Chapter 3: Josh

Josh opened the door to his dorm room to find Kevin sitting at his desk firing an RPG into a crowd of soldiers.

“Suck it, bitches,” Kevin shouted into the microphone curved down along his jaw. The headphones he wore were loud enough to hear the resulting explosions from the doorway.

Josh smirked at his obsessed best friend and dropped into his own desk chair. After pulling his slim silver laptop out of his backpack, he plugged in his own headphones while it booted. Moments later he dropped into the game.

“Kev, where are you?” Despite being in the same room, he used the in-game communications to speak.

“Going up the ridge,” he said. “Come up on the left and meet me at the choke point.”

Slipping into the game, Josh’s muscle memory ran his avatar to the ridge. It was easy to get immersed in the flow. The audio and visual cues from the game had become so familiar he let his virtual body fight while his mind disengaged.

It had been five days since Lauren had walked out of her house wearing that stunning red dress with Bruce at her side. Josh’s parents had been surprised to see him that Saturday night. Despite still having his room there, he usually only came home to eat or do his laundry. Since he didn’t have an appetite and hadn’t brought any dirty clothes, his Dad had pulled him aside to ask worried questions about his grades and social life.

When Lauren came out of the house, Josh had been close enough to the front window to see her. His father had followed the direction of his glare and chuckled. That prompted a quiet man-to-man discussion where Josh found himself trying to explain something he didn’t understand himself. When he’d come down from his room later that evening wearing his suit, Mom had looked confused but Dad had given him a nod of approval and a tight lipped smile.

Five days had passed since then. Lauren hadn’t called or texted once. And Josh couldn’t force himself to make the first move.

In the game, Josh dropped his weapon so he could beat an opponent to death with his fists, shouting a wordless cry of rage and frustration. Then game timer ran out marking the end of the battle and leaving his heart racing as he tore off the headset. He shut the computer down with a few clicks and leaned back in his chair.

“Dude, come on, one more game,” Kevin begged.

“I’ve got study group,” Josh mumbled as his computer powered off. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Only a couple of hours? It’s Wednesday. Is Gillian sick or something?”

“Naw,” Josh said. “I’m just not in the mood.”

“Maybe I’ll give her a call then,” Kevin said with a smirk.

“Go ahead,” Josh shrugged and packed his laptop back in his backpack. The idea of Kevin hooking up with Gillian didn’t prompt any jealousy. That made him wonder why the idea of Lauren hooking up with Bruce had made him so insane. It was the same thing, wasn’t it?

Kevin seemed a little disappointed when he didn’t get a rise out of Josh. “So were you at her place Saturday night?”

“No, just went home for the night.” Josh slung his pack over his shoulder. “See ya later, if you’re here.”

It was a hot walk to the library. Summer had arrived and the late afternoon sunlight was blinding. He hadn’t told Kevin about Lauren. It’s not like they discussed details about the girls they hooked up with, but he’d never felt compelled to lie about it before. But then Kevin had come home with Josh occasionally and had been around Lauren enough times to remember her. Thinking about that made him frown as he passed a couple strolling along the sidewalk and holding hands.

He had to admit being concerned about their age difference. Technically she was jailbait for anyone over eighteen, but when she’d kissed him it hadn’t mattered. He still polished that memory like precious treasure, obsessing over the whole weekend like Gollum with his ring. It had left him edgy and horny. Ordinarily he’d just hook up with Gillian to get it out of his system, but his crazy fixation on Lauren made him doubt it would work this time.

He pulled open the library door, adjusting the strap of his heavy backpack as he stepped through. The air in the library was cool, with the vanilla scent of books hanging in the still air. He passed by the front desk to make his way down the center of the building to their private study room. The door was open and three of his friends were already there.

“Hey,” Gillian said when she saw him come in. “Missed you this weekend. I thought you were going to the soccer game with Kevin.”

“Something came up,” Josh said as he sat and began pulling out his laptop to plug it in. He nodded at the others. “Abdul. Maria.”

“Hey man,” Abdul said as he lifted his chin. “My sister said you made quite a splash Saturday night.”

Josh swallowed past the lump in his throat. Abdul’s sister, Adria, went to his old high school. Gillian raised an eyebrow and shot him a questioning look. “I took a friend of the family to her Prom after she got dumped on Saturday.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” Maria gushed. “Who is she?”

“Lauren Michaels. She’s been babysitting my sisters for years.” Josh felt the heat rising in his face as he waited for his laptop to boot. He risked a glance at Gillian and saw her trying to suppress a smile. Maria began typing and clicking on her laptop.

“Damn,” Gillian murmured. “You old softy, you.”

