Chapter 4: Getting Back to Normal

Getting Back to Normal

A Weekend with Mary Beth

June 27th – 29th, 1980

“So, tell me how the counselling session went,” Mary Beth asked me.

We were sitting outside on the new redwood furniture, purchased just an hour or so ago this morning. Mary Beth and I had gone to Grace Brothers at Chatswood, looking at the outdoor furniture that we had seen advertised; but we weren’t all that impressed with it. They were too flimsy, and I was worried that as it was made from metal it would probably rust. We continued to look around the mall, and there was a ‘Pool and Spa’ store that had special pricing on outdoor redwood furniture. We settled on a round table, complete with built in ‘lazy susan’ and four benches, plus a cute two seater set where there was a seat either side of a small table – the salesman called it a ‘Jack and Jill’ setting. We bought those, plus some large shade umbrellas. Mary Beth waited at the shop’s loading bay while I drove back home, hitched up the trailer, and returned to the mall.

While I set the new acquisitions up on the paved area of the back yard, Mary Beth made lunch for the two of us; toasted ham and cheese sandwiches. Since it was a pleasant, sunny day, we decided to ‘christen’ the outdoor furniture by having lunch sitting out there eating. After setting out the furniture, I changed into a tee shirt; it was too hot to wear the long sleeved shirt that I had put on earlier. I then helped Mary Beth carry our meals out to the table; as well as the ham and cheese toasties, she had made a big jug of lemonade. The two of us were sitting opposite each other around the new table. The lemonade jug was sitting on the lazy Susan, and I poured myself a large glass of the ice-cold drink.

Of course, Fred was rather suspicious about the new additions to HIS yard, he sniffed around each item, jumping up on top of the round table, and eventually deciding it was acceptable. He curled up on the tabletop between the two seats on the Jack and Jill setting, and decided it was time for his midday nap. Cats have such a gruelling life.

“So, tell me how the counselling session went,” she asked me. “What stuff did you discuss, do you think it will help you?”

“It went well,” I said, and took a bite from my toasted sandwich. “Fuck! That cheese is hot!” I exclaimed as the melted cheese burned my lips and tongue.

“Well, it’s just come out of the toaster,” Mary Beth said. “Here, have something cold to drink, be careful with the food.”

She poured me a large glass of lemonade and I took several large sips of the drink, swirled it around in my mouth to sooth my tongue. It seemed to help.

“The session was good,” I said, once I could speak again. “It wasn’t at all like I expected; I guess I was expecting a stern woman, her hair pulled back severely, speaking with a German accent, ‘And ven did you furst schtart having sexual vantasies about vour muttar?’ while I was lying on a hard couch in a white, sterile room with bright lights overhead.”

“Now let me place ze electrodes on your genitals,” she said, faking a German accent, and trying not to laugh. “Zis won’t hurt a bit ... I promise.”

“You nutcase,” I said, as we both laughed.

“Actually, it was quite an enjoyable time,” I said.

I described Doctor Sleigh’s appearance, and the office; how it was nothing like I would have expected from a psychologist’s office. I then gave her a brief summary of what we talked about; how she first asked me why I thought I needed to see her; I told her how I was having difficulty dealing with things happening in my life. She then asked me to go back over the history of all my relationships.

“That would have taken a long time,” Mary Beth said, poking her tongue out.

“There have only been fifteen,” I said. “And look who’s talking, you’re not one to criticise me in that area!”

“Yeah, true. Sorry, I won’t interrupt again.”

I told her how she didn’t criticise me over the number or nature of my relationships, but then she threw me by asking how many of them I considered myself intimate with.

“Surely, if you’ve had sex with all of them, then you’re intimate with them,” she said. “I mean, you and I were intimate, very enjoyably so, the other day.”

“That’s what I thought, too, assuming ‘being intimate’ was a euphemism for ‘having sex with’. But she was asking how many of them I felt that I had a strong, emotional connection with, if you follow. I said only four; Lori, Megan, Allison and Jillian. She then challenged me by asking if I felt I was that emotionally close to both Lori and Megan, why was it that I was surprised when they said they were leaving me.

