Chapter 8: Second Chances

I rushed in through the door, and saw her disappear behind the closing elevator doors. I walked to the elevators and waited for what felt like ages before the doors opened again. Stepping inside, I pressed the floor number. A minute or so later, I heard the chimes announce my arrival and the doors slid open.

Standing in front of her door, I was still thinking about what to say, but having no idea what made her react the way she did, I gave up and knocked. Getting no answer, I decided to go to my room, and try the interconnecting door between our rooms. When I checked the door, I found it unlocked, so after knocking on it, I opened it and stepped inside.

She was standing in front of the window, half turned away from me, smoking a cigarette. She looked dangerously calm, and for a moment I wondered if I would leave the room alive. Exhaling the smoke, she turned to face me, her eyes blazing with cold fury. If I hadn't been expecting something like that, I would have stepped back. Still, it wasn't easy to face, especially coming from her.

"You have some nerve, showing your face here," she said with an ice cold tone.

"I didn't understand... or like what happened there," I replied, trying to keep calm.

She put out her cigarette in the ashtray that was on the window sill. Turning back, she made her way to me, fixing me to the spot with fire in her eyes, "And why the hell not?"

"Dana, I didn't want to hurt you. I don't know what I did to--" I started, but before I could say another word, she cut me off.

"You, don't know?... YOU DON'T KNOW!" she shouted, her voice rising dangerously. I didn't dare interrupt her, hoping she'd calm down on her own, but I would have been lying if I didn't think of retreating to my room to let her cool off. She took a deep breath, but she was far from calm.

Pointing her finger at me, she said, "You talk about love, but you don't know what love is." She waited to see if I'd respond, but I wanted to hear where she was going with this. Interrupting her at this moment would have been futile.

"You said you loved me. You said you didn't want to hurt me. Well, Mitchell, you did hurt me." Fixing her steely eyes on mine, she said, "Did you ever stop and ask what I wanted? Did you ever ask if I wanted you to... to let me go?"

I didn't. Nope. I just rushed in trying to protect you. Even when you hinted at your wishes, did I listen to you? No.

"No, I did not. I didn't even consider your wishes," I replied as evenly as I could, but cringing inside at the realization of how fucked up that was... how badly I had screwed up.

"You think that's what love is, what lovers do?" she asked.

It was rhetorical.

"Weren't you the one who said love is too precious to throw away?" she insisted, her eyes glittering with hurt and anger.

I said that, didn't I? Why did I try to throw it all away?

Because you were falling in love with her. When you were together, it felt like returning home. You wanted the second chance for happiness, and felt guilty wanting it.

"You know what hurt the most... Mitchell? Do you know how I felt walking back to the hotel? After sitting at the table with you, having breakfast, feeling your come drip into my panties... and enjoying the feeling?"

At her words, a look of horror passed my eyes. Seeing my reaction, she said, "I didn't say that to make you feel guilty, but I will not even try to deny how bad I felt."

"I am sorry, Dana. I really am. I have no excuse. I know no apology can make it right."

"I know you didn't mean it. I know you love me, and you were trying to protect me, but I don't understand why you would do what you did... the way you did, Mitchell? Decide on something for both of us. If you love somebody, you share everything with them. The good and the bad."

"I didn't want to be a burden or another bastard in your life, but I wanted you. I felt guilty wanting you so selfishly. You made me happy, and I was bound to make you unhappy."

"You are forgetting something, Mitchell. I'm not fragile. I would like to make my own choices, as I did this morning when I made love with you," she replied, her voice softer but carrying a serious tone.

"I understand."

She gave a long searching look then her eyes softened, the steely glitter disappearing. "Love sometimes hurts. There is no avoiding that, Mitch. You can't always protect others. You can't shoulder all the responsibility."

She looked expectant, and I moved in to gather her in my arms. She came willingly, molding her body to mine, her arms circling my waist. We held each other for a long time. I tried to ease the hurt I had caused and give her some comfort. When she raised her head, I leaned in and we shared a gentle, loving kiss. Extracting herself from my embrace, she went to the bed. Next to it, on the wall was a control panel for selecting a few radio channels, and the hotel's private music broadcast. Turning it on, she went about searching for a channel with some soft music. After going through a few of them, she chose one of the hotel's music broadcasts. She kicked off her shoes, and asked me to sit on the armchair. Then, she sat on my lap sideways, tucking her knees, next to the side of my thighs, and put her head against my shoulder, leaning on my chest. When I kissed her forehead, and started to stroke her from her calves up to her knees she sighed, and relaxed. Her skirt had ridden up due to her position, displaying her thighs, and I took advantage of that to continue caressing her legs up her thighs, and then cupped her shapely butt.

