I never cared if these letters were true or not & I don't care if you believe mine, but here it is anyway: Back in '97 my best friend, my dog, died. He was 2 weeks shy of his 16th birthday (which made him about 382 in dog years!) I was feeling really bummed out around the holidays (he loved mooching turkey from me and I missed him, a lot) so I went for a late night bike ride. I ended up at a local yuppie hangout. I sat at the bar, nursing the same milk-shake all night, (did I forget to mention I can't drink alcohol?) when SHE walked in to my life...

She said hi to the bartender and complained of a neck-ache. I offered to rub it out for her. She said, ok. So, I did, cracking an old joke I'd heard from a George Burns routine. She laughed, out loud, & we started talking. We talked for 3 hours about any- every- and no-thing...

It was great to finally get all my feelings & frustrations out of my troubled soul! And she, Julie, seemed as interested to hear my tales, as I was to tell 'em! But it was getting late & I didn't want her to hear all my best material yet (did I forget to mention I'm a Stand-up comic? Silly me) so I offered to walk her to her car. She said ok & we did. On the way, she invited me to her place for dinner the next night! Duh! I said yes!

A little background on me would be great right here... I was 33, then, a virgin, a stand-up comic/talkshow host and all-around-nice guy!

That's right. I said "virgin!"

Read my lips... v-i-r-g-i-n!

When I was 13 I was in a bicycle accident, which left me in a coma for 6 weeks. I was pretty fucked up for a long time after that! Physically/mentally I look perfectly normal... Emotionally/psychologically I'm a LoonyToon! I've gone through depressions so deep, so dark, so long... they'd scare the shit out of 99% of the population of the planet!

But, that was then... & this ain't... So where was I? Oh, yes...

DINNER WITH JULIE (a BEE-YOO-TIFUL GIRL)

The next night, I got to her place at 8:00, 30 minutes early (never do this to a pretty girl you like... They get really pissed!!) She wasn't ready, so I offered to help fix the meal. I did. It was delicious... after I threw in a lot of stuff from her fridge (shrimp, scallops, garlic, a little white wine--you know! Good stuff.)

I yelled, "Supper's ready!" & she came out of her bedroom looking like Aphrodite, herself... & smelling just as sweet as orange blossoms in full bloom. All I could do was stare & manage to gulp out a little unintelligible sigh about how GREAT she looked. She was wearing a long, flowing, diaphanous, white gown-thing, which seemed to say, "Look! I'm not wearing anything under here! You are gonna get so lucky tonight, 'Mr. I've-Never-Had-Sex-But-I'm-So-Ready-Now!'"

We ate the meal, & I must say, I out-did myself. After we'd finished, she said, "Thank you. It was very nice of you to fix dinner. It was wonderful. Now its time for dessert..." Then she stood up & looked at me, with either LUST in her eyes or a bad case of indigestion, and walked toward me... !

So here I was: 15 years past my sexual prime... About to finally lose my cherry!! And, mmm, what a babe she was, too! 24 years old. Sandy-blonde hair. 34-24-34. A vision of loveliness, standing there, taking off her sheer dress right before my eyes! But there was something different from all the girls I'd seen in magazines, all those years! Something was missing. She had no pubic hair!! She asked me not to make fun of her, saying it was a genetic defect that her "twin sister" didn't have.

Now I said to her at this point, "Hey, I love your body, sweet-cheeks!" Then I proceeded to tell her of my whole sexual history, or lack there-of, and we both just laughed our asses off. I also noticed how hard & erect her nipples looked. I pointed to them, saying, "Are those lawn darts on your chest or are you just glad to see me?" She really started laughing then! After a minute she stopped and told me to shut the hell up or she'd "wet her pants..." The fact she wasn't wearing any, at the moment, struck us both as funny, but by this time we were both way too, fucking horny to laugh... So she helped me get undressed, as she was already bare-assed naked.

I noticed that her inner thighs were very slick & wet, at this point. She said, because she had no pubic hair, all her juices ran down her legs & often filled her shoes almost full if she got really hot (to which I can testify. We went out one night & she was wearing "Jellies" & when we got back to her home... Well let's just say I got drunk that night. But not on booze! Pussy juices & peach ice cream! YUM!)

Anyway, where was I? Oh, that's right... Our first night... I told her to lie on her back & spread her legs, wide! When she did I proceeded to get my first taste of a female's sex. YUM!! I couldn't get enough! I licked her from her toes, up the inside of her ankle, up her calf, her thigh, skipping her lovely honey pot, going right down the other leg, to the toes. By now she was going insane with lust!! "Tongue my twat, PLEASE," she begged!! Okay! I was not going to argue with her at this point in our relationship, so I stuck my tongue on what I thought was her clit & watched this wonderful, sweet, giving, young woman have her first orgasm of the night!!

(Thank you Xaviera Hollander, you Happy Hooker, you, for your wonderful books. I learned a lot from them... even before I had a chance to put the knowledge to good use.)

I had brought a condom with me, thinking maybe this was the night/girl of my dreams. It was an old condom. But obviously a good condom... the studded kind... "For her pleasure!" I took that sucker out of its wrapper & asked her if she knew how to put it on. She then proceeded to put it in her mouth & swallow my penis in one fell swoop, encasing my dick in a bumpy Latex sheathe!! WOW!! (I was never so glad to have a small (6") cock in my life when she said she couldn't do that to her last boyfriend, as he was "too fuckin' big!")

So, now that everything was right,(the girl was willing & able, my pecker was willing & able, I hoped)it was time to enter her tunnel of love(passion, lust... ) This girl was obviously no virgin, unlike some guys I could look at in the mirror! She had really great muscle control... ! Her vagina sucked my penis in, then went & massaged it to even greater states of hardness than I'd ever thought possible! But she would not let me cum... Which was great, 'cause I didn't want to cum!

She just kept working her Kegel muscles on my penis, getting me close, then backing off just enough; so's not to go too far over the edge. But then, after 15 minutes, she got all stiff-like, let out a big yell, & came, no, gushed a gallon of fluids all over her bed & me, too!

WOW!!

She, later, told me that I'd hit her "sweet-spot" (G-spot) thanks to the shape of my dick; which curves upward, toward my face.

I'd heard stories of girls like this. Always hoped I'd meet one.

Then it was my turn to cum. And I came in what seemed like buckets. My first orgasm with & in a woman... I unloaded 33 years of frustration & tension into Julie's womb! It was like touching God.

As we lay there, panting, I decided I wanted to eat her out. To see what our juices, mingled, would taste like! I stuck my index finger in her box and pulled out a ribbon of our come. I put it to her lips. "MMMMMMMM," was all she said, as she sucked on my digit.

Then I realized: Shit, the rubber! It must've broken! Or fallen off!! Was I embarrassed!! I apologized, but apparently she was on the Pill, she said, so I really needn't have worried! "Whew!" was all I said. I found the damn rubber stuck to her thigh, later, after I ate out her delicious vagina, sucking every last trace of our combined fluids and making her come again, in the process.