“That led to the first lesson, that it takes effort not just to build that emotional connection, but to maintain it. With everything else going on in my life, I had let that slide, with both Lori and Megan. She said that keeping that level of intimacy is hard enough where there are two people, but when you add more people into the mix, it requires a LOT of work.”

I told Mary Beth how we then addressed one of my other issues; how I tend to drift through life aimlessly, just letting things happen to me. She made a few suggestions, like making sure I maintain my daily journal, and also setting some high level, long term life goals.

“So, have you done that?” she asked me. “That shrink’s right, you do just drift through life, hoping that everything turns out well for you. What are your long term goals?”

“Well, I guess to get back to Uni, do my PhD, get a job lecturing there,” I said.

“Hmm, that’s interesting. All you mention is your professional career; nothing on your personal life; like where you might want to live, do you want to be married, have kids, anything with music or other hobbies and interests. Surely, there’s more you want to achieve than just a professional career? Where would you like to be living in, say, ten years’ time? Around here, or back in the inner city, or someplace else?”

“I think I would like to be living here, either in this house, or something similar,” I said. “There’s so much potential in this place, it would be rewarding to restore it, and the grounds to their former glory.”

“Uh huh. What about marriage, kids? Any thoughts? I mean, if you want to get married, have you thought about the type of woman you would want to marry? I guess it’s a pointed question, having just had Megan and Lori leave you, maybe you had assumed you would live together with both of them for years and years. Now, of all the girls and women you’ve been with, you’ve shared a place with, are there any that you would consider marrying? If so, why, and if not, why not?”

She was right; when it came to me, Mary Beth was almost always right, which was rather infuriating. I thought her suggestion was good, so I started going through all of the girls that I had been with.

“Okay, Cathy Parsons, no, I tried that twice, it was a disaster each time,” I said.

“You and her are too similar in your personalities; you’re both determined, both stubborn. That’s why a relationship between you two wouldn’t work,” she said, agreeing with me.

“Continuing on ... Janelle Ward, well, she’s fun for a quick fling, but I’m not sure if she would be good ‘wife’ material. Megan ... well, she’s left me to go overseas, but as you said, I would have been happy with her, long term. Same with your sister; I had assumed that the three of us would be long term partners.”

“Keep going,” she said.

“Jillian Winters, well ... if she hadn’t died, and the other two left, I could easily see myself with her, long term.”

“Even though you and she wouldn’t have been able to have children?” she asked.

“That wouldn’t have been an issue, I’m looking at life partners, not baby making machines.”

“Interesting,” she added. “Go on, there’s still lots more.”

“Okay; Wendy White, even if she and Patrick were’t married, I still wouldn’t have considered her. We just never clicked, if that makes sense. But Ros McCarthy ... well, she and Alonzo are the perfect match. But I would have considered her; we complemented each other pretty well. Same as Tracy, we are opposites personality-wise, but we did get on really well. Allison Thornton is another I would put in the ‘yes’ column. But at the moment, I want to keep her as a good, platonic friend.”

“That’s one of the most sensible things you’ve said all morning,” she added. “She’s been very good for you, good as a close friend.”

“Others that we shared with ... Claire, no way, we would kill each other within a week,” I said. “Mary Haggerty, Karen Phelan, no for both; just not my type.”

“Okay, there’s two names that you’ve skipped over,” she said. “Michelle Jones?”

“Michelle? I had never considered her, because she worked for Alonzo, and that complicated things. But, yes, I would consider her, she’s fun, we get on well.”

“She and you would be a good couple,” Mary Beth said.

“Who’s the other person?” I asked.

“Me,” she said softly.

“Oh. But you and Chris ... I mean, I’ve never really thought about us that way. And I didn’t want to include you in the discussion, I mean, telling you directly to your face.

“You can tell me what you think, I’m a big girl. Tell me whether you think you and I would be a good match; then I’ll tell you what I think.”

“Um ... well ... I’ve never really thought seriously about you and me as a couple,” I said, trying to stall for time.

“That’s because you’ve never really desired me,” she said. “I was never anything special to you.”

