The Heroes of Iron City
Chapter 10: IKEA - Affordable Solutions for Better Living

Copyright© 2016 by Bartleby T

Science Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 10: IKEA - Affordable Solutions for Better Living - A mysterious local stranger dies, and ex-soldier Duncan Courtney inherits a spooky old mansion and a host of questions. As Duncan investigates, he discovers that neither the man nor the house are what they appear to be, and that he is destined to inherit much more than he bargained for. Inspired by Lazlo Zalezac's "Damsels in Distress" universe.

Caution: This Science Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   Consensual   Heterosexual   Fiction   Humor   Science Fiction   Group Sex   Oral Sex   Anal Sex   Cream Pie   Tit-Fucking   Slow   Violence  

"Unconsciously, we all have a standard by which we measure other men, and if we examine closely we find that this standard is a very simple one, and is this: we admire them, we envy them, for great qualities we ourselves lack ... Our heroes are men who do things we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do ... If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes." – Samuel Clemens, popular Earthling author, commonly known by the pseudonym Mark Twain, 19th c. - USA

The moments surrounding my return seemed absolutely surreal. I was captive to that bizarre feeling one gets when too tired and everything becomes illusory and dreamlike. The strange book that started all of this – The Legend of Sir Duncan Courtney – lay splayed across the wooden floorboards at my bunny-slippered feet. Curious, I placed the IKEA book to the side and picked up the red leather journal, opening it up to where I left off earlier. It was full of text.

"No way," I said, seeing now that the short section was now followed by more lines, a lot more lines. Flipping through, I could see that several dozen pages were now filled with red cursive. WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?! I picked up where I left off.

The twin suns were slow to rise on that dull, gray, lifeless morning.The rains had come and gone, yet instead of portending a sunnier conclusion, the tempestuous clouds threatened more of the dark and worse. A storm was brewing, and three kin killers were about to reap the whirlwind. In the immovable gloom, a flash shone. It was a quick burst of light against the oppressive dark, but for that, it shone all the brighter. Duncan opened his eyes. A hero he was, though he knew it not himself, and a hero's work was to be his that day. The three villains made camp, hoping that the worst weather had passed. No such luck. Duncan Courtney, first of his name, had finally arrived, and retribution was night...

I stared at the words, suddenly transfixed. What the words depicted didn't interest me - I was there; I knew what happened - but the way in which the words were written interested me greatly. It was rather badly prepared to be honest, and the weather is never a good place to start a story. Additionally, it was rife with cliches like "reap the whirlwind" and that whole light versus dark schtick is tired. The word economy was also garbage - it contained far too much fluff - and its reliance on the passive voice was infuriating. Then it hit me. I disliked it because it was something that I would have written. Exactly what I would have written.

Though I didn't remember writing a thing, the book appeared to be recording my story in my actual voice. It was like opening a letter that I'd written so long ago that I'd forgotten I'd written it. The words were all mine, but I had no memory of physically putting pen to paper. It gave me chills. At least the book had better handwriting that I did. "Ugh," I thought, "Just another mystery to add to the pile." I decided to just stick with the IKEA book for the present.

I climbed the ladder to replace the book and quickly stole a look at the journals beside it. On the far left was The Legend of Rufus Crisp, followed by "The Legends" of four others – Connor O'Toole, Llewelyn Woebegone, Judah Prince, and Kai Courtney. Another Courtney...

I felt the urge to take them all down and read through them but managed to abstain, at least for now. "One book at a time," I muttered, and exited the Living Room wielding the IKEA Book.

Sleep seemed the best course of action at the moment, but I resigned myself to the fact that sleep wasn't going to happen. On top of all the excitement I felt having just transcended modern physics, my body also felt remarkably alert and awake. I was psychologically exhausted from so many new concepts and ideas, and should have been physically exhausted from fighting those douchebags that tried to kill me, but the healing tubes seemed to refresh as well as heal. I couldn't have slept if I'd tried. In lieu of sleep, I opted instead to have a smoke and start in on the reading material.

I went first to the tent and fortunately found Dani dozing softly where I left her, marginally exposed under a heap of blankets, thankfully oblivious to the fact that I had spent the last several hours jumping through alternate dimensions. It was still only half past four. Time dilation. It felt like I had been gone for days. This would certainly take some getting used to. I pulled on my jeans.

Smoking was the one vice I had never been able to kick. I had started early in life as a way to look cool, but I quickly discovered that it helped me deal with stress. As the stress in my life increased, so did my smoking. I wasn't a pack-a-day smoker; on most days I didn't smoke at all. But whenever life took a giant steaming shit on my chest, I needed a smoke. So I went to the deck, plopped down into a chair, propped up my feet on the bannister, lit up, and promptly hacked up a lung.

I coughed like I hadn't coughed in years. As soon as the smoke cleared my nostrils, I felt a tickling sensation deep down before succumbing to coughing fits. "What the hell," I wheezed before it dawned on me. How much did that healing tank really heal? I took another puff with the same result. My lungs felt raw and tight, like they had gone through a few rounds in the dishwasher. My only guess was that the aerated goo that I had been breathing earlier gave my lungs as thorough a scrubbing as my skin. Whatever the reason, it had taken the joy out of smoking so I flicked the butt away with a curse.

