Chapter 35: Men, Butts, and Life

September – Year 1

Cricket.

Cricket.

Cricket.

“Daddy?”

“Yes dear, you heard me right. Lynn and Erin and I married each other a few months ago. It was a civil ceremony and we have a civil union, otherwise it would be bigamy and illegal. I met Lynn first. She woke up some things in me that had been dead since your mother. I even called your mother and talked to her about it.”

“I know, we talk. She said that you asked her to release you from your wedding vows. I didn’t know that you were still living with those. But you were always one to keep your word. So mom released you and you ran right out and got married, to two women?”

“Well it was not quite so quick. But Lynn was the reason I spoke to your mother. I was surprised that she talked to me. I have been trying to get her to speak with me for years. I guess that it’s fate or karma that at the time I needed to speak to her the most, she would do it.”

“Lynn, are you there?”

“Yes, Beth, I am.”

“So why did my dad call me?”

“He called because I am pissed at him.”

“Let me guess, we were not at the wedding and you don’t know why?”

“Yes! How could someone who claims to love you not invite you to his wedding? And how then can he say that he loves me?”

“Lynn is Erin there?”

“I’m here. Hi!”

“My dad, loves very, very deeply but not in an outward way. That is why my mom left him. She was not sure in the end that he loved her. He loved her so deeply that he did not feel that he needed to show it outwardly. When he tells you he loves you, he means it until he says that he does not.”

“So since he said it once and meant it, I don’t have to worry about it until he says that he doesn’t love us.”

“Men, you know?”

“I do!” Erin chimed in. “I own a bar and I know men. That is what I have been trying to tell Lynn. She has never been married and her only experience with a man was a bad one that ended with her having a baby when she was 17. I was married before and it ended badly as well. But I understand men.”

“Baby. I am sorry that I did not invite you and Mike because I wasn’t sure if all of this was going to work. I did not want to drag you across the country with your family for nothing.”

“Nothing!” Lynn screamed.

“No Lynn. But understand my dad. Has he told you that he loves you?”

“Yes.”

“Did he make it a part of the vows he took?”

“Yes.”

“Then he loves you. I would say at this point he is near to having a breakdown because of the fear of losing you. At this point, I would also say that he would gladly take a bullet for either one of you. And if you think it is bad now, be thankful that you are too old to have babies.”

As Beth said that, Erin was taking a drink of her coffee and the sound of it blowing through her nose definitely got my daughters attention.

“Who was that?”

Cough, cough. “It was me, Erin.”

“Let me guess. You are pregnant.”

“Yup and I think with twins. Ain’t it great!?’

“Dad?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Is there anything else that you need to tell me?”

“Nope. I got married to the two most fantastic women in the world. We had a great wedding and I am sorry that I did not invite you and your brother. I am going to be talking to my wives about this when we hang up. Erin is around two months pregnant. She swears it’s twins, and I seem to agree with that feeling. Lynn wants to kill me because I am not acting in the manner she expects of a man who loves his wives and family. That is about it.”

“Lynn, my dad is a pain, but you will never have anyone love you more, not even your wife, I am assuming that you and Erin are married as well, and you will never have to worry about him cheating. He is a great man. Dad! Leave the room.”

“What? Why?”

“Never mind. Lynn, take me off speaker phone please, so I can talk to you privately.”

Lynn picked up my phone and tapped the button to turn off the speaker. She put it up to her ear.

“Ok, it’s just you and me now.”

“Yes. I know.”

“Really? Wow.”

“No of course not, what good would it do?”

“Thanks.”

“Oh, we are going to KC for Boomers funeral. Mike is calling us with the details tomorrow. Will you be there?”

“Maybe we can come over to St. Louis and see you for a little bit.”

“Fine. I will call you. Thank you Beth.”

“Yes, I will do that.”

“She is wonderful. I do love her and him. Good bye.”

“Paul, you, me, Erin, bed right now!”

“Yes ma’am!” Erin saluted and marched towards the stairs. Lynn replied with a swat to her wifes butt.

“I’m going!” I answered before being told again.

When we got upstairs, Lynn directed me to get in the middle and then she pointed Erin to one side of me and she got in on the other side.

“Alright. I need to get some stuff off my chest. First, I do love you Paul. I guess I needed this little episode to get me to figure out some things. You don’t express love the way I do and it has been driving me nuts. Now, thanks to Erin and your daughter, I think I get it. Erin told me that you were a man and that I needed to understand how a man does things. However, I still do not get why you did not invite your kids to our wedding. Please try to explain it. Please. It is really bothering me.”

