Chapter 23: Her Scent

Chapter Cast:

Darren, Male, 54
- Narrator, retired, father of Gwen and Victoria (Vic)
- 5’11, beige skin, 195lbs, cropped greying brown hair
Audrey, Female, 16
- High school senior, daughter of Duncan and Theresa
- 5’9, pale skin, 140lbs, light-green eyes, straight auburn hair over her shoulders
Gwen, Female, 16
- High school sophomore, daughter of Darren, sister of Victoria
- 5’6, beige skin, 135lbs, shoulder-length wavy black hair
Victoria (Vic), Female, 14
- High school freshman, daughter of Darren, sister of Gwen
- 5’4, beige skin, 120lbs, wavy neck-length light-brown hair
Joyce, Female, early-80s
- Wife of Herman, grandmother of Audrey, mother of Theresa
- 5’6, beige skin, 115lbs, bobbed salt-and-pepper hair
Herman, Male, early-80s
- Husband of Joyce, grandfather of Audrey, father of Theresa
- 6’0, beige-olive skin, 180lbs, thin short gray hair

Spending the night apart from Audrey was a little easier than I thought it would be, but only because it created butterflies of anticipation which fluttered lightly at the knowledge that I’d be seeing her the following evening. I was giddy the next morning after my daughters were off to school, energized, almost young again. I had Audrey in my life and that meant the world to me. I didn’t want to sit around and grow old anymore, and I surely didn’t want to risk appearing old to my young lover.

So, I headed out that morning and got a haircut. Mostly a trim job, but I also had the stylist color my hair back to its natural shade. Audrey had never mentioned caring about they fact that grey was my prominent color, but I wanted my hair to reflect the new me, the me who had a lovely young woman in my life who deserved someone who didn’t look to be in his mid-fifties.

A quick professional shave and I was out of the salon. I stopped into a shop where they sold alternative t-shirts. Victoria’s fifteenth birthday was just a few days away, and I knew she wanted a shirt with her favorite band on it. I knew nothing about that sort of music, so I got one of the part-time college students working the shop to direct me to the right section and I picked out a couple I thought Vic would like.

I also went to one of those electronics specialty stores and bought her a new iPhone. Vic’s phone was getting a bit old, regardless, so her birthday was a good excuse to get her an upgrade.

Then I grabbed lunch at an Ethiopian cafe where I was the only diner until I’d almost finished my meal. My phone rang, and my stomach dropped when I saw it was Rainey. My instinct was to ignore the call, but I did the mature thing and answered anyway.

“Hello?”

“Darren ... it’s Rainey.”

“Oh ... hey.”

“I, uh ... I’ve got a couple of your things you left at my place. Shirts and pants. What, uh ... what do you want done with them?”

I wasn’t sure I cared, honestly. I didn’t even recall which things I’d left there. “Uh ... I suppose I could swing by and pick them up...”

“Nah,” she replied flatly, “I’d prefer to just meet you somewhere and drop them off.” Her tone was cold and I really didn’t blame her.

“Uh, sure. I’m north of downtown right now, not terribly far from your place.”

“McAdoo’s? I could use a drink today...”

I hoped she wasn’t asking me to do more than grab my clothing from her. “Uh, sure. Twenty minutes?”

“Yep.” The phone died and my stomach turned over again. I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to meet Rainey in person again. I still had some guilt about how things had gone, and though being with Audrey had been a salve for all of that, it didn’t change the dread I felt knowing I’d have to, at minimum, see my former lover one more time.

I thought it was the responsible thing to do to send Audrey a text letting her know I was meeting my ex.

Got a call from Rainey. She has some of my things. Meeting her in a few minutes to get them. Sorry, don’t want to, but I think I should. Still coming over when you get home from practice? Love you – Darren.

There was no reply while I finished my meal, but I didn’t know how much access Audrey had to her phone during school days. The message showed delivered but I didn’t have a way to know if she had yet read what I sent. I suppose we should have been more careful about sending each other messages in case anyone but Audrey or those who knew about it looked through her phone. I made a mental note to talk to my lover about that.

I drove a couple of miles down the rode and pulled into the parking lot for McAdoo’s. It was an Irish sports bar, often showing soccer matches from Europe and elsewhere, though they also tuned in to baseball with so many Astros fans in the area. I wasn’t interested in a drink, honestly just wanting to hurry up and get this over with.

Rainey’s car wasn’t parked nearby, so I stepped out and then sat on a bench out front. I check my phone, but still there was nothing from Audrey. I hated not knowing how she had reacted to my meeting with Rainey, but there was nothing to do about it.

