Chapter 2

Leaving Bim in the bath downstairs, I prepared another pitcher of herbal tea. I made up my way upstairs with the tray that held the pitcher, two tall glasses and a stick of butter. As I set the tray on the side table next to the bed, I caught myself humming a long forgotten tune. As I took the shower, my mind was exulting over the delicious events of the afternoon.

Leaving Bim behind by himself was an effort. I wanted so desperately to get in the bath with him and run soapy hands over each other to savor the wet, warmth of skin against skin. But, I felt it better to give him the time and space by himself to reflect and absorb what we had experienced. After all, even if it was not a complete surprise, he had come unprepared for what I had laid out for him. He needed to come to terms with this sudden reversal in our relationship. Besides, there was the business of the red bag. I smiled as I toweled myself dry...

After all these years of separation, I had been thinking more and more about him of late. When he called, it was as if it was destiny that made him responded to my yearning. Once he accepted my invitation, I knew that I had to use the visit to resolve our dormant relationship one way or another. I wanted to find out where we stood with respect to each other. I wasn't sure that he'd be interested in getting together again, despite my renewed feelings for him.

Needless to say, I was nervous for the past few days, the same old questions plaguing my thoughts. Did he still want me in his life as I wanted him in mine? Did he feel that loneliness and sense of loss that I did about the past few years where we had lost touch with each other? It was clear to me that what we had shared was genuine enough to have been derailed by the sort head games we seemed to have unintentionally drifted into. It was as if we had engaged in a battle of egos, giving and taking pain, sulking at each other. In the process we had lost each other and the sense of connection that seemed so true when we were still lovers. I was determined to see if we could end all that when we got together. Was he willing to work past all our troubles from the past as I was? Or, had he changed over the years to a point where it would be untenable for us to get back together?

Of course, part of the blame for our separation was mine for not paying attention to his admission of interest in watersports. At the least, I should have acknowledged it and asked for time to think it over. In the past, even when his suggestions had seemed extreme to me, he had been more than willing to let me come to terms with them at my own pace. But, that night, something between us had gone awry. Still, it surprised me that we had drifted apart so easily on account of that single incident. In retrospect it seemed all the more inexcusable since we had time and again overcome so many difficulties and differences.

In fact, at an earlier time, Bim had brought up his interest in anal play and I had told him that I felt squeamish about it and needed time. The sense of dirtiness and vulnerability which overwhelmed me felt real enough. Even though I already knew enough about anal sex, and had even fantasized about it, I was uncomfortable doing it with another person. So we had discussed it at length, tried to learn as much about it, and were quite comfortable before trying it. He was more than willing to bide his time until I was comfortable enough. He had let me set the space and it had worked out well. But, I reacted strongly this time, as if something had changed between us.

Perhaps it was because of when and how it all happened. Even if I wasn't necessarily turned off by his abrupt confession, it took me by surprise. In the normal course of things, I would've tried to understand his needs. But, at that time I was trying to deal with the impending move and the subsequent challenges that it would put on our relationship. It felt as if he was fixated on his needs when I was struggling with the move. He wanted me to accept it all unconditionally, as if he wouldn't go forward if I didn't. For my part, I was looking for his reassurance that he wanted our relationship whether I liked everything he did or not. I wanted him to tell me that he loved me for who I am -- even though I knew fully well that he did -- and that he would do all he could to continue to make our relationship work, despite the challenges of separation and distance. Perhaps that support and reassurance is something a woman wants more than a man. Then again, it might have been partly my immaturity. In any event, I had held back as much as he did.

Truth be told, a part of me had wanted to go out with other men. Bim had only been the second significant lover in my life. After Bim's visit to my new home, that's exactly what I proceeded to do. I had gone out with Pete, whom I had met in the course of work. At first I really liked him - he was decent and well meaning enough. But, despite feeling sure that I'd put Bim behind me when I started with Pete, it turned out more to be a "rebound" relationship than anything meaningful. Not surprisingly, he lasted all of six months before we realized that each of us saw the world around us and life very differently. A few more men followed over the years in aimless relationships that began with excitement and inevitably ended in disappointment. However, they did fulfill my sexual needs. But without fail every single one of those relationships lacked the intense connection that I had felt with Bim.

