by Homer Vargas
[Acknowledgement of inspiration to CDE and John Feer]
I just cannot understand why Diana has so many "accidents" since she has become my wife. Before, she never... I guess that's confusing, so let me start over.
My name is Steve and I'm a retired military officer. For copyright reasons, I can't tell you my last name or Diana's maiden name. I had been in love with Diana for many years before she finally and suddenly accepted my long-standing proposal of marriage. Besides the length of our courtship, starting back during WWII, there is nothing too unusual about that. What's unusual is that Diana, although I didn't know that was her name at the time, is a superheroine. I can't be too explicit, except to say she's a woman who is wonderfully stacked, wears a skimpy star-spangled costume, and goes around saving the world.
Well, I actually do a good bit of the saving, but she always gets the credit. I think the TV crews just love to zoom in on those DD boobs as she hands the mad scientist, alien monster, or political terrorist over to the authorities. Take the caper just before we married.
Something, a meteorite supposedly, had crashed into a remote ranching area out west. Soon reports began arriving of women in the area being molested by some sort of creature. International Defense Intelligence Agency sent me and the superheroine I loved to investigate. I interviewed the women while she scoured the area for the spaceship, for that's what IDIA now thought it was.
The stories I got from the women were all similarly vague. A creature, described always as large, dark, and humanoid, attacked women when they were alone. The descriptions of the creature were all pretty disgusting - snouts, multiple limbs - but the women didn't seen upset about the attack. None could remember much, but they got a kind of happy, dreamy look on their faces when they tried. Stranger still, several of the husbands pulled me aside later to tell me that since the "attack" their wives had been acting quite odd, not that they were complaining. Let me transcribe my notes of one typical statement:
"It's great, buddy! Suddenly Mary Jane wants to do it all the f_ _ _ ing time, I mean like EVERY DAY. And I used to have to threaten to let my mother move in with us to get a BJ; now she's turned into an addict. She loves to kneel there in front of me and suck on my rod. I swear, I think she orgasms just from having it in her mouth. She doesn't get tired, but she does get so worked up that she just has to get f _ _ _ed. She begs me for it. And before she would never let me eat her; now she can't get enough of that, either, except she gets so worked up and wants me to... like I said."
"Hell, she wants sex so bad all the time I've been able to get her to act more like a woman, like ditching all those goddamned pantyhose and ordering a bunch of sexy stockings and bras from the mail-order catalogue. And I've got her actually wearing the sexy pajamas I've been buying her for Valentine's day and anniversary since we married. When we go out square dancin' she wears skirts short enough to make my buddies envious, and around home, she just runs around in scanties."
"But the best thing, and this was her idea, she says she's going let me knock her up again, like I've been wantin' to ever since our youngest went off to school. From the first time we f_ _ _ ed after the attack, she didn't make me wear a condom. She's promised to quit her job at the bank and stay home raisin' me a whole second family."
I just hoped the maternity ward in the little community hospital could handle the business!
I finished the interviews in less than a day but Diana hadn't come back to the Hotel, (separate rooms <sigh>), so I went looking for her. I had a device that homed in on her invisible plane and found it near the mouth of a cave. Nearby I saw the remains of the crashed alien spacecraft, cleverly disguised to look like the remains of a weather balloon. As I approached, I though I heard the sounds of a struggle. Entering the cave I saw Diana in combat with a large dark humanoid opponent. I smiled to see she had the best of him. He was on his back and Diana was banging her self up and down on his abdomen, crying out "Yes! Yes, you monster. Like that." She was apparently trying to knock the wind out of him and was pleased with the way things were going. I noticed that in the struggle, her top had come off and I got my first peek at those twin mountains I'd been dreaming about.
Unfortunately just at that moment, the creature gained the upper hand, somehow being able to flip Diana over so that he was now on top. I was now able to see his advantage. Besides two strong arms he had two tentacles growing from his chest and he was using them to torment poor Diana's breasts. Worse, I hadn't noticed when he did it but he had gotten yet another tentacle in her, er, feminine parts. The pain must have been terrible for Diana was incoherent, screaming, "Oh, no, not my tits! Uuuuuh! Great Hera you're big. You're splitting me in two. AHHHH!"
