Diary of a Loose Girl
Chapter 7: Self-Love

Copyright© 2015 by Chase Shivers

Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 7: Self-Love - Diary of a Loose Girl follows a woman named Carrie. From her earliest sexual experiences through her adult life, her first time, her kinks, the men and women she fucked and loved, she recorded it all in her Diary. Follow Carrie's retelling of those personal notes as she details what she tried and liked, what she tried and hated, the people she loved and lost, and what turns her on beyond imagination. Note - This story is open-ended with 28 chapters so far.

Caution: This Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   mt/ft   Ma/ft   Fa/Fa   ft/ft   Mult   Consensual   Lesbian   BiSexual   Heterosexual   Fiction   School   Tear Jerker   Interracial   Black Male   White Male   White Female   Oriental Female   Anal Sex   Cream Pie   First   Masturbation   Oral Sex   Safe Sex   Sex Toys   Teacher/Student  

Chapter Cast:

Carrie Minberg, Female, 16-17
- Narrator, high school sophomore
- Beige, freckled skin, 5'5, 135lbs, curly back-length dyed-blue hair
Michael, Male, 16-17
- High school sophomore
- Dark brown skin, 6'0, 155lbs, short very curly black hair

On the bus ride home, Michael was a bit quiet. Not cold, just thoughtful, not terribly unusual for him. His voice a whisper, he said quietly, "that was fun, last night. I love you, Carrie."

"Yeah, that was great. Thank you ... hope you want to come back for seconds." I dodged him again on returning the phrase. "Lot of fun..."

"I'm glad I could be your first."

I froze, unsure what to say. He thought he'd been my first! Oh, Jesus, I thought. What now? I didn't want to hurt his feelings, maybe make him angry with me, didn't want him to know I'd had other lovers before. I had no hymen anymore, it had been painfully ripped away all those months ago by Brown. I thought that would have made it obvious. But it didn't and I raced to respond in some way that protected him from my past. That protected me from him rejecting me because of it.

I did what I always did when I was trapped. I lied. "Yeah ... loved it ... you were ... uh ... you were a great first ... uh ... you're first?"

"Yeah ... was it obvious? I ... was a bit nervous, but two virgins, eh? What do you expect?"

I chuckled, tried to stop sweating, tried not to show my discomfort, tried to cover my deception. "Y-yeah ... Yeah. Exactly. Guess we'll get better if we do it more."

"I'd like that."

And better we did get. Michael was a passionate lover that just needed some direction. I helped him find how to touch me, how to penetrate me, and after three times together, how to lick my puss. Once he had his first taste, he was hooked, and I had many wonderful orgasms on his tongue, and on his small, throbbing black cock.

My junior year fired up, Michael and I had both turned seventeen that summer, and everything was rolling as high as it had ever been for me. I had a fun, romantic sex life with a boy I loved. Yes, I finally said it to him a week before school started. I think I loved him. I think I'd finally let Camila go. I even told my mom and she liked Michael immediately, and he was regularly invited to join us for dinners and outings.

Mom had even been the one to suggest birth control, and so I went on the pill. Michael and I continued to use condoms, though. He was terrified at the thought of getting me pregnant.

It was a bit disappointing, but not a big thing. Michael was a fun lover and cared about me, and my urge to let him cum inside me was kept isolated during the many times I masturbated between our intimate moments.

Four weeks into my junior year, my world started to fall apart again. It started with the transfer of one of my previous classmates at my old school. Someone I didn't know well, a boy named 'Travis.' I never believed my Loose Girl harassers could possibly continue their shaming at Natural Law, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

A note in my locker spelled out clearly, Loose Girl 2: Carrie Now Live and Loose at Natural. I felt sick and sat in the bathroom, devastated. I didn't want to face that shit again. How was I supposed to tell Michael? What would he think if he knew I'd had sex before, that he wasn't my first. Would he still love me? Hate me? I'd lied to him. I felt the crushing weight of what happens when a lie turns around and destroys what you used it to build. It was a lesson I should have learned early in my life, but even now, I admit I still fall into old habits.

At first, I tried to ignore Travis and his rumors. Michael drove me home from school one day, quiet, not unlike him. Out of nowhere, he blindsided me with what I'd been expecting but was never ready for. "'Loose Girl?' There any truth in that, Carrie? Any truth to what they're saying about you?"

I wanted to cry. My throat became thick, I almost lied again, tried to assure them it wasn't true. Instead, what I said was, "it's not what you think. It's not like that."

I didn't deny that I'd had sex before him, but I tried to deny that I deserved the nickname.

He said nothing and I couldn't say more.

Michael dropped me off at home, said coldly, "I think we should take a break for a while. I need to think about things, maybe you'll finally tell me what all this is about. I thought you would just now ... but you had nothing to say to me, Carrie. Nothing? Don't I deserve something?"

I cried. I lost it. I felt so bad for lying to him, felt shame all over for being a sexual person before Michael. I hated myself as he drove off, my reply stuck in my throat. I stood outside my house for a very long time, just crying.

My mom was home, and for the first time in many years, I broke down and told her everything. I'd never told her about 'Loose Girl' but I came clean about everything. Everything but Henri, I still protected that secret. But she learned the rest. About Brown, about my horrible nickname, about my relationships with Camila, and with Michael.

She was very accepting of what I told her. I think a lot of it surprised her and some of it upset her, but she held strong for me and let me wail and cry until I was exhausted and went to bed.


Travis and his 'news' from 'out there' broke whatever it was I had with Michael. After the day he asked to 'take a break, ' he never again showed warmth to me. He was nice enough, especially when others were around, but he never again held my hand. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't very good at talking things out. I wanted to tell him everything, let him know why I'd lied, but he wasn't interested.

I felt like shit again. Like shit and a worthless cunt and a horrible, lying bitch. And I sank quickly into emotional depression.

Because the counselors at Natural Law were serious professionals, they recognized the symptoms I quickly showed after the breakup. I was invited in to talk to one of them, and over a couple of weeks, I told her about everything but Henri. Not detailed, not like I describe things here, but enough. The school psychologist suggested I try an anti-depressant to bouy me. They felt I swallowed and held in too much self-blame, and I couldn't control it without help, they told Mom.

I resisted, at first. I didn't want some chemical solution. I wanted Michael back in my life. I wanted Camila back. I would have run a thousand miles to be with Henri.

But Mom convinced me and I tried it. And ... I got better at handling things. I still had emotional swings, still felt depression, but it felt manageable. I didn't feel like drowning even as I drug myself through the mud in my life. That buffer, that edge removed, made the rest of that school year better all around.

At first, I didn't masturbate on it. Didn't feel the urge. My doctor, who saw me after about six weeks on the drug, said that was normal in the beginning and it would get better over time. And it did, and at some point I was back to masturbating every day.

My friends were pretty cool about things, really, despite a few people continuing to bully me with 'Loose Girl' from time to time. They didn't abandon me, and although I never really connected with anyone the way I had with Michael, they were pretty cool people sometimes.

Michael and I eventually became school-friends again, though it never became the relationship we had before. He never asked me to clarify 'Loose Girl' or gave me a chance to explain my lies. I've always felt a raw burn in my emotions over that. I wish I could have given him the words that would have changed how he felt for me.


The end of my junior year and the summer that followed seems like a good place to tell you about masturbation. Mine, specifically. Although, I'm sure your masturbating experiences would interest me if only you'd write them. Anyway, I masturbated daily, sometimes more often, over that period. Some days, I spent the day in bed or at my desk, fantasizing about classmates, men I saw while shopping, and even a few of their wives.

 
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