“That’s not what I meant ... for the last couple of years, you’ve been with Chris, so in my mind, that makes you ‘off limits’; I didn’t want to cut in on him, or even think about that.”

“We’re talking hypotheticals here; assume we’re both available, free ... would you consider me?”

“Well, yes, I would; I can’t think of any reason why I wouldn’t,” I said. “We both now know that we’re pretty good in bed together.”

“That we are, Will, that we are,” she said, smiling at me. “And we’re going to remind ourselves of that over the rest of the weekend. But there’s more to a relationship that just mind-blowing sex.”

“Yes, I know that. So what’s your verdict on us?”

“I would put us in the same situation as you and Cathy Parsons; you and I have very similar personalities; we’re both strong-willed, stubborn, inflexible. We would spend all of our time butting heads.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I said. Mary Beth was always right; and I guess the fact that I thought that way spelled problems for a long term relationship with her.

“What was interesting to me, with the list you came up with,” she said, “was that the girl’s physical appearance didn’t seem to affect your decision. Short, tall, small titties, big boobs; that wasn’t important to you. What did really surprise me was that even though the two of you would never be able to have kids, you still had Jillian on the list of those you would marry. I thought that having kids would be important to you.”

“Well, it’s a moot point now,” I said. “But I would be marrying someone that I loved, someone who loved me. Kids would be a secondary consideration. I’m not looking for a baby-making machine.

“I remember when I was in primary school, one of my friends lived in the next street; his parents were always fighting. I was around there one day, and they were screaming at each other. He said ‘mum and dad are always fighting’, as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. His father eventually left her for another woman, and she and the kids moved away. I don’t want to have a family life like that.”

“I guess we were pretty lucky, having a nice, stable family environment. Not counting when Dad was away in Vietnam, of course. But there was never any fighting, nothing like that.”

“Same with me,” I said.

“Now, we’ve made a start on your life goals,” she said. “What else did the counsellor cover?”

“I think I’ve covered pretty much all of it; the goals, keeping a daily journal, making sure I concentrate on the emotional intimacy side of a relationship, before the sex side.”

She stood up, picked up an old blanket that she had brought outside with her, and spread that on the ground next to the table. She took my hands, and had me lie down on the blanket, after first pulling my shorts and undies down.

“Maybe we can start to develop some of that over this weekend,” she said, as she straddled my waist.

She was naked underneath her short skirt, and I could feel her moist pussy pressing against my prick.

“So, how do we get that emotional closeness?” she said. “What if I tell you about my time here, when we first came to Australia? Unless there’s anything else you want to do?”

She rubbed herself along my prick; I could feel myself getting harder underneath her pussy.

“No ... talking would be good,” I managed to say.

“It took me a long time to fit in, when we first came to Australia,” she said. “I didn’t know anyone at the school, I wasn’t in any of the established groups. It was so different from how it was back in the States; I had just come from my sophomore year, and we had around four hundred kids in my year alone. The school was so different, words and sayings were unfamiliar, and I felt really lost and alone. Then I got into a group of others, and I had to really work hard to attract guys’ attentions; until I realized that none of the other girls would let them do more than just kiss. Well, I let one guy go ‘all the way’; it was my first time, but it wasn’t all that bad, actually, I enjoyed it.

“Word quickly got around, ‘the new Yankee girl roots like a rattlesnake’, and I was accepted fully into the group. All I had to do was spread my legs and let the guys screw me. Well, putting in that way makes it sound like I was abused; I wasn’t. I wanted the sex, I enjoyed it. Some of it was terrible, some was good, a few guys were actually fantastic. But I got the reputation as a slut, I guess. That’s what scared you off, back when you started going with Lori? I flashed my pussy at you, I wanted you to at least try to do things with me.

“I continued being ‘the easy girl’ when I got to Uni; then one morning I woke up in my bed; I guess I had been fucked by I don’t know how many guys; my pussy was aching and bruised, and I was covered with dried come. I decided that was it, no more being the easy lay. I gave up sex completely until I had moved back to Sydney, and Chris asked me out. He was so patient, so caring and nice ... nothing like any of the other guys I had been with before. Then I tried again with you; that time when you were recovering from that panic attack and your heart problems. I was looking after you at home, you were in bed, Lori was away sailing somewhere, and I thought you’d jump at the chance for some hot sex with me. You turned me down – you were the first guy EVER to turn down sex with Mary Beth Earle – ‘Easy Earle’. I was shattered, I felt totally rejected.

