Chapter 8

Unlike my cock, the problem seemed to grow in my mind and this distraction was the last thing I needed at work. I was afraid to say the word. I wasn't impotent if I didn't say or think the word. Funny how one tries to deceived oneself. Not masturbating for a week had not done the trick so I tried to masturbate, if not for anything else then to keep my mind clear. Fantasies about Lisa, and what we could do if that vital part of my anatomy was fully operational, clouded my mind and made it difficult to concentrate. It did help a little but only relieved me from the excessive fantasies. I still thought a lot about my erection problem.

I began to masturbate frequently, sometimes twice a day to get my mind off sex. We had more new customers than ever before and I felt the pressure. I was allocated to too many customers already and I'd heard rumours from the salespeople that they had landed a very large order, due to be delivered within a month or two. It was going to be our biggest deliverance ever and the most complicated.

Normally, our customers had one product and needed labels for just that. The new order was from a company that labelled all kind of products for smaller companies who had limited resources for specialised equipment. This meant that the machines had to be reprogrammed and readjusted often, something we usually did, but this customer wanted a trained staff of their own to do it. The word was that someone from our department would have to train them on site. As it was I was already working ten to twelve hours most days, but the more I worked, the more work ended up on my desk. If we were to give up one more colleague, even if it was only for a month, the department would break down; at least I would, unless the company decided to hire a replacement, which was highly unlikely in the view of the resent lay-offs. The real irony was that the order was from a company in Asia, Singapore to be precise. That was where the pressure on our market share was supposedly coming from.

I was too tired to make love when I got home and the few times we tried I failed, so we stopped trying. I was frustrated at work as well as privately and it showed. Lisa and I talked less and naturally we had little time to do things together. I began to worry that she was going to find somebody else. I could tell myself over and over again that she would never be unfaithful to me, but the thought was there in the back of my mind, ready to come to life when I was tired and frustrated.

When the Singapore deal was announced, I was on the verge of breaking down. We were to send a man to Singapore for two months and there would be no replacement. I knew I would be unable to keep up the pace of work and something had to be done. On the way home I considered the possibilities. The delivery of the order for Singapore was due to start in a month, which meant that I would not have time to hand in my notice. Besides, I would have to find a new job right now and that was next to impossible. Then it occurred to me that whoever was going to go to Singapore would have to speak English and be fairly good at it. We were all able to speak English because the major part of our production was exported, but many of my colleagues, especially the older ones, were not exactly fluent. Many had kids and would be reluctant to leave for two months. In other words: I would be the perfect choice. I was good at English and had no kids. It was the solution to all my problems, relatively. My personal problem was still there, but I would not be confronted with it every evening.

Lisa already knew about the situation at work and she understood my plan when I explained it to her. The thought of being alone in the house for two months worried her, but she accepted it. Perhaps it was for the best to be apart for a while. All in all, the recent problems, both at work and at home, had put a strain on our relationship.

The following day I went to my section leader and applied for the job. He was reluctant to pass on my request, mumbling something about my lack of experience in training new people. I pointed out that I spoke English fluently, which was only a slight exaggeration, and that I generally was good at explaining things to the customers. He was still reluctant but gave me no reason. My world began to tumble. The idea of going away from it all for two months had given me some hope, but as he wavered and mumbled I became desperate. I got up and told him that if I was no good to the company I saw no reason to work my butt off every day and I might as well start looking for another job.