It was hard not to take up what I had experienced with Bim as the measure by which I compared and assessed subsequent relationships with the men who came after him. In that sense, I hadn't gotten over Bim through those years. Every breakup would leave me wondering how things would have turned out had I stayed with Bim. With each relationship, the anatomy of my feelings for Bim began to reveal itself to me and I realized that what I was missing was the magical and mysterious connection that we had shared. A relationship needed that deeper connection which takes root not merely because of "working at it" or by following trite formulas that the pundits and "how to" manuals dole out. There is a certain mystery as to why it happens with a particular individual and not others. Whether there is such a thing as destiny or not, I realized that I simply couldn't will myself to fall into love with other men without first falling out of love with Bim. That gradual realization set me wishing more and more about getting back with Bim.

Bim's companionship was such a delight, whether it was at movies, restaurants, museums, hiking or simply the quiet times spent together. We enjoyed each others opinion and view points on subjects whether they were profound or mundane. Even when we disagreed we were passionate about our respective position without really turning mean spirited - of course, we had our share of quarrels, but seemed to make up rather easily. I had truly felt open with him. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that he was the first lover for whom I felt compassion. That he was willing to show me his vulnerable side had something to do with it.

The big difference between us was his impulsiveness in contrast to my deliberation. Bim just loved to put into practice any idea as soon as it rose in his mind - he'd assume that whatever he wanted to do, I'd be willing to go along with. I, on the other hand, liked to weigh the consequences, understand how whatever he proposed might affect each other's feelings before trying it. Had we been mature enough, we'd have seen that our different approaches complemented each other. I could have gained from trying things without such deliberation and caution. Some amount of forethought and patience would have made his love more evident.

During the years when we were apart, I was also getting in touch with myself, becoming more comfortable with my feelings and desires that I had trouble accepting before - particularly those "darker erotic desires" that I had carefully tiptoed around. I began to realize that they were as much a real part of me and slowly started accepting them. As I grew more comfortable with the truth of my body and sexuality, it became clear to me how alike Bim and I were. That realization gave me an appreciation for what we had shared - something that was well beyond physical attraction. The process accelerated in the last year, since that fateful day at the conference in Detroit, and, now, I was more than ready to accept myself without guilt or second thoughts.

That evening, I could feel that both of us met with a renewed appreciation and love for each other. I had grown to accept my instincts and he had certainly grown more considerate. I found it ironic when he complained about the lack of communication in his relationships with other women. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered his expression when I needled him about it.

Of course, even more amusing was the shock on his face when he took the glass to his mouth and realized just how agreeable his "inclination" was to me. At one level, I still couldn't believe what I did for him, but then again, thanks to my internal transformation in the last year, I could do it with confidence. Besides, I felt I owed him one pleasant surprise in consideration of the wretched way I had treated him the last time he mentioned the word "watersports." And so it had turned out with the glass of "lemonade" I handed to him.

After drying myself, I walked back into the bedroom. The large window above the bed, with a view of the sky, gave the room an airy, open inviting feeling. On the far side of the bed, a couch with couple of cushions sat next to the fireplace, a reading lamp by its side, giving the corner a cozy feel. The four-poster bed was prepared — a waterproof sheet, topped with beach towels under the cover. Likewise the pillows were in plastic bags and then put in the pillow cases.

I clambered on to the bed and flopped across its width on my stomach as I waited his arrival. Unlike the afternoon, I had no elaborate plans in mind, but just wanted to go with the flow. Come to think of it, even the plan I had so carefully laid out had been hijacked by Bim! In a while, I heard footsteps approaching up the stairs and then he appeared, pausing at the door as he surveyed the room.

"Enjoyed the shower?"

