Chapter 17: A Southern Belle, a Surprise Proposal, two Cheerleaders, an Old Flame, and a Girl Back Home, Part V

October 1981, Milford, Ohio

Kara and I headed to Frisch’s for lunch. Our food arrived quickly, and we started eating.

“A lot has happened in the last week,” I said.

“Oh?”

“Bethany has a steady boyfriend in Madison.”

“Really? I had hoped something like that would happen, but I wasn’t counting on it. I always thought she was going to wait until you actually married before she did something like that. So she’s really moving on?”

“That’s a good question. I would say that she’s recognized the reality of the situation and she’s looking for an alternative. It’s not all that different from Joyce, who’s hedging her bets, so to speak. She dates, but she has no desire to marry anytime soon, so she can afford to play a waiting game.”

“Oh, I know all about Joyce’s strategy! But she’s not going to get in my way. She’s not like Bethany or Jennifer or even Karin in that way,” Kara said with a smile. “Just so I’m totally clear, does that mean you won’t be sleeping with her?”

“Yes. You know my rule.”

“Good,” she said with a smile.

“There’s more. Kathy has a steady boyfriend at Northwestern, too.”

“Wow. And you seem quite calm about both of those. I guess that leaves Elyse?”

“She’s met a guy. She knows my rule, and she knows that I plan on having you move in with me. She’s not going to date steady for a while, though. But she and I aren’t dating — she doesn’t want to complicate things for herself or you.”

“But she’s willing to have sex with you? That’s just odd.”

“It’s really a strange set of circumstances. You would have to talk to her. But there’s one other thing I need to tell you.”

“What’s that?” Kara said, a bit apprehensively.

“There’s a girl who I’ve gone out with a few times. She has a boyfriend back in Georgia. We’re probably going to date, but we both have commitments.”

“Have you done anything with her?” Kara asked casually.

The way she said it was meant to show that she wasn’t concerned, but I could tell that she was, at least a bit.

“We’ve kissed a little bit. That’s it. But that was before I found out that she and her boyfriend hadn’t really discussed how they were going to handle being apart. Not like you and I have. She talked to him, but they had a disagreement.”

“You do draw that line pretty brightly. And that’s a good thing,” she said, pausing for a moment. “So tell me, how did you meet this Georgia peach?”

Fortunately, she giggled and turned her head slightly at her joke, so she didn’t see my surprise. I recovered and chuckled, hiding my nervousness at her having accidentally come up with my nickname for Stephie.

“She’s my lab partner in chemistry class. I help her with her computer stuff. She’s a Chemical Engineering major, so she helps me with Chemistry.”

Kara sighed, “I think we need to talk about things. I’m not happy with how things are going. Yes, Bethany, Jennifer, and Karin are out of the picture to one degree or another, but this girl...”

“Stephie,” I said.

“Stephie, plus that Russian girl, Tatyana, are both new. And there’s Joyce and Elyse. You didn’t do anything with the Russian girl?”

“Just kiss,” I said.

“Just? And you think that qualifies as behaving?”

Kara kept her voice and face neutral so I couldn’t glean anything from her about what she thought. And in the end, what she thought mattered. I felt that we were quickly coming to a point where she was going to demand that I make a decision. A decision that I had been sure of until Bethany and Kathy had given me their opinions.

“Obviously I do, because I did it.”

“I guess that’s a reasonable answer, given that you’re always honest with me. I have a question for you, and maybe you can’t answer right away, but why do you feel the need to go out with other girls, especially new ones? What’s missing from our relationship that makes you want to do that? Are you not sure about us? Are you afraid of commitment?”

I thought about it for a minute before responding. I remembered the advice that I’d received, plus things Katt had said to me all along about making decisions when I was so young.

“I guess part of it was the result of the fallout from the whole debacle with Jennifer. And part of it is remembering what happened with Birgit,” I paused, took a deep breath, then continued, “And part of it is making a decision that locks me into a lifetime commitment at eighteen.”

“Thank you. Now we have something to work with. You’re sure that there’s nothing missing from our relationship? Something I’m not doing or even something I need to stop doing?”

