Chapter 4

Janet’s flight from Denver touched down and taxied to the gate. She took her handbag from the overhead compartment and made the hike to the parking structure. A short drive later she was parked in her assigned stall at the apartment building and riding the elevator.

She slipped her key into the lock on her door. Before she could turn it the door opened and she stood facing a young woman she did not recognize. After a moment she could discern the facial similarities, the shape of her eyebrows, her hairline, her dark eyes and her long brunette hair.

“You must be Monica Wells,” she said. “I’m Janet.”

“You’re Mom’s roommate.” Monica stepped aside so Janet could enter. She closed and bolted the door behind her. “Mom,” she called. “Janet’s here.”

Eva stepped from the kitchen wearing an apron around her waist. “We weren’t expecting you ‘til Thursday,” she said.

“I decided to make a trip home for the long weekend.”

“Where’s your bag?” Eva asked.

“In Denver. I still have the hotel room there. It’s an extended-stay place and the weekly rates are cheaper than the nightly ones. It’s all on my expense account anyway. I cashed in some frequent-flyer miles for the airline ticket.”

“Mom’s making her famous pot roast,” Monica added.

“It’s been slow-cooking all day. I always make too much so it’s good you came home. This way we won’t have leftovers.”

“How long are you here, Monica?” Janet asked.

“‘Til tomorrow. I have a break between summer and fall terms so I thought I’d come home and visit Mom.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s awful what’s happening. I can’t believe it.”

“Are you visiting your father?” Janet asked.

“No. We’ve never been real close and now ... no.” Monica smacked her palm to her forehead. “I’ll have to crash tonight on the sofa so you can have your bed, Janet.”

“Oh, no,” Janet said sweetly. “You’re a guest, here. If anyone sleeps on the sofa, it’ll be your mom or me. Right, Eva?”

Eva glanced at Janet. “Oh. Right.”

Janet changed into a pink satin camisole and matching shorts. She sat, her legs folded under, in her comfy chair reading a paperback. Eva and Monica were in the kitchen finishing the dishes and chatting.

Monica headed into the guestroom. She emerged in light cotton pajamas and headed to the bathroom. Eva stepped from the kitchen. “I think I’ll get ready for bed.”

“I’ll finish this chapter,” Janet said without looking up.

Monica headed for the guest room. “Good night, Janet,” she called over her shoulder. “Nice meeting you.”

“Nice meeting you, too. Your mother told me about you. She’s proud of you.”

“Thanks, Janet.”

Eva stepped from the bathroom after completing her nightly toilet and disappeared into the master bedroom. Janet scanned a few more pages, turned down the corner of a leaf and headed to bed. She slid in beside Eva and lay on her side, facing away.

“When does Monica leave tomorrow?” Janet asked.

“Her flight is at three, I believe.”

“What exactly did you tell her about our arrangement?”

“I ... I really didn’t tell her anything.”

“You let her come to conclusions and didn’t bother to clarify them. You lied to her, Eva. I’m disappointed.”

“I didn’t tell any lies.”

“You lied by omission, not commission.”

“Oh, Janet ... You’ve done this before. You’ve been in one of these relationships. I haven’t. This is all so new and strange to me and it’s not easy for me.”

“I understand. I’m tempering my response knowing what it is you’re going through.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Eva asked. “Sleep on the sofa?”

“No. Absolutely not. I’m not angry, Eva. I’m disappointed.”

“I was being sensitive to Monica. You’ve never had kids ... kids don’t like thinking of their parents as sexual beings...”

Janet snorted. “That I get. I remember as a teenager being totally grossed out at the notion of my father bonking my mother.”

“Of course, we must be sexual beings or else there would be no kids. Kids don’t seem to get that.”

“And, I also appreciate how difficult it would’ve been for my mother to have told me if she had found herself in this sort of arrangement. No one needs to know the details of what happens with us in this bed. But the love and commitment we have -- there’s no reason to hide that, Eva. At least, I don’t think there is.”

