Chapter 5: Darkness After Dawn

Chapter Cast:

Darren, Male, 53
- Narrator, retired, father of Gwen and Victoria (Vic)
- 5’11, beige skin, 195lbs, cropped greying brown hair
Audrey, Female, 15
- High school student, daughter of Duncan and Theresa
- 5’9, pale skin, 135lbs, light-green eyes, straight auburn hair over her shoulders
Duncan, Male, late-60s
- Father of Audrey, husband of Theresa
- 5’7, pale skin, 175lbs, dark-brown cropped hair
Theresa, Female, mid-50s
- Mother of Audrey, wife of Duncan
- 5’7, pale skin, 150lbs, shoulder-length auburn hair
Gwen, Female, 15
- High school student, daughter of Darren, sister of Victoria
- 5’5, beige skin, 130lbs, shoulder-length wavy black hair
Victoria (Vic), Female, 14
- Eighth-grade student, daughter of Darren, sister of Gwen
- 5’3, beige skin, 115lbs, wavy neck-length light-brown hair

It was only because Audrey can’t seem to sleep past five in the morning that we didn’t get found out immediately.

I awoke to hear a woman’s voice in the house. A woman not Audrey.

Her mother.

My heart raced as I began to panic. I was in Audrey’s bed. Naked. Our clothes and the wine, roses, and candle were in the living room. Oh, fuck!

I looked around the room while the woman’s voice continued. I couldn’t make out what she was saying, nor decide on the tone. Was she angry? Upset? Horrified? Calling the police? The room offered no escape. The window was small and covered with blinds and curtains and probably held a screen, too. The teen’s organization skills left no towels or other options to wrap around myself. I had to use a blanket.

I covered myself and listened at the door. Through the crack I could make out the conversation.

“You know your father. You know how he is.” Theresa didn’t sound mad. I hoped she didn’t sound mad.

“Yeah.” Audrey’s voice. “Well, I’m sure he’ll be glad to be home.”

“The transport will be dropping him off shortly. Would you be a dear and make him some oatmeal when he arrives. I ... I am simply exhausted.”

“Of course, Mom.”

And then there was quiet again. My heart was in my throat as I listened, trying to decide what to do. I heard footsteps, then a quiet voice, “Darren?”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“Just me...”

I opened the door and Audrey stepped inside, closing it behind her. She carried in our clothes and the other items we’d left in the living room. “Did she see?” I asked insistently.

Audrey shook her head. “No, I hid all this when I got up, just in case. I had no idea Mom was coming home this early. It’s not even seven yet.”

I let out a long breath and sank onto the bed. “Goddamn ... that was too close ... Oh, Jeez. I should get dressed and get out of your bedroom before your dad gets here.”

She nodded. “Sorry, Darren.”

I rose to my feet, catching my breath finally and calming my nerves. “Nothing to be sorry about, my sweet Audrey. What we shared,” I whispered in her ear after wrapping my arms around her waist, “was the most amazing night of my life. I think I’d risk most anything for that...”

“I know ... I feel the same way. I’m still buzzing from it. See?” The goosebumps on her arm raised up and I could see the twinkle in her eye from the previous night’s lovemaking. “If I was sure Mom was asleep, and Dad wasn’t coming home soon...”

“We have to be careful,” I said, less firmly than I should have, “that was close. We can’t risk getting caught...”

“I know,” Audrey said again. “I promise we’ll be careful. I hope that doesn’t mean that ... you know ... if we get a chance...”

“I hope we get that chance, Audrey ... several of them...”

Duncan arrived a half-hour later in a wheelchair. He could walk short distances, but the doctors suggested he needed to take it very easy for a couple of weeks. We ate oatmeal together in the dining room, mostly in silence, the man clearly exhausted, and me too buzzed from my night with Audrey to know what to say.

“Well,” he said after scraping his bowl, “I need to go get some sleep. Never did get much in that place. Damn nurses kept coming in to poke me with this or draw blood for that. Anyway, my own bed, that’ll be nice. Aury, a favor, please.”

“Sure.”

“Would you be a dear and walk down to the drugstore and pick up my medications? They should be ready soon.”

I almost offered to do it for her, but she jumped in. “Sure, Dad. Let me go grab a jacket.” Audrey glanced my way briefly, then disappeared down the hall.

Duncan sat a moment eyeing his bowl. “Darren, can we talk a moment?”

