Part III - 2: Curiosity and the Cat

Joey's ideas worked better than any of us had expected. It took us another week before we figured out how to separate knowledge from memories. The key to that was a suggestion from Higgs.

"Tim," Higgs began, "from what I understand, you take it upon yourself to do all the work. Why don't you just let Joey and Suzi offer what they know when you need it, instead of you searching for it? It doesn't appear you can do it any easier than they can anyway."

"Well, sometimes they don't know they have it, but okay. If they don't give me anything back on their own, then that's when I'll go in and get it."

Strangely enough, I found that Joey could recall information better and faster than Suzi could. In fact, when I started working with other people, I didn't find another mind as fast as Joey's for a long time. Using today's computer terminology, Joey became like my primary cache because it was so much faster than other people's. Mine wasn't slow either, but his was a bit faster.

"Hey Joey," I said one day on the bus. "How come you don't use your brain like you could. You could really could have straight A's if you wanted too."

He turned to me and said, "But that isn't as fun."

I was a little disturbed with him dismissing his abilities away like that. That evening I was talking to Suzi over the phone about it.

"It's like all this time we thought he was not as smart as we were... well not really, but he could be so dumb sometimes, and as long as I have known him, he never has made an A in a subject. Come to think about it, he's never made a D or F either."

"Do you think he's doing it on purpose?" Suzi asked.

"I'm not sure. I could always peek in his head to find out, but I don't think he'd like that."

"No, he probably wouldn't. Maybe I could talk to him and see... "

"I'd rather you didn't. Even though he tried to act like it was a joke, he really didn't want me to talk about it any more. He might get upset if he knew I was talking to you about."

"Hmm. Okay. But I'm not going to hide it from him, you know."

"Yeah, I know. I not asking you to. Just don't bring the subject up unless he does. You know, I'm getting a little jealous of you... "

"Me? Why?"

"Joey is really in love with you. You're all he talks about. I've gone back to being just his best friend, and not something more. But really, that's okay. I'm just being a little selfish, I guess."

"Well, you know he still adores you. And he is always talking about you to me, so I think you may be wrong about him there. I even caught him staring at you the other day in English."

"Really? Okay, I could be wrong. Suz, I love you."

"I love you too. Oh... My brother's home. We have to watch what I say in case he starts to listen at my door again."

"Want me to fix him for ya?"

"No, that's okay. I think he gets off on what he thinks we do over the phone. Of course it's nothing compared to what we really do... "

"Yeah... Say, maybe if we let him in on it, he could drive us around and stuff."

"I'd rather not. It's safer with you and Joey living so far away. If we brought my brother into it, I don't know if I could resist messing around with him all the time. I'm pretty sure he couldn't resist."

"Yeah, I see what you mean. If it hadn't been for you, Joey and I probably would have been... well, you know."

"What? Bonking each other?"

"Yeah... But you saved us. I don't want to talk about this though. It gets me down to think how things could have turned out."

"Timmy, I'm glad you're not a homosexual, if that helps any."

"Heh. Shut up."

"Yes, master... "

"Huh?"

"Just kidding."

"You sick puppy," I said as I reached out to touch her mind. I started to tickle her.

"Ohh. Timmy... Stop!" she said between giggles. "My brother... "

"So? If he hears, I'll just make him tickle you too." But I stopped anyway.

"Don't DO that... You know tickling makes me have to go to the bathroom."

"Ohh yeah. Hey can I watch?"

"No way. Some things are still private."

"Awe! I'll let you feel me take a leak... "

"No Tim. Now disconnect, or I'll tell Joey you had a two way with me."

"All right. It's not like he wouldn't have understood or something. He knows how I like a good pee."

"You do? Well, maybe for your birthday I will let you, but not today. Now I gotta go. Love you."

"I love you too."

I sat back thinking of her birthday suggestion. My mind eventually wound back up thinking about Joey's mind though. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that he was acting dumb on purpose all these years. In first grade, he seemed to finish his work before anyone else. But everyone thought it was because he just didn't try to get it right since he made so many obvious mistakes.

Those obvious mistakes may actually have been deliberate. And later, Joey must have realized how to cover up his smarts better by slowing down and making less obvious errors. He was now so good at appearing to be a straight C student that he even had fooled me. At least until now.

The next day, I mentioned to Suzi I was going to talk with Joey during lunch so she wouldn't expect us. I managed to catch Joey before he entered the lunchroom, and talked him into having lunch with me in our room upstairs.

Once we were settled down and started to eat, I came right out with it.

"Joey, why have you been pretending you're not as smart as you really are?"

Joey looked at me in surprise, then I felt him put a barrier up between us. It wasn't anything I couldn't get around, but I didn't think he had done it intentionally so I stayed out of his head in any case.

"It's none of your business," Joey said darkly.

"Joey, come on. You're actually the smartest person I've ever met. But you purposely screw yourself up. Why? I just can't get this out of my head."

