Dearest Miss Vanderham,

The words we spoke today ripped my heart from my chest. I'm still numb inside knowing we almost said...

... goodbye.

I'm confused and angry when I realize how much we've changed, never mind the effect it has on me when a certain somebody start scolding me like I'm a stupid little child. You know you advantage of how I respond to it, as you very well know - you naughty naughty girl!

But, seriously, Our fight has my tummy in knots and I'm not sure I can do what you asked of me. I've really thought a lot this afternoon about your accusing me of playing dumb , and I want you to know that I'm really not pretending! I really don't get a lot of what stuff people are saying most of the time, despite my ability to fool most people into believing I do. I guess you just spot real me who's a phony stupid fool, or maybe I feel such love for you, it makes me stupid. Don't laugh, it happens. Like in school, remember? I wish I could tell if you're really upset when I don't understand what your saying, or if your just egging me on, or secretly even like my "dumb act" little bit, thought it's not an act - REALLY!!!!

I also want you to know that you, my lovely Lynn, you are all I live for - and even though it makes me angry when you call me names, it makes me angrier at myself for knowing how right you are and how steamy I get inside when I can't seem to stop from proving what a dumb little air head I become around you, tagging along behind you!

Whether or not your calling me "dummy" arouses me doesn't matter, it's the simple fact you DO that makes me dream of you. And I hope you respect me more than the other silly students you make jokes about. That's why what you proposed today after school threw me a little, and the way you didn't even hide your mocking expression when you asked...

... made me feel ugly and cold inside. I'm sorry, but it did. Why Lynn? You know my feelings and vulnerabilities. Why must you ask such... CRUEL... things???

Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just a bit emotional after last period, on the lawn, behind the classroom. That was risky and we'd better watch it. If someone had caught us -

Well, let's not go there! (nervous shudder)

>From the first day we met you knew you were the one - the ONLY one for me - (warm smile)!!! Despite all the fights and my screw ups I cause, you are still my best friend, or kinda like my mom or older sister, always there to fix things, dry my tears, and tickle my secret places. (I think you know which ones Miss Vanderham!) I don't care about the age difference, your still the best thing that's ever happened to me! I can't bear the thought of losing my secret "after school lover" - just because you're being such a meany! I mean, are you serious? You'd really break up with me, over some silly school girl outfit? Why should this be so important? I think you know I loath wearing things during our love making that make me feel self conscious, and that would look stupid on me anyways! This is what you asked of me that caused such a fuss and nearly ripped my heart from my chest - knowing you'd ask me to do something which I find demeaning and humiliating just to punish me. This is such a silly power game between us! Lynn honey - for GOD'S SAKE - Let's STOP before someone GETS HURT !!!!

Honey, can't you see these hurtful jokes you make about my being "so stupid and horny my little cunny will eventually go along with it" are killing me and could ruin all we have! Making mocking jokes like these to people at school, and even other students??? Are you trying to get us caught? Shocking students with rumors, like your insistence on my donning this symbolic piece of clothing your placing such a angry focus on is not only just plain stupid, let alone dangerous!!!! Lynn my love, you playing with dynamite...

Do you want us to be pulled apart???? For your own teacher to go to jail just to prove her love for you????

Knowing you'd be willing to risk everything over some silly little "bedroom game" makes me sick with worry and is tearing me apart. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe it's because you're getting tired of me. Maybe. I just worry you're trying to hurt or demean me by asking me to assume that role, even in our private little bedroom games together. I guess It just... hurts. We both know how much you hate those little school girl uniforms and look down on your fellow students for being made to wear them.

Is that what it's about? Reducing me to the level of one of your peers? Is this why you're doing this? When you feel some area in our life that makes me squirm, you eyes light up and start teasing me to tears with it, and I beg you to stop but my body responds and you use that as a club over my head. I don't know why it responds, but maybe you're right. Maybe that's why I'm stupid little fool for falling madly and hopelessly in love with my own student. Maybe I am a bimbo, but I'm sorry. I'm not a schoolgirl and don't deserve to be humbled into dressing up as one.

I wish there was some way to get you to understand the loyalty I feel for you in the depths of my heart and to make you see that I'd do anything for you. Anything short of this one stubborn pig-headed request of yours...

Unless...

I'd be willing to reconsider, IF you'd just... commit. Run away from home and MOVE IN with me!!!!!

