Chapter 2

Well, to bring you up to date on my wife Kate and I. You should be aware that we have been living apart now for about three months.

I have been forced to change schools, and Kate decided to remain in our old town for now. We see each other on weekends, for a little bit. We just have a dinner or something, and we haven't had sex of any type since the night she gave me my 'fantasy'.

I would go to classes during the day and usually get through the day as long as I was busy thinking about anything else but those days so long ago. Like I had stated earlier, the scars on my wrists were gone as far as anyone could see, but there were still harsh deep scars deep inside me. Kate didn't want a divorce; she claimed that she still wanted to be my wife. She hadn't moved to my new address as of yet though. I was sure that there was something going on between her and Gary.

If you are curious about Gary, well, one night two weeks ago I caught him downtown near a hangout of his. He didn't see me until it was too late, and since he had no friends around him, I took advantage of the chance. Since I am not a jock, and he is much bigger than me (probably by sixty pounds or so) I used an aluminum baseball bat as an equalizer. When I left him lying there on the ground, he was unconscious. I found out the next day that he never was able to I.D. the person who attacked him, and he was in the hospital with broken ribs, broken arm, and numerous other broken bones. He also had to have an emergency operation in the groin area, and I had heard through the grapevine that he wouldn't be having kids, or possibly even sex ever again.

I felt little remorse for jumping him like I did. I mean, look at what he did to my marriage and me. He had made my wife a whore and a slut. He had copied my assignment, then re-wrote parts of it so that the paper he showed Kate looked like it was a deep dark fantasy of mine. He had made it so that I wanted to witness part of the 'rape' and then to be left alone while the 'rapist's' took my wife with them for several days, leaving me in torture unknowing what was happening to her. I had seen the paper that he had given Kate and it wasn't even close to what the real assignment had been or what I had written.

Gary had deserved all that I gave him and more. The thing that kept bothering me was how Kate had gone for this bullshit song and dance from somebody she hardly knew. She hadn't said anything to me about it, later claiming that Gary had insisted that I really wanted to be surprised by it, to make it more realistic.

I had also found out that she had been with Gary on the shopping trip, while he had helped her pick out the dress, he had also helped himself to her. They had gone to his place and fucked for about two hours. When I found that out I was livid. Kate had wisely left for a 'walk' while I clamed down. When she got back we talked more about her fucking him at that time, and she had the reasoning that she just couldn't go as far as my alleged fantasy wanted her to go without at least having been intimate with one or more of the participants in it. I asked her if she had been with anyone else before that party and she refused to answer me.

Gary had used all of his considerable charm and persuasion to convince Kate to go through with the plan. I later found out that she had three of Gary's friends in addition to Gary himself. I heard that from an old classmate who had overheard them talking about my slut of a wife. I decided that deep down Kate had wanted to fuck around on me and I blew up and threw that in her face. Kate had been crying for what seemed days at that point, and even though it had been several months since the 'fantasy night' she still hadn't asked me the questions or said the things that I expected to hear. No 'I'm Sorry', no, 'I was wrong', not one single statement that she was contrite or unhappy with what she had done with those men.

Then one day, after the meeting I had with Gary that night that put him in the hospital, I decided to not go back to see Kate until she contacted me. I spent the weekend at my apartment near school, and once in a while, when I started to feel a weakness to go to her, I would pop in a video of the ten that Gary had given me. I saw Kate having sex with different men, groups of men, women, and all kinds of combinations. She had been very busy for those four days and nights.

As I would watch those tapes my anger would surface, and pretty soon I started to drink heavily. I hadn't seen Kate for over one week, when Friday night there was a knock on my door. When I opened it up to see that it was Kate was standing there, suitcase in hand!

"What the hell do you want slut? Come here to tie me up and force me to watch you have a gangbang again? Do you want to watch me suffer some more while you have fun? Why did you come here?"

I was a little drunk already, and my anger surfaced fast when I saw whom it was. My frustration of my current situation, and the frustration of lack of sex had driven me to a place I had never been before. The look on her face was one that I didn't expect. She smiled at me and cheerfully ignored my 'greeting'.

"I was in the neighborhood, and thought that I would pop in for a bit! Do you have room here for an overnight guest? I won't take up much room, honest."

I was flabbergasted. How could she think that I would let her in let alone let her stay the night with me? I ended up letting her into my apartment. She set her suitcase down in my bedroom, then came out and poured herself a drink.

"Missed me?"

She was being friendly and bright, like she had been on a trip home and none of the last few months had ever happened. I just looked at her, trying to understand what she was doing. My anger had dissipated and since I couldn't just figure out what was going on I decided to play along for a bit to see what she had in mind.

"No, I haven't. I have been busy with schoolwork and working. Since I am paying for two places I have had to get a job to keep myself in school. I am thinking that all of that will be changing soon though." I dug at her confidence and hoped to break her down. I still wanted to hear the 'I'm sorry', or something along those lines, so I was going to play along, but not to her rules.

"Oh, I thought that it must be something like that, since you hadn't come home at all for awhile. How is school going anyway, still getting good grades?"

I couldn't believe this! She was going to go on in this vein until I either got real mad or gave up. I wanted to strangle her for an instant. I finally just blurted out what was on my mind.

