Chapter 8: The FNG (Fucking New Guy)

“Alright,” I said, “first thing. I’d really love it if you could tell me, in the simplest terms possible, where I am. You say I’m back on Harmony. What does that mean? Where is Harmony?” I glanced around at the sterile and alien environment. “ ... or for that matter ‘what’ is Harmony?”

“It’s like this,” Lila said, leaning back onto her hands. “Harmony is a crossroads of sorts. It’s a way station that acts as a link between your world, Earth, and Discord, which is a collective designation for a grouping of worlds in which homo sapiens have become the dominant species but haven’t yet reached a level of civilization so as to ensure their continued success.”

I furrowed my brow. “If this is the simplest way to explain this to me, we’re going to be here all night.” Then I remembered Dani. “Shit, what time is it? I was with a girl before I arrived here. Is she alright?”

Lila smiled. “Should be. Did she see you travel?”

“No. She was asleep.”

“You should be alright then. You’ve only been here for 3 hours, which is only about 45 minutes back on Earth. There is a lot of temporal distortion with distances as large as from Earth to here.”

“So I’m not on Earth right now?”

Lila shook her head in the negative. “Well, that’s just great. How far away am I?”

“It’s hard to say,” she answered. “The distance is beyond anything you can imagine. It’s beyond numbers.”

“What kind of answer is that?” I cradled my head in my hands and looked up towards her. “Am I going crazy? Is that what this is?”

She smiled that electric smile again as she walked toward me and offered me her hand. “C’mon. Let me show you something.” I took it, and stood up, careful to keep the blanket over me, and let her lead me over the opposite wall.

“Like I said, you’re on Harmony, where you receive your missions and spend your credits. It’s a bit easier just to show you. Computer, open windows.” At her command, the entire back third of the wall slid downward into the floor, revealing a solid pane of glass.

“Holy mother of God...” I said, and stopped in my tracks. Outside of the window was an orbital view of Earth, only it wasn’t Earth, not quite. It was a blue planet, but the arrangements of the larger islands did not fit any recognizable features or shapes that I would know from a map. “We’re in space!” I took a shaky step forward, and the blanket fell from my shoulder, forgotten.

“We’re in space!” she repeated happily. She scooped up the blanket, and carefully placed it back on my shoulders. “Keep this on,” she said. “You’ll catch cold.”

“Is that Earth?”

“No, it’s just a planet similar in composition to Earth. We’re very, very far from Earth, not just spatially but temporally as well. What does that old movie say again? A long time ago in a galaxy far far away?”

“I’m in the past?” I said, staring out the window slack-jawed. “And I’m in space?!”

“Well to be precise, you’re kind of ... in another dimension.”

“Get the fuck out.” I said. Lila back away, uncertain.

“What?”

I hesitantly approached the window and pressed my hands on the glass. The planet below seemed to turn very slowly, and I could see more stars around the outskirts than I’d ever seen anywhere before. This close, the space seemed to almost have texture and depth, some parts brighter than others, some parts seeming almost cloudy with blues and purples.

“I don’t understand. How is this possible?”

“You mean like scientifically? Are you asking me to explain dimensional travel? Sorry, I really can’t. I’m not an engineer. But your Traveler allows you to ... well ... jump dimensions as it were ... to travel through space and time.” She said this all very calmly with a straight face, just like a sane person.

“There’s no way, I said. “That’s too much. This is impossible.” She slowly approached me from behind while I stood transfixed with my hands on the window like a suction cup doll.

“Your disbelief is understandable, and normal. All heroes go through this at first, but I’m telling you the truth.”

“Heroes? I said. “What is with this hero stuff?” I turned to her, and seeing her shapely figure and cherubic smile made me very aware that I was completely naked and draped in a blanket. Legs that go on for miles and barely contained double D’s make a man feel a bit more self-conscious when not protected by the modesty of clothing.

It was also then that I realized that I was sporting a ridiculously massive erection. The blanket tented out in a pronounced manner just below my waist. Seeing no way to hide it, I just shrugged.

“Sorry,” I said. “I really have no idea why I’m getting hard over the idea of dimensional travel...”

She laughed. “Oh, I don’t mind.” she said, turning around and arching her back. “You sure it’s not because of me?” It was a fair question. Her body was a knockout, and the spandex didn’t do much to hide her feminine lovelies. She was very capable of giving me a chubby. But this was no ordinary boner. I couldn’t remember ever being so aroused in my entire life.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re gorgeous, but this is ... more than usual...”

“I’ll say,” she said with a wink. “Lucky me.” I raised an eyebrow. Come again?

“Relax,” she said. “It’s normal. The healing tubes are very ... invigorating. Erections are a natural response.” She muttered another command and window snapped shut. “Now come here. There’s more.”

“More than dimensional travel and boners? What else is there?”

I let her lead me back to the wooden chair and I sat while she walked back to the desk. “What if I said I didn’t believe you? What if I said that dimensional travel isn’t possible?” Lila shook her head.