I'd wear a dozen school girl uniforms and degrade myself by sucking off all my boy and girl students in my class IF... you'd move in with me. Yes, it means that much. I know you just get angry when I bring it up, but it's all I live for. The two of us alone, together - finally free!!!! All the memories we've shared and all the memories we've made, I'd easily trade if you'd grant me this one request - I'd happily parade around in any and every sexually demeaning obscene pornographic perverted display that mocks my professional position and personal self respect, all served up just to humiliate and mortify your once proud and prissy little teacher!

But, let me ask you something? Can you honestly tell me our trust wouldn't be forever damaged by my hurt and anger towards you if I agreed to all that? There's a CATCH to what your asking me to risk by doing as you asked. Yes, the thrill of getting caught IS exciting, but the fact I could be pulled away from you by the authorities would make me grow cold inside toward you. And, even if we got away with me dressing up between classes and my parading around before next class. What then? Would you lose respect for me if it all blows up? Have you all ready? Would I prove myself as stupid and pathetic as you say by agreeing to it, only to have you run away and leave me fired, in jail and worst of all, with a broken heart just to humble me?

TWO WEEKS LATER...

Well, here we age again. I'm just a stupid little fuck bunny idiot, aren't I? I did exactly as you asked and wore the stupid thing and proved myself every bit as dumb and sexually horny as you said!!!

But, what happened?

You said you'd seriously consider MY feelings about the "big move" into my place. I could feel your anger underneath, but I proudly dressed up did as you asked, I was SO touched you'd meet me half way! You said your parents wouldn't be a problem. Are you sure they aren't suspicious? Not even your little sister? She must have told them something after what she saw! Jesus, I nearly fainted when I saw her standing there, watching us like that!

Why do I keep getting so worked up and frustrated into tears arguing with you, when I only keep proving I'm as worthless as you laughable as you claim? Okay, let's get to the point, Princess: Teacher DID as you asked. It doesn't matter how much I got "into it" after the fact, I did it for your pleasure! So, why haven't you moved in? You implied you'd be over by Monday, right? Did I miss understand? Am I going nuts???? Did I do something wrong? Was I not sexy as a "punished little school girl" on Sunday night? Did I fail to please your little sister and her friend? They seemed to enjoy it, right? I've never gave "oral delights" to someone so young, other than yourself, before, so I may not me very skilled at it! And I can't believe it was as "safe" as you claimed, that the boy your sister brought over didn't need some sort of protection, as I took his bare "thing" in my, well, you know. I mean, there are these diseases some kids have now days, aren't there? I washed my mouth afterwards, It seemed very un responsible to me not to insist on some protection before agreeing to... you know. That's all. But, you know best. I wish we didn't have to involve other "younger people" in our little love games, as these two youngsters could talk. Lynn honey, I hope you trust them.

It's one thing to be emotionally vulnerable and sexually stupid to you. I barely even know your little sister, and I don't even remember the name of the little punk who shot ropes of messy male "stuff" all over my darned white school girl blouse and jumper! He made a terrible mess! Lynn, honey... I'm frightened! I'm supposed to be a trained teacher and responsible adult here, and I DO care about my job and students, but you'd never know that watching me getting rug burns on my knees last Sunday night in your bed room with my head burrowing up your sister skirt!

Lynn, I never came so hard in my life, but - my whole world's turning upside down! Honey, I could hear your PARENTS in the next room laughing and watching TV for God's sake! We were THAT CLOSE to ruin, and I felt like a teenager, myself! Do you think they really bought that I was helping you with your homework? I wish you'd have let me come up with something more believable, especially with that raincoat that covered my "school girl" uniform! I mean, you snuck me out the back window, I didn't even say goodbye!

This is out of control! Lynn, I love you more than my own life... but if we are discovered, we'll lose each other. They'd spilt us up - and send me away! Do you relate to that? Do I? Apparently not - not when I'm munching off your sister and fumbling with the penis of her horny little pimpled friend from across the street!!!! I'm on dangerous ground here, and you know where it's going If someone doesn't stop us.

I'm even more afraid that the more worthless you and your little friends make me, the more I feel truly loved excited and alive the more pathetic you make me feel.

ONE WEEK LATER...

Please don't throw all we share together away over insisting I interview and weed through the "emotionally vulnerable" teaching assistants I oversee, just so you'll know which are most likely to sleep with you. That disgusts me, it really does! Lynn! Yes, your roughly whispering it into my ear last night made me climax into your vagina hard, but there are some things that are just too far. Too much. It's morally wrong to coerce those who are assisting in my class by implying they'll be fired if they don't "go along", and I could lose my job as a teacher. You know they're not doing it for the sex if we blackmail them into our little games, don't you? I don't mean to take a "tone" with you, as it's not my place. I've been too mouthy as it is, I know!