“When did you fully understand ... what you are,” Eva began to ask.

“When did I fully understand I was a lesbian? It’s okay to use the word, Eva. It’s not evil. It’s what I am and it’s what you are, too. What’s that line from ‘Hamlet?’ ‘To thine own self be true and so cannot be false to anyone’ or something like that.”

“ ... didn’t you have doubts about your self-worth?”

Janet rolled onto her back and laced her fingers behind her head. “When did I first understand ... Okay -- true confessions time. By the time I was fourteen, I was a committed stoner. I ran with a wild crowd who provided me with alcohol and weed. In return, I tried experimenting sexually with some of the boys but found the experience unsatisfying. Of course the only boy who attracted me was...”

“He was the one all the other boys picked on because they thought he was a pansy.”

“Yeah,” Janet agreed. “He wasn’t gay. He was artistic and sensitive -- a little shy, actually. A very sweet boy. I guess that makes him a pansy in a jock’s eyes.”

“I went through the same sort of thing,” Eva replied. “Of course I was a good girl -- not into drinking. I liked the sensitive guys, too. I still don’t understand what I saw in Rob, ‘cuz he’s not like that at all.”

“Well, anyway, I realized I liked girls. I fantasized about girls. I joined the swim team because I could be near girls in swimsuits. I liked seeing their legs. I’m a leg girl, Eva.”

“That’s why you like mine?”

“I guess. I like to watch women’s figure skating and tennis because I like looking at their legs.”

“So do I, actually,” Eva admitted.

Janet drew in a breath and released it as a sigh. “My behavior didn’t do my grades any good. I flunked ninth grade and had to repeat it. I caught the attention of a teacher ... Miss Bronson.” Janet chortled. “She’s the only one I remember. Miss Bronson took a liking to me and she made me her pet project. She coached me and mentored me and I responded to her. I gave up the stoner lifestyle, hit the books and brought up my average -- ended up in the top ten. Miss Bronson and I grew really close and stayed close all through high school. I could confide in her stuff I wouldn’t dream of discussing with my parents.”

“You were lucky to find a teacher like that,” Eva remarked.

“Real lucky. I started hearing rumors from other kids. They thought Miss Bronson might be a lesbian. She did sort of fit the stereotype -- she was older and kind of butch looking. I didn’t know the meaning of the word, then. I looked it up in the dictionary and it resonated with me. It described what I am, I was pretty sure.”

Janet began wiping tears from her eyes. “One day, I was helping Miss Bronson after class. I asked her if I could ask a personal question. She said, fire away. I asked her if she was a lesbian.”

“Flat out?” Eva asked.

“Flat out. She stared at me for a long, long moment. Then, she marched me straight to the principal’s office. I thought I was screwed. She led me into a conference room, closed the door and said, now we can talk in private. She told me, to set the record straight -- no, she was not a lesbian. I felt awful.”

“I can imagine,” Eva replied. “If I had been in your shoes -- I would have died of mortification on the spot.”

“Then,” Janet continued, “she asked me why I asked the question. I told her I heard the rumors. She knew about the rumors, too, and she said they were false. We had such a connection she could tell I was upset. She asked me what was wrong. I said I was a bit disappointed -- that I had hoped she was one ... because I was pretty sure that’s how I was, too.”

Eva grabbed a facial tissue from a box and handed it to Janet. She reached for her hand and they locked fingers. “Janet -- I’m sorry to bring up painful memories.”

“They’re not painful. They’re beautiful ... the most beautiful memories of my life.” Janet dabbed her eyes with the tissue. “Miss Bronson told me it made no difference to her if I was a lesbian or not. It made no difference to my intellect, my abilities, or my opportunities for success. Then, she gave me the quote from ‘Hamlet’ -- to thine own self be true. That was the moment I became comfortable in my own skin, Eva. I’ve never looked back, nor have I ever regretted it.”