"Of course! Refreshed and raring to go!!" He looked teddy bearish in the white bathrobe as he walked around the bed, looking around "Very nice, Sheel. You always had very good taste."

Taking off the robe, he carefully laid it over the couch. His tanned, darker Asian skin shone in the pale light of the shaded lamp. He leaned on to the bed, his slightly muscular limbs extended from a hairless torso. The dark nipples were set off on a sculpted chest that hinted of the gym routine. His adorable, deep navel vanished into darkness into the center of the toned belly. As he put one knee on the bed, his shapely buns stuck out - firm and always a delight to squeeze and fondle — and flexed as he lifted each leg on to the bed. His sleek hands and long, slender fingers, which I thought moved with certain artistic flair, walked him until he was next to me. Further down, his pubic hair, trimmed to a dark lawn, framed his uncircumcised cock that was beginning to show hints of hardness again. I patted the space next to me and flopped down and gently kissed me. The lively, twinkling eyes and gentle smile told me that he felt as I did about reconnecting with a long lost soul mate.

I poured a glass of the mint tea for each of us as he flopped on his stomach next to me. He smiled slyly at me as he took the glass, knowing full well what it was intended for. I ran my hands along the length of his back, and tousled his hair, as if to prepare him. A faint pleasant smell of patchouli oil wafted from his body. He understood my need to talk and quietly sipped the tea, waiting for me to start.

"Bim, I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to find that we still have such strong feelings for each other despite all these years apart. I had thought that we were finished when we broke up, but lately, I've caught myself thinking of you - of us - wishing for us to be together again. When I saw you today at the door, I knew that the longing I felt was not just wishful thinking on my part."

He nodded in agreement.

"I owe you an apology for the way I treated you before I moved here. It must have been a struggle for you to tell me about your 'inclinations in watersports.'" I smiled and paused briefly, before continuing, my hand still caressing his hair, "You were trying to be straight with me, even though it must have been confusing and even scary in some ways to admit such things. I want you to know that I appreciate that openness, even if I didn't when you tried to tell me and botched the whole thing by ignoring it. I can't tell you how sorry I've felt about it through these years. Bim, I want us to be partners and lovers like we used to. I've really missed you and don't want us to grow apart again."

Bim leaned forward, pulling me to him and kissed my cheek, his hand rubbing my forearm gently.

"My darling Sheel. I was also to blame for rushing it on you in the midst of your move -- I owe you an apology for that. I should've been a bit more patient and trusting of you. But, now, I too feel that we are being truly open with each other. I came here hoping to find out if there was the possibility of regaining your friendship. Even though I knew that we've always cared for each other deeply, I can't explain why I didn't have the gumption to call you up, apologize and tell you how much I cared for you," he sighed, and then concluded, "You can be sure that I'll do my darndest hereon to not do anything foolish like that again. I don't want to loose you ever."

His regret for our separation was as much as mine. All this while, he had wanted us to get back together as much as I did. Taking my hands in his, he kissed them in turn, placing them on his cheeks and moving them across his skin. We realized that the mutual understanding and acceptance we held for each other had never disappeared; it had always been there, waiting to be expressed again. We knew that the trust we now felt would serve to anchor our relationship and prevent us from drifting apart again. I continued, my fingers gently caressing his cheeks.

"You know, I wasn't sure whether we should have had a heart to heart talkfirst thing after you got here. I was really nervous and dying to find out if you were as interested in continuing the relationship as I am. But, when I saw you, it just felt so comfortable - I didn't feel like dragging all that stuff back out and mope about it. I hope I didn't upset you too much by jumping right into it?"

"God, Sheel, what you did was so powerful! In fact, it just removed the doubts that had been nagging me all these years. It reassured me of your acceptance of my kink in a way that no words could have expressed." He seemed to hesitate for a moment before he asked: "Hope I didn't take control of the situation too much? Didn't ruin your elaborate scheme, did I?"

