Chapter 31: Memories (1)

"Oh, shit... the tubes..." Lizzie cried, when it dawned on her that the tray was on the floor. However, she still didn't make a move from her spot. Then her face crumbled, changing from shock to a horror-stricken expression, as she kept on about the broken test tubes. Carefully avoiding the blood and the broken glass, Sarah moved to Lizzie, and taking hold of her, she steered her to a chair. Lizzie was still not herself.

"The test tubes... I can't do it... not again..." she kept repeating, almost wailing.

"Calm down, Lizzie. It's not the end of the world. Everything will be fine," Sarah said.

Lizzie didn't seem to hear Sarah. "Oh, God. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

"Lizzie!" Sarah shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her. When she got her attention, she used a much more gentle tone and said, "Take a break. Please, go and get some coffee, and relax. I'll take his blood."

Lizzie looked at her, unable to speak. Collecting herself a bit, she asked, "Did you hear..."

"Yes, Lizzie, I did, but I'm not angry. I am not, OK? We'll talk, but I want to take his blood, and there are patients waiting. Don't worry about it. Take a break and just relax. Everything will be fine."

Sarah was trying her best to reassure her and put her at ease, but Lizzie was not over her embarrassment and shock. "It's all right, Lizzie. Come on, relax. Take a break. I'll take care of things here," she repeated, urging her gently, with a reassuring smile.

Finally, Lizzie managed to collect herself, and gave a short nod, acknowledging Sarah's efforts.

As she made her way out, Sarah called out. "Lizzie, can you please send in the janitor?"

When Lizzie nodded again, Sarah responded with another friendly smile and a "Thank you."

After she left, Sarah directed me back to the chair, and left to get a new syringe, and test tubes. A few minutes later, she was back, and quickly took my blood. By then, the janitor arrived to clean the mess on the floor. While she was busy with me, she told me what happened.

It turned out, Lizzie pulled open the curtain, and came face to face with Sarah; the last person she wanted to see, especially after all she had said. Worse, she suspected Sarah had heard what had transpired. In her shock, she thought Sarah was going to confront her. Shaken by the unexpected encounter, she had dropped the tray.

As Lizzie guessed, Sarah had heard most of the exchange behind the curtain. She had finished her rounds, and had come to check on me, and had caught part of our conversation where Lizzie called her a slut. She told me, she was tempted to barge in to confront Lizzie; angry at her name calling and attacks. Trying to calm herself, she had decided to leave, not to create a scene, but as our conversation had taken a different turn, she had wanted to hear the rest of it, sheepishly admitting that her curiosity had gotten the better of her. Afterwards, she had waited until Lizzie was finished to have a talk with her, to work things out, but Lizzie had not been prepared for the encounter.

Giving me a strained smile, she said, "Bad timing. I should have waited and chosen a better moment. Sometimes, I can be very impulsive... don't have the patience to wait. I just didn't want Lizzie to avoid me for days, and wanted to reassure her."

When I finished buttoning my shirt sleeve, she said, "Let's find her. I want to sort this out."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Yes, I do, and I need you there. You were good, and I might need your help. She needs to be reassured."

Leaving the room, we went looking for Lizzie. We found her in the staff cafeteria, sitting at a table. When she saw us, she visibly cringed. Sarah told me to talk with her and calm her down, while she went to get a cup of coffee. She took her time, allowing me to have a bit of time with Lizzie. Then, she joined us, bringing fresh cups for Lizzie and me. After the pleasantries between the two girls, I excused myself from the table saying I needed to use the facilities and smoke a cigarette. A quarter of an hour later, I was back getting a new cup of coffee, and Sarah called out for fresh cups, my signal to join them. We didn't talk about the incident further. And while Lizzie seemed a bit tense, which was to be expected, she seemed to be doing better than before. Finishing her cup, she excused herself to return to her post.

