Chapter 14

Sarah's Diary

[Sarah didn't keep a written diary since her childhood. This short journal was written in the back of the workbook she was using for her course work.]

Sarah's Diary - Tuesday 25 May

I've started a diary just to try and get my thoughts together before I go to sleep. Otherwise I shall probably spend the whole night with things running round and round in my head.

I startled the bank cashier this morning by paying in the cheque. Met R for lunch in refec. Spotted by Judith and Nick. That will put the cat among the pigeons.

Bombshell. The French people are coming on Friday for a meeting to make arrangements for this summer seminar! R didn't tell me that last night. Back to his room for coffee and to find out how little had been done about this visit. Three French professeurs and their wives and two children arriving on Friday and leaving Sunday. They're having a holiday combined with the meeting. Left R when James and Michael arrived for their tutorial. Managed to explain I was just helping out over the visit. At least the other history students in college are used to finding me in R's room since I'm a swot. But before it's been to borrow books or to sneak extra tuition. We must not get caught kissing.

Went to see Vera Stubbs the Master's secretary. She is also helping organise the meeting. A bit awkward at first but we spent two hours making lists, phoning Dr LeBrun in Nantes and booking hotels. I think I've made a friend. Vera told me what a relief it was that someone was organising R. I suspect that R may have been panicking and last night's invitation wasn't just to make me feel useful.

Off to the library to make a start on this week's essay. Having to watch the clock and make a list of Things To Be Done. High powered executive stuff. Made good start on essay. Then to International to stock up Robert's room. Bought some flowers from the market too. A huge bunch of daffodils. It's fun to have money. Oh dear. I thought I had principles.

Round to Robert's room for tea. Had to borrow a jug from next door for the flowers. What joy to have tea with Robert. Decided where to take the French men - that's the easy bit. But what to do with the wives and children? I ate a whole packet of biscuits. Robert asked me to play squash with him at 6. He said I'd need to watch my weight. Cheek! I still look like something rescued from Belsen. Robert off to a department meeting. Rush to book squash court, buy a pair of trainers. Then round to Judith's to borrow a squash racquet. Back to the library for an hour.

Disaster - not a single point. I'm dreadfully unfit and I haven't played for months. Discovered after ten mins that Robt was using an old racquet with half the strings slack. Humiliation. Had to be kissed to restore ego. Have to be careful. Body contact is very rousing and it rouses him too. Very exciting. Very frustrating. He has a dreadful habit of using his shirt to wipe sweat off his forehead. I kept watching for it just so I could see his bare chest without him knowing I was peeping. He doesn't know how much it turns me on. Back to digs for shower and change. Took half the daffodils back. The room feels as gay as I feel.

Booked table at Swan. Surprised to find Robert has a bike. Cycled out. The weather happy too. I ordered for us. Planning to come here on Friday night with the French. Great success. Quiet evening, so lots of attention. And a trio and a little dance floor. Don't understand how I can drink so much and still feel sober. Barclaycard stood the shock of the bill. Receptionist impressed when I booked for sixteen on Friday. Walked back pushing the bikes. Silly games. Sitting with feet on handlebars while R pushed. Tried to push R, but he fell off. Dangerous kissing in the dark under the trees. Then R silent as we walked. He was crying. I can't do anything. Only wait. I can't avoid everywhere and everything he did with Elizabeth. R still won't explain about the missing sign. Happy, happy day. Like being married, but without the bed.

Sarah's Diary - Wednesday 26 May

Busy day. Can I stand the pace? Down to the Tourist Office to find something for the visitors to do. Vera's office to telephone and make some more arrangements. Phoned Martha Riches to arrange about dinner on Saturday. Thanked her for Monday night. Sounds younger than I expected. Nice, helpful, unflappable. Agreed to help her prepare on Sat afternoon. More panic - Vera asked me what I was going to wear. Had brainwave and rang Tony. Went to his shop. Dress for Sat. Fabulous. Then out shopping with Tony for trousers, blouse and jacket for Fri. Can this really be me? Everyone being so kind. Had a weep. Can't collect clothes till Fri. Booked hairdo.