My ex pulled up a moment later and shut off her car. She stepped out. Although Rainey looked tired and had heavy bags under her eyes, she had makeup on like I’d never seen before. Deep red lipstick, blush, dark eyeliner. Her auburn hair was teased up as if she, too, had just seen a stylist. She wore a slender black dress, the same one she’d worn on one of our dates. It was clear Rainey was trying to attract an eye or two. I desperately hoped it wasn’t mine being sought.

“Darren,” she said as she walked up, her tone matching the one she’d held on the phone. Rainey pushed a plastic bag with my crumpled clothing in my direction and I took it from her.

“Hey, Rainey ... Thanks.”

She eyed me a moment, then said, “I need a drink.” Instead of going inside, she waited for me to respond.

“Uh ... enjoy...”

“Can we talk?” she replied.

My stomach turned over. “Rainey...”

“I’m not trying to change your mind, Darren. Please, just one drink...”

Against my better judgement, the guilt for how things had gone with Rainey won out and I nodded in reluctant agreement. She walked ahead of me. Rainey was a very pretty woman, and though I had everything I needed in Audrey, both emotionally and sexually, I couldn’t help notice that the woman’s ass looked especially arousing being hugged tightly by her black dress.

We sat at the bar and Rainey ordered a beer. I asked for a scotch.

Sitting silently, I swallowed a sip of my drink and waited for the inevitable.

“What really happened, Darren? With us?”

I looked at my glass, trying to find words which held some measure of honesty without also revealing the whole truth. “It just ... wasn’t going anywhere...”

“Not going anywhere?” Rainey said brusquely, “how can you possibly think that? We were doing so good!”

“I just ... I’m sorry, Rainey. You’re great. I mean that,” I added when her eyes narrowed, “but ... I just didn’t see anything for us moving forward...”

“But you never said anything! You never told me something was wrong!”

“I know, I know,” was my reply. I sipped my scotch and added, “but ... you felt for me something I didn’t feel for you ... I couldn’t continue to keep going with that big difference. I ... I guess I wanted something more casual ... something with less ... responsibility.”

“Responsibility...”

“Yeah ... I ... I didn’t want to ... feel obligated to try to be who you needed.”

“That’s pretty fucking selfish, Darren,” Rainey hissed. “Really fucking selfish.”

“I know...”

“So you just dumped me. Over the phone, no less.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, Rainey. I really hate that part of all this...”

“Didn’t hate it enough to do it right. You should have done it in person, Darren. You took the coward’s way out. That hurt almost as much as you dumping me...”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, finishing my scotch quickly, “I don’t know what else you want me to say...”

“I want you to say you regret it, Darren,” Rainey said more softly, and I absolutely hated the way she was trying to guilt me into such a dishonest admission. “I want you to realize you’re wrong about us. I love you because you made me feel good about myself for the first time in a long time.”

I didn’t miss that she said ‘love’ in the present tense. Rainey clearly believed we might still get back together. I knew I could not let that illusion continue to persist. “No one should have that power over your happiness, Rainey. Not me, not anyone. The time we spent together was enjoyable, for me as well as you, but that’s behind us now. This is what I’m talking about when I called it responsibility. I’ve had enough times in my life when I could barely keep myself happy. I just don’t have enough to prop you up, as well.”

The words were cold, I knew, but they needed to be said. I could not let Rainey continue to think there was still a future for us.

She stared at me a moment, then bit her lip. I thought she might cry. Instead, her face steeled up and she called to the bartender for another drink. She said evenly, “Fine, Darren. Fine.”

I nodded to indicate the conversation was over, then put a ten on the bar and stood up. “Good luck, Rainey. You don’t need it, but I wish you well.”

I didn’t wait for her to respond and I left her to sit alone at the bar.

Putting Rainey out of my mind was as easy as finding a message waiting from Audrey. I sat in my car while I read it.

Ok...

It was a cryptic reply, and I wasn’t sure what, exactly, she meant by ‘Ok... ‘ I typed back quickly.

Just leaving now. Sorry, I know this isn’t ideal but should be over with now.

Her response was immediate.

What do you mean ‘now’... ?

Jesus.

She seemed to think there was a chance we’d get back together. I made certain she knows better now.

I waited a moment and no reply came. I worried that the jealous streak which Audrey had shown early in the first part of our relationship might be leading her thoughts in the wrong direction. I added,

I love you. Please, let’s talk when you’re out of practice.

I waited another couple of minutes, my heartbeat rapid, but no reply came. I didn’t know if she had been between classes and put her phone away or if there was something worse going on. Regardless, there was nothing to do but worry, so I put the car in drive and left the parking lot.