But... there has been too much ugliness lately. Too much of me acting just as dumb as you keep daring me too. I know, it thrills me, too. I won't say seeing how far you'll push me hasn't been a rush, but there are LIMITS!!!! You say with each line we cross, I prove I'm so aroused I deserve whatever hell it brings.

Maybe you're right. I don't know.

But I need to see you smile at me sometimes. I need to see you look deep in to my eyes and tell me that you love me too. I can't express how I long to feel your strong little arms around me and I need to feel your pounding heart beat against mine. Wasn't getting my assistant Peggy to come over enough, let alone my being the perfect little bimbo once again in that silly demeaning uniform! Didn't I prove my loyalty by going that far? It took some convincing, I can tell you! Peggy is a smart girl, and you know she doesn't like you. But she really is respects me and would do anything for my recommendation into a decent college!

I think you know how difficult last night was for both Peggy and I. Doesn't the dried cum and sweaty itchy material of my jumper and blouse you insisted I not wash prove my love? Doesn't the way I crawled over and huddled behind your bedroom door, which you smirking face refused to lock, terrifying our getting caught further mean anything? Did it please you watching me getting once again proudly forcing on that dirty sticky smelly school girl outfit once again?

Doesn't the position that I awkwardly held for your amusement, perched on my heels with my blouse displayed open, while you rode away selfishly across my face, didn't that mean anything? Does all this just prove I'm a fucking moron who will do anything for you? Are you laughing at me, or somewhere inside is my Lynn deeply moved and too tough to show it? Or is my favorite student just seeing how far I'll keep following her poor sad teacher will march towards the edge? Do you think it didn't break little Peggy's heart, snapping pictures like that? Taking part in degrading a woman she respected only a few hours before? I have no idea how or WHAT I'll say to her tomorrow, and I can only pray she never suspects how much more a willing participant I was that I let on. Thankfully she'll never know the way my own student privately taunts me afterward by mockingly recalling the whole episode in my ear while her sweet fingers wander my warm inside, cruelly reminding me of how I betrayed my own sweet little Peggy and secretly orgasm like a shameful little slut in front of her that night?

THE NEXT DAY...

Dear Miss Stubborn,

I can't believe you, holding out on me!!! It drives me nuts to sit only a few feet from you every day as if everything's normal. Peggy is a mess. But, the weird little smirks you give me make it all worth it. It's awful what were putting her through, isn't it? I hate what we're doing, but I cant stop! Life without you doing these things to me would be unbearable. From now on I'm really going to try to meet you in the middle on things. I'll work to bring Peggy in line a lot more. And, you are right! My teacher act has always been just that! No matter what I say or how much I go on about "us", I'm just... well... somebody's "stupid little fuck bunny".

I hate using those words, but I know admitting It makes you giggle. You know my scrunched up face and sweet tears of humiliation are total proof that no matter how much I bellyache about suffering, Lynn's "little fuck bunny" keep coming back for more, doesn't she??? And it turns my sexy naughty little student on, doesn't it? Well, then I'll proudly suffer for you.

Even Peggy exploded about it in tears of fury when I drove her home last night! She had seen through my empty little speech about how, if she'd just clean up the excess of the neighborhood boy's "spillage", and help warm you up with her tongue before I start my nightly duties, then I would really, truly do what I could about that college situation for her. Peggy started screaming and sending me into a silent guilty thrill when she disgustedly described how it sickens her to be forced to witness my Cummins and bucking under your cruel and attentive fingers.

Peggy got out of my car and looked straight at me, asking if I found any of this arousing? Did I "get off" on the whole thing? She looked straight at me, and I looked down, hands trembling. The pause was awkward, and her expression fell apart, as she called me a "fucking pervert" who's just as sick as you are, and then our Peggy said she NEVER wanted to see EITHER of us again!

It was quite ugly, and we both broke down in tears, but I still couldn't bring myself to say anything. To say it wasn't true. plead for her forgiveness. I was just silent. I was too ashamed her disgust was turning me on! The pure hatred her face as she slammed my car door and stormed away made me ill, and hate myself further as I sunk even lower into a hazy erotic fog, masturbating in her driveway. I couldn't to brag to you about it, and how proud you'd be I betrayed and hurt my teaching assistant's feelings so mercilessly! It's like each mortifying perversity I sink to only brings us closer together!