Chapter 24: Commitment

After returning from the river island, Simon led Arabella to the showers near the tent that they shared. Under a steady stream of warm water, they tenderly bathed and caressed each other.

As Simon ran the washcloth over her back he held her close and whispered in her ear, "Are you happy?"

She was taken aback slightly and, thinking that he was inviting more sex, she pressed her butt against his soapy groin. "Sure. I'm always happy to feel your dick in the crack of my ass. I'm just a little tired, that's all."

Holding her hips steady, he pressed his point. "No, I mean happy overall. Content. With the way things are with us. With the way things were. Before."

Simon moved his hands to her shoulders, holding her so that she couldn't turn around and see his face. He shivered slightly despite the shower of warm water. Simon took a deep breath and started.

"I don't know any other way to do this, so I'll just come out and say it. I want you to come back home with me, but I'm not sure that I can live the way we've been these last few months. I can live with swinging. Hell, I'm just as guilty as anyone when it comes to enjoying the parties we've had. But I need something more concrete. Some sort of commitment."

He felt Arabella's slender frame shudder but he drove ahead.

"I've got to know that I'll have someone that's thinking of me, someone that gives a rat's ass if I come home in one piece. I want you to be that person. I'm not trying to monopolize you or chain you down. I just want the last few days to go on forever. Just you and me. Nobody else to worry about."

He slid his arms from her shoulders and hugged her to his chest. "Knowing that you're mine, no matter where you are, is enough for me. Arabella, I'm trying to tell you that I love you and I want you to spend the rest of your life with me."

Having had his say, Simon let his arms drop. The hot water was running out and the bursts of cool water gave them both a chill. Arabella slapped at the handle and turned the shower off without speaking or moving away from Simon's embrace. The heat in the shower room seemed to disappear immediately, leaving them cool and clammy. Arabella, still facing the wall, reached up and wrung the water from her hair.

"What about me?" A shuddering sob wracked her body. "You want somebody to keep the home fires burning," her voice had a bitter edge to it. "What do I get? To sit in Staunton worried sick that you've moved on. Or are laying dead in a ditch somewhere. Where does your commitment leave me?"

She turned to face him, tears welling in her eyes. "I love you. But that's all I can give you right now."