Chapter 23

Lou, watching from his place on the bed, shivered. As if she were sharing a private little secret with herself, a hint of a smile touched the corners of Mary's mouth. One thing he could definitely take for granted. If the voices were talking to her, he was sure trouble was brewing.

Even though Lou realized Mary was sick when he arrived, her illness had progressed beyond belief. At first it was a minor curiosity, but like a festering mesquite thorn it had become deadly. Or close enough to it. The girl was really, truly crazy. Much to his consternation, he had been given an insight into crazy that few sane people could match.

Still, it felt peculiar; to not be able to hold on to anger, to not hunger for revenge for the things she did... , no, was doing, to him. When a sliver of tooth in his gums became tender, or when hanging his rear end off the edge of the bed so he could move his bowels without soiling the bed, he could call on lots of anger. It could boil to a steaming heat. But it passed. He couldn't seem to hold onto it. As horrible as the effect of her actions was, she wasn't being mean. She was being crazy. By her own twisted reasoning, she was being as kind and caring as she knew how to be.

Sometimes she made little comments to him about having taken out all of his teeth. At first he thought she was looking for a way to ease her conscience. But he'd been wrong. As far as Mary's reality was concerned, Lucifer, with Mary's best interests at heart, had bound her hands. She was just a pawn. Lucifer had guided the whole shootin' match. During one particular such conversation, Mary had even lain her head against Lou's shoulder and cried, exposing the one portion of true sanity remaining inside; shame at herself for giving in to Lucifer's domination. As he lay watching her sit down to the dinner of roast goat she had prepared for herself, he was forced to admit she was in the grip of a sickness she had no control over.

He studied Mary's back as she carved the haunch of goat meat she had tended all afternoon, turning it on a spit over the fire. She wasn't talking to him. Neither was she trancing out. Every once in a while she would turn her head, look at him with those beguiling green-brown eyes, and smile. It was that smile ever so slightly lifting the corners of her mouth that gave him the willys. He just wished he knew what Lucifer was up to. Maybe there was a way to find out.

"Mary?" he asked.

She turned from the table, a full smile spreading across her face. "You're going to be fine, Lou. We may be out of beans, but we have a whole herd of goats."

"Yes, Mary. We have a whole herd of goats and I have a mouth full of gums." What was she smiling about? "I can't eat that meat. I thought we'd decided on that one."

The smile on Mary's face only got bigger. Her eyes shone with a pixie like gleam, as if she could hardly contain the excitement inside her. She scooted her chair away from the table and walked to him with her plate in her hand. And that's when Lou saw what was on the plate. All that chewing she'd been doing. She hadn't eaten a single bite. Meat lay in the most disgusting mass of gray-brown mash he could imagine, liquid oozing from it to form a pool of not quite clear fluid around the whole mess. It looked for all the world like cow cud. His stomach turned nearly inside out. Can she really mean to feed that to me, he wondered, aghast.

"If you're planning on what I think you are, forget it. Just for-get it. There is no way you're going to get me to eat that." He couldn't go along with this one if he tried. His stomach heaved at him again. He'd starve before he could ever eat that swill.

Once again Mary's heart was heavy as she trudged outside to sit on the slab of rock where she and Mother had discovered the solution to Lou's hunger. She sat there, her mind once again filled with cheerless thoughts and the voices inside her head.

"Seeing as Lou is still refusing food, you must let him go." Mother seemed angry with Mary and Mary could not understand why. It wasn't her fault the man was so obstinate. She was not, however, ready to let Lou go.

"Its alright," Lucifer said. "He won't go more than a week and he'll be damn glad to have something to eat. You watch and see."

Mary tossed a small piece of rock and watched it clatter and bounce to a rest. "I guess I don't have much choice. I can't make him eat."

"It's about time you listened to the voice of reason, Mary, and started considering how your actions are affecting the poor man," Mother declared.

"Shut up, bitch," Lucifer shouted at Mother. "Don't even think of letting him go, Mary. You'll die. In no time this canyon will swallow you up."

Mary pressed her hands over her ears, shaking her head violently. Jumping to her feet, she stomped them, raising a cloud of dust. "Be quiet, both of you," she shouted back. Her head seemed ready to split. One half truly wanted to listen to Mother. But, the pain gripping her mind seemed to lessen only when her thoughts followed Lucifer's commands. "He'll eat and be glad to. It's just a matter of time, Mother. He will eat."

