seeing them again was almost too much for her. She bent her head down, only to see a tear fall on the stones and splatter.

"Please don't do this to me," she begged. "Please. I just can't take it."

"What is it you can't take, Joan?" asked Eric, his voice quiet. "Tell me. If you feel... if you don't feel anything for Sally and I, we'll leave. We won't bother you ever again. But if you love us..." he almost couldn't go on. Would admitting they loved her drive her away? He swallowed and went on in a steadier voice. "If you love us the way we love you, then don't do this."

At that point, Joan broke down crying. "I can't..." she moaned over and over.

Both Sally and Eric were at her side in an instant, holding her, caressing her and murmuring comfort until she managed to get herself back under control. They gave her a little space when she finally sat straighter, hugging her arms to her stomach.

"You know," she said looking around, "I thought I had everything. I thought I didn't need anyone. I put my heart and soul into my business and never gave a thought to bringing someone into my life." She gave a sad little laugh. "Now I come to find out I want something it's too late for me to have."

Sally smiled, "Joan it's not too late for anything. It's not like you're old and gray."

"No, but I'm getting there. I'm already too old to have a baby. I could find a man, I guess, but it's not what I want. Or rather, it's not all I want. I feel horrible because I'm jealous of you two."

"Why jealous?" asked Eric. Had he misread the situation? Was it really only him she wanted? Or maybe not him, but Sally?

Steeling herself, she looked at them. So much younger than her, but they seemed so much more together than her. Fuck it! The worst that could happen was that they would leave. Since that was what she'd planned to have happen anyway, who gave a fuck?

"A man wouldn't be enough. Actually, just any man wouldn't do it anyway. I want you."

Eric's heart skipped a beat. He had misread her. He'd thought that she wanted him and Sally. It would break Sally's heart, but then, Joan wasn't Circle. She couldn't be expected to have the same way of looking at things they did.

"I see," Eric said quietly.

"No you don't see!" snapped Joan as she stood. "I want both of you. Both! And I want to help raise Christine, too. I know it's greedy of me. Don't you think I know that? It's your family! Yours! And I want to horn in on it." She turned her back. "God, I'm so disgusted with myself. Everything's so out of control. I can't believe the things I've done in these last weeks. They're insane. The sex, the... well, everything."

There was silence, and Joan waited for them to stand up and leave. After what she'd just told them, how could they even like her any more? Then Eric stood. She could feel them both behind her.

"Joan," said Eric.

She didn't respond.

"Joan, look at us," said Sally.

Joan turned and saw they were both holding out their hands.

"If you want us -- all of us: me, Eric, Christine -- all you have to do is step forward and take our hands. And love us. That's all we want," said Sally in a soft voice.

Joan could barely see through her tears as she almost fell into the arms that were waiting for her.

"Hello Mr. Solberg," said Ken walking into the garage.

Eric's father was standing by a work bench and Ken could see two pairs of legs underneath the car that was in there.

"It's Davyn, Ken," smiled the older man as he took Ken's hand in a crushing grip.

"New apprentice?" asked Ken, nodding at the legs.

"My wife. And one of your friends, actually," smiled the man. "I gotta say, they're both smart and real easy on the eyes," he whispered conspiratorially.

Just as Ken reached out with his senses to see who it was, Sandy scooted out from under the car, her face, hands and forearms smeared with black grease. Ken blinked in surprise.

"Sandy, I didn't know that you knew Eric's parents."

"Yup," she said walking up. "Met 'em at your party and found out that Mr. Solberg liked getting' dirty. You know I couldn't resist that."

"Little girl," said the man, blushing just a bit, "I'll have some respect, or I'll put you over my knee."

Ken felt a wave of lust from Sandy. Apparently, that would be just fine with her.

"Davyn, you be nice to Sandy," said Helen as she scooted out from under the car. "You'll scare her away."

Ken decided that was quite unlikely. Although Eric's parents were in their early fifties, they were both very fit and looked ten years younger. He could tell that Sandy would happily sleep with either, or both, of them.

"So what brings you by?" asked Davyn.

"The X5," replied Ken. "You said you do custom work on engines. I was wondering if you might be interested in doing something with this one."

Davyn gave him a sharp look. "It'll void your warranty, you know. Dependin' on what you have in mind, of course."

Ken shrugged and grinned. "If I can save a bit on gas and up the power, I really wouldn't care."

"You know," said Davyn in a lowered voice, "some of it might not even be legal."

"Gee, I hadn't thought of that," Ken deadpanned. "Would it still pass inspection?"

The older man laughed, clapping Ken on the shoulder. That was a jolt. While he wasn't as big as his son, Mr. Solberg still packed quite a wallop.

"Don't worry Ken, I can find a place that'll do the inspection. Besides, depending on what you want done, it'll run cleaner than any piece of crap comin' outta Detroit."

They talked for a while, with Sandy mainly listening to the conversation. Ken was astonished when Davyn led him over to a computer station, pulled up a schematic of the car's engine and started explaining just some of the simple modifications that he could make to get better mileage out of the X5. When Ken asked why they hadn't been implemented at the factory, Davyn just looked at him.

"Well, couple of reasons really. For one, the maintenance requirements are a little more stringent. You really do have to keep up on the plugs and oil and so it would cut down on customer convenience. That's not the major reason though. I'm sure you can guess what that is."

Ken could, indeed. If cars started to get more energy efficient, then the oil companies would make less money. Couldn't have that now, could we?

Davyn said that it would take about three weeks to modify the X5. However, the horse-power would be increased by about 50% and the gas mileage would end up at close to seventy mpg. Ken blinked at that figure, and Davyn laughed.