"Oh, yes! You sure did hijack my plans." I squealed, "But, I hadn't done this sort of thing with anyone else, so I wasn't sure how it was going to work out. In fact, the way you stepped in was reassuring, not to mention delicious and naughty. As for the torture you put me through, I'll have to take my revenge, don't I? You'll just have to wait and see what I'm going to do to you. But, you know, being with you felt quite different this time around, though."

"Different? How do you mean?"

"Well, I wasn't sure of how the years we had been apart would affect our meeting again and what I had in store for you. As it turned out, all the things we did today felt so right. We seem to trust each other more, despite all these years apart. It just felt so right between us - even more so than before. Don't you think?" I wanted him to know that I felt it at a far deeper level, deeper still than the intimacy we had achieved earlier on.

"Yes, I noticed that too Sheel - I felt so certain about everything. In the old days, I was so unsure of your feelings, worrying whether I was asking for too much. It didn't feel like that at all this time - it was all so natural and free. I felt your acceptance and that helped me express myself completely, without any hesitation. We've never been so much at ease with each other before, no?"

It was clear that he understood. There wasn't much else I had to say. So, I stretched out on my side next to him, with my upper leg across his back and buns, rubbing my pussy against his thigh. The wetness of the swollen lips rubbing off on his skin intensified the tingle that had been building up in my quim and it started insistently radiating into my belly.

"Was there anything that I did that surprised you, good or bad?" He asked as he pushed gently against my grinding hips.

"Hmm. I liked everything you did. But, I especially enjoyed how you caressed my ass - it was so delicious to feel your tongue and finger in me, sliding in and out," The recounting made me shiver, ""It was quite intense."

"Oh, yeah. I think I really got into it when you... ," he paused, searching for words, " ... you know ... how you ... held yourself open..."

There was still a residue of fear in him that he might offend me if he stated plainly what he wanted to say. I wanted to push away any lingering doubts and make him understand that I was not the woman he once knew, the one with hangups and fears that held her back at times from admitting her own desires. I wanted him to feel completely at ease about anything he wanted to tell me.

"Bim, sweetie, we just agreed to be open with each other, yes?" I said, kissing his shoulder, and looking straight into his eyes said as steadily as I could, "Are you trying to say that you liked the way I pulled my ass cheeks apart? So that your tongue could get in deeper in my rosebud? Hmm?"

He rolled on to his side, facing me now, his stiffening rod pressing into my belly.

"Right," he started, gazing steadily at me and with a certain determination in his voice, "I was so turned on when you pulled your ass cheeks apart, as if encouraging me. It felt like we were working together, as a team, to help me get in deeper. I felt incredibly close to you then. And, my heart was pounding so hard, I thought I was going to have a coronary!!!"

We both laughed. His cock was now almost fully erect, and looking down, I could see the foreskin pulled back to expose the stretched, shiny, pink head with the slit at it's tip oozing glistening precum. Extending my arm, I gently let my fingertips graze up and down the length of his hardness.

"Yes, there's a certain exhilaration I felt with that openness as well. There seemed such intensity to each and every thing that we did. I really loved the way you took your time. The way you were forcing your tongue into my portal felt so very intimate. it's something I've been fantasizing about you doing to me. Are you comfortable with it?"

"Oh, yes, I really loved it, don't you doubt it! And the earthy, erotic smell! Like roasted coffee beans, or the forest floor after a rain shower. The texture and the taste are so exquisitely arousing. The way you tightened the ring when my tongue was in, as if trying it to hold it captive and keep it in," his eyes shone with the lust and passion I had seen earlier during the day as he continued, "Sheel, I want to do it again with you. I love to lick and taste your asshole. I've fantasized about it too, you know."

My heart beat faster like an engine stoked by the flames of lust his words aroused in me. We were sharing our desires, unabashedly and openly, and I felt wonderfully free. The tingle in my pussy was insistent and the heat radiating from it palpable.

"And, would you like me to play with your ass?" I upped the ante.