As the throbbing ache in her head subsided, she leaned back against the hard rock slab she'd been sitting on. "If only Lou would make an effort to understand. Why does he have to make us go through more of this. He can't think I would let him go now. Even if I could, he'd still have the problem of eating meat. Doesn't he know how much I care about him? We belong together."

"You can't force someone to love you," Mother whispered. The anger had dropped from her voice, replaced with soft, gentle, caring tones. "Mary, he wants you to let him go."

"Don't you dare!" came Lucifer's answering roar. Mary cringed away from the force of his words. "Mother is a soft bellied bitch. You going to fuck goats? Is that what you want?"

"Alright! Alright! Please stop. I'll do anything you say, Lucifer." Tears flowed over her cheeks. Her head ached horribly with a pressure that squeezed her skull. Slowly the pain subsided and the tears stopped, replaced by an empty, hollow feeling. Not caring that she soiled her pretty pink sleeve, Mary wiped its fabric beneath her nose. Her fingers brushed away the last of her tears. "We'll see how long it takes him before he gets hungry enough to eat."

Mary stayed out in the yard for the rest of the afternoon. With the afternoon sun burning relentlessly, she eventually needed to move to a pile of boulders that created a shadowed refuge from the heat. It was about as cool as anywhere in the canyon. At one point she thought to go down and make sure the mule had food. For the most part, she sat and listened to the voices inside her. Since her latest capitulation to Lucifer his attention had turned to Mother. The pressure between her temples had subsided. As the afternoon slipped into early evening, she eavesdropped on her inner voices. Their argument was loosing power even though nothing was being settled between the two. The battle between gentle persuasion and forced might would probably never be resolved to the entire satisfaction of either of them. Without noticing the slip, Mary wondered why Mother put up with Father's tirades. But Mother's experienced influence soon had Lucifer's temper completely cooled and Mary sat on her rock listening to their chatter. When they weren't arguing, she enjoyed their company.

The sun slipped past the canyon edge, then lower still, and the desert air cooled off quickly. A refreshing nip wafted on the dusk breeze reminding Mary it was time to return to the shack and prepare her evening meal. She ate without a word to Lou. When she'd finished, she got the slop bucket and went to the edge of the bed. Without a word between them Lou twisted his spine and wrenched his weight within the confines of his blanket prison until he was into position to do what he must. Once that job was completed, he rolled his shoulders to force his body's weight back around. Now he faced the edge of the bed and Mary. With a bit more struggle he was able to maneuver the front of his body close to the edge of the bed. Reaching into the blanket, she pulled him into position so that he could piss into the bucket. When he'd finished, but before he could pull his hips back to return his manhood to the folds of the blanket, instead of releasing him, Mary wrapped her hand more firmly around his privates.

Heaven help me, I don't want to let him go. A blush of modesty did nothing to negate the need roused in Mary by the touch of her palm against Lou's manhood as she helped him manage his body's required release of fluid. Her fingers tightened around him ever so slightly. Her blush deepened. She could not deny the feel of him in her hand excited her. Surely he knew how difficult it was to touch him so often and never linger, never show the affect he had on her. Mary's eyes darted to Lou's. His gaze was empty. Or, he was refusing to meet her eyes. What is he thinking, she wondered.

Was she so sinful, to refuse to relinquish her hold on this most precious part of Lou? It had been so long since they had lain together, each equally enjoying the other. Instinctively, Mary's eyes closed. The soft sensation of his skin against her hand sent a radiant warmth coursing through her being. Within the palm of her hand Mary held skin smoother than anywhere else on his body, far sweeter in feeling than the soft fur of the baby kitten Father had given her for her sixth birthday. Mary followed the flow of her senses, turning her sight inward. As she had stroked the kitten's back, enjoying its soft feel, she began stroking Lou, slowly and lovingly. When his member started filling with blood, she opened her eyes, not trusting her sense of touch alone. But, no, her senses had not lied. He was indeed responding to her. Breath catching on hope, Mary's entire body flooded with the tingling pleasure of desire. Everything would come together now. Here in her hand was all the proof she required. She would live by his side, feed him and care for him. He would never again turn away from her. A sigh of peace and contentment slipped from her lips.