“No, Kara. I have no complaints. Well, other than you’re here and I’m in Chicago. But that’s temporary.”

“That one will resolve itself in nine months or so,” she giggled, “but not with a baby!”

“That would not be a good idea!” I agreed.

“What do you want to do, Steve? Please be honest with me. It’s the only way we can figure out a way forward.”

That was a very good question. I didn’t know. And I needed to tell Kara that.

“I don’t know,” I sighed.

“Have you ever known?” she asked.

Kara was taking this far more calmly than I would have in her place.

“It depends on what you’re asking. I’ve pretty much always known that I wanted to go to college and then get a job, get married, and have kids and grandkids.”

“Good! Me too,” she said brightly. “So your problem is that you’re not completely sure that I’m the right girl?”

That was a good question. A really good question. Was Kara the right girl? At times, I was sure that she was. At others, I wasn’t. When I was with her, I thought that I was sure. Even when I was with Karin, I was sure Kara was the right girl. But in Chicago, when she wasn’t right there with me, my feelings wandered. And I didn’t understand why.

“And you want complete honesty?”

“Absolutely. We can’t figure this out without it.”

“I think you probably are. But I also think something in my mind is rebelling against making things permanent before I graduate. In the past, whenever I tried to move up that timetable, I ended up obsessing or doing something stupid or both. You’re the first person where that hasn’t happened. Instead, I’m dealing with my doubts in a calm manner. It’s one that you don’t like, but it beats the heck out of how I used to be. I think that’s part of what the other girls see. I’m not freaking out or obsessing or being overly dramatic.”

“All of that is good. From everything I’ve seen and heard, you are a very different person. Do you still want me to move in with you next year?”

For the first time today, I detected serious concern in Kara’s voice.

“Yes, I do. Absolutely.”

“But you’re not sure about getting engaged.”

It was a statement. Not a question.

“I guess that’s the issue, in the end.”

“Think carefully about this before you answer. What’s the difference between getting engaged and living together in your mind?”

She’d just explained Elyse to me with a simple question. There wasn’t really a difference in Kara’s mind. Nor was there one in Elyse’s. Elyse just didn’t figure it out until after we’d started living together, as opposed to just being roommates. I, on the other hand, was living with Elyse without thinking of a long-term commitment.

“I guess it depends on the two people. It’s possible to live together without a long-term commitment or even any plan for one. But I think that might be risky, because it would be easy to get comfortable with the person and end up in a situation where you kind of fell into a long-term relationship that you didn’t plan on.”

“Steve, are you trying to tell me something about you and Elyse?” Kara asked.

I groaned inwardly. I’d walked right into that one.

“Elyse made an off-hand remark about getting married because things were working out so well. My feelings for her are like they are for Kathy — a close, comfortable friend. Maybe that’s enough for a long-term, stable relationship, but I don’t want that. I want to marry a person I love deeply.”

“We talked about that a while ago,” Kara said thoughtfully. “Maybe I misjudged who belongs in what category. I think there are a few girls that you would die to protect. And not just die, but willingly and knowingly give your life for. There’s me, of course, and I’d also include Bethany, Joyce, Kathy, and Jennifer. I don’t know if Elyse fits into that category or not, but let’s assume she does. But, and here’s the important thing, which of those are friends and which are more than that?”

“You’re the only one that’s more than that.”

“Then what’s with Tatyana, Karin, and Stephie?”

“I don’t know. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I keep coming back to Birgit and Jennifer. I guess maybe I’m afraid that if I plan too much or commit too much, something bad is going to happen.”

“And because of that fear, because you’re afraid things won’t work out, you want to date other people until next Summer? With no restrictions?”

“Not at the cost of losing you, Kara.”

“Then we have an impasse. Something has to give.”

Of course, what I wanted to ask was if she was trying to break up with me, but then I’d be accused of being dramatic. We had finished eating and our plates had been taken away and our Cokes refilled. Twice.

“What do you want, Kara?”