I saw my poor Diana suffering terribly, but I could do nothing. She was flailing her head from side to side and moaning so that I couldn't get off a clear shot. Then the creature went rigid shuddered and threw himself down onto Diana, letting out an ear-splitting roar. Whatever he did must have hurt Diana, too, for she screamed too and passed out. The creature remained on her for a few minutes and then crawled off, a huge satisfied smile on his disgusting face. I incinerated him instantly with a blast from my IADI-issue laser pistol.
Diana was still only half conscious when I got her back to the hotel and cleaned off gob and gobs of a sticky blue goo that the monster had leaked all over her. There even seemed to be some in her er, feminine parts, because after cleaning her up, more kept oozing out and running down her leg. Strangely while she was unconscious, she had a little smile on her face, maybe because she realized she was safe with me. Stranger still was her reaction when she regained consciousness and I told her about killing the monster. She must have still been in some kind of shock, because she broke down, sobbing, "But he was so good, so big. He was the best!" It was almost as if she had lost a lover.
She soon came to her senses, however, and several weeks later Diana, my secretary, who had always been IDIA's contact with its resident superheroine, had a message from her for me. "She has surprise for you, if you'd like to meet her at my house for a drink after work." Since I knew Diana was a respectable woman and nothing untoward would happen, I accepted. When we arrived and closed the door, Diana gave a little twirl and suddenly, there was the woman, the superheroine I loved. Giggling like a schoolgirl, Diana explained that she and my superheroine heartthrob were one and the same woman. "I'm the surprise." That was when she told me that after that last rescue, she had thought it over and had decided to marry me, "And let you take care of me all the time, darling."
I was so happy that I got a little carried away drinking wine and, I'm ashamed to admit, we wound up having sex that night even though we were not married yet. At least I guess that's what happened. The last I remember Diana and I were in bed and she pulled down her star spangled tights and let me worship her, er, feminine parts. The next morning she told me I had been wonderful, but that we mustn't do it again until the honeymoon. I agreed that was the proper thing, but I did wish I had been able to remember doing the improper thing for the first time.
I'd barely moved in with her, a surprisingly large house for her salary as a secretary, and started planning the wedding, when Diana had another surprise for me. "Darling, we're going to he hearing the pitter-patter-putter of little feet around here!" she told me. I was a little confused, wondering if it was possible to make Diana pregnant on just one night when I couldn't even remember "doing it." But Diana was so happy, I had to be happy for her too. I remembered the night we made love the first time (I guess) she had told me she wanted to have lots of little ones and that I'd better like being married to a pregnant woman, because that's how she was going to stay. I liked the idea, I just never expected it to start so soon.
Diana still insisted that she should "save herself" (at least what was left) for me until the wedding so we couldn't have sex, but that oral sex, at least me licking her, er, feminine parts didn't count. I pointed out that a US President had said that blowjobs don't count as sex either, but Diana was adamant that good girls didn't do that until after they were married. (Unfortunately, I later discovered she believes that decent wives don't do it either, at least not with their husbands.)
I think this was about the time things really started to get weird. My fiancée was still very much the superheroine, flying off thither and yon, leaving me to take care of the house and wedding arrangements. But whereas before she was always successful in her exploits, now she came staggering home defeated time and again. She admitted that when she faced a criminal, or terrorist, or alien life form, more often than not, she wound up with some sort of male organ in her. She said that my being there to soothe her poor battered, er, feminine parts with my tongue showed how much I loved her and made her love me all the more.
Eventually, I began to suspect that the sexual abuse by her opponents wasn't exactly involuntary. "OK, it's the pregnancy, darling. Just thinking about having an offspring inside me makes me horny all the time. As soon as some villain pats my toosh or squeezes a tit or slides a finger or tentacle into my, er, feminine parts, I just get so ...