“It wasn’t a big deal,” Josh lied. It felt like a big deal. He’d been unable to get her off his mind for more than ten minutes all week.

“Oh, she’s cute,” Maria spun the laptop around to display Lauren’s online profile to the others. It featured a picture of her standing alone in front of a fireplace wearing her red Prom dress. Just then Markus and Steph came in together.

“Who’s cute?” Steph asked as she bent to look closer at the laptop screen.

“Josh’s Prom date from Saturday,” Maria teased. “A family friend got dumped and he swooped in to the rescue.” She spun her laptop back around and resumed clicking.

Steph shot Josh a look of surprise. “Since when does Jaded Josh do something like that?”

“Jaded Josh?” he asked and looked around the room. Their reactions struck him hard. Maria and Steph both chuckled in obvious agreement. Abdul and Markus shrugged at him, but both nodded. Gillian just sucked in her cheeks while avoiding his eyes. “I’m not jaded.”

“You’re so jaded,” Steph said. “It’s like you’re made of teflon. Nothing ever sticks to you.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Josh asked. Even though he didn’t understand her accusation, it still stung for some reason.

Gillian turned to Steph with a wave and said, “You started this.”

“Well,” Steph stalled as they all sat around the table. “I’ve known you for most of a year and still have no idea what makes you tick. You’re smart, but detached in a way. You’ve broken the hearts of a handful of friends since school started and you don’t even seem to notice. And the weirdest part is they all still like you.” She let out a short laugh and shook her head.

Hot rage boiled up, then immediately steamed into confusion. Josh frowned, trying to come up with a rebuttal, but couldn’t argue her point. He didn’t allow people outside his family to get close. Most of his relationships were based around something specific, like playing soccer or school work. His best friend Kevin was the only person he trusted enough to bring across all the different parts of his life. He looked around at their expectant faces. Why didn’t he trust them the same way?

“Don’t we have some work to do?” he whispered as he opened his backpack.

Gillian laughed. “See? He’s like nailing jello to the wall.”

After a moment of silence, Maria looked up from her computer with a startled expression and said, “Uh ... Josh?”

“Huh?” he asked as his laptop booted.

“Just a family friend?” She spun the laptop around again to display a full-screen photo from the Prom dance floor.

It had been taken right after Lauren had tucked her panties in his front pants pocket. He was holding her close with a broad grin on his face. Her hands were gripping his upper arms so hard her knuckles were white. The heat that flowed between them was palpable through the image.

“Dude, she’s my sister’s age,” Abdul said with obvious discomfort. “What the hell?”

“Oh my god,” Gillian whispered as she leaned closer to examine the screen.

Josh felt a crushing pressure in his chest as everyone looked to him for an explanation. When his father had asked about Lauren, Josh had given a halting description of the powerful attraction he felt along with the compulsion to help her. It had never occurred to him that the events of the weekend would bleed into his college life.

“Lauren lives across the street from my parents. I’ve known her for years. When she found out her boyfriend cheated on her Friday night, she was really upset.” Josh stumbled for a moment as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “He picked her up Saturday night like nothing had happened, but when he realized she knew everything he’d done, he walked out on her after dinner.”

“So you stepped in to save the day?” Gillian let out a sad laugh. “And now you’re gonna break her heart.”

“It’s not like that,” Josh snapped. “She’s not naive. The asshole that cheated on her got his ass handed to him at dinner. She invited the person he cheated with to their table and basically trapped him in a lie and outed them in front of everyone.”

Steph was studying him like an insect under glass. “You really like her,” she whispered in wonder.

“Of course I like her,” Josh huffed. “Can we just drop this?”

“No,” Gillian said with a serious expression on her face. “Are you gonna see her again?”

“I don’t know. She hasn’t called me since I dropped her off.” Josh tried to hide the anxiety it had raised in him, but Steph’s chuckle told him he hadn’t done a good job.

“And that’s killing you, isn’t it?” Steph asked. “Holy crap, Lauren stuck. She actually stuck!”

Josh put his face in his palms and pressed against his closed eyes. Maria continued bringing up different pictures from the evening. That prompted the others to get on their tablets and computers to stalk Lauren’s profile for more tidbits about her. She was an only child. Her best friend was named Breezy. Taking advanced classes had her on track to graduate early.

The pressure in his chest forced him to pack up his books and laptop again. When he stood, the others were giving him amused looks.

“Where are you going?” Gillian asked with a smirk.

“Somewhere else to study,” Josh mumbled.

“Should I wait up tonight?” she purred.

Her invitation to hook up made his mouth twitch. Being mocked by the study group hadn’t done anything to improve his mood. “No.”

“You got it bad,” Gillian’s smirk grew to a grin. “Tell Lauren I’d love to meet the person who finally got a hook in you.”

