Since Peggy, my wife, gets off work about an hour later than I do, I usually kill the hour at the local watering hole on Friday afternoons. One particular Friday, as I was sipping on my usual beer, Ron, one of my unmarried co-workers, came up to me. Apparently, everybody else had been avoiding him, and with good reason, his reputation for boasting preceded him.
"Hey, big guy, how's it goin?"
"OK, how are things with you?" As innocent sounding as my response was, I knew that it was a mistake as soon as I said it. It was just the opening he needed to begin boasting about his latest conquests. He wasn't bad looking, in fact, he was a good-looking guy, and probably had done well with the ladies. The thing was, everybody, including me, had long ago gotten tired of listening to his bragging about his exploits, over and over again. It was all he ever talked about.
"Well, let me tell you, things are just peachy. You know that new blond chick in Accounting? Well, last Wednesday, she and I..."
I decided that the honest, direct approach might get him to shut up, "hold it Ron, I know you're quite a ladies man, but I'm tired of hearing about your conquests. Can't we talk about something else?"
"Whoa, what's this? Do I detect a bit of skepticism, maybe envy, here?"
"No, just a bit of boredom, I really don't want to hear about who you bedded and how many times, etc."
"Nah, I don't think you believe me, that's what it is. You think I'm making all this up. How can I prove it to you?"
"You don't need to prove it to me, I believe you, I 'm just tired of hearing about it, that's all."
I could see that he was offended and maybe that explains what came out of his mouth next, "what if I were to tell you that I could fuck that beautiful wife of yours, would you be interested in hearing about that?"
"That's not funny, just leave Peggy out of this. I don't have any intention of getting into that kind of discussion with you."
"You would if I actually did it."
My blood began to boil, "look, unless you want to wind up on the floor with a bloody nose, you'll change the fucking subject."
He persisted, even after my threat of bodily harm, "what's the matter, don't you think I can do it? How about a friendly wager?"
"What kind of a wager?"
"I'll bet you $1000 that it won't take me any more than 2 weeks to get into Peggy's pants."
I reacted angrily and grabbed him by the shirt with my left hand, my right hand made into a fist with my arm cocked as if to deliver a blow, and told him, "look, you bastard, I said to lay off this talk about fucking my wife, understand?"
The fear in his eyes told me that he had gotten the message, as I let go of his shirt, he turned and walked away, leaving me alone at the bar. Confident that I had heard the last of that particular subject, I ordered my second beer, gulped it down and left.
I hadn't given that disgusting conversation another thought until I saw him the next Friday. Once again, he came up to me at the bar. "Are you calmed down enough to try and win that $1000?"
With my temperature on the rise, I replied, "look, I'll tell you this for the last time, lay off that talk about my wife."
Since I hadn't threatened bodily harm, he persisted, "what if I told you that I've already fucked her?"
Confident that he hadn't, I told him, in an unmistakably threatening tone, "then I'd just have to maim you for life, maybe cut off your dick."
He chose to ignore the threat, "ha, ha, that's funny, but I could have, you know."
I replied, in a more stern voice, "no, asshole, you couldn't have, now just drop it before I drop you right here and now."
He heard the seriousness of my tone and saw the anger in my eyes, and wisely decided to walk away while he still could. However, he had succeeded in getting me so upset that I ordered a couple of shots of Jack Daniel's, with a beer chaser, to calm my nerves. I downed them quickly, and felt the effects just as quickly.
I was a bit tipsy and probably shouldn't have thought about driving home, but as I turned to leave, Ron came up to me again, "you're missing an opportunity to pick up an easy grand, are you afraid that you'd lose?"
That did it, the combination of the alcohol and his arrogant attitude did me in, "OK, you bastard you're on, you have two weeks to do it. If you can show me proof, I'll pay up, but you can't ever tell Peggy about this wager, or I'll maim you for sure."
"You're on, big guy, but you can't tell her either, nor can you interfere in any way."
I thought about it some and decided to add a few more conditions, "any kind of mind altering substances, like alcohol or drugs, or techniques, like hypnotism, are out."
"Hell, I don't need any of that stuff, with my macho charms, she'll be under my 'fucking' spell before you know it. Heh, heh."
