Chapter 3

I had spent the rest of that weekend in a daze. Saturday afternoon when I got home, I immediately took off the clothes Gloria had sent me away in, and threw them into the garbage in the garage. I tried to sleep. Although I had not slept in a day and a half, I was still to upset. I wandered around the house, but couldn't seem to sit down. About 6:30 I ran some water for a bath. As I lay there I began to relax. When I moved I realized how sore I was. I think it was then that the shock wore off and the full import of what had happened hit me. I had been raped, not just raped but gang-raped. Not by strangers in some alley, but by friends, and neighbors, less than two blocks from my home.

Not knowing where to turn, or what to do I moved from the tub to my bed and eventually drifted off to sleep. When I woke up Sunday I was still in kind of a funk. It was a cold clear day and I forced myself to clean up around the house, etc. in preparation for my families return from Tom's parents. I thought about Friday night. That was the first time I had had sex with anyone other than my husband. I was ashamed to admit it but the worst part was the humiliation. The sex with the men had been degrading but... When Tom and the kids got there I tried to act cheerful and welcome them back. Karen immediately stated that she was going to run over to see Pete. I lost control. I yelled at her, told her that she was not going anywhere. Everyone stared at me, Karen looked shocked but said nothing.

Tom took me aside and asked me if I was alright. I said yes, there was nothing wrong. He went over to Karen and told her to wait until after dinner to leave. While she was gone I was scared silly. What would she find out over there? I did not know at the time if Pete or Chris knew what had happened to me, it was so crazy I did not know what to think.

The next few days went slowly. Tom repeatedly asked me what was wrong but I could not tell him. He could never understand. I know I was acting strangely but could not help myself. We tried to make love several times. Each time Tom would try to approach me I kept thinking about that Friday night. The one time we did make love I remember comparing his lovemaking to Craig's brutal intercourse. I didn't enjoy Tom that night at all. It was so cold so dispassionate, I think Tom finally got the message. 10 days later, about 7:00 one night I came down stairs and heard people talking in the living room. "What happened last weekend, she hasn't been the same since?" There was an edge on Tom's voice when he spoke. "She seemed all right Friday night when she left". That was Dave speaking, Gloria spoke up. "Steve and Marie Daniels left with her, they were going to drop her off since it was pretty late. I talked to Marie last week and she didn't mention anything". "Why don't we all get together Saturday? Maybe she's just depressed and a little get together will cheer her up." Tom agreed that that might be a good idea. Gloria mentioned that she would try and invite a few other people and would talk to Tom later in the week to set it up. I realized that if someone saw me standing here they would notice that I had been eavesdropping. I went on down into the living room. Gloria and Dave were there with Tom. Gloria smiled warmly and mentioned that since she hadn't heard from me in a while they thought they would stop by. I mumbled hello, and sat next to Tom. We sat and talked for about 45 minutes. Everything seemed so, so... normal. After they left I wondered if that night had really happened. I wanted to forget and they acted as if nothing had changed.

I tried to talk Tom out of going but he was adamant. Saturday morning came and I saw that I had no choice. I pretended to be sick, and that was not far from the truth but the kids were eager to leave and Tom seemed intent on dragging me there. I put on some jeans and a blouse and we left to walk over there. As we walked down the street I took stock of my family. Tom was 36, a fairly successful attorney and his practice was just beginning to come into its own. After some hard years it looked like he was in the process of becoming one of the most prominent local attorneys. He was 5'10", 175 lbs and stayed in great shape. I was extremely proud of him. When I married him I had misgivings. He was a wonderful person, extremely dependable and I knew he could take care of me but he was a little to staid, to damn dependable. I realized as I looked at him that I had made the right choice. I cared for him deeply and he was a wonderful husband and father. I looked at Karen my 14 year old. She was a sophomore in high school, well behaved and normally easy to handle. Many of my friends envied me because Karen and I seemed to have so few problems. Her figure had been developing faster than I wanted to see though, I worried about her. She went out with Pete, Gloria's 16 year old and I felt that he was to wild for her. Scott my 12 year old was skinny as a beanpole, a little awkward but he was moving out of the awkward stage and I was quite proud of him. Linda our youngest was 11, she was a little monster, I loved her dearly though, she was my favorite. Tom accused me of spoiling her. All in all I was extremely proud of my family.

I looked up and saw that we had almost reached Gloria's house. I was a little nervous but Tom had told me that we could leave after a little if I still didn't feel better. If he only knew!!! Dave met us at the door. Behind him stood Mona who had been Karen and Scott's 5th grade teacher. I heard voices in the living room and I saw Phil, Gloria's brother and a young women I didn't know. While Dave introduced me to Phil and his date (Denise). Mona took Tom off to the side and they appeared to be engaged in an earnest discussion. The kids disappeared upstairs. I realized that I was the only woman not wearing a skirt or a dress. Gloria came out of the kitchen, welcomed us and asked if Mona or I could give her a hand in the kitchen for a moment. Mona grabbed my hand and almost dragged me into the kitchen. Once there she placed her hand over my mouth while Gloria picked up a cup of some bright red sauce and splashed it on my white blouse. Gloria spoke loudly, "I'm terribly sorry". She went on for a moment while Mona relaxed her grip but kept a hand on my arm and quietly said. "Cooperate with me Joan and today will be fairly easy for you." Before I could answer Mona pulled me out of the kitchen, I tried to look embarrassed, not scared. I knew somehow that that was how they wanted me to act while Gloria announced how clumsy she was. Mona offered to take me home to change clothes, while Gloria continued to act sympathetic and apologize. The show was clearly for Tom's benefit. I understood from the pressure of Mona's fingers that I was to accept her offer. I did.