Josh stomped out of the room to the chuckles of his study group. His heart raced and he clenched his teeth so hard his jaw ached. Knowing Maria and Steph as well as he did, the story would be all over by morning.

As he hurried back across the quad towards his room, Josh struggled with conflicting emotions. The biggest irony was that they thought he would hurt Lauren. On Sunday, Josh had mentally practiced what he would say to keep things casual when she called. By Monday night he had been tempted to call to see if Bruce had given her a hard time at school. The continuing silence was killing him, but he stubbornly refused to call her first.

Josh went into his dorm and took the elevator to his floor. When he got to the door of his room he found a sock hanging on the doorknob and the unmistakable creaking sounds of his roommate’s bed. Whoever Kevin was with kept moaning, “Oh God! Oh God!”

“Fuck,” he muttered and turned back towards the elevator.

He kept walking when he got outside, his feet taking him towards the parking lot while he tried to figure out what he wanted to do next. If he was being honest with himself, he wanted to see Lauren. Since he refused to give into that temptation, he decided to go home and eat dinner with his family. At least he could get some quiet time to study in his room there.

He arrived at home twenty minutes later and carried his backpack through the front door to the inviting scent of garlic. “Hey, Mom, it’s just me.”

“What are you doing home on a Wednesday night?” she asked as she greeted him in the living room with a warm hug.

“I could smell the spaghetti sauce and garlic bread from campus,” he teased.

“Visiting twice in one week. I could get used to this,” she teased back.

His three sisters came running up to hug his legs. Gracie was eight going on sixteen, Riley was six, and little Kate was four. Josh got down on their level and tickled them while he hugged them all together.

“Stop it,” Riley giggled, but stayed close to let him get her again.

“You girls get bigger every time I see you,” he said as he stood back up.

Josh’s mother had passed away from breast cancer when he was six. When Dad started dating Billie, Josh hadn’t felt the typical resentment toward someone stepping into his Mom’s role. Billie was warm and approachable without being pushy, and it was so great seeing his father happy again. He started calling her Mom the day of their wedding, confident his own mother would understand and agree if she could.

“Come on, all of you go set the table,” Mom said as she returned to the stove.

Josh put his backpack on the couch in the living room and went to get the dishes down for his sisters. He was counting out the silverware for them all when Gracie came bouncing up.

“Is it true you took Lauren to Prom?”

Josh closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. So much for escaping the inquisition on campus. “Yeah.”

“Cool. She’s awesome.”

“Yeah, she is pretty awesome.” He smiled to himself as he put the silverware in her hands.

Dad came home a little later and the whole family sat down together for the meal. It felt so wonderfully normal after days of tension. Josh ate two full plates of spaghetti and enough garlic bread to have a bad breath war with his sisters. Riley won.

The girls were rounded up and shipped off to bed by Mom while Josh and his father did the dishes.

“So why are you really here?” Dad asked with a wry look.

Josh took a deep breath. “Word got out that I took Lauren to the Prom. My study group gave me a hard time so I decided to work here.”

“She is a little young.” Dad made the observation without judgment in his tone.

“I know.” Josh’s dinner grumbled in his guts as he closed the dishwasher. “I’ve got a paper to write.”

He took his backpack up to his room and began setting up on his desk. Just as his laptop booted he heard the chime of his cell phone. Pulling it out to look at the message from Lauren made his heart race. “i see you over there”

He smiled at her words and thumbed a response. “got a paper to write”

His phone rang and he swiped to answer her call. “Hey.”

“Paper or not, I don’t think I’ve seen you home midweek before.”

Just hearing her voice soothed him like aloe on a burn. “I usually have study group, but I couldn’t concentrate tonight and Kevin had someone in our room. How was it this week?”

She was quiet for a moment. “Rough.”

“Trouble with Bruce?” he growled, his stomach tightening at the thought.

“No, actually. It’s Breezy. Kind of a long story.”

“I’ve got time if you want to talk about it.”

“Would you mind?” she asked, her trust touching him.

“Of course not. Over here or over there?” he asked.

“My parents are here and I’d prefer a little privacy.”

“My sisters are already in bed. Come over here and we can sit in my room if you want.”

“Be there in a sec,” she sighed. “Thanks.”

Josh got up and went downstairs. His parents were watching television in the living room when the quiet knock came through the front door. “It’s just Lauren coming over to see me,” he said to keep them from getting up.

Opening the door, Josh was unprepared for the impact of seeing Lauren again. Her brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. The lack of makeup made her look younger than he remembered. A long white t-shirt partly covered her black thigh-length yoga shorts. She was nervously flaking the red nail polish off her fingernails as she looked up at him.