Chapter 2

I worked on my homework for a while after Colin left before turning on the TV. Mom didn’t make it home until almost nine o’clock.

“Where is your Dad?” Mom asked after she breezed through the downstairs.

“You two must have gotten your messages mixed up,” I explained. “I found your message about being late first. About five minutes later I got a message from Dad thanking you for covering tonight. He said he was swamped studying film for Sunday and wouldn’t be home until very late.”

“So you were here alone with Colin for how long?” Mom asked suspiciously. “And how did Colin get to his sleep over tonight? Your father was supposed to deliver him to Russos after dinner.”

“Mr. Russo came and picked Colin up,” I answered. “I’m fifteen. I am capable of staying home alone without a babysitter.”

“How did you get dinner?” Mom asked.

“I made the Shepheard’s Pie you planned for tonight,” I answered. “That was what you planned to make, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” Mom confirmed. “Now...”

“Go upstairs, clean up and get comfortable,” I suggested. “I can get you some casserole to nuke in the microwave for dinner.”

“I’ll see you in a few, honey,” Mom said. I dished out a serving of the Shepheard’s Pie while I waited for Mom. She came down a couple minutes later.

“What did you and Colin do this afternoon?” Mom asked as she started warming her dinner in the microwave.

“We went out for a ride on Jersey Boy and Delphia,” I answered. “We got caught by a rainstorm and got soaked. After we put the horses away, I used the dryer to dry off our clothes. We hung out for a while and then made dinner. Mr. Russo came over around 7:30 to pick Colin up.”

“Hung out ... huh?” Mom asked. “Are you sure nothing special happened this afternoon?”

“Special? No,” I replied. Now I was getting nervous. Mom didn’t usually give me this degree of questioning when I was home alone.

“Nothing else happened between you and Colin?” Mom pressed. She stared into my eyes. I wilted. “Nothing?” I stood silent, staring at Mom.

“I can add, honey,” Mom said. “Two horny teens plus one empty house for an extended time plus one circumstance where you both need to strip your clothes off. And nothing happened?”

I felt so ashamed. Tears started to flow. “I am so sorry, Mom,” I blubbered as she hugged me. “I know it’s a mortal sin but we couldn’t stop ourselves. I am so sorry.”

“It’s OK, honey,” Mom repeated as she kissed me. “God forgives sins. It’s OK. Today was bound to happen someday.” Mom kept repeating the soothing words and hugging me until I finally stopped crying.

“I am so sorry for letting you and Dad down and for breaking my pledge to remain pure until I married,” I said. “I expect better from myself than this.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, honey,” Mom responded. “You and Colin found out today how strong and primal the urge to have sex is. Frankly, I am a bit surprised you held onto your virginity this long.”

“You and Dad waited until marriage, didn’t you?” I asked. Mom just laughed, long and hard.

“No dear, your father and I didn’t make it nearly that long,” Mom explained. “We were in ninth grade too when we shared our bodies the first time.”

“How did you know Colin and I did it today?” I asked.

“Your virginity left a blood stain on your bedspread,” Mom said.

“I never thought to look at that,” I gasped.

“You were busy with other thoughts and feelings,” Mom said “It’s OK. I have two important questions for you about today. Did Colin force you in any way, shape or form?”

“Force me?” I said. “No. It just happened and the desire was very mutual.”

“Did Colin use protection?”

“No, of course not, that would be another sin,” I said. “We’re safe. I counted off the days after my period ended. It’s been nine days, so we should be safe today, right?” Mom frowned.

“How long was your last period?” Mom asked.

“About three days,” I answered.

“So you and Colin had unprotected sex twelve days after you started your period?” Mom asked. I nodded yes, confused why she had me repeat the answer.

“If you are going to follow church teachings on birth control, we are going to need to get you properly trained in fertility signs and timing,” Mom said. “What is the shortest number of days between periods this past year?”

“Twenty-seven,” I answered.

“The longest?”

“Thirty-one,” I replied.

“OK, to calculate safe times of the month for unprotected sex, subtract twenty from your shortest time between periods. You get seven. Unprotected sex should be safe from day 1, the first day of your period until Day 7. The next couple or so weeks is unsafe.”

“OK,” I agreed.

“Here is the nine you remembered,” Mom explained. “Subtract nine from the number of days in your longest period: 31 – 9 = 22. You are safe between Day 1 and 7 and Day 22 and when you begin your next period. What day are you in your cycle today?”