"Ok, smart ass, I'll meet you here two weeks from now to collect my grand."
"Don't be so sure, my friend, you may not know your wife as well as you think. She's a woman, and I'm the seducer of any and all women. Heh, heh."
"Arrogant son-of-a-bitch," I muttered as I turned and walked out the door. I immediately began to think about, and regret what I had just done. 'What would Peggy do to me if she found out? It was a stupid bet, I should have known better, what a dip-shit I am.' He seemed so confident, I wondered if he knew something about Peggy that I didn't.
Even though I regretted making the bet, I never doubted that I'd win. Peggy and I had been married for 7 years and were very happy together, sure our sex life had dwindled somewhat, gotten a bit 'samo, samo, ' but who's hadn't? I loved her dearly and I knew that she felt the same about me, and would never consider cheating on me any more than I'd consider cheating on her.
I also knew, or thought I knew, that Ron barely knew Peggy, they had met a couple of times at company functions, but had hardly talked. I remembered telling Peggy what a ladies man he thought he was and how he continuously bragged about his conquests. She seemed intrigued, and told me that he was very good looking, as if to lend credence to his bragging. I also remember Ron coming up to me at work the Monday after meeting Peggy for the first time, and telling me what a beauty she was.
More upsetting thoughts crept into my cranium, 'that bastard set me up, he's probably been aching to get into her pants for a long time, and now he has my approval. Besides, I can't afford to lose $1000! To hell with the money, would I be able to handle it if she did fuck him?' I couldn't come to grips with the down side of the situation, I could only hope that he'd be unsuccessful. I became more than a little concerned, though.
I had one hell of a week, as all I could think about was what Ron might be up to. I kept wondering if he had made any contact with Peggy. She certainly hadn't said anything to me about talking to him, but would she?
The week dragged on, with me continually wondering about Ron and Peggy. Friday finally arrived and I stopped in at the lounge, as usual, and saw Ron on the opposite side of the bar. Every time I looked at him, he had an 'I know something that you don't' smirk on his face. I couldn't help but wonder how far he had gotten, he certainly hadn't appeared to have lost any of his confidence. I finished my usual two beers and turned toward the door to leave when I almost fell over in astonishment. There stood my beautiful wife, just inside the door.
She walked up to me, gave me a peck on the cheek, and said, "hi honey, thought I'd surprise you by meeting you here tonight. Maybe we can get something to eat here for a change, and stick around for the dance band. What do you think?"
I was stunned, "I-I don't know, I think we should go someplace else."
"Why? Your friend Ron called me this afternoon at work and suggested that I come over."
'No wonder that prick was smirking, ' "what else did he suggest?"
"Oh, nothing much, he did say he'd be here, have you seen him?"
"Yes, but why do you care?"
"Well, he promised to buy me a drink, and I shouldn't turn down a free drink, should I?"
"Yes, in this case..."
Just then, Ron appeared out of nowhere, "hello there beautiful! You look ravishing tonight. For the life of me, I can't understand why a beauty like you would tie yourself down to a guy like Harry here. He's just not worthy of you."
"Maybe it's because he swept me off my feet," she said as she giggled.
'Yeah, right, ' I thought to myself.
Ron bought both of us a drink, and invited himself to join us for dinner and dancing afterward. I couldn't refuse because, as he reminded me, I'd be violating the rules of the bet by interfering. He continued the flattering comments, and kept feeding Peggy drinks. She was quite tipsy by the time the band started playing. When Peggy took one of her trips to the Ladies room, I reminded Ron that getting her drunk was not within the rules.
"I hadn't planned on seducing her tonight, this was supposed to be the preliminary to the main event. However, I'll bet you another grand that I could do it tonight, and I'd even agree not to buy her any more drinks."
"No way, one bet's enough."
"Are you sure? Just think of the two grand you could have that you don't have now. You're just not very sure of yourself, or Peggy, are you?"
"You're such an arrogant prick, OK, you're on."
Ron was beside himself with excitement, "all right! At midnight, you need to disappear for 15 minutes, then come out to my van. You know my van, right?"
"Yes, I know your van."
.... There is more of this story ...