In the olden days, I had put a finger near his ass a few times, tentatively rubbing it, but had felt ashamed about it afterwards. Earlier that day was the first time I had ventured so far as to put it deeper in. I desired and lusted to do more now. Telling him I wanted to do it felt so sensuous and erotic!

"If you like it, yes, sure Sheel. I would love you to tongue my derriere," He responded, looking straight into my eyes, with a tremor in his voice that betrayed his excitement.

"Yes. I would really, really love it." I almost whispered the confirmation, as if sharing a secret, "I want to lick your asshole Bim. I want to spread your cute butt cheeks and drive my tongue into you. And I'd love to put my finger in you. I want to know how it feels for you as it slides in and out of you. Are you turned on by the thought of me doing that to you?"

"Oh, God, yes!" He paused and smiled at me, as his erection stiffened further. "I just love it when you talk dirty."

"I love it too!" I laughed, as I reached across and gently pulled his face to mine.

He slid toward me and we fell into an embrace, kissing each other eagerly, my hard nipples poking pleasurably into his chest. We took turns, invading each other's mouth as our saliva mingled and flowed back and forth across out lips. His sweet breath and wet lips began to drive my pussy to wet distraction - it was turning into a wetland down there! Once again, I felt his cock roll between us, his wet pre-cum rubbing off on my belly. I could feel the wetness in me as well — the sweet cream welling up, coating the lips of my pussy. My clit throbbed as if it had a pulse of its own. I craved to feel his tongue inside me, lapping and drinking my juices, as his lips grasped and sucked on my pussy lips.

Our kissing was much more studied, more languid even though our breathing was running jagged. As our tongues progressed to wetting each other's face, the caresses turned bold and my fingers started exploring his nooks and crannies. Alternating between stroking and squeezing each other all over the body, we squeezed, scratched, and pinched each other as if awakening every hidden inch of skin to the lust we felt in our heart.

I got up to place the glasses on the tray and sat back; the pitcher was already half empty. Breathing hard, I looked down at Bim, still lying on his side. My back was against the headboard, my legs bent up and spread out on either side of his face. Seeing my glistening pussy was as thrilling to him as it was for me to show it so wantonly. I knew he was turned on by my unashamed, sluttish exhibitionist pose. I could see the unabashed, raw desire in his eyes as he looked at my pussy, spread open and inviting. But, I wanted to prolong this sweet agony of anticipation a bit longer.

"You know, I've been taking massage classes for the past few months." I said, reaching forward to stroke his shoulders. "Would you like a back rub sweetie?"

"Oh, yes, I can use one." Bim said, reluctantly pulling his gaze away from my puffy, glistening pussy lips.

Retrieving the stick of butter from the tray, I rolled him on his belly and straddled his back and ran the stick gently all over his back, going side to side, using it like a brush. He shivered as the cold butter slithered along his back, raising goose bumps in its wake. Scooting back, I sat on his buns and carefully released a stream of pee, watching it pool in the recess of his lower back. Bim moaned softly as he realized that this was not going to be like any massage he had ever had before. Using my hands, I spread the warm liquid all over his back and rubbed it into his skin. As the pool drained, I replenished it by releasing more and then spread it out with even strokes of my palms. The sound of our breathing, the splash of the water on his skin, and the occasional hiss my stream when I made in the otherwise quiet room intensified the already charged, erotic mood.

"Oh. That feels so good, Sheel. What about the sheets?" he asked, noticing the water spilling from his back on to the sheet.

I explained the waterproof sheets and towels underneath.

"Mmmm. You've become an expert at this. I am so very impressed," He teased me.

"No comments from the peanut gallery!" I mocked him back, swatting his buns.

I finished the massage with a few more strokes and slid off to sit by his side. Leaning forward, I kissed his neck and ran my tongue down his spine, tasting the slightly minty, buttery taste the massage and my had left on his back. When I reached his lower back, I proceed to run my tongue along the groove between his buns, parting them with my hand until the dark ring of his anus came into view. I lingered above it, blowing my breath on it a few times, before venturing my tongue out towards it. The feel of the rough skin on my swirling tongue was thrilling. Bim moved his hips suggestively, trying to persuade me to go deeper into him. But, I pulled back, wanting to taste his cock first.

