Chapter 5

Where to start. I had left my cheating spouse and moved to another state. My employer had gone overboard to keep me. I got a good office and was kept busy. I would work then go to my apartment. My co-workers took to calling me the hermit.

Thinking back on the past was what I did every night while at home. At work I was busy enough that I didn't dwell on the past and what Sarah had done to us. Home was another story. I didn't drink or do drugs, so the pain seemed to stay right there. No matter where I was I missed her, and hated her. I was torn up inside. Angry, hurt, and lonely.

I had asked myself many times over why, why had she done what she had done? Why throw it all away? Why the other men? I had lots of questions. No answers. The females at the office soon learned that while I seemed to be available I wasn't. They quit being quite so 'friendly' after a couple of months.

The guys would try to get me to go out with them, but since their fun was bars and women, I declined. I just went home to work out, eat dinner, go to bed. I would get little sleep over the night, tossing and turning all night. I will say that my body was in the best shape it had ever been in now. Rock hard everywhere, and even gaining size in the arms and chest.

Part of my workout routine was to run each night. One night as I got home, I saw June standing there in my front yard. We talked for a bit. She seemed to know what I had been going through. I thought at first that she was there to hit on me. I soon found out that she was there for Sarah.

Well sort of anyway. Sarah didn't know that June had come to see me on her behalf. We talked into the night and then when I went to bed, June was in my bed and I was on the couch. I was a bit surprised when June didn't come out during the night and try to get it on with me. I realized then that she was being genuine in her hopes to get us back together.

The upshot of the whole thing was I decided to go back home and see if it was possible to patch things up with Sarah. It was either patch it up or cut and run. I was tired of living the way I had been and just wanted to be happy again.

When I showed up at home, the house was clean. Sarah had been staying with June, so I dumped my stuff and then went over to June's house. Sarah looked terrible. She was thinner and had a lost, lonely look about her that hurt me deeply.

I still felt some anger towards her cheating and the things she had done, but I also felt that my love for her was still there too. I was confused. I wanted to hate her for fucking around on me but I just couldn't bring myself to do that.

On the other hand I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her. I wanted to kiss her and just love her like days of old. I felt my heart going out to her, as she stood there unbelieving that I was there in front of her.

"Ben? Is that you? You look different, bigger."

"Oh, I have been sort of working out after work the last few months."

"Well, uh... so... how has work been?"

"Sarah, I came here to talk to you about us, not about work."

"Us? You came here to talk about us? Is there still an us Ben?"

"I don't know Sarah. I want there to be, but there is the matter of the pain and hurt between us now. I am not sure that I can ever forgive you for what you did. I trusted you with all. I... I... loved you with all my heart... and you..."

"I destroyed that by fucking around on you Ben. I should have never gone to work, I should have been honest with you from the start and I wasn't. I became a slut. A cheating slut that didn't care for anything but the next fuck. I am so sorry Ben. So sorry."

Needless to say, the conversation went on that way for hours. I went home alone that night not sure of my future at all. Sarah stayed with June. June had stayed out the house for our talk and didn't come home until after I had left.

That night as I tossed and turned, I kept thinking back to how Sarah had looked so happy while fucking all those men. How she had been into the fucking and sucking. She had really loved it all. No acting, she had loved it.

The next day, before I went over to June's I went to the club. I talked to Bob. Our conversation was stiff and cold at first, but soon we got over the issues at hand and actually talked about Sarah. I found that Bob had a thing for Sarah and had she been the least bit interested he would have moved on her in a serious fashion. As it was she had gone the other way and he had not pressed her.

"You are a lucky man Ben."

"Lucky? Yeah right, so lucky my wife went and fucked half the town for money. I am soooo lucky."

"No really, you are lucky. She may have loved getting fucked by all those men, but she truly loves you. Only you. Those other men were just... well... cocks for her to use and enjoy. You are her one true love."

"Tell me again how much she loves me Bob. She fucked around on me. She was nothing but a whore. That isn't how a wife should show her love for a husband."

"Ben... After you left she quit everything except the dancing. She did three parties for me out of obligation and that was it. She does love you."

"Yeah, ok, suppose I believe you and accept that she loves me. If I can't trust her ever again, how am I supposed to love her as much as I once did?"

"I don't think she will ever cheat on you again Ben. She has been through hell for the last few months. She misses you more than you realize. I think she can be trusted now for sure. She has seen what she did to you and your payback with Candy was very painful to her. I think she has learned her lesson."

"Yeah? Well I trusted her implicitly before then she did what she did to us. I don't see how this makes any difference. She got caught and feels bad. What if I hadn't caught her in her cheating? Would she still have been doing it?"

The upshot of our talk was that I understood her a bit more than before. Bob had nothing to gain and quite a bit to lose. He was as honest as I could have expected given the situation. I still had deep reservations about 'us', but I was willing to try to put us back together.

I talked to Sarah and we went to a counselor. He was a bit stunned at our initial story, but soon was caught up and on a level that was useful to us. Sarah came home and we spent the first night together since this all started. Alone we were stiff and almost cold.

I worked on being less stiff and tried to hug her often. After a few weeks we were talking more and actually laughing once in a while. Sex was not happening. We slept together but separate. No sex of any kind.

Whenever I went to work I found that I was dwelling on what she was doing at home alone. If she was home alone. I soon found that I was calling her at odd hours during the day and checking up on her. This soon became a serious problem.

Nothing was said about my calls until our next trip to the counselor. There he got it out of us. I found that I was going to have to let go of this over-riding need to check on her all the time. I realized that if I felt I had to check up on her like I was then there was little hope for 'us' in the future.

To make matters worse, Sarah continued to dance at the club. I was extremely upset over this turn of events and we had strong words over it more than once. I soon found myself going to the club just to keep an eye on her. One night it all came to a head.

Sarah was dancing and one of the customers started to get real grab-assed with her. Before the bouncers could act I was all over him. I ended up getting tossed in jail for the night for assault. I had hit the guy quite a few times before the bouncers hauled me out and into the waiting cops arms.

Sarah didn't show up until the next morning to bail me out. Angry, I wouldn't talk to her at all. On the drive home she was crying. At home I went into the bedroom and started to pack. I was done with her and everything.

"What are you doing Ben?"

"Packing."

"Please don't leave me Ben. I need you. I love you."

"No. You don't need me nor do you love me. You love stripping for strangers. You get off on them touching you. You want them over me. After all we have been through I would have thought you would know better. I thought you would quit that 'job' and go back to the way we were. Since you won't... I am gone."