“I came to realize that you weren’t rejecting me completely, just the way that I had approached you. But I tried to be more subtle, and you just ignored me. I even spoke to Lori about whether I might have sex with you; she was cool with it, but told me that I would have to talk with you and Chris about it. Anyway, we know all of that stuff, we talked about that the other day.”

“And I hope you don’t think that I’m not attracted to you, or that I don’t like you,” I said.

“I know that now,” she said, and rubbed her pussy along my prick. “I can feel how much you like me, too! Maybe he’s getting a little squashed between us? What if I move him so he’s somewhat more comfortable?”

She raised her body slightly, and my prick sprang straight up. She reached underneath her body, gripped my prick, and positioned my knob right against her opening. She slid down onto my shaft, and sighed loudly as I spread her cunt open.

“Oh, God, that’s so good!”

She rode me fast and hard, grunting each time she slammed her body down onto mine.

“Stick your hands up my shirt, I want you to play with my titties,” she said.

I slid my hands up inside her shirt; she was braless, and her lovely, small pert breasts were just waiting for my hands to cup them and for me to play with her erect nipples. Maybe that’s why I loved tiny breasts; their owners would usually go braless all the time, and I enjoyed it when they would give me a sneaky peek of a nipple (or two). Plus, I loved the excitement, the surprise feeling of sliding my hands up inside a girl’s shirt to find a pair of unfettered breasts.

Mary Beth was really going to town; she was fucking me pretty fast and furious; grunting and groaning each time she slid down on my cock. She had even disturbed Fred; who cast one baleful eye on us, then ran off to a quieter part of the yard. I couldn’t help myself, I started laughing at Fred’s actions.

“What’s so funny?” Mary Beth said, stopping her movements.

“Fred! We disturbed his midday snooze,” I said. “He gave me a filthy look before running off.”

“Damn cat! He’s almost made me lose the mood!”

Mary Beth hadn’t lost the mood completely, she resumed riding up and down; she leant back and held onto my knees, exposing the top of her slit and her clit to me. I moved one hand away from a breast to rub her clit, and used a finger to rub around her nub. She closed her eyes, and cried out softly as she came. She didn’t stop fucking me; once her orgasm had finished, she resumed fucking with long, slow strokes up and down.

I held her hips, moving up and down in sync with her, and when I felt my own orgasm starting, I pushed up hard inside her, and held her tightly to my crotch. As I spurted into her, she sighed softly and I felt her vagina squeezing around my shaft.

“Still worked well, despite Fred’s disapproval,” Mary Beth said, as she slid off me. “Now, did you have any thoughts as to what we can do this weekend?” she asked.

“Not really, but it has gotten off to a great start,” I replied.

“It certainly has, I wanted to do that outside in the yard. Which brings me to my suggestion; we should try to ‘christen’ every room in the house; kind of like what you and Lori did when you first moved into the cottage in George Street. We did your bedroom the other night, now we’ve done the back yard, there’s another nine rooms to go, plus the front veranda. We could try for the studio, too, if we have time. Plus, I want us to do a lot more talking about ourselves; so we can learn a lot about each other.”

“Sounds good to me; even though you’re right about us not being suited for a long term, serious relationship, I would like us to develop that same emotional intimacy that I have with Allison,” I said. “Now, can I ask you a fairly personal question, you don’t have to answer me, if you think I’m out of line, say so.”

“Go on.”

“The other day, when we made love the first time, you know, when I thought you were Lori, you said ‘I love you, Will’, twice. Was that just you keeping up the pretence of being Lori, or...”

“Or did I really mean what I said, that I, as myself, that I love you? Is that what you want to know?”

I nodded my head.

“Of course I love you, Will, I hoped that was obvious. Maybe I’ve concentrated too much on the sex ... but yes, I meant that when I said I love you. You also said that to me, but maybe you still thought I was Lori.”