When I asked, Sarah told me she had managed to calm down Lizzie and convince her she wasn't angry with her. However, the talk had been a bit rushed, and Sarah was going to catch up with her later. Then she asked me about my plans for the day, and the evening. I didn't have anything special to do. Perhaps a bit of sight seeing, but I wanted to do some reading at Kathy's. Sarah decided she'd give me a call after talking with Kathy, later in the afternoon, and we'd make arrangements for the evening and dinner. After a quick kiss, she headed back to Orthopedics, and I left the hospital.

It was still early and I decided to drop by at my parents to catch breakfast with them. Dad was out, and Mom didn't hesitate to tease me, asking whether I was homesick. I told her I was passing by and thought of joining them for breakfast. Of course, she was curious why I was up so early and why I didn't have breakfast with Kathy, so I had to explain I was at the hospital, carefully evading the purpose of my visit except mentioning I was there for part of my annual medical check.

While I had my breakfast, she asked about the dinner last night with the girls. I had the impression she was subtly probing me about Sarah, so I explained Sarah had invited herself to dinner to keep company with Kathy, and prepare dinner, and she needed me to drive her to Kathy's place because her shift ended long before Kathy's. Of course, my cooking skills had been another reason. After that short explanation, Mom smiled, and told me she was aware of how both girls took care of each other. She looked a bit embarrassed about how she had grilled me about Sarah. Although I felt a bit guilty that she had drawn the wrong conclusion based on what I told her about last night, I was relieved that she was over her suspicion about what I might be doing with Sarah.

We talked about family, friends and relatives, their children, and I caught up with the latest news. Eventually she moved the conversation to my vacation plans, as she was curious why I was postponing my trip to the coast. I had to explain that my girlfriend was working, and she would be taking some time off. From my reluctant manner, she sensed I didn't want to talk.

Giving me a hurt look she said, "Why are you so secretive, Mitch?"

"I'm not secretive, Ma. It's a very recent thing, and I don't know enough about her to say anything."

"I understand, Son, but it's time you started going out, don't you think?"

"I don't know. It's been too long, and I'm a bit rusty when it comes to girls."

"This is not one of your casual things, is it?" she asked.

"That's what we want to figure out," I replied.

She raised her eyebrow, but when I didn't respond, she said, "Mitch, you've not been yourself for a long time, and she seems to have an effect on you."

"I guess," I replied with a shrug. Before she could respond, I added, "I like her. We'll see."

She patted my hand affectionately, and didn't question me further, but I knew she wanted to know more.

"You worry too much. I need to get used to things. It's just a matter of time," I said, trying to reassure her.

Swiftly changing the subject, she asked about Kathy, and I almost slipped up. I had been with Sarah, and spent very little time with Kathy in the last few days. However, I managed to fill Mom in about her without giving away my whereabouts or the surprise Mark sprang on Kathy. She asked me to stay for lunch, but I offered an excuse, telling her I needed to do some shopping for Kathy, and prepare dinner, joking about pampering my sister.

"You'll spoil her," she retorted.

"Well, I need to earn my keep," I quipped.

Laughing, she came back with, "Slavery was abolished a long time ago."

"I'll remind her," I responded.

"You do that. I hope I see you and Kathy for dinner before you leave."

"I can't promise, Mom. I don't know what Kathy's plans are. We'll try," I replied.

After hugging her, I left.

Back at Kathy's flat, I went to my bedroom. After making up the bed, and tidying up the room, I checked the fridge to prepare a shopping list. Initially I was planning to read my diary, but I didn't feel up to digging into the past, so I decided to do the shopping first. Before lunch time, I was back home with groceries, and fixed a sandwich for myself. Picking up my diary, I went to the living room, and put on the stereo.

At first, I was hesitant, and sat there smoking and looking at the diary on my lap. Then, I opened it, and did a quick browse of the pages, scanning them quickly, checking the dates. After that, I returned to the first page, and started to read my notes. By the time I reached the sixth page, I couldn't continue further. I was remembering the anguished days, and the nightmares that haunted me late at night, after I had returned home-cutting my vacation short. It had been a long time since I thought about that summer, or the nights back at home after my return from vacation. But now, my blasted memory recalled the details, filling in the blanks in the pages, completing the picture of my loss, and my pain. I had forgotten how I laid my soul bare in those pages, every time Reina had come to visit me. I closed the notebook, and put it on the table.