I opened the book to the middle, what Lila had deemed the "boring legal section." On the first page was written "The Rules."


The Rules

  1. There must be no violence between Heroes and/or the Women of Harmony.

  2. Every hero may receive services from one and only one Caretaker. Every Caretaker may service one and only one hero. Heroes may choose to dismiss their Caretaker and choose another at any time. Otherwise, Caretakers serve until death of the hero.

  3. Every Caretaker will select three Women of Harmony to serve as her hero's Taskmaster, Keymaster, and Quartermaster, henceforth known individually as Counselors or collectively as the hero's Retinue.

    • His Taskmaster will assume command of any and all activity and upkeep relating to missions, and will provide on-sight intel and support once the hero purchases the uplink to Harmony.

    • His Quartermaster will be responsible for applicable training and outfitting for missions, to include weapons, armor, or other combative technologies.

    • His Keymaster will serve as his primary advisor and will also assume control of his access privileges and knowledge upgrades. She alone has the access and knowledge to answer more specific queries.

    • Any change to Retinue personnel must be directed to a hero's Caretaker. If a Caretaker is dismissed, so is her chosen Retinue. Otherwise, The Retinue serves until death of the hero. The Retinue is to service one and only one hero, unless permission is granted by said hero to service others.

  4. Women of Harmony assigned roles other than Caretakers or Counselors, henceforth known as Melodies, may provide services and support to any hero or Caretaker that asks for it, whenever not engaged in essential facility maintenance.

  5. Heroes and Caretakers are not allowed to enter the domains of other houses, to include common areas, bathhouses, and residences, without express permission from that house.

  6. No possessions, aside from the Rulebook, the Catalogue, the Traveler, and the hero's coins and clothing may be transferred from Harmony to Earth or vice versa.

  7. No possessions, aside from equipment purchased from the quartermaster and the Hero's Traveler, may be transferred from Harmony to Discord or vice versa.

  8. Tampering with the Traveler or attempting to deconstruct it in any way is forbidden.

  9. Travel must take place within 1.32 miles of an activated Champion's Relic of the Hero's House. The Traveler will not function on Earth outside of this radius.

  10. The Tenth Rule is to remain unknown until the need for it has arisen.


I didn't like that last rule ... not one bit.

Additional sets of rules and regulations followed this, more fine-print legal documentation detailing specific scenarios and particulars, but I skimmed through most of it. There was a lot of jargon, and much of it didn't makes sense to me, and wouldn't, at least until I learned the applicable terminology.

A few other pages detailed the earning of coins with a sample scorecard to illustrate, and a few others mentioned wise upgrade paths for beginners. It was all interesting enough, but it was presented in such a sleepy and dispassionate textbook manner that it quickly made me bored. The sun was beginning to rise so I shut the book and went back inside to rouse Dani.

She rolled over when prodded, checking the time on her phone and muttering " ... what the fuck..."

I apologized for the hour and made up a quick lie about needing to report to command because I forgot to sign something. In truth, I was nervous about these other supposed "family members" dropping by and I didn't want to involve Dani in something so obviously dangerous. She understood, of course, because Dani is a wonderful person, and it was not without some small bit of pride that I watched her limp to the garage. "You did good work last night," she said softly, lowering herself into the car. I smiled at the comment. It feels good to be appreciated.

We took the SLS this time, and though the machine lived up to every expectation, expertly handling every wind and bend the practically unnavigable Pittsburgh roadway system could throw at it, the car didn't strike me as anywhere near as exciting as it had the day previous. We drove in silence most of the way, odd for me, and though Dani must have realized that something was wrong, she respected my privacy enough not to prod me about it. She simply leaned through the passenger window as I dropped her off and said "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

I nodded but kept my mouth shut. As much as I trusted her to know that I wasn't lying, I also respected her too much to have her think that I had gone crazy. I wasn't entirely sure that I hadn't myself.

A lot of shit had happened last night, but even though I'd seen a window into space, observed the workings of a starship, and traveled to other dimensions, I couldn't stop thinking about the fight in the woods. I'd killed three men - killed them - and even if they were "really bad boys" as Lila had insisted, I still wasn't sure what I'd done could be justified, let alone rewarded. Lila was sure, but then I barely knew her.

She seemed like a good person, but I wondered how much of that appraisal was coming from my dick. If Lila hadn't been so deliriously attractive, and if I viewed the situation objectively, could I still be sure that I'd done the right thing? I wasn't so sure.

I was in an existential funk to begin with. I'd once considered myself a Christian, but I had recently begun binge-watching educational Youtube videos, including a bunch about religion. These videos led to books by authors like Dawkins and Hitchens, which led to books about philosophy, and I'd started to feel my preconceptions about God and my position in the universe shift inexorably away from the church. To make a long story short, I had become very unsure about a lot of matters pertaining to morality, and I was confused about how human beings determine what is right or wrong.

 
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