“I’d say look around, Duncan. Have you ever seen technology like this before? Look at your stomach. Is there anything on Earth that could heal you like that?

“There could be a million other explanations for that.”

She snorted. “Sure there are. Give me one.”

“What about a dream?”

“It’s not a dream,” she said. “Look, you’ve already traveled three times. You were stabbed and then miraculously healed, and I just showed you a window into space. Why is this so hard to believe?”

“Because it just isn’t possible,” I said. If this is another dimension, how do you know about Star Wars? And shouldn’t you be an alien or something?”

She smiled. “That’s the movie I was talking about. Star Wars. I’ve seen a lot of your movies, Duncan. I grew up with them, same as you. I’ve been training to be a caretaker since I was a kid.”

I sat back in the chair, trying to wrap my head around the situation. I like to think that I have an open mind, but another dimension? It seemed too farfetched to be true. She approached me and, with no other chair in the room, sat on her knees in front of me.

I tried to contain my building anxiety, but porn had taught me only one reason for a girl to be kneeling before a naked man. My heart started to beat faster. It only became worse when she narrowed her eyes and asked “how can I prove it to you?”

My mind rifled through all of the vulgar possibilities. She was so extraordinarily beautiful and the situation seemed to be quickly turning into one where my boner would be more appropriate.

But, as excited as she made me, I couldn’t get past the idea that I was in another dimension. My curiosity and never-ending skepticism trumped my libido.

“I don’t know that you can,” I said, wrapping my blanket closer. I realized that I was beginning to shiver. “Why is it so cold in here?”

“It’s not,” she said. “Your body has just repaired itself more quickly than it’s used to. You’re having difficulty regulating your body heat. It’s generally recommended that a hero engage in some form of vigorous activity after emerging from stasis.” She inched closer. “The more vigorous, the better.” She winked at me then, just in case I was a total blockhead and missed her meaning.

“Are you aware that everything you say is dripping with sexual innuendo?”

She smiled. “Here, let me warm you up a bit.” She reached forward tentatively and ran her hands under the blanket and up my thighs. Because I was so cold, and also because she was smoking hot, I let her. Her hands were warm and soft, and if I hadn’t already been hard as a rock, I’m sure that I would have become so. She was devastatingly attractive.

“Alright,” I said, “Let’s just say that I believe you, and you’ve transported me to another dimension.” She started kneading my thighs. “Why do this? Why have you brought me here?”

“Well. You’re not going to like this answer but ... I can’t tell you.”

“Why?” She started moving her hands further up my thighs and I swallowed heavily. “And why are you so ... friendly?”

“I can’t tell you because nothing here is free, Duncan. Everything must be earned and purchased with coins. That includes the answers to most questions that begin with a ‘why.’ In most cases, we can tell you the where, when, who, or what of a thing, but the answers to those big ‘why’ questions come at a cost.” She walked her knees closer until she was only inches away and kept rubbing my thighs in a more and more inappropriate yet pleasurable manner.

“And I’m being so friendly because I’m your caretaker. Caretakers are supposed to be friendly. It’s my job to take care of my hero. Her fingers began to creep up my legs even further. “You’re cold,” she said, leaning in very close, “so I’m warming you up.” To her credit, I did feel like my temperature was rapidly rising. “I can stop if you’d like.”

“No, no,” I said. “You’re good.” I inched back a bit because of her closeness, but she leaned forward to match. “We can be friends, I guess.” I hit the back of the chair and she scooted up in between my legs, practically climbing on top of me. “Oh wow,” I said as she practically pushed herself onto my lap. “Hello.” She saw how anxious I was and just started chuckling.

“Aww,” she purred. “My hero is shy.”

“Given the circumstances,” I managed. Lila leaned in further and nipped my earlobe, causing my entire body to shiver. “Beautiful women don’t usually throw themselves at me, sad to say.”

“Better get used to it,” she whispered. “It happens to heroes all the time.”

“You should probably stop calling me a hero. I’m just Duncan.”

“You just saved two innocent girls from being raped. That makes you my hero. I can call you whatever I want.” Her words stroked my ego and her fingers came perilously close to stroking something else entirely, but at the last moment she pulled away, trailing her fingernails down my thighs as she withdrew. Flashing me a devilish grin, she leaned back onto her heels and hopped to her feet. “Now stand up hero. Let’s get you some clothes so I can give you a quick tour. Unless you want to wear that blanket instead. It’s very dashing.”

“Oh yeah,” I said, rising to my feet, “I make this look work.” She walked over to her desk and began pulling out one of the drawers. “You can buy yourself a whole new ensemble once you earn more coins, but for now, you get to wear the standard starter clothes.” She pulled a grey folded lump out of the drawer and placed it onto the desk. It was a plain grey sweat-suit, and she giggled as she held up the hoodie for inspection. It had no markings on it except for the word “HERO” in big black letters on the front.

“Wow,” I said. “I can’t imagine an outfit that would make me feel less like a hero.”