“Well, initially I thought you were Lori, but notwithstanding, I love you, Mary Beth. I love you as yourself, not as a stand in for your sister.”

“I love you, Will.”

She leant over me, and kissed me softly, her lips were warm, moist. Her tongue slid between my lips, seeking my tongue. Our kissing became harder, more passionate, and Mary Beth started to run her hands over my chest. I cupped my hands around her backside, and rubbed a finger along the crack between her buttocks. She broke away, and sat next to me.

“You’re going to get me all worked up again, and before we do that, there’s something that I wanted to tell you,” she said, her face red and flushed. “Promise me you won’t tell a soul; no one else knows what I’m about to tell you, not even Chris.”

“Sure, I’ll keep it to myself.”

“I’m pretty sure; almost a hundred percent that in the next month, Chris is going to propose to me; and we’ll be getting married before Christmas.”

“Wow! That’s really great for you,” I said.

“I’ve suspected all along he’ll do that, wanting to time our wedding for when I’ve finished my degree. But before I agree to marry him, I need to get something resolved in my head, just to make sure I’m doing the right thing. It’s hard for me to say this in the right way, but even though I know that you and I would be terrible together, for the reasons I’ve said ... there’s still a lingering thought in the back of my mind, just how would it be to be with you ... to have you there making love with me every day, every night.

“It must sound pretty tacky of me, almost like I’m using you for one final weekend of wild, uninhibited sex before I commit to him ... like I’m trying to have one final fling as ‘slutty Mary Beth’, using you like that, just to get my rocks off with you. God, when I say that, it make me sound so cheap, so shallow...”

“You’re not cheap, you’re not shallow, and you’re certainly not a slut. I can understand perfectly why you’re wanting to do this; it’s a huge decision you’re going to be making, probably the most important decision of your life, and you want to be as sure as you possibly can that you’re making the right decision.

“But what you think Murph ... Chris is planning, if the two of you end up married, well, I will be really, really happy for the two of you. I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone who sees you that you are meant for each other, that you really love each other, and ... well, I’m sure you being married to him would work out far better than being with me. As you said, we would be constantly arguing and fighting with each other, and the only question is which one of us would kill the other first!”

“Do you think I’d let you get me before I would have a chance to kill you?” she said.

She kissed me again, long and passionately.

“Thank you for being so understanding. Now, about that list of rooms to christen, are you up for one? I thought we could start at the back, with the sunroom, and work our way through the place.”

She pulled me up and led me back into the house. We looked around the sunroom to find a suitable place, she pushed me down into the cane love seat by the back window, and knelt on the seat astride me. She lowered herself onto me, and rode up and down, slowly this time. It took a while before I came; she had two orgasms before I was able to come, and a third one as I spurted into her.

“One down, eight to go,” she said, and then listed the remaining locations. “Shower?”

She stood up, helped me to my feet, and we went into the bathroom. While we waited for the warm water to start, we cuddled and caressed each other, standing on the tile floor. Once in the shower, we washed each other; and Mary Beth paid particular attention to soaping my prick, making sure I was very clean there. When she had rinsed the soap off me, she turned around, facing the wall and leant over, inviting me to enter her. We fucked in the shower, water streaming over us until I told her I was too exhausted to continue.

“We should probably rest up,” she said. “There’s more that we have to do today.”

When we were dry, we went to the living room; not bothering to get dressed. Mary Beth put some music on the record player; and we lay on the padded bench in the bay window, our heads touching.

“Your turn to tell me all about your life,” she said. “I’ve told you part of my story; I want to know more about you.”

I told her all about growing up in Mona Vale; the years at infants and primary school, my introduction to music, first playing the recorder flute, then getting piano lessons. I told her how I would ride my bike around to friends’ places after school or on the weekends, in summer a bunch of us would hang out at the beach. She was interested in how I first fell for Cathy, and when I told her how we included both Lori and Janelle, she asked me whose idea I thought that was; Cathy’s or Lori’s. I said that I assumed it was Cathy’s idea, and Mary Beth just smiled. When I told her about my ‘dalliance’ with Janelle, and how Cathy and I first broke up, she looked slightly angry. Her anger increased when I told her about the subsequent summer, first how she almost caught Lori and I about to have sex in the driveway, and then the big blow-up with Janelle, telling me that Cathy dumped me because I wouldn’t have sex with her.