“Um ... Day 12?” I asked. I very clearly was out of the safe zone. “Oh, crap! How bad is this? What do I do?”

“Day 12 is clearly in the pregnancy danger zone,” Mom answered. I shuddered involuntarily. “It could be worse. Most likely we can fix this.”

“Thank the Holy Jesus,” I gasped. “How?”

“We are going out the CVS Pharmacy in Avondale right now,” Mom said. “We can get you the morning after pill which should take care of this problem.”

“Mom!” I gasped. “I know Colin and I committed a sin this afternoon. Don’t compound the sin by making me take an abortion pill. That is tantamount to murder.”

“Many pro-life people do call the morning after pill an abortion pill,” Mom stated coolly to my heated outburst. “It isn’t. You love science. How would a scientist answer a question he is unsure about?”

“Research?” I suggested.

“Let’s go research how the morning after pill works,” Mom suggested. We went into the family room and used the computer to research the morning after pill. We looked at four medical websites. All told a similar story. The morning after pill was simply a higher dose of the same hormones in the birth control pill. All sites agreed that the morning after pill worked by preventing a girl from releasing a mature egg for fertilization. They agreed it was ineffective if taken after the egg was fertilized, which led to its 10% failure rate.

“So, this pill isn’t committing murder,” I finally agreed. “Father Kelly says I still would be committing a sin by using birth control.”

“You will be fifteen in a couple months,” Mom said. “It’s about time you used that God-given brain for some critical thinking. You are old enough to follow this.”

“OK,” I agreed. “What am I missing? Father is teaching me the Church’s truth as revealed to them by God.”

“The Holy Catholic Church is a wonderful thing,” Mom said. I nodded in agreement. Our family is hard core Catholic. “It is also a man-made organization run by men.”

“But it is infallible since God reveals the truth to the Pope,” I said.

“You know your father and I love the Church,” Mom explained. “God knows it does wonderful things for mankind. Still it is a man-made organization that can make error. You know your history. I don’t disagree with Martin Luther’s take on indulgences. God knows the Inquisition was inspired by man and not God.”

“What were indulgences?” I asked. I remember hearing about them in history class but I wasn’t sure what they were.

“Before the schism in the Christian faith that separated Catholics from Protestants,” Mom explained, “The church would sell what were called indulgences. You paid money so God would forgive the sins of your dead relatives stranded in purgatory.”

“You paid money to have God forgive your sins?”

“That is what they did five hundred years ago,” Mom confirmed. “Those examples are only two of the many times our Church failed to live up to God’s teachings. God may inspire the Pope and church hierarchy but they a men just like all men; sinners. Your father and I don’t believe that old celibate men are the best judges of sexual matters and how to manage relationships between a man and a woman. God gave us a brain and the power to reason. He expects us to use it.”

“You and Dad don’t believe the teachings of the Church and the Pope are the true and revealed word of God?” I said. Mom sighed before continuing.

“We believe in the God as our savior, in the Christ our Lord born to the Virgin Mother, and in the power of the Holy Catholic Church to teach, better and save mankind,” Mom stated. “Our Church is also not infallible, as history has shown. We believe God expects us to use the power of reason He gave us to live our lives as He intended.”

“You’ve never told me you and Dad don’t believe all the church teachings,” I said. Mom smiled.

“Do you remember how much you and Allison enjoyed the children’s talks during mass when you were little?” Mom asked. “The father used simple words and concepts for his talks. ‘When you were a child, I spoke with you as a child.’ You are growing up and becoming a woman. It is time to talk like grown-ups.”

“Forgive me. I am stunned,” I said. “I always believed you and Dad were capital “C” Catholics and believed fully in the Church. You don’t accept all its teachings? How can you be Catholics if you can’t accept everything?”

“We accept 99% of the Church’s teachings,” Mom answered. “Our Church is a tremendous power for the betterment of mankind and we support it whole-heartedly. We also use our God-given ability to reason to follow our faith to the best of our abilities.”

“I guess I understand,” I said. My mind was still reeling from these revelations. “Where does that leave me?”

“You decide where it leaves you,” Mom said. “Personally your father and I don’t believe birth control is sinful. We use it and have for decades.” She giggled. “Except for the obvious times, like when we conceived Allison and you.”