I tried to steer my thoughts to present, but the pull of the past was too strong; a particular memory I was reading kept tugging at me. I reached for my cigarettes on the table, and lit one. For a few minutes, I sat on the couch, but my mouth was dry, and I went to the kitchen in search of something to drink. I was almost on autopilot, when I opened the fridge and took a can of Coke. Returning to the living room, I sat down, opened it, and took several long swallows. I didn't even taste it; just felt its coldness wash my tongue, and the back of my throat, slaking my thirst. When I realized what I was holding in my hand, my defenses started to crumble under the onslaught. It had been a mistake, the last drop that had been a touch too much. Reaching for the ashtray on the table, I picked it up, and put it next to me on the cushions. Taking a drag from my cigarette, I settled deeply into the couch, and closed my eyes... and let the past swallow me...

...

It was the beginning of August, the start of the hottest part of the season...

The last two days had been windy, blowing off of the land, kind of a land breeze, and as usual it looked like it would keep on blowing for a few days more. When that happened, the sea would get choppy, and after a day of constant wind, the shallow waters got cold. Despite the slightly cold wind, the heat was oppressive. The only relief from the stifling heat was a quick dip in the cold sea.

I was with Reina and Gillian, stretched on the towels, absorbing the sun.

"It's too hot, and I'm hungry," Gillian said, as she sat up. It was almost lunch time.

I turned and shading my eyes from the glare of the sun with my hand, watched her collect her things.

"Are you guys staying here? You'll have a sun stroke," she said.

"I think I'll take a quick dip," I replied.

Reina responded with, "I need to cool off, too."

"What about lunch?" Gillian asked.

"I'm not really hungry. Maybe later," I replied.

"Me, too," Reina added.

"OK. I'll catch you later," Gillian said, before leaving us.

I was feeling lazy and lethargic from the sun. I wanted somebody to carry and drop me in the cold water. But, now that Gillian had left us, my heart started to race. Every time she was around, I was irresistibly drawn to Reina. However, I was careful not to be overly attentive to her when there were friends around us. We rarely had the chance to be together away from friends, and I didn't want to be obvious in my attentions to her, trying to get her alone, despite the fact that she had taken me to her bed about a week ago, surprising me.

I was hungry, too, but I didn't want to join the girls, especially if Reina decided to have lunch with Gillian, wanting to have her to myself. So, I had lied hoping against all hope, she might not be feeling hungry. What's more, I was finding it difficult to keep myself under control each time I looked at her, and scared that people would notice something; especially Gillian. I suspected I had not been entirely successful in hiding my attraction to Reina. Gil and I had been friends for too long for her to miss something like that, but she hadn't said anything. On the other hand, I was pretty sure she didn't know Rei and I had been together, and I wanted to keep it like that. More and more, I didn't want to be around Reina when there were other people, but still, most of the time, I found myself around her, not able to bear the thought of not seeing her, and missing her something terrible when she wasn't around.

I sat up, crossing my legs, facing the sea, while trying to calm down my racing heart, but I could feel her presence. The tugging I felt became more and more insistent, and in the end, I turned to look at her. She was laying face down; her arms crossed, resting her head on them with eyes closed, and the string of her bikini top untied. I could see the outer swells of her breasts. I still remembered how beautiful they looked that night; slightly smaller than oranges, and perfectly shaped, capped with pink nipples that stood like pencil erasers. As my eyes swept over her body, taking in her slender, almost willowy frame, the elegant arch of her shoulders, the unblemished skin of her back, the rounded buttocks, and her long and shapely legs, tapering to slim ankles, I felt myself getting hard, remembering the feel of her body, the sinuous way she moved with me, wrapped around me, as we had made love that night.