"Did you like the massage?" I asked as we sat up.

"Lordy, lordy. Marry me first thing tomorrow morning." He laughed as he put his arms around me.

Embracing me, he murmured how wonderful the contrasting sensations felt: the cold butter, followed by the warm water, the sound of my pee as it emerged between my pussy lips, and the spreading warmth each time I refilled the pool. It was terribly exciting to hear him tell me the details! He gently pushed me onto my back and started kissing me, starting with my mouth, running his wet tongue around my face and neck, and armpits. Drifting further down, he started licking around each breast in turn, sucking most of each orb in turn in his mouth. He settled down to alternating between the nipples, sucking on each, gently at first and then harder, even nibbling them with his teeth. I could hear my helpless moans, guttural and indistinct, as if coming from some animal trapped deep in the earth.

"Oh, yes, that's it. Suckle me baby." I encouraged him, running my hands through his hair and cradling him like he was a baby, nursing at my breasts one at a time.

He teased my stiff rubbery nipples between his lips and teeth, sucking and nibbling on them, pulling and stretching them out as I moaned with the mounting pleasure. Without breaking his ministrations, he moved his body around, until he was facing my feet and his chest was positioned over my face. He lowered himself until his nipples were in line with my mouth.

We settled into a delicious, mini soixante neuf as we nibbled and bit gently on each other's nipples, enjoying the moans and suckling noises of our mutual ministrations. Reaching up, I let my fingers run around his deep navel and inserted it in, twirling it around. He, in turn, extended one arm until it was cupping my mons, rubbing it gently back and forth, running his fingers on either side of my sopping, wet, turgid pussy lips, but without touching them. I'd have been content to spend the rest of the night in that position. But my mounting arousal egged me to move on.

When he broke away and lay down by my side, his face next to mine, both of us were lying in opposing directions across the width of the bed, as we tried to slow the rapid pitch of our breathing. I turned and kissed his forehead gently, running a wet tongue along its breadth.

"Tell me Sheel." He asked, "How did you become so passionate about anal play? Although we did it before, you seemed more hesitant in those days. And now ... now you're so uninhibited and relaxed about it"

I thought for a minute: was it too soon to tell him everything? I wasn't going to lie to him, but I didn't want to distract him with a long story either. I decided to start with the last part of what I wanted to tell him.

"Hmm ... I've come to accept my desires a lot better now. I've been experimenting a bit, you know."

"Experimenting?" He asked, curious about what I meant.

I got up and pulled the drawer out of the nightstand and extracted the black satin bag. When I let the smooth, shiny object within slid out on to the bed, Bim whistled. It was a slender dildo, in clear glass, slightly curved at the tip and with blue colored nubs embedded all around the circumference. The handle at one end made clear it's purpose. Bim picked it up, running a finger over the nubs and then curling his fingers around it.

"Oh. It's an anal probe, isn't it? I think I've seen pictures of something like it on the internet, but haven't seen one. This one looks like a custom made piece?"

"Yep. And worth every penny darling." I smiled at him.

"How does it feel?" He was sliding his fingers suggestively over it, a sly grin curling on his lips.

"Well, you put it in hot water to get it close to body temperature, although, sometime I like it cold from the freezer as well. A little lube, and, voila, it slides in. You can move it around and the nubs do their magic."

"Hmmm." The mischievous glint in his eyes indicated that gears were turning in his head.

"But we don't need this tonight. Another time. Okay? Tonight I want your cock and only your cock. So behave!" I teased him as I took the dildo out of his hands.

"Oh, how can I behave if you show me stuff like this and then take it away?" He rolled his eyes in despair.

"Life is full of challenges, yes?" I giggled, anxious to get back to the action. I placed the dildo back in the pouch and put it back in to the nightstand. "Now where were we?"