The Maple Street Chowder and Interplanetary Rocket Society
Chapter 2

Copyright© 2016 by Wyden Long

“This meeting of the Maple Street Chowder and Interplanetary Rocket Society will now come to order,” I intoned from my lofty position as High Chief Muckitey-Muck, Lord of All He Surveys.

“Yeah, yeah. Get on with it” murmured my worshipful sycophants.

“Is there any old business?”

As usual, Old Jeb was the one waving his hand. He must redo his nail polish right before each meeting.

“Yes, Jeb? Have you redone your nail polish again?”

“No, I just don’t know if this is old business or new business.”

“Well, spit it out and we will decide.”

“You remember last week when Gloria auditioned as a serving wench?”

“Yeah.”

“She told me that she’s now been able to pay off her mortgage, but sure would like a Jaguar and a couple of Escalades. She wanted me to ask if she could bring Nelly and Kelly in and let them be serving wenches.”

“Why doesn’t Big Joe do the asking? She’s his wife.”

“I heard he was still laid up from last week when Gloria saw him doing his community service.”

“Ok. Let’s see a show of hands to allow Nelly and Kelly to audition as serving wenches. However, that order for more aprons still hasn’t showed up yet.”

Bang, bang, bang went the gavel but I don’t know whether anybody heard it over the whistles and cheers from the crowd. Apparently someone recognized Nelly and Kelly from last week’s DVD treat.

“Motion passed. Feel free to bring your girls with you next week, Gloria.”

When the clamor died down a bit, I asked again about old business.

Old Jeb was up again, waving like he was trying to keep flies off of his head.

“What is it this time, Jeb?”

“We need to get somebody to make about a thousand copies of that DVD. We can use the proceeds to buy more beer.”

“If everyone will return to their seats, we will record that as an affirmative vote, but I still don’t think we have got to any old business yet. Anyone?”

Shy little Georgie stood up.

“Yes, Georgie? Do you have some old business?”

“The reason I never got up before is that I never can figure out if this is old or new business, but if Old Jeb can get away with not knowing, I guess I can.”

“<Sigh> Go ahead.”

“Remember that Moon probe we sent out a couple of weeks ago?”

“Yeah, go on.”

“Does that make this old business, since it’s about something that already happened?”

“Yeah, yeah. Spit it out.”

“Ok, but we just got word back from the pilot, so does that make it new business?”

“What the hell difference does it make? Just spit it out.”

“All right. Jerry claims that he was on the back side of the Moon and found a Moon maiden.”

“A what?”

“A Moon maiden.”

“Well, shit. You’re just now bringing this up?”

“That was my problem. I never knew if it was old or new business and by the time I got around to raising my hand it was my turn with Gloria and I sort of forgot about it.”

“Just cut to the chase and tell us about this Moon maiden without all the other horse shit. Can you do that?”

“I’ll try. Here goes. Jerry says he was on the back side of the Moon and come up on this great big beautiful, bright blue naked woman, jumping up and down and shaking it and singing. So he goes up to her and asks her what she is doing. She told him she was making a baby.

He tells her that ain’t the way we do it and she wants him to explain and he says he don’t know how to explain, but he will be happy to show her. So he shows her, then he shows her again a few times. He says she damn near wore him completely out.

When he finally got his breath back, he asked her how she liked it. She told him it was ok, but wanted to know where the baby was at. He told her that takes nine months, so she wanted to know why he quit.”

I could see that there would be many more questions from the membership that needed to be answered before all was said and done. “What is the status now?”

“Jerry said he went back and tried a few more times, but he could see he wasn’t going to be able to make it for nine months without help, so he brought her back.”

“Where is she now?”

“We put her in the back room. Anybody that wants to help her can pony up in her tip jar. We figure we will need thirty or forty guys to make up enough shifts to get a steady crew for the rest of her nine months.”

“Do you think it is possible for a human and a Moon maiden to make a baby?”

“The only way we know to find out is to give it a good try.”

“Sounds good. Sergeant-at-Arms, can you see if you can get a handle on that mob heading for the back room? We need order in here.”

Georgie waved his hand again.

“The chair recognizes Georgie.”

“What are we supposed to do with all these rocks we brought back?”

“Rocks? Who cares about rocks? We need to get back there and show that poor maiden that our culture is all about. Meeting adjourned.


“This meeting of the Maple Street Chowder and Interplanetary Rocket Society will now come to order,” I intoned from my lofty position as High Chief Muckitey-Muck, Lord of All He Surveys.

“Yeah, yeah. Get on with it” murmured my worshipful sycophants.

“Is there any old business?”

For a change, Old Jeb didn’t jump up fast enough. Peter Long beat him to it. “I’ve got news from that probe we sent out to Alpha Centauri a couple of years ago. Now that I know what you mean by old business, I know when to tell you about stuff.”

“Ok, Long, Peter. Let’s hear your news.”

I guess he may have heard that before, since he had been living with the name all his life. “Your wife tells you everything, doesn’t she?”, he spat back.

“Ok, ok. Let’s get on with it.”

“The Alpha Centaurians have sent us a message.”

“You are telling us that we have an alien civilization sending us a message and you are just now telling us about it? When did this happen?”

“About three months ago.”

“And you kept it to your self for three months?

“Like I said, I didn’t know if it was old business because it was so long since we sent out the probe or if it was new business since we just got the message back.”

 
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