She laughed. “Shut up, it’s adorable. Put this on, and don’t forget these...” From the same drawer, she produced my pink bunny slippers and tossed them to me. The fluffy little bastards landed at my feet and smiled up at me with stupid goofy expressions. We meet again. My emasculation was complete. “You know, they’re actually really comfortable.”

“I bet,” she giggled.

I walked to the sweat suit and looked around for a door. “Is there a place for me to change, or... ?”

“Oh you can just change right here,” she said, licking her lips. “I don’t mind.”

“Of course you don’t,” I said. I was having trouble reading Lila. She seemed like one part scientist and one part excited little kid, wrapped in the body of a supermodel, and instructed to make me feel as sexually awkward as humanly possible. But she’d seen the boner already. We’d talked about the boner. So I just figured “fuck it” and slipped the blanket off of my shoulders.

As expected, my cock rose from the folds peerless, undaunted, ready for love. I handed the blanket to her over her desk, and she took it absentmindedly, already absorbed in staring at my erection, which hungrily stared right back at her. It makes me feel juvenile to admit it, but it looked so glorious at that moment, that I was actually proud of my penis. I wanted to buy the little fella a beer.

“Very nice,” Lila said, eventually meeting my eyes again. She blushed only slightly when she saw me looking at her, but then smiled and resumed examining my cock twitch in the space between us. “I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but you have a beautiful dick.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever mind a pretty girl complimenting my dick,” I said, picking up the sweat pants and unfolding them. “Granted, it’s strange hearing it from a beautiful stranger in space but hey, I’ll take what I can get.”

“Stranger?” she said, looking injured. “Duncan, you really shouldn’t think of me as a stranger.” She walked around my desk and took my hand. “The bond that forms between a hero and his caretaker is a very intimate and special thing. We’re more than strangers, more than friends even.” Before I could slip my pants on, she stepped forward and wrapped me up in a tight hug. My erection bent vertical as her stomach squeezed it against mine, and I felt her arms caressing my back. Then, she took my shoulders in her hands, and planted a firm yet chaste kiss upon my lips.

“There,” she said. “Now we’re not strangers anymore.” She turned and walked back to her side of the desk. “And I reserve the right to compliment your penis whenever I please.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I mumbled, momentarily stunned by her kiss. I wasn’t expecting it, and when her lips touched mine, it was as if there were fireworks going off in my head. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.

Shaking it off, I stepped into the sweatpants. Fortunately, they were fairly baggy. I put the shirt on as well, and actually found the outfit extremely comfortable. I still had a commendable bulge but whatever, that shit was out of my control. Lila grabbed her clipboard and some other loose items from a drawer and came back around the desk. She smiled at the bulge but managed to suppress a laugh.

“Alright,” she said. “Tour time. Follow me.”

Lila walked to the nearest crease in the wall and the door quickly slid up with a Star-Trek-like whoosh. She then proceeded through the door with the most sensual hip-swinging stride that I’ve ever seen from a woman not wearing heels. I followed, spellbound by that unbelievable behind. I would have followed that ass into hell.

The doorway opened into a small hallway with the same futuristic white plastic chic as the previous room. There were windows on both sides, but instead of seeing outer space through them, I beheld gorgeous snow-capped mountains with waves lapping at their feet. It must have been computer-generated, but it was as real as looking through any other window.

“Cool.”

“Alright, so the room we’re coming from will be your war room. Think of it as your home away from home. There’s a little bathroom and bedroom in there off to the sides, but right now, everything is bare-bones. No furniture. Because I have to live there too, I recommend upgrading it as soon as you put some scratch together.”

“Wait,” I said. “You don’t expect me to live here, do you? I have a life in Pittsburgh, and friends and stuff.”

“No to worry,” she said. “Your Traveler will allow you to travel here and back as you wish. Some heroes spend more time here than others to take advantage of the temporal distortion. Two hours on Earth equals about 8 here so it’s useful if you need time to prepare for an exam or meet a deadline at work or whatever. Every 8-hour chunk will cost you a coin, though. Like I said, nothing’s free.”

“Umm, alright,” I mumbled, taking the moment to process. I had seen Interstellar. There was time distortion in that and Hollywood would never lie to me, so I guess it was, at least, possible. I could, if nothing else, pretend to know what she was talking about. At the end of the short hallway was another door that swooshed away as we approached. I smiled as it all started to dawn on me. “Holy shit,” I thought. “I’m really on a goddamn spaceship.”

Through the door was a large room shaped like a giant macaroni noodle 20 meters wide and much longer. The entire center of the room was a large steaming pool with wide stone steps leading into the water from all sides.

Unlike the others, this room was floored with alternating green and black tiles, and the walls and domed ceiling were of thick smoked blocks of glass in a similar color scheme. It looked like a fancy Athletic club, the kind of place you’d imagine old rich white men go to damn the liberals and talk about how the country is going to shit.

Near the vertices of the kidney-shaped pool were large pillars of smooth black granite that stretched from pool-floor to ceiling, and around each sat a half dozen young girls lounging in the water, who all turned toward us as we entered.