I put my arms around my wives and held them close. Even fully clothed it was intimate as hell. I took a deep breath and began.

“Lynn, I think Erin will get this, so Erin if Lynn gets confused please feel free to jump in and translate for her.”

“My wife is a smart cookie, she will get it, but if you need me I will be right here.” She kissed me on the cheek.

“Lynn, I guess the simplest way to say it is that my kids are grown and taking care of themselves. They don’t need me to hold their hands anymore. If they need me they can call me and they know that I will be there in a flash. But day to day? I have things in my life that take a bigger priority, like you and Erin and the babies.”

“One of the things that I do well is only worry about the things in front of me. I am really good or bad, depending on how you look at it, at compartmentalizing things. I make a long term goal and then make short term plans to meet the long term goal. I don’t worry about yesterday, I focus on today and I pay attention to tomorrow only so far as it applies to today.”

“Are you still with me?”

“Yes lover.”

“When we decided to get married and to spend the rest of our lives together and have babies with Erin, THAT became my primary focus. The planning for the wedding was the thing that you and Erin did. I never thought about my kids because they are not on my mind all the time. You have to have a part of your focus on Dara. She is here and she still needs her mom. But even you have worried about her less now that she is in my apartment and you don’t see her every day. Yet if she called you would be there in a flash.”

“This is my third and fourth marriage. I guess I wasn’t thinking that it was a big deal, other than it meant the three of us finishing our lives together. I am sorry that it upset you so. I am sorry to say that if I could go back and do it over that I wouldn’t change, but I probably would forget some other things that are not on my day to day radar.”

“It doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids. My reaction to Mike and Boomer should show you that. When Beth graduates from Vet Med school, she might not think to invite me to the ceremony. Don’t get mad at her if she doesn’t, she is my daughter. That is all I’ve got.”

“Ok. So I got it. And you will not be pissed if I give you shit about not thinking about something that I might think is important, but isn’t on your radar. Right?”

“Well if it is important to you and I don’t get that, yes I will be upset, because you are upset; and yes, I will be sorry all over the place. The best I can do is ask you to remind me of stuff you think is important so that I know. I will not forget important stuff. I did not forget to invite the kids to the wedding because it was not important, I just didn’t think of it.”

“Ok, I feel better now. Let’s get on with the business of the day!”

Lynn rolled towards her husband and gave him a long passionate kiss. Erin did as well and then the two women stood and exchanged a kiss.

The next morning Mike called with the funeral details. I went online and found some fast and cheap fares from Boise, ID to Kansas City. We would have a reasonable layover in Salt Lake City going both ways.

“Ok, the plan is to attend the memorial service on Friday morning and then the burial right after. I do not plan to go to Boomers house afterwards for the reception, or whatever it is called, because I don’t think I can handle it. Then we can drive to St Louis and see Beth on Saturday morning. Then back to KC on Sunday morning and visit with Mike and then fly home late Sunday night.”

“Short sweet and to the point!” Lynn said. “Will this give you enough time to accomplish everything you want to do?”

“Yeah. We fly on Thursday afternoon and arrive at a reasonable time Thursday night. We drive to Overland Park and check into the hotel and then I take you to my favorite bar for Bones. We hit the sack at about midnight and wake at 9am, breakfast and the service at 10:30am. The internment is at noon. Then we drive to St Louis and get there by 5pm and see Beth and her family. Then we drive back to KC and should be back in the hotel by 1am. Then up at whenever and off to spend time with Mike and then time to see my old band on Saturday night. Then to bed and up whenever and off to the airport for our flight back at 4pm.”

“It seems awfully packed, Paul. Are you sure it will all fit?” Erin looked as concerned as my other wife.

“Yeah, honey. It is only a four hour drive to St Louis and if I hot foot it through the parts I know we can make it under 3 ½ hours. If we stop at White Castle then it will take longer.”

“White Castle? What is that?” Lynn had that ‘what the hell’ look in her eyes.

“It’s a surprise! You will love it! And what is more if Monday goes according to plan, you will have the wire out and be able to eat real food again!”

“Shit! I forgot! With all of this going on I didn’t even think of it. That means blowjobs on the airplane!”

“No Erin, it does not. This is a short hop day flight. If we both go into the toilet everyone will see and it will be worse if we do it in the seat. No mile high club on this trip.”