Chapter 26

The parade out to 140 was embarrassing. Three police cars and two motorcycles. No sirens ... unless somebody was stubborn, Finland is the home of the original redneck and they tend to no turn signals, 40 in the fast lane and 80 in the slow.

At the turnoff, we pulled over ... to people in the opposite lane it must have looked like the worlds biggest drug bust.

The motorcycle cops looked like they always do ... bored sitting still. The captain and Officer Makela stepped up to the window.

"You got the directions?" the Captain asked while Makela looked official.

Wendy waved the sheet. She slipped it under the dashboard clip and climbed in the bed in back.

I just had to ask, "Who is in the other car?"

Captain Timo said, "The Chief."

"He's that interested?"

"Father in law," as if that explained it all.

"Wants his baby girl to have what she wants, when she wants it?"

"It can be a pain in the ass."

"I'll bet."

"Say, what about your boat?" Officer Makela asked.

"The transporter people are hauling it home."

I pulled the fancy lorry out on 140 and checked it off the list. Every time I made a turn to a new road ... I checked it off the list.

If I told you I didn't get lost ... would you believe me?

I wouldn't either.

Somewhere in the way out of the way nobody told me.

Heard that before?

Yeah ... me too.

'Nobody told me I shouldn't shave the kitten.'

What nobody told me This time was that Tikkala really shouldn't be on the map. That was number one.

Number two that nobody told me was that the 607/Ronsuntaipaeentie junction wasn't IN Tikkala. No. 607/Ronsuntaipaeentie is about a hundred yards EAST of where I thought it would be.

You know ... sweep around a curve, drive west until the junction and turn right.

Ain't happening.

Number three Nobody told me was that Ronsuntaipaeentie isn't Ronsuntaipaeentie. It doesn't become Ronsuntaipaeentie until half way to Jyväskylä.

In Tikkala it's Saukkolahdentie. It doesn't matter that I never saw the 607/Saukkolahdentie junction ... I wasn't looking for it. AND it's EAST of where 607 turns.

Number four Nobody told me was that Tikkala is so small that there's no Tikkala sign. The only thing in Takkala is a school ... and it's on Saukkolahdentie ... not Ronsuntaipaeentie.

So ... I kept driving on 607 ... until it ended and 604 took over.

Go back and read the list.

Is 604 on it?

No, it's not.

I woke up Wendy.

That was a mistake.

Wendy is not a happy camper until the coffee pot circulates around the table at least two times, three is better and four will work.

I discovered she is "grumpy."

She was never "grumpy" before because I always had coffee ready when she got up. I didn't do it for her ... it was a holdover from my mother.

Mother never went anywhere without her 'face' on ... she drank coffee while she plastered and powdered and painted.

I liked coffee in the morning ... Thanks Mom.

The rest of the story: Remember? Wendy isn't FROM here? Remember that? Wendy had been a Finn two years before lightning struck me in the pruners.

She had no clue.

She went back to sleep.

Shrugging, I kept on driving 604 until the bridge.

Petäjävesi.

We have been here before.

Not too long ago.

I headed east.

Jyväskylä.

Since we had a lorry ... said Audi Quattro and it 'looked official' the gate guards at the hotel let us in.

Since I already knew ... we'd been here before ... that Valmaat had the penthouse I carried Wendy to the front desk and ordered the keys. The elevator took us up and I tossed her in the nearest bed.

"Room Service?"

"Coffee. Then American standard breakfast. ThenQ."

The smell revived her. I forced a cuppa in her hands.

"We're here," I said. "Drink up ... we need to register for the rally."