It wasn't the physical joining that took my breath, but the effect she had on me; somehow connecting to something deeper in me, pulling and slowly steering me into the grip of a maelstrom that I was unable to resist; making me lose control. She exerted almost the same influence when we were not touching, as if there was an invisible cord between us. What's more, I had felt complete, as if discovering a part of me that I didn't know was missing.

With an effort I turned my gaze back to the sea, my eyes catching the gentle swells acting like tiny mirrors, reflecting the blare of the midday sun. Sensing her eyes on me, I looked back, and our eyes locked. Once again I found myself wondering why her eyes seemed to have those dark clouds. Even when she was smiling or laughing, they seemed to be there, almost a permanent fixture. The few times I had tried to probe, she resisted my attempts, saying nothing about what was bothering her. As my mind got busy with what made her the way she was, I broke the eye contact and looked away to the distance, unable to deal with the sadness and sorrow her eyes invoked in me. From the corner of my eye I saw her reach back and tie the string of her bikini top, before she sat up. When she turned to me, my gaze returned to her.

"Are you coming?" she asked.

"I'm feeling lazy... Maybe in a few minutes," I replied distractedly.

I was very aware of my erection. It was starting to subside, but I was still hard. Uncrossing my legs, I pulled up my knees, and leaned forward, clasping my hands around them. I didn't want her to notice my condition if she stood up.

"You'll feel better if you take a dip," she said, softly.

Moving closer, she knelt next to me, and her hand went to my shoulder. "Is something wrong?" she asked, concerned.

I smiled to reassure her, and replied, "No, nothing's wrong. You go ahead. I'll be there shortly."

Jumping to her feet, she said, "Come on then, you lazy head."

I knew she was going to pull me to my feet if I dawdled, and that was the last thing I wanted, as she would notice my condition, when we were face to face.

"Let me take off my watch," I said, while slightly twisting away from her, blocking her view of my condition, and dropped my watch on the towel. With a swift motion I got to my feet, still offering her a side view, and looked at her. With a mischievous smile, I challenged, "The last one is a rotten egg."

That was enough to get a laugh from her, and with a shriek, she turned and started to run, with me following closely behind her. The sand was hot under our feet, and we couldn't have walked on it even if we wanted to. I let her hit the water first, winning the race, and we both kept running until the water was deep enough for a shallow dive. Simultaneously we dove. I could almost hear the sizzle as the cold water shocked our hot bodies.

We surfaced a few seconds later, still in shallow water. When we stood up, I saw the points on her white bikini top, her nipples erect from the cold, which fortunately had the opposite effect on my erection. Averting my eyes from the enticing view, I dove again, Reina following behind me, and we started to swim at a steady pace to deeper and colder water. We swam for a while, and I was feeling alive and refreshed after the oppressive heat. Slowly we swam back to shallow water. When the water was at belly level, we stood up. I took a few steps, but noticed she wasn't following. When I turned to look back, I saw her tilt her head, sweeping her hair to the side. She got busy squeezing the water from her hair. In that pose, she looked like a water nymph; the white bikini contrasting with her deep tan, and her long, black tresses cascading over one shoulder.

When she noticed me watching her, she gave me a dazzling smile, melting my heart, and kept her pose. She knew the effect she was having on me, and to tell the truth I didn't want to miss one second of it. Finished with what she was doing, she whipped her hair back with a flip of her head, her hands following up by sweeping her hair back, her arms raised to shoulder level. She arched her back slightly, offering her tits, standing proud and high, with the nipples clearly visible beneath the thin and wet material.

"Take it easy on my weak heart, will you?" I quipped, unable to stop myself from making a comment.

"Why? What's wrong?" she teased, as if she wasn't aware of what she was doing.

"Nothing, Rei," I replied with a smile I didn't feel. Sometimes she made my heart ache something terrible, and this was one of those times. As I turned my gaze away, she quickly walked up to me, and grabbed my arm.

"Mitch, I didn't mean to tease you mercilessly. I just love the way you look at me."

"I love to look at you..." I replied, distractedly, my mind on my feelings for her.

"But?" she prompted, with a soft look, urging me to come out with what I wanted to say.