Chapter 59

I stood at the sink, I was close to crying myself. It was such a terrible thing I'd done to this innocent young woman. Before I'd come along, she'd been perfectly happy with her own little life. Then I seduce her, use her body, turn her into a nymphomaniac and cause her to fall in love with me. Oh God what a mess! I busied myself with the washing-up leaving Lena to calm down a little before I went back upstairs. I wasn't looking forward to having to say goodbye to her, not the way things stood between us. It was going to be difficult at work, I'd be bumping in to her almost every day. There were going to be a lot of awkward silences in the coming weeks.

I'd finished the dishes and was drying my hands when Lena appeared in the kitchen. She was fully dressed, and was sort of half smiling,

as if she was trying to stop herself from crying again. I dropped the dishcloth by the sink and went over and embraced her. I held her tight and she hugged me back. She spoke gently in my ear and said, "I'm really sorry Ann, I shouldn't have said that. I was just being silly. To think that a beautiful woman like you could love a fat thing like me, it was stupid. I hope we can still be friends, and any time... you know, you feel like you want to have sex with me, you can. I'll still want you Ann."

I pulled back and looked at her, her eyes were red from crying, I felt so wretched about what had happened between us. I said, "Don't worry honey, I still like you, I still want you. I'll always be attracted to you. And if you are really sure about it, then I'd love us to continue having sex. We won't be able to do much at work, not with those security guys on patrol, will we? Perhaps you could come here, or I could come to your place, we'll sort something out, just don't worry OK?" Lena broke away and went to the front door, and said, " OK Ann, that's fine with me. I'd better get going now. I'll see you at work tomorrow then."

We kissed at the door, I could have gone further, I knew that I could have done anything with her.If I'd opened my dressing gown and told her to go down on me there and then, she would have done so without any hesitation. But there was a danger that in her heightened and fragile emotional state that she might have thought that I was having second thoughts about my feelings for her. I gave her another peck on the cheek and opened the front door. This was a turning point for us. I'm sure that she was hoping that at the last moment I would buckle and ask her to stay the night.

A look of deep sadness clouded her face as she turned and walked down the path. I waved and she half-heartedly waved back. I closed the door and leant against the wall, I felt awful. I felt bad for Lena and I felt worse about myself. How was I going to keep lust and love separate? I wanted sexual gratification, just that, nothing more. Others, it seemed wanted something more profound, something lasting. I'd have to pick my partners more carefully in future, but just how was I to tell who would be happy with superficial sex, and who would want more.

It was a sobering thought that if there was one woman I could have fallen in love with, it was Lena. Out of all the women I've had in my bed, Lena was the one I felt closest to, the most relaxed with and the most excited by. I found myself wanting to be with her, actually missing her. Could this be love? I'd never been in love, real love before, and not with a woman. Was this what it felt like, could I be falling for her? These thoughts and the state I'd left poor Lena in, kept me awake all night. By the time I had to get up for work the next morning I was shattered.

Without actually trying to avoid each other, Lena and I didn't meet during the next two days. I spoke to her several times on the phone, mostly about work related things, but once or twice, we'd talk about our 'affair'. She continued to apologise and stress that she still wanted us to be lovers, but with no strings attached. This suited me fine, but I realised it was going to be agony for Lena, thinking that every time we screwed, I'd have a change of heart and confess undying love for her. What troubled me was that perhaps she was right. The more I had sex with her the stronger my feelings for her might become. Falling in love with Lena would be disastrous for us both. I wouldn't be able to stay faithful to her, my sexual drive would have screwing another man or woman in no time. It would break her heart and it would sadden me to hurt her so deeply. I was confused, I wanted her so much, but only on my terms, oh Jesus what a fucking nightmare!

The week for me was over the next day. I'd worked hard and put in an extra day to clear some of the backlog of mortgage accounts that had been piling up on my desk. Now it was Thursday, no more work until Monday. I could spend time at home trying to get some kind of hold on this situation. That afternoon, there was some internal mail in my pigeonhole. One unusually large envelope intrigued me. Opening it, I found a large A3 photocopy. It was of a woman's arse and pussy. It was instantly recognisable as Lena's, the huge jutting clit was a dead give-away. She had obviously sat on the photocopier with her knockers down, and photocopied her crotch. There was a hand written note along the bottom edge of the picture, it said

' So that you don't forget what you are missing' and in the middle of the image an arrow pointed to her clit and she'd written 'Lick Here'

Vivid thoughts of my face between her legs instantly filled my mind, and my panty liner was suddenly drenched. My instant reaction was to fly up those stairs to her office, lock the door and fuck her hard and fast over her desk. I pushed the photocopy back in to the envelope and tucked it at the back of a desk drawer. I sent Lena an e-mail thanking her for the photocopy and wishing her a good weekend, then I nipped in to the ladies to change my liner. I couldn't resist the urge to frig myself, but after several minutes of slow gentle rubbing of my clit, I only managed a half-hearted orgasm. Images of Lena's miserable face prevented me from enjoying it fully. I popped in to Brian Dodd's office and told him I was off home. He thanked me for the extra time I'd put in. I'd just got to the main door, having said my goodbyes to the other staff, when I heard Lena call my name. I froze with my hand on the door handle, suddenly I was terrified she was going to cause a scene in front of the staff and customers.