“Of course.”

“Few things I need to talk about. Not really got anyone close-like. And I can’t talk to Theresa just yet...”

“Okay...” I was nervous. He sounded quite serious.

His lip quivered a few moments before he said, “Wasn’t just a heart attack. I’ve got the cancer. In my lungs. In my stomach. Bad like. Known for a couple of weeks.”

“Oh, God, Duncan. I’m so sorry.”

He waved his hand to acknowledge then dismiss my thoughts. “Naught to be sorry about. I smoked those damn cigars and cigarettes for three decades before I quit. Didn’t quit soon enough, I suppose. Not a damn thing they can do for me. Manage the pain that’s coming. Manage my expectations. They said I should go home for now, while I’ve got time to do so. Here I am.”

I paused, then said, “How, uh ... what’s the prognosis.”

“Six months, maybe. Could be less. Could be more. Who damn knows?” He was clearly angry, but his weariness kept his voice low and weak. “Anyways ... I had to tell someone. Told the doctors not to tell Theresa or Aury. That’s for me to do. But I had to tell someone.” The man began to cry softly.

I felt so goddamn powerless. “What can I do, Duncan. Anything.”

He sniffed, then blew his nose. He didn’t answer my question. “Theresa just last week got told by her boss that she’s being relocated again, this time to Tokyo, late June. I ... I can’t go with her. Not this time. I can’t go with her.”

He cried again, and I got up and grabbed the box of tissues from the counter, setting it in front of him. He nodded briefly in thanks, then blew his nose again.

“On toppa everything, Theresa said some big science organization just called her yesterday. Said Audy won another scholarship. Her last year of school won’t be at no public school. She gets a full ride to one of those uppity tech pre-college places. Her choice of where-bouts.” He stared down at his hands as they shook. “Only good in these here United States. Can’t do it in Tokyo.”

I shook my head. “Duncan ... my gosh...”

“So,” he said, widening his eyes a second before clearing his throat, “I got a lot on my mind, Darren. A lot on my mind. I guess I just needed to spill all that on you. I’m sorry. Not your burden.”

“Duncan, anything I can do...”

He drew a tight, weak smile. “I’m sure I’ll think of something.” Duncan took a deep breath. “Until then, please ... don’t say a word to my wife or Aury.”

I nodded and the man wheeled himself slowly out of the dining room and down the hall. I heard the door close a few seconds later.

I sat spinning. Duncan was dying. Audrey’s father was dying. And I couldn’t tell her! A sucking hole formed in my stomach. I couldn’t breath a moment. How could I not tell her? She’ll know something is wrong the moment she sees me. Can I put on a game face? Pretend our shared lovemaking the night before was still the thing in my head? I tried to make it so, but Duncan’s words didn’t budge, and I sat stewing, frustrated, sad. Scared. Like so many times before, I didn’t know what to do.

“They wouldn’t give them to me. Said I had to be eighteen or something.”

“Damn,” I said when Audrey returned. I had swallowed my conundrum as best I could. I’d promised Duncan I wouldn’t tell her. For the moment, I tried my best. “Think they’d let me get them?”

Audrey shrugged, “no idea.” Her eyes looked past me to where her father’s bowl sat on the table. A smile crept over her face. “We could go somewhere...”

“Audrey...” The look on my face gave away a bit of my emotions.

“What’s wrong?” She had a look of part-horror, part-hurt. “Darren?”

“I...” I was stuck. I knew there was no way I could lie to Audrey in that moment. She wanted to make love again, and as much as I wanted that, too, there was no way I could do so with this horrid secret burning in my head. Telling her was going to ruin her day. Badly. I wanted to let her keep believing things were fine. That her Dad was alright. And that we could sneak off somewhere to have sex. I just couldn’t lie to her.

I took her hand and led her to the living room, sat us on the couch, and spoke in a low voice. “Audrey ... There’s something I think you have to know. Not about us...” I added, seeing the expression on her face. “About your dad...”

“What? What is it?”

“He isn’t doing as well as he’s let on.”

“No...”

“Not the heart attack, not specifically. But ... they found cancer. In his lungs, and stomach.”

“No...”

“It doesn’t look good...”

“Oh ... God...”

“He didn’t want me to tell you. He wanted to be the one, but ... I can’t not tell you. I hate that it is making you cry.” Tears were already sliding down her cheeks. “But you asked what was wrong ... I couldn’t lie to you...” I pulled her to me for a hug.