After a while, she asked, "Do you want to see me, Mitch?"

"Yes, I want to. Thank you for giving me another chance. I hope I won't mess it up this time."

"I'm not looking for promises, Mitch. I'm looking for some happiness and love. I seem to have found it with you, and you seem to have found it with me. We'll see where we go from there."

I thought I had found more than that with her, and didn't reply. Sensing her eyes on me, I looked at her. She didn't say anything for a while, nor did she wait for a reply, but her eyes were scrutinizing me carefully. Then her expression changed, as if she had found something, and she said, "I thought it was too early for you to say that you love me, or even hint at falling in love with me, but I think I understand."

"What do you understand, Dana?"

"When we were talking about your past, you mentioned something like 'being at home.' Now, I understand what you meant. Is that what you were feeling when we made love?"

I nodded. "Now, as well. Why do you ask?"

"I wasn't sure. I suspected as much, but I thought it might be because we'd finished making love. I guess I feel like that too. This little fight helped me see it." With a tender look, she added, "I'm not making this easy for us, am I?"

"It's all right, Dana. We are both hungry for love. I think that's part of what we feel, but I suspect there's more than that. We'll discover it in time."

We sat there enjoying the moment, the soft music in the background filling in the quiet solitude. Elton John finished singing Sacrifice, then came the opening notes of a song I knew very well, followed immediately by the voice of Freddie Mercury.

Just one year of love

Is better than a lifetime alone

One sentimental moment in your arms

Is like a shooting star right through my heart

Was it 'us' you were talking about, Freddie?

I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. This song just gained a new meaning, and I hoped it wouldn't prove to be prophetic. I felt Dana easing herself a bit in my embrace, listening to the song. Then she looked up. I could see she was concentrating on catching the lyrics, but her look was one of curiosity. I kissed her, then pulled her head to my shoulder, and caressing her back, I whispered, "Close your eyes and listen."

Freddie kept singing; about rainy days and being a prisoner inside your lover, aching hearts calling out to loved one's heart.

My hand reaches out for your hand

I'm cold but you light the fire in me

My lips search for your lips

I'm hungry for your touch

Dana was listening, absorbing the words. When Freddie talked about unspoken words and surrender, I heard a soft sigh from her. Her response told me she was feeling the same emotions that the lyrics evoked in me. I felt her look up, and I leaned in to kiss her lips softly, as her hand moved to my neck, caressing. As our kiss ended, Freddie came back.

And no one ever told me that love would hurt so much

Oooh yes it hurts

And pain is so close to pleasure

And all I can do is surrender to your love

Just surrender to your love

When the song finished, she said, "I've heard this one before... I think in a movie or something. Who's he?"

"Freddie Mercury. The group is Queen. Did you like it?"

She nodded.

"You're a strange woman, Dana. Most people would say it's a depressing song."

"I don't think so. You might say it's a sad song, but I think he's got the right idea. Don't you think?" With that, she looked at me, her blue eyes inquiring.

"You're thinking about us?" I asked.

"Not in those terms... but I guess it sums up us... in many ways." Giving me a smile, "You like the song, but it reminds you too much of past... and present?"

"Kind of..."

"I'm not going anywhere, Mitch. I think we're becoming good friends... and will continue to be. All things aside, that's more important."

I hugged her tightly to my body, my hand cupping and squeezing her bottom before running along her side to her back.

"Come. Let's make our moment," she said softly before sitting up.

Getting off my lap, she pulled me to my feet. While she moved towards the bed, she started to undo my shirt buttons. When she had the buttons open, she peeled my shirt off. In the meantime, I was trying to unclasp her skirt at the back, and pull the zipper down. By then, she was standing next to the bed. I pulled the skirt down and let it pool around her feet, and she stepped out. When I fumbled with her shirt, she took over, and I got out of my jeans. We stood facing each other, she clad only in her panties and I with my boxers. I pulled her to my chest, enjoying the feel of her breasts, and her hard nipples before running my hand under the elastic of her panties, cupping her cheeks.