Chapter 16: Tokyo, Part 1

Chapter Cast:
Darren, Male, 53

- Narrator, retired, father of Gwen and Victoria (Vic)

- 5’11, beige skin, 195lbs, cropped greying brown hair
Audrey, Female, 16

- High school senior, daughter of Duncan and Theresa

- 5’9, pale skin, 140lbs, light-green eyes, straight auburn hair over her shoulders
Gwen, Female, 16

- High school sophomore, daughter of Darren, sister of Victoria

- 5’6, beige skin, 135lbs, shoulder-length wavy black hair
Victoria (Vic), Female, 14

- High school freshman, daughter of Darren, sister of Gwen

- 5’4, beige skin, 120lbs, wavy neck-length light-brown hair
Rainey, Female, 47

- Night nurse

- 5’8, 155lbs, beige skin, blue eyes, shoulder-length auburn hair
Joyce, Female, early-80s

- Wife of Herman, grandmother of Audrey, mother of Theresa

- 5’6, beige skin, 115lbs, bobbed salt-and-pepper hair
Herman, Male, early-80s

- Husband of Joyce, grandfather of Audrey, father of Theresa

- 6’0, beige-olive skin, 180lbs, thin short gray hair
Theresa, Female, mid-50s

- Mother of Audrey, widow of Duncan

- 5’7, pale skin, 150lbs, shoulder-length auburn hair

Despite the late notice, Rainey was able to switch her shifts and get the time off needed to go with me. I booked airfare and two hotel rooms as soon as she confirmed she could travel to Japan with me and my girls. The excitement in my household was palpable. I knew it would be hard for Gwen and Vic to focus on school as the end of the semester grew closer and the trip to Japan did as well.

For me, I spent what time I could with Rainey. She’d had to swap shifts to get the days off she needed, and it meant she only had one free night before we left for our trip. We met for lunch a couple of times, enjoyed daytime sex at her place, but otherwise, we only had one night to relax and make love and not feel incredibly rushed.

I thought about her words to me after I’d invited her to Japan. I love you, Darren. She repeated them a time or two in the days after, and each time, I failed to say the same. I don’t really know what held me back. Maybe that’s not true. Maybe, deep down, it was still too soon for me to say that to someone else. Deep down, those words were still reserved. On hold. Patiently waiting for the final, desperate chance to say them to Audrey again. I didn’t consciously think about that, but I think I understood that that was what stayed my response.

Did I love Rainey? Yes, I suppose. In the normal sense, more casual sense. I loved being with Rainey, enjoyed her companionship, her laughter, her willingness to give me her body and enjoy when I shared mine. We were compatible, comfortable, almost like we were old friends from way back. Perhaps only with my dead wife had I fell so easily into a relationship with so few reservations. It had all the elements I needed to tell Rainey that I loved her.

But I didn’t say it, and she didn’t hold it against me. She didn’t ask why I wasn’t returning her words, why I never said anything. She deserved to know the reason, I thought, but Rainey never pushed me and I didn’t offer to explain. She seemed to accept that, sometimes, a relationship isn’t always progressing at equal speeds for each partner. Rainey had fallen in love with me quickly and she wanted me to know. I’d fallen for her, too, but my slight reservation in confirming that for her left me behind where she saw us.

I didn’t stress on it too much. I really did enjoy our time together, and I even started to wonder where we might be as a couple in the weeks, months, and possibly years in our future. Would I marry her? Would we live together? Those thought were cheerful ones, honestly, and though I didn’t say that I loved Rainey where she could hear it, I hoped that the way I treated her, the way I encouraged her to keep close to me, said without words how I felt. She could never know, I thought, about the one person who still, despite my desire to move on, kept a desperate grip on those three powerful words.

Despite the late booking, I was able to secure first class tickets for all four of us, and on December 22nd, we lifted off in Houston, on our way to our only stop in Calgary, Alberta. Gwen and Vic had not slept in a couple of days, but since we almost never flew first class, they were excited and eager to enjoy all the extra attention, and premium food, of the first class experience. Rainey and I snoozed most of the way to Calgary, and once we were on the longer flight to Tokyo, we mostly slept our way there, as well. Gwen and Vic finally crashed out at some point, and despite the nearly twenty hours spent on planes and in airports, our luxurious seats and the extra room made it clear the expensive tickets were worth the cost.

Audrey, Joyce, and Herman were somewhere back in coach. Theresa had gone back to Tokyo a few days after Thanksgiving. She’d arranged transportation for us from the airport to her home, and once we’d gathered our luggage that morning in Tokyo, we were flagged down by the driver and escorted into a sleek black van with room for all of us and our luggage. The girls sat together in the very back, Joyce and Herman in the middle row with Rainey, and I took the passenger seat in the front.

I could hear Gwen and Vic talking excitedly about how much fun they’d had in first class. I cringed. They didn’t mean to do so, but it somewhat sounded like they were bragging. If I had been Audrey, I might have been a little put off by the way my daughters described the food and endless soft drinks and juices, especially considering how uncomfortable economy seating was on even short flights, let alone ones of many hours.

It was a fifty-minute drive with traffic to Theresa’s home, a narrow townhouse in a long row of such dwellings. The driver took our luggage on to our hotel where we’d be going later that day when we could check in.