"Why haven't you told me you are sorry, or that you were terribly wrong for doing what you did? You have never taken any responsibility for that night or the four nights that followed. You had been unfaithful to me in the most disturbing way a wife could be and you seemingly don't give a shit about how I felt or how I am feeling right now! Matter of fact I'll bet you have been getting fucked on a regular basis too, haven't you?"

She looked at me and her eyes got larger, soon those eyes filled with tears. She buried her head in her hands, and wept silently for ten minutes or so. I left the room and went into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. I had decided at that particular moment not to drink any more. I realized that I had let what she had done to us, to me; take away from the life I needed to live. I knew now that whether or not we stayed together, I would never drink again in anger, sadness, or for any other reason other than a social drink or toast. I had a flash of me, drunk in the street like some homeless bum, and nothing to show for the hard work I had put in at school and work.

I brought her a cup of coffee; taking the drink she had poured herself away. She took the coffee from me and looked up at me, into my eyes.

"Jim, I still love you, and I still need you. Please let this go and come back to me."

I was stunned. How could she think that it would be so simple to get our lives back together and go on? How could she be so damned confident that I would forgive and forget, when she hadn't given any explanation, or apology for what she had mistakenly done to me, to us? How could I ever forgive her for letting herself be led by some creep to the point of obviously enjoying fucking other men in a gangbang in front of a tied up helpless husband? I had a lot of questions, and she had done nothing to answer anything at all.

"I am still waiting to hear you ask me something, and for you to say something to me, before I can even begin to start a 'new beginning' with you Kate. So far you have not said or done anything to convince me to even try to continue with our relationship, so what I do in the future, as far as you are concerned depends entirely on you Kate."

She looked at me, set her coffee down and then turned away from me. She was deep in thought for a minute or two, then she turned back to look into my eyes.

"I know that what I did was so wrong. I also know that you think that I owe you an apology. I know that I was pulled into a plot to fulfill a sick fantasy of Gary's, not yours. I also know that any apology from me would be just empty words on deaf ears. Jim, I have always loved you more than you probably can imagine. I let myself be convinced that what Gary told me was true, and you had been so in love with me that you hid those fantasies from me so that you wouldn't hurt my feelings. I now know that it was a terrible lie to me and that I was used for five days or so, and you knew nothing about what Gary had talked me into. What I did was wrong, very wrong, and I am sorry that I put you through it. What Gary did was even more wrong, and I am sure that your assault on him was your way of evening up things. Are you going to beat me now too? Will that make everything O.K. with you? If you want you can hit me all you want, just remember that I still love you, I have only loved you, and I always will love you, only you Jim! I can't erase what has happened, and I can't make you forget, nor can I make you forgive me Jim. I want to be with you, I want this to all go away. How can we get over this?"

I was overwhelmed. Why hadn't she done this months ago? I felt a burden begin to lift, just ever so much. There may be hope yet, but I knew that we had a long road ahead of us. I figured that I had to say something now to let her off the hook a little bit.

"Well, why did it take you so long to spit that out Kate? Why didn't you say this all months ago? What were you thinking?"

She had tears in her eyes and running down her cheeks.

"Jim, would you have heard me? Would you have listened? I knew that I could have said this then but, well, you still wouldn't have listened to what I was saying."

I was stopped from saying anything as I thought about what she had just said. She was right, I wouldn't have listened to her apology, I wouldn't have heard anything, because I was so wrapped up in what had happened that all I would have heard is a voice, and not the words I needed to hear!

"Well Kate, what do we do now? You have had other men. Men with different cocks. Men with different 'styles'. You seemed to enjoy what you did from the start. You seemed to get off on my helplessness. You did things that I would never have imagined you doing with me, let alone with so many men, all at once. Where do we go from here? Any ideas as to how we start off again? Will you be able to handle my possible lack of wanting sex with you? What if I can't perform any more? How can you erase the images in my mind? How can you tell me that you didn't enjoy those four days, with all of those men? I have the tapes, ten of them; I have seen you in action. You really enjoyed what you did with them didn't you?"

Kate had turned white at the mention of the tapes. I suddenly remembered that she wasn't aware that I had video proof of her four-day gangbang. She shuddered and started to cry again, even harder than before. She took the offered box of tissue, and didn't say anything for a few minutes. I was getting tired and wanted to go to bed. This talking hadn't taken us anywhere, still.

"Look Kate, I am tired and I am going to go to bed. We will talk tomorrow if you want. I'll get you some blankets, and you can sleep on the couch."

She looked at me with tears pouring down her face. I knew she wanted to sleep in bed with me. I knew that she wanted me to take her in my arms and tell her everything would be all right. I knew that she loved me still, and yes, I still loved her. I had those images in my head. Images of her being fucked and used hard. Images of a whore loving the men using her. I just couldn't bring myself to offer her anything other than the couch tonight.

I went to bed and fell asleep, eventually. I heard her fixing up the couch, and the last thing I remember was the light being turned off in the living room. Sometime, in the middle of the night, I woke up and had to pee. As I went down the hallway, I could hear Kate stirring around. She was not asleep. I went to the bathroom, and then I went back to bed. A few minutes later I heard her come to the door of my bedroom.