Eva grabbed a tissue for herself. “It’s a beautiful story, Janet. I wish I had to mine own self been true, years ago. Maybe I would’ve avoided some heartbreak.” She squeezed Janet’s hand. “All the years I wasted ... I’ll set the record straight with Monica in the morning. I promise.”

“Good. Thank you.”

Janet lay staring at the ceiling in the darkened room. “When you decided to come home for the weekend -- were you thinking about ... us...” Eva asked.

“About us making love? The thought had crossed my mind. I’ve kind of lost the mood.”

“Me, too.”

“I was mainly thinking about just spending time with you, Eva.” She was still holding Eva’s hand. She brought it to her lips and kissed the back of it. “My travel wrecked my relationship with Lahni. I don’t want it to wreck it with you.”

“Oh, Janet...” Eva slid close to her and they embraced and kissed.

“I love you, Eva.”

“I know you do. I love you, too.”

“I haven’t thought about Miss Bronson in years. I wonder if she’s still around. I wonder if she’s still teaching. I ought to look her up and send her a note. I wonder if she’ll remember me.”

“How could she forget you?”

Eva stroking her shoulder roused Janet. “Mmmph ... what?”

“I’m going to take my shower and then have a talk with Monica,” Eva replied.

“Do you want me to be scarce while you talk?”

Eva bit her lip. “I might feel less awkward.”

“I’ll go back to sleep. Poke your head in when you want me to come out.”

“Okay.” Eva kissed her lips and headed out the door. Janet rolled onto her stomach, clutched her pillow and closed her eyes. She heard the sound of the shower as she fell back asleep.

Janet awoke about a half hour later. Now she could hear Eva and her daughter talking, but she couldn’t make out words. She rolled onto her back and locked her hands behind her neck. Fifteen minutes elapsed and she wished she had her book.

The door opened and Eva looked inside. She caught Janet’s eye and nodded.

Janet strolled into the kitchen, yawning and stretching. “Good morning,” she said.

“Good morning, Janet,” Monica replied. “Mom is making French toast. Want some?”

“Sure. Your mother’s a wonderful cook. Her cooking is spoiling me. I’m afraid I’m going to put on some pounds.”

“I doubt it,” Eva retorted. She placed a plate before Janet and sat beside her. Eva took Janet’s hand and they locked fingers, their forearms resting on the table.

“Mom told me about you,” Monica said.

“Monica -- I love your mother very much,” Janet replied.

“I understand.”

“I believe,” Janet continued, “that none of us are in control with whom we fall in love. It just happens, and it just happened with Eva.”

“I understand that, too. I’m okay with it, Janet. I’m happy for you ... and for Mom.”

“Monica told me,” Eva added, “that attitudes about this sort of thing are different than when I was her age. She told me that her best friend is bisexual and actually propositioned her.”

“I turned her down,” Monica interjected, “but we’re still friends.”

“And, she said that Jeff’s brother...”

“Jeff is your fiance,” Janet said.

“Right,” Monica replied.

“Jeff’s brother,” Eva continued, “who will be their best man -- is himself openly gay.”

“What I don’t understand,” Monica added, “is why it took her so long? For years I saw my father treat Mom like a piece of shit.” She looked at her mother. “Why did you put up with it for so long? Why didn’t you bail, years ago instead of waiting for him to initiate it?”

“I’ve been asking myself that very question,” Eva replied, “especially, recently. I did it for you. I thought it was best for you to for us to keep it together, at least ‘til you were launched. When you have children of your own, you’ll understand. Parents do everything we can -- everything we think is right for the sake of our children. Because, our children are the only reason we exist.”

“Oh, Mom...”

“If it was a mistake -- well, babies don’t come with instruction books. It would be only one in a long string of mistakes.”

“Mom -- you did your best for me. I know you did.”