"I don't want to talk about it!" Joey said. "Leave me alone about it, or I'll... "

"I'm sorry, Joey. Okay, I give up. I won't force it from you either." I said, realizing he was really upset about this.

"You better not. You really don't wanna know anyway."

I could tell he was thinking about it, and it hurt just to do that.

I looked in his eyes, getting that familiar feeling, then started to try and comfort him. I really hurt. I almost broke the contact from the sorrow. I didn't know what it was caused by, but I knew why he didn't want to be reminded of it. He shuddered, then I realized he was going to cry. I had stirred up too many buried feelings.

We were sitting on the floor, so I just scooted over to him and hugged him as he started to bawl. I held him for what seemed like ten minutes while he cried. He finally settled down, hiccuping like people do after they cry.

"I'm sorry," I said for the tenth time. "I didn't know it made it you feel so bad."

"I guess," he said sniffing, "you might as well know it now."

"You don't have to put yourself through that again. I can live without knowing."

"No. I think I want to tell you. I have never told anyone, but I want to now."

I stayed silent, still holding him. I had my back against the couch with him laying against me sideways and moved to get a little more comfortable. I motioned for us to get on the couch, so we got up off the floor and sat down next to each other on the cushions.

Before he could start having second thoughts about it, he began.

"When I was real little, I had an older sister, Sarah. She was great. I used to sometimes call her mommy by accident. She was eight years older than I was, and she was a straight A student at a special school for gifted children. I was four years old when she graduated high school. She wanted to become a doctor, so the next year, she went away to college. She was only twelve... "

Joey stopped and wiped the tears away, which were quickly replaced by new ones. "We never saw her again. She disappeared. My mom got a call from the school... " He stopped again and started to blubber again.

I grabbed hold of him and pulled him with me as I laid down. I put my arms around him and started drawing him into a light trance. He never knew I was doing it.

"Joey, just let go of your sadness. Let it go. You don't need to be sad anymore. You don't want to be sad, do you?"

"No... " he said softly.

"I am going to rub your chest, and as I rub, you will feel the sadness go away. It will make you feel happy and peaceful."

I started to rub his chest through his shirt, and after a few minutes, he sighed with relief.

"Feeling better?"

"Yes... " Joey said in even a softer voice.

"Joey, imagine yourself on a cloud, far far up in the sky above your body. You feel happy and free on that cloud. Nothing can hurt you up there, nothing can make you feel bad. If you have something you want to tell me, it won't hurt to think about it, or to talk about it. Do you have something you want to talk about?"

"Yes... "

"Go ahead. Tell me what you want to."

"My sister... she's dead. Someone grabbed her and took her somewhere and she died."

"Is that why you pretend you're not as smart as you really are?"

"Yes... "

"Why?"

"I... I didn't want to be smart like my sister. I didn't want to go away and never see anyone again."

"What about now? You don't think that way any more, do you?"

"No... "

"Why do you still pretend?"

"Cause I don't want it to hurt."

"Joey, do you still love your sister?"

"Yes... " he choked out.

"Joey, you're up on that cloud. So far from anything that hurts. Nothing can hurt you. Not even thinking about your sister... Now, would you like to do something for your sister to show how much you love her?

"Yes... " he said still filled with emotion.

"Do you think your sister likes watching you from heaven while you pretend you're stupid?"

"I... I don't know... "

"Don't you think she would want you to grow up and do the things she didn't have a chance to do?"

"Yes... " he said shakily.

I started rubbing his chest again, like my mother does to me. "Your sister didn't die because she was smart. She died because someone took advantage of her age. Maybe she was too young to go to college at twelve. But what happened to her won't happen to you, because you're smarter than she was."

"No I'm not!" he said fiercely, shocking me.

I decided to try it from a different angle. "Your sister would be very sad to hear you say that. She would want you to be smarter than she was. It would protect you. She will protect you. I will protect you. Even Suzi will protect you. Your sister didn't have anyone but herself back then."

"I... I... "

"Joey, your sister wants you to be as smart as you can. She wants you be all that you can be (but not in the army). She has to live her life through you now. By not letting yourself do everything you are able to do, you're cheating not just her, but yourself. Do you understand?"

"I... I didn't mean to!... " Joey started crying again softly. I kept rubbing his chest, and waited him out.

"It's okay Joey. You didn't know. But now you do... She loves you, and so do I. There's no reason to feel bad because it isn't too late. You can still be as smart as she was, and make everyone happy. You want to be happy, don't you?"

"Yes... " he said with a new calm voice.

"So what are you going to do... "

"I'm going to be smart."

"And how does that make you feel... "

"Happy."

"That makes me feel happy too," I said as I kissed him on the forehead.

"Tim?" he said as he opened his eyes.

"Huh?" I said, partly because he was awake."

"You're the best," he said. He stretched his neck out to kiss my cheek, then relaxed again and hugged me.

"How long were you awake?" I asked later.