Author's Note: The idea for this story came to me when I got behind a mini-van in traffic, and just happened to notice the sticker on the back window. 'Dog Mom' in big letters superimposed across a large paw print. An evil and perverted idea struck me: 'What, now they're advertising?' Hence, this story. No real animals were harmed in the generation of this story, and my canine anatomy, descriptions, and behaviors are probably way off base, but that's not why you're reading, so please don't bother correcting me. Yes, I know certain things don't work the way I describe them but this is not Scientific American. Or even Dog Fancy ... read and enjoy. Comments, as always, are appreciated.