“Forgive me if my best wasn’t good enough.” Eva turned her face and Janet saw tears on her cheeks.

“No forgiveness necessary, Mom,” Monica said. She approached and hugged her mother.

Eva embraced her daughter and then returned to holding Janet’s hand.

“Mom told me,” Monica said, addressing Janet, “how much you’ve been helping her.”

“I have an ulterior motive,” Janet replied. “I want your mother to get through this storm so she and I can get on with the rest of our lives together.”

“She told me you found her a new lawyer.”

“Yes,” Janet replied. “Have you spoken to Larry yet?”

“I have. He’s starting to dig through all the public records relating to Rob and his business. Larry is head-and- shoulders more competent than the idiot from our legal benefit.”

“You mean, he’s better than W.C. Fields?”

“Much better,” Eva replied.

Janet finished her breakfast. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll take my shower and get dressed,” she said.

Wearing a robe, she stepped from the bathroom into her bedroom. She noticed Eva sitting on the bed. “Is this an ambush?” she asked.

Eva stood and approached her. “Janet -- thank you for the talk we had last night, and for shaming me into being forthright with my daughter. I feel much better now that I have her understanding and her approval. She told me I’m lucky to find a partner like you. I know I am.”

“I’m the lucky one, Eva.”

“I think not. I also wanted to say ... I’ve been thinking. I realize if it had been me instead of you ... Well, I think you’d had every right to be hurt and angry with me.”

“Frankly, I was hurt ... a bit. I’m over it now, Eva. I’ve forgiven you.”

“That’s not it,” Eva replied. “The gentle way you reproached me ... the patience you’ve shown me. I really feel how much you love me. That’s why I think I’m the lucky one.”

“Relationships require effort,” Janet remarked. “Sometimes we need to suppress our egos for the benefit of our relationship. I don’t think it matters what the genders are. Two people sharing a life together are going to have moments of friction.”

“How we resolve those moments,” Eva added, “is what’s important. It’s even more important than how we make love.” They embraced. “I love you so much, Janet.”

“I love you, too.” They kissed and Eva stroked Janet’s cheek. “Monica also remarked on how attractive you are. She’s absolutely right.” Eva suppressed a laugh. “She said if she were a lesbian, she’d hit on you.”

“I’m flattered. Monica is a poised, intelligent, articulate and beautiful young woman.”

“She is, indeed,” Eva replied.

Janet flipped her hair out of a towel and plugged in her hair dryer. “I need to remember to stop by the rental office and buy you another visitor’s parking pass for the upcoming week. I’ve put in for a permanent permit -- we’re on the waiting list for when one opens up.”

“How did you and Lahni deal with that?”

“It was easy. Lahni didn’t drive. If I was gone, then she was stuck here ... or, wherever she could walk or take the bus. I think when I started my heavy travel schedule that was what bothered her most. At least you have some mobility -- some independence. I think that’s healthy for you.”

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about sharing expenses,” Eva said.

Janet shook her head. “You buy the groceries and you do the cooking. That’s plenty for now. You’ll need to save for attorney’s bills. Larry is giving us a price break but it’s not pro-bono work he’s doing -- and he’ll have expenses you’ll need to cover. We can talk about another arrangement once this is behind us.”

Janet unlocked her apartment door and Eva followed her inside. “Monica’s on her way home,” Eva remarked.

Janet closed the door and bolted it. The two women fell into a tight embrace and kissed long passionate kisses. “Monica is a wonderful young lady,” Janet said between kisses.

“I know. I’m proud of her.”

“I know you are.”

“I wouldn’t want her seeing us doing this, though.”

Janet kissed Eva again. “This sort of display in public is in bad taste, I think. Holding hands is one thing. This crosses a line.”

“What shall we do tonight?” Eva asked.

“What do you want to do?”

“I’m drained from having Monica here. I think I want to make a simple dinner, take my Saturday bath and go to bed.”