God, We Have a Problem

by The Tui

Tags: Fiction, Humor,

Desc: Humor Story: A reflection brought on by the festive season. My first effort posting here.

It was a quiet day in Paradise when St Michael approached the chamber of the Great Presence with a troubled expression. Not that a quiet day was abnormal as Paradise was, is and always will be a calm and peaceful place, but to see St Michael troubled was unheard of, so a great angelic host gathered around to hear the news.

St Michael moved to the position appointed for a conversation with the Great Presence and waited to be acknowledged. A great chime rang out to indicate that the Great Presence’s private assistant Mary would attend him. She came into the chamber smiling with a couple of lambs gambolling around her feet and invited St Michael to tell her what matter he had to communicate as the Great Prsence had not alerted her to anything untoward.

St Michael greeted her and said “Mary, I have need of guidance to direct the proper order of worship for our people and I think only Our Father can assist. Would you pass on a request for a direct audience.”.

“Certainly, Michael, if you think it necessary. HE is not particularly busy at the moment and I expect he will be here immediately.” she responded. Instantly cymbals clashed and trumpets sounded and a glow filled the chamber.

“Good afternoon Michael. I have been basking in the adoration of my people this Christmas day and considering how to bring more peace and harmony to the universe and eternity, so I am in a receptive and generous mood. What is the matter that so troubles you.”

St Michael paused and collected his thoughts before starting “GOD, we have a problem”. He paused again before continuing and the angelic host instinctively moved closer to hear about a disturbance in the order of things.

“I have been monitoring the prayer channel this morning and have been contacted by the Pope, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church, the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem and several other leaders on planet Earth who are all troubled by how to continue the order of celebrations such as Christmas, Hannoka, Esater and Passover. They already have many problems between the sects on which day of their calendar they allocate to the celebrations, but that is minor to the problem they are all facing.”

He paused and the Great Presence prompted him to continue “Why now, after so much time, has this become a greater problem?”

“The basic issue is that the human race has developed sufficient technology to leave their planet and send some of their population to dwell on other planets. Once they leave Earth they will be in environments where an Earthly calendar and timescale are not appropriate. This is likely to lead to worships being unaware of the correct time for their celebrations and appropriate prayers. It would be an anathema for an Orthodex Jew to miss the celebration of the Passover, but on a planet with a slow rotation the time may came around every 4 days and it will not be practical to fast from sun-up to sun-down. If the follow the traditions they will not survive a week on their new home and the Chief Rabbi is sure this is not what is intended by the strictures in the BIBLE. The Christian leaders have similar concerns and wish to know how to interpret the traditions of their various communities in light of this problem. I seek guidance on the message to be passed back in answer to their prayers.”

There was a seemingly eternal pause before the Great Presence made a reply “This issue indeed is a problem and one that will have to be dealt with carefully. At the time I created Heaven and Earth I did not think to introduce a universal time scale even if it would be possible given the space/time warping effect of the movement of the galaxies, let alone the effects of black holes. When I created humans even I did not expect them to venture beyond their world and did not think to imbue them with the concept of an universal time measure. To simplify my teachings I gave them scripture that was based on the reality of their own observations to make it comprehensible to them. It wasn’t until I gave Einstein the epiphany of his law that they had any concept of the importance of TIME. This indeed requires much consideration – come back here in 3 Heavenly time units to allow me time to consider an optimum solution.”

The glow in the chamber dimmed and all the host and St Michael departed. Leaving Mary to inscribe the conversation in the record scroll.

St Michael returned to the prayer monitoring area and instructed the angels to pass on the thought to the supplicants that. as there would be several earth years before the issue became a major problem, they should relax and a revelation would be forthcoming which would enlighten them.

Around Easter the prayer monitors reported that the issue was still on the minds of the leaders, but that they were more comfortable that a solution would be found.

After 3 Heavenly time units St Michael returned to the chamber of the Great Presence followed again by the angelic host eagerly awaiting a solution to the problem. St Michael was astonished to find the Great Presence already filling the chamber with a glow of amber hue with Mary sitting by the record scroll, but also holding another smaller scroll with a light blue cover.

“Michael, I am glad to see you on time. I came to a decision a half Heavenly time unit ago, but I need you to peruse my solution to see if your closer knowledge of the human race can make it more comprehensible to them.” Mary handed the smaller scroll to St Michael and he took it gingerly as this was the first time the Great Presence had indicated any doubt about a decision – was the Great Presence suffering from old age after the multitudes of millennia he had endured?

St Michael nodded to the Great Presence and acknowledged the honour “God, forgive me for I am a mere saint, but I will give this my utmost attention. But first, can you give us all a little summary of your deliberations as we are all anxious to hear the optimum solution?”.

“Certainly, my son. I know I have surprised you by asking for a second opinion, but the intellect of man has moved on and changed very fast and, as I have not had need to monitor the prayer channels for some time I have may have lost touch with what they are capable of. You have been in contact with them more recently.

“First I believe we need to change their concept of worship to avoid the need to measure at set times. In fact it will be better for them to worship at any and all times as the mood strikes them. Traditions of fasting and self denial were never intentioned in my teachings so they can be dispensed with.

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