“Oh, God. Darren...” Audrey cried against me as we stood in the kitchen. I tried to ignore the fact that her parents were right down the hall.

I let her cry for a while, pulling us into the living room after a few moments so she could sit and I could hold her more comfortably.

“How long does he have?” the teen asked after a some time.

“Dunno. Not too long, from what he said. Six months, maybe.”

She cried again, harder, then, “Does Mom know?”

I shook my head, saying quietly, “Don’t think so. He only told me. Seemed he needed to tell someone. He wanted to tell you, but...”

“Thank you,” Audrey said, trying to wipe her tears after I handed her a tissue, “for telling me. For being honest...”

I could only nod.

“So ... now what?” She asked. “You told me. Dad told you not to...”

“I don’t know.”

Audrey curled around me and kissed my lips. I didn’t think about being caught.

“Thought so...” a feminine voice said from behind us.

Audrey barely moved, so caught up in her sadness. I wanted to jump up, but I couldn’t with the teen draped over me, holding me tight, her lips just releasing mine.

I turned my head to see Theresa. There were tears running down her face. Her eyes watched mine. Her lips trembled. She blinked repeatedly.

“Theresa—” I started.

She held her hand up and walked to the chair nearby, collapsing into it. She started to cry harder. Audrey seemed to remember what we were doing and slowly pulled herself from me, turning to her Mom a second before she rushed to her and hugged her. “Oh, Mom!”

“He just told me,” the woman cried, “oh, Audrey!” It was the first time in years I’d heard her use her daughter’s full name. “I’m too upset about Duncan to be mad about ... this!” she said, waving an arm in my direction. “Oh ... Audrey!”

The two cried together. I froze in place. Uncertain what to do. What to say. How to react. The sadness was heavy in the room and in my heart. I liked Duncan and Theresa. I loved Audrey. I didn’t want any of them to hurt.

I think I sort of had one of those out-of-body, but not-out-of-body experiences. The ones where something awful is going on, and you sort of will your mind to go away somewhere. I don’t recall where I went, or what I did. I still knew my body was in that room, the mother and daughter crying together nearby. I could see and hear it all. But most of my mind was elsewhere, providing a distant buffer against the sadness around me, the fear of having been found out.

I couldn’t even think about what would happen when Theresa was calm enough to be mad about me and Audrey. That seemed like such a small thing in that moment. Duncan was dying. The woman’s husband was dying. Audrey’s father would be dead in a few months. It kept me from fixating on the prison term in my future.

“Darren,” Theresa’s voice drew my mind back to the present, “could you get a new ... box of tissues ... from the cabinet ... please...”

My legs felt like jelly as I stood and retrieved the box. I handed it to her gingerly, as if I expected the woman to lash out with claws and nails. She nodded, Audrey looking at me a moment before curling up in the oversized chair with her mom.

I stood nearby. Almost as if I was awaiting the sadness about her husband to be channeled into a justifiable chastisement of me. I wondered when the police would be called. I felt really selfish for making it all about me.

I grieved with them, silently. There really wasn’t much I could do. I fetched water when Theresa asked for it. I cleared away the old tissues without being asked. I shuffled my feet and felt very small.

Audrey drew away from the chair and I saw her make a decision. I almost stopped her. Instead, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me very tight. I could only return her embrace. I knew Theresa was watching, but it was too late to care. I whispered, “I’m so sorry, Audrey.”

“How long?” came Theresa’s voice. “How long has this been going on?”

Audrey turned but didn’t remove her hands from my body. “Only a few days...”

“So,” the woman said, wiping her eyes and looking a touch more composed, “you lied to us at the hospital.”

“No!” Audrey pleaded. “No, I told the truth.”

“So you two haven’t had intercourse?”

Audrey paused and I spoke up, “Not until ... last night. That was the first and only time...”

Audrey added, “It was all true, what I told you ... I told Darren a few days ago, about ... my persona ... He wanted me to tell you the truth about it ... so I did.”

Theresa nodded slowly. “Explains the rose petals.”

“Huh?” Audrey said.

“In the garbage disposal. One popped straight out of it when I ran it this morning. I didn’t ask about it, figured I’d see what was going on first. Now I know.”

I looked at Audrey’s feet and waited for the inevitable.