To say Audrey was on my mind was an understatement. Our relationship, for all it’s highs, still involved a great deal of trust that, whatever the lows, all would be well. Life was hard like that for everyone, but I recalled my high school years and tried to remember how easy it was to believe the worst, to think less of myself and be too-easily convinced that a situation was spiraling out of control. An older, perhaps wiser, me knew to slow down and reconsider the scenario, but Audrey was sixteen and to her, I felt sure, every little problem was magnified.

I wished I could go to her right then to reassure her that nothing had changed between us and that Rainey was my past for good. But one of the many issues our relationship would surely have for a while would be dealing with her being in high school, and me being an old guy with too much time on his hands.

I’d never been much of a gift-buyer for girlfriends or even my wife. I found it too convenient, too material. What I felt, when in love, couldn’t be reduced to jewelry or trinkets. Sure, I bought gifts from time to time, special occasions and such, and sure, early in relationships, I was more likely to spend money to ‘prove’ my affection. With Audrey, I hadn’t done any of that, and I wondered if, maybe, it might be nice to do such a simple thing as buy her something she might like. Not a trinket. Something real.

Not really knowing what to get her, I parked at the mall and went inside. Unlike a lot of malls around Houston, this one stayed busy, a decent mix of high end clothiers and kitchen shops and jewelers as well as discount stores, booksellers, and cheap eats. I browsed a bit for a while, nothing really catching my eye. I check my phone several times, but nothing more had come in from Audrey. She’d be getting out of classes about then and heading to practice. It would be at least three hours before she might return home.

I was in the bookstore, idly moving from shelf to shelf. Unlike most of the other stores I’d been in, this one was nearly empty. I guessed Amazon would eventually run these places into the ground. I wasn’t sure how any of them stayed in business.

“Can I help you?” the saleswoman asked as she stepped in the aisle.

“I dunno,” I replied, “trying to find something for ... uh ... a young woman. Not really sure what she might like.”

“What sorts of things is she interested in?”

“Baseball. She plays on her high school team. Cooking, definitely. Learning to write software ... Umm...”

“Well, we don’t carry it here, but I was a ballplayer myself back in my day, and there was a really great one I read a decade or more ago called When Women Played Hardball. Surely out of print,” she added, “but you might get lucky at one of the used places around here.”

“Sounds interesting...”

She smiled and said, “I loved it. Brought back a lot of memories. Not that I played professionally like the women in the book, but I had a lot of fun. Baseball, too, not softball like everyone thinks girls play exclusively.”

“Okay ... I’ll look for that, thanks.”

“I can call around, if you’d like. Got nothing else to do right now.”

“Sure, that’d be great. I’ll, uh, find something for myself, then...”

She nodded and replied, “I’ll let you know if I find a copy.”

I turned back to the books and found a couple of historical novels for myself, and I picked up a beginner’s cookbook for Gwen since she’d taken an interest. For Vic, I found a book on how to practice softball at home. She’d been enjoying her time on the team so far, and her first game was coming up. She hadn’t made the starting squad, but her coach assured her she’d get some opportunities to play during the season, mostly as an outfielder.

I took my books to the counter and checked my phone. Still nothing new from Audrey.

“Well, good news!” the woman told me, “Fred’s Books has a copy in stock right now. I asked them to hold it for you.”

“Fantastic, thank you.”

She rang me up and bagged my new books, then I left and drove the three miles or so to where Fred’s was located. Inside, the man behind the counter grinned when I told him what I’d come for and pulled the copy from the rack behind him.

I looked it over and thought it was perfect for Audrey, a historical account of professional women’s baseball leagues in the 1940s and 50s. It described the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League, the same group which served as the inspiration for the movie, A League of Their Own. I bought the book and drove home.

Neither of my daughters were home, Gwen having a long dance practice on her schedule, and Victoria was at softball practice, so I set about making dinner, trying to ignore the sour sensation in my stomach when I worried about what Audrey was thinking.

I put rice on to cook and chopped vegetables for a stir fry, marinating some flank steak to add in, as well.

The knock at the door drew me away from the kitchen. I opened it and found Audrey standing there, an expression on her face somewhere between relief and concern. “Hey!” I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around her and, for a moment, not caring if anyone outside saw. “I love you,” I whispered.

Audrey hugged me back and whispered, “I love you so much.” I could smell the day’s exertion on her body. She still wore her practice outfit, a loose red and black jersey damp with sweat and a pair of tight black stretchy athletic pants, a heavy backpack slung over one shoulder.

I inhaled against her neck and buzzed with relief of my own to have Audrey in my arms and not visibly upset. “Come in!”