Chapter 4

"You don't have to explain, Susan. We are adults and I think we should be able to handle it. You know I love my sister very much and if the two of you are happy together, I'm happy."

"Please, I need to do this. I need to pick up the pieces and sort out my life. I've been keeping a lot of things to myself and maybe I should have faced it before, but... God, it's difficult. Your sister is the first person I've told and she--she made me realise that I have to, you know, get it out in the open and face it. I need you to know what happened. I need you to understand."

Martin could tell from the look on her face that this was no time to joke about their break. This was not about her and him; it was about her--her and perhaps Sis.

"Okay, Susan. But don't feel you have to explain because of me. I know from Sis how hard it can be to suddenly wake up and be different."

Susan sighed, took a deep breath and opened her mouth as if she would say something, but nothing came out. After a couple of deep inhalations she tried again.

"When I was fifteen, Dad walked out on us. He'd found a younger woman and followed her to the other side of the world, literally: they moved to Australia. You already know that. You also know that Mum had a nervous breakdown and I moved in with my sister and brother-in-law, Conrad."

Martin nodded.

"At first everything was fine. Conrad was so nice to me. He always told me how pretty I was, he bought me nice clothes, and treated me like a princess. I guess I was flattered by all the attention he was giving me. He behaved so different from the boys I knew."

"I don't really know how it went from there, but all of a sudden Conrad wanted something in return. He had plenty of reasons and he was so convincing: I owed it to him because he let me stay with them, my sister was unwilling in bed after I'd moved in, I'd been leading him on and flirting with him, and so on. In the beginning he wanted to teach me how to have oral sex. I... didn't like the taste of his cum, but he forced me to taste it and later swallow it. I couldn't say no. I believed him. I believed that I'd encouraged him."

"Why didn't you tell your sister?"

"My sister and I have never been close and I was afraid she would believe her husband and not me. Besides, it was my fault. He'd made me feel it was me, wanting it. I... I was ashamed. Even now I..."

"Jesus, Susan. He used you."

"I can see that now but back then... I was different. I was venerable."

"Did he force you to blow him all the time you lived with them?"

"That was only the beginning. He kept telling me that I was beautiful and sexy and all. He was so good at making me feel loved when my sister was around, but he became more and more demanding when we were alone. With my sister being a nurse it happened pretty frequently. I wasn't on the pill, so he decided that it was a good idea to teach me another way to avoid pregnancy. It hurt so badly the first time. I was completely unprepared and he just forced his cock into me. He sodomised me."

Susan had to stop and inhale deeply a couple of times to regain control of her voice. Martin felt it was best not to interrupt her.

"After the first time I went to the doctor and got on the pill. I... I asked Conrad to deflower me the next day. I'd thought that the first time was going to be romantic and with someone I really loved."