“The same thing I’ve always wanted. The same thing I’ve wanted since I met you. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy path, but I never realized just how difficult it was going to be.” She sighed, “I wonder if Birgit’s approach wasn’t the correct one.”

“How so?” I asked, curious about what she was thinking.

“To make absolutely sure that you’re ready to make the commitment. You aren’t ready right now, or else you would have asked me to go steady again once my mom made my dad lift the restrictions on dating. Because you didn’t do that, or even talk to me about the possibility, then it’s not what you want. I guess my options are limited. I can break up with you and we can both move on, or I can accept that for now, and for the foreseeable future, we’re just dating, and I have no permanent claim on you.”

“Are those really the only options?” I asked.

“I think so. As I said earlier in the Summer, I’m really at least partly to blame. I made the mistake of breaking up with you before Prom. If I had just waited things out, Jennifer would have done her thing, and we’d still have been steady. I’m not sure what would have happened after that, because I messed things up by telling my dad that we had been intimate. And because of those two things that I did, you were more or less free to be with those other girls.

“Maybe that was a good thing, especially with Jennifer and Bethany, because both of those relationships have come to a good place for you and me. The same thing is true about Karin — that resolved itself over the Summer. As much as it pains me that you were with them, in the end, it worked out in my favor, and I have nothing to worry about with them.”

“I don’t see how you can blame yourself for any of what happened,” I said. “I kept putting Jennifer ahead of you because I had my commitment to her. In the same way, I had my commitment to Karin to figure things out with her. And that was what caused Jennifer to do what she did. It just seems that, for whatever reason, I can’t make a final decision right now. I’m sorry.”

“Then it’s up to me to decide what to do, isn’t it?” Kara said evenly.

“Yes,” I said, realizing that once again I’d made a complete mess of things.

I held my breath, waiting. Kara reached across the table and put her hand on top of mine.

Kara was quiet for a minute, then said quietly, “I don’t want to break up with you.”

I let out a long sigh of relief. Kara never ceased to amaze me.

“Thank you,” I said. “So, how do we move forward?”

“Well, I still want to see you when you come home, and I still want to go to school in Chicago. Everything else we’ll deal with as it comes up. You know what I want. I know you well enough that it’s a bad idea to push you to do something you aren’t ready to do. I’ve heard from you and your other girls what happens in that situation. I want you to keep taking things one day at a time. I want you to figure out what you want and when you want it, but I don’t want you to obsess about it. Let it come naturally.”

“You amaze me more and more every day. What do we say to your parents?”

“The same as always. You and I are still seeing each other. My dad isn’t going to ask you about getting engaged because he certainly doesn’t want to encourage it! And my mom won’t ask unless you start bringing other girls to the house the way you did over the Summer! I think, personally, that deep down you know what you want. You’re just not ready to say it. You will, when you’re ready. I probably pushed you a little too hard.”

I paid the check, and we got up to leave Frisch’s.

“Kara, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love you,” I said.

“Then show me,” she smirked. “Take me back to the house and make love to me.”

We drove back to the Spencers’ house and made love twice, slowly and passionately, pouring our souls into each other. We cuddled for a bit afterwards, then showered and dressed. We were sitting in the living room when Mrs. Spencer came home. She asked if I was staying the night and I told her I wasn’t sure yet, but I’d let her know. Kara raised an eyebrow, so I took her hand and led her to the basement so we could talk.

“Joyce wanted me to stay at her grandfather’s house tonight,” I said.

Kara laughed, “Of course she did. I can’t stay with you, so go ahead. We can still have lunch tomorrow, right?”

“Yes, absolutely. I could stay here if you preferred.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t control you. You decide what you do. For now.”

“I meant to ask — how are things between you and Joyce? You seem like you’ve become good friends.”

“We have,” Kara said. “I talk to her at least once a week. It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who has a very different perspective and a very different upbringing. It’s also nice that she knows you so well. It makes it easier to talk about things.”

“Things?”

“When I need advice. Believe it or not, she gives me pretty good advice on dealing with you. I was surprised at first because of how she feels things will end up, but I don’t detect even a hint of manipulation or cattiness. I actually really miss those dinners the three of us had together.”