“So you think I should I should use the morning after pill even though I am not sure if it is a sin,” I asked.

“You have millions of Colin’s sperm swimming in your womb and fallopian tubes,” Mom stated. “They are viable for three to five days. Based on your normal cycle, you should release a mature egg in two days, on Sunday. Colin’s sperm will swarm this egg and most likely one of them will penetrate the shell and make you a teenaged mom. Are you physically and emotionally ready for that?”

“God! No,” I replied quickly.

“If you take the morning after pill tonight,” Mom said, “you will most likely not produce a mature egg this month. Colin’s sperm will die in a few days and be flushed away. What is your choice?”

I stared at Mom silently for a few seconds. No way was I ready to be a mom. The full import of the mistake Colin and I made that afternoon become clear. “I guess we take a trip to CVS.”

We drove straight over to the pharmacy after I said that. I felt guilty the whole way to the store. Mom made me purchase the morning after pill myself. She expected me to be responsible for cleaning up my own mistakes. I took the pill as soon as we got home.

I didn’t sleep well that night. I felt guilty was as all get out for taking a pill that Father Kelly taught me was tantamount to committing murder. Still the science I read told me that Father was wrong. I was still committing what he considered a sin by using birth control, but it wasn’t murder. Mom gave me a lot to think about.

I wandered downstairs on Saturday morning around 8:30. Mom was in the kitchen. “What would you like for breakfast?”

“Scrambled eggs and toast,” I answered.

“I’ll get the eggs, you get the toast,” Mom replied.

“How did you sleep, honey?” Mom asked after I got bread in the toaster and she had two eggs cracked in the frying pan.

“Not great,” I answered. “I kept thinking about everything we talked about last night. Between what happened yesterday afternoon and what you told me last night about what you and Dad believe, I have had a lot to think about.”

“True,” Mom replied. “You are old enough to know that things are not black and white. You need to learn to sort through the contradictions and complications that make us human.”

“I guess,” I agreed. “Can I ask one more question?” Mom nodded yes as she scrambled my eggs at the stove. “I would have expected you to blow a gasket when you found out Colin and I had sex. Why were you so calm about all this?”

“That is an easy question. I don’t want to be a hypocrite,” Mom answered. “You will turn fifteen in a couple months. Your father and I were both younger than you the first time we had sex. How could I condemn you for doing the same thing your father and I did?”

“How much younger than me?” I asked.

“That’s private,” Mom countered. “It is sufficient to say we were younger. I was fortunate to have your father make love to me the first time. We got lucky because odds of marrying the first person you date are slim. We were friends for years before we started dating. Our love developed as we became more intimate.”

“Is the Dad the only man you’ve ever been with?” I asked.

“He is,” Mom answered. “I don’t know if you and Colin will go down the same road as your father and me. Don’t feel bad if the two of you don’t end up marrying. I know you’ve spent a life believing what you did yesterday was a sin. Don’t beat yourself up over this. No one achieves perfection except our Lord and Savior. You are fighting millions of years of evolution. Not many centuries ago you would have been married by fifteen and bearing your husband’s children. Today we wait another decade or more to marry but our genetic imperative is still in place.”

“I am beginning to see that,” I replied. “I knew in my head that Colin and I were going too far yesterday. Everything felt so wonderful that we just couldn’t stop.”

“Exactly my point,” Mom answered. “Your genes were in control yesterday not your rational mind. Did Colin make it good for you? Did Colin last long enough?”

“Um ... good?” I blushed. “Yeah ... yeah it felt good. Colin made me come before we did it. I guess that was part of why I allowed him to put his ... his penis in me. I think he did last long enough to make it feel really, really good.”

“Do you think there is a possibility that this may happen again?” Mom asked.

“I doubt I will wait another ten years or so until I marry before doing this again,” I answered.

“I thought so,” Mom said. “What are you and Colin going to do to make sure you are safe when you have sex in the future?”

“Colin and I are going to have to talk about that,” I answered.

“How about confession this afternoon?” Mom asked. “Are you going?”

“Don’t I have to if I want to take Holy Communion tomorrow?” I asked.

“It is your call, honey,” Mom said. “You can skip confession and Holy Communion if you aren’t certain about what you did.”

“I should go,” I said.

I waited my turn for the confessional. When I stepped inside and kneeled, I made the Sign of the Cross.

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”