“That Janelle Ward is nothing but trouble, Will,” she said. “I’m glad she’s away from you, up in Newcastle where she can’t cause any more trouble. She’s poison, that girl.”

“Well, I did sort of lead her on,” I said.

“Still, there’s no excuse for the line ‘if you love me you’ll do it to me’; if a guy said that to a girl, everyone would tell him off. But you think it was right for her to say that to you? She really fucked you up saying and doing what she did; and that’s probably why you now seem to equate having sex with someone to loving them.”

I didn’t respond, mainly because I suspected somehow she was right; Mary Beth was always right when it came to me. I continued my story, telling her about Lori and me taking the boat out to the harbour, and the argument over her deception with the pill.

“God! That fucking idiot of a sister of mine! Earlier that summer, she had spoken to me about you, and I had told her to go for it, not to keep putting you off, but to have sex, to make love with you. She wanted it, I assume you wanted it, and there was no reason for her not to have sex with you. I should have been more emphatic with her.”

“But her fear was that somehow I would eventually end up with Cathy again, and she didn’t want her heart to get broken over that. As it was, she was right, like all of you Earle women are concerning me.”

“Bullshit! If you had made love, then you and Lori would have been together, and there would have been no opportunity for Cathy to steal you back. Lori brought that on herself. Fucking idiot of a sister!”

“Anyway, that led to Megan and I realizing that we had a real emotional connection; I guess that’s what made our musical performances together so good,” I said.

Mary Beth laughed at all the events that conspired to prevent Megan and me actually making love; particularly when we were almost caught by the police down near the beach.

“I think though,” she said, “had you really, really wanted to make love to her, you would have found a way around all those issues. I suspect there was some deep mental block holding you back.”

When I told her how Cathy and I got back together, and when we told Lori, how she hit me, Mary Beth just shook her head.

“Will, Will, sometimes you’re just so ... so fucking stupid!” she exclaimed. “Why, oh why would you go back to Cathy after the way she treated you. Even Janelle Ward would have been better for you than her. But you had Megan begging for you, Lori wanted you, she just needed a push to get her over her fears. As smart as you are, you do some incredible dumb things at times.”

“Yeah, well, I guess looking back, it’s easy to see how I fucked up. But, hindsight is always twenty / twenty.”

The conversation moved onto that summer; my first time with Cathy, the ill-fated ‘contest’ having sex in all locations around Warringah, then Hannah and Jenny before they left for overseas, and finally Janelle. The last three at Lori’s insistence; explaining how I needed to prepare for when Cathy moved to Canberra, and how it’s possible to love more than one person at a time.

“She was laying the ground for ending up with you,” Mary Beth said. “She had learned her lesson. I can only hope that farewell fuck with Janelle got her out of your system, and out of her clutches. But I doubt it.”

When I told her about the first time Megan and I made love, her eyes went all misty.

“Was it everything you had hoped it would be?” she asked. “After waiting over twelve months, and with everything that had gone on, it sounds like you finally found someone that was right for you.”

I continued with my first year at Uni; Megan, Cathy dumping me again, the car accident (but NOT the sex with Beth Ward), and how Lori and I eventually got together, making love in front of the fireplace in my parent’s family room.

“Something the two of you should have done years earlier,” she said. “Probably a difficult, and unfair question, but which time was better, the first time when Megan, or the first time with Lori?”

“God, I don’t know. Both of those times were very special, I really can’t tell which was better. I guess that’s why the three of us ended up in a relationship together.”

That pretty much took me up to the time when Mary Beth moved back to Sydney, and into the terrace house with the rest of us. She wanted to know more about my musical career, how I first started with Paul, Phil and Andrew, and my stint with Salamon.

“Thanks for sharing all of that,” she said. “I think I’m starting to know you a bit better. Now, let’s try a fun exercise; have you ever done any yoga?”