I heard Theresa let out a sigh. “Right now ... I don’t have the heart for this. I just don’t. Audrey ... any guy who would ask you to tell the truth to your parents isn’t all bad. I’m not saying this is over ... but today ... Today there is something more difficult to deal with.” The wind had gone out of the woman again, and she looked like she would cry more. Before she did, she added, “This isn’t to reach your father, young gi—woman. Understand? That man has enough of a burden...”

“I promise,” Audrey said.

“And you ... Darren. Don’t know what to think about you right now ... but ... you’ve been kind to us this week ... you’ve been kind to Aury. Maybe too kind ... We’ll speak more about this another time, but until then ... just don’t let Duncan find out.”

“I promise,” I echoed.

And for a few hours, there was a truce in place between us regarding my relationship with Audrey. Theresa didn’t bring it up again, the woman doing little more than dozing on the couch. Duncan had asked her to let him get some sleep, so she feared waking him up by going to the bedroom. Audrey wasn’t much better off, lounging on her bed or in a chair. I shared hugs with her often and told her I loved her, but when she fell asleep in her bedroom, I felt it was pushing things too far to join her there.

Instead, I went for a walk.

The neighborhood was one of those planned, multi-use communities. Inside the gates, there was a grocery store, a drugstore, a theater, two cafes, and a handful of restaurants. I walked slowly past the main strip, where most of the commercial properties were located, sometimes staring blankly at menus or posters of upcoming movies.

I should have felt empty inside. With Duncan’s condition and Theresa finding out about me and Audrey, I could tell there was a knot of tension holding fast in my gut. But I wasn’t wholly depressed. The night I’d shared with Audrey, whatever the consequences for me, had been the best night of my life in many ways. One I knew I would chase for what remained of my life.

My phone rang in my pocket. It was like some other world, parallel to this one, reminding me of what else existed.

It was Gwen.

“Hey Dad.”

“Gwen,” I answered, “everything okay?”

“Yeah, just pouring rain here. Not going to stop for days. Aunt Vivian can’t get us tickets home until at least next week.” My daughter didn’t exactly sound disappointed. Vivian spoiled my kids when they visited. Even with the rain making it impossible to enjoy the outdoors in Aruba, I was sure Viv had cooked up some fun things to do there.

“Damn ... How’s Vic?”

“She’s good. They sent her home last night. She’s watching a movie and sleeping I think.”

“Scary, huh?”

“Yeah, a little,” Gwen said. “Hope I never break my leg. It looked like it hurt a lot.”

“I hope you don’t either.”

I reminded her that she was supposed to be back in school on Monday, but if they couldn’t fly off the island, I’d need to contact their schools to let the administration know. “Don’t suppose either of you took textbooks with you?”

Gwen chuckled, “Seriously, Dad? On vacation?”

“Yeah, never mind. Anything I can do for you or Vic? Need anything?”

“Mmm ... Hundred bucks?”

“For what?”

“Uhm ... See ... there’s this dress I want and ... I spent all my allowance already...”

“Why this dress?”

I could here the shrug in her voice when Gwen replied, “Umm ... it’s gold.” As if that explained everything.

I had plenty of money to spend, more than even those two could blow on dresses and other things teens like to buy. But I also expected the girls to learn some discretion. I made enough money to never work again, and if managed properly, Gwen and Victoria could probably do the same with what was left. Still, I’d raised them to not expect to get everything they wanted just because we had the money. I made them make deals with me to earn anything beyond some pocket cash.

“What do I get if I give you the money?”

“Umm ... I’ll do my laundry for a month,” Gwen offered.

“Yours and your sister’s. What else?”

“Trash?”

I laughed. “Your sister already owes me that for a few weeks after I bought her those jeans and the new purse. Try again.”

“I’ll learn to cook dinner?”

“I’m intrigued...” It made instantly think of Audrey. “What else you got?”

“Umm...” Gwen stalled. I waited for the obvious offer. The resignation in her sigh told me she got to it. “I’ll mow the yard for a month...”

Yes, I could easily afford to pay someone to come once a week and mow the lawn, but it was an important bargaining chip in the chores bucket. “Deal.”

“I hate mowing.”

“But you love gold dresses, apparently...”

“Yeah ... Thanks, Dad.” Even with the grudging tone, I knew Gwen was more happy about the deal than she wanted me to think. She was a shrewd negotiator, sometimes, and she was prepping me for some next deal-making talk.