Theresa had a picnic packed for us and had us walk with her to a large, beautiful courtyard which was surrounded on three sides by townhouses like her own, the other side backing a road. The courtyard was dense and lovely. There were lush maples and cherries, carved and shaped bushes and shrubs, and birds chirping and flying to and fro of several species. It featured a curved stone path which disappeared into what Theresa described as a ‘secret garden’ further back. There was a koi pond and several found ponds, small waterfalls trickling gently as backdrop. The place was simply gorgeous.

We sat together under a gazebo and ate an assortment of Japanese fruits such as strawberries, kaki, and mikan, as well as miso soup, dried seaweed wafers called nori, sticky rice, and several different sauces for dipping. We drank sake and orange juice and spring water and talked like old friends.

Audrey and I had said nothing to each other directly. Other than in the van on the ride from the airport, despite having been on the same flights and in the airports at the same times, we hadn’t really travelled together. I might have nodded her way, and she mine, but beyond that, nothing had passed between us.

Audrey knew about Rainey. Gwen and Vic had told her weeks earlier. I’d not been given her reaction, but I was glad that it was in the open before the vacation. From the few glances of her I’d had, I saw nothing on her face which was clearly intended for me or for Rainey.

But during that first morning’s breakfast, I caught a look from Audrey that I’ll never forget. At one point during the conversation, Rainey laughed and put her hand on my knee. I’d been looking beyond where Theresa and Audrey sat, towards a beautiful maple which spread low to the ground compared to the surrounding trees, and my eyes momentarily slid to Audrey when I’d felt Rainey’s hand.

Audrey’s eyes jumped to my lap and stopped there.

The slight smile which had been on Audrey’s face drooped. Her lips turned sad. Her eyes narrowed and tightened. Her shoulders sagged. She let out a long, defeated breath.

I may be exaggerating the details, but I knew the emotion passing over Audrey in that split second. I’d felt the same thing when I’d seen her with Travis weeks before. It could be a decidedly crushing moment. Hearing about someone you loved... love ... moving on was one thing. Seeing it was more intense and harder to keep distant.

Audrey saw that small moment of the barest intimacy I shared with Rainey, and it solidified how things were. Even with a boyfriend, even with the months which had passed since we’d broken up, Audrey still held out some measure of hope for us.

I felt awful. On the one hand, Rainey was my lover and my partner on that trip. I should have enjoyed her touch. On the other, Audrey’s unhappiness, even when hidden and lost from display mere seconds later, was bruising, and my heart went out to her. I knew what that felt like, and it sucked.

Audrey’s mask returned, but I couldn’t help thinking about what I’d seen on her face, in her shoulders, when she saw Rainey’s hand on my leg.

The rest of the day was a bit of a fog for all of us, I think. We were jet lagged and exhausted. After a lunch of more rice and miso and a stir fry of beef and onions and garlic, I wanted to head to the hotel to check in and probably crash for the night. Rainey agreed, and Gwen and Vic went with me, as well. The others were going to visit with Theresa a while longer.

Our rooms were next to each other on the twenty-third floor of a brand new hotel with a nice view of of Tokyo Bay. I gave my normal speech to my daughters about letting me know if they wanted to leave the hotel and to stay together and to keep an eye out for warning signs. They were fairly experienced travels, and I expected they’d be fine, but like all parents, I would have worried even more about them if I hadn’t given them the standard platitudinous cautions they knew so well.

Rainey went to shower and I ordered room service. They quickly delivered a bottle of scotch, an assortment of Japanese beers, and some nice glasses along with a bucket of ice. I poured three fingers and went out on the balcony to relax, looking out over the bay.

Audrey hadn’t really been on my mind much since Rainey and I had come together. I’m not saying she was gone from my thoughts, but she had faded back, the sucking, months-long hollow sensation in my gut had slowly become a dulled scar, still discernible, but no longer fighting for awareness. The moment in the courtyard that day had made that scar pulse a time or two, an old ache flashing a reminder of what used to burn so hot, and it made me feel guilty for even worrying about my ex-girlfriend when I had a great new girlfriend who loved me and wanted my company. I owed Rainey that, but I couldn’t completely flush away what I’d seen from Audrey that day.

“There you are,” Rainey said as she swept open the door and stepped out onto the balcony in the cool early-evening. She wore a thin, silky robe, open in the front, orange and yellow and deep brown in color. It waved gently in the breeze, her heavy breasts and trimmed bush visible as soft curves and a dark shadow just inside.

I took her hand and brought it to my lips, kissing it. “I’m so glad you came with me,” I told her, pushing aside thoughts of Audrey, “this is going to be a fun week.”

Rainey sat beside me, a pleasant smile on her face, intentionally letting her robe fall open. I grabbed a beer from the tray beside me and opened it, offering it to her in a glass. She sipped and purred, “Ahhh ... That’s more like it...”

We held hands, tired but glad to be somewhere new together, watching ships and boats dancing slowly in the harbor. Evening settled in and the darkness made the city really come alive with lights and sounds and the glow of moonlight over the bay. It was a very romantic feeling.

So much so that I felt guilty when I realized Rainey had twice asked me if I wanted to get dinner. “Hmm,” I murmured, trying to crawl out from my doze. “Dinner?”

She laughed. “I suppose that’s a no.”

“Not too hungry, but if you want to go...”