Chapter 3

He is legendary and much-publicized ... he is markedly divine and bitchin' awesome and world-class too, and here we have him today for a gee-whizz and jaw-dropping interview ... Cristiano Ronaldo—your best-liked soccer star!

1. How advanced in years were you first jacked up or had sex?

Nineteen years old.

2. Are you an aficionado and freaking fiend lover of BDSM?

Unquestionably!

3. What sex idée fixes and manias and fetishes do you have—if any have breath in you?

Ladies' Gee-string; I adore how their—girlies'—behinds and nicely butts are shaped and hewn just by putting on this kind of underwear.

4. Do you as well cosset (or have) a wonty moreish craving of leering and feasting eyes on porn?

Yes. It is a manly thingummy, I believe.

5. How frequently and oftentimes do you eyeball and take a butcher's dekko at porn itself?

Not many a times. At least half an hour in a day is as much as I need and necessary.

6. Do you ever masturbate and jack it off all by yourself?

Once in a while; when I am every so often lonesome and companionless and estranged!

7. What is your sex grouping classification?

I am straight. Not dykey please! Not that, I beg you.

8. What is your best-loved and choicest fave female body piece (ingredient that is)?

Ladies' boobs; they are pretty damn breathtaking and gee-whizz and mind-boggling.

9. Have you ever had a same-sex (queer camp) sexual experience and encounter? What's more, would you love to have a shoot at it again—or bust a gut at it just for the very first time?

No. I am not riveted in doing any gay things. That is just it.

10. How prolonged and spun out do you routinely orgasm?

Three minutes in a time frame.

11. What do you graze and nosh prior and subsequent to sex?

Cabbage salads! I hear they are fighting fit and stamina furnishing.

12. What class and variety of women do you find inescapably irresistible and overpowering?

Threadlike, scraggy, curvy, neat and trim!

13. What is your skankiest sexy damn mannerism?

Clawing at my balls when I am standing in the football mead; it is a thing I do unconsciously.

14. What agedness was the oldest and elderly-est woman you fucked?

Twenty-five, I esteem. I myself was freshly twenty at that time and she was my then sweetheart.

15. How old was the most junior and callow woman you humped and laid till you were zonked out and ready to drop dead?

Eighteen! I am not mentioning more than this.

16. Do you have sex with anyone you don't think the world of—or must it be someone that you hold dear and cherish deeply in your heart?

If I am not alcohol blitzed and boozed-up, I will otherwise be thoughtful and discreet who I take to bed with me.

17. What do you relish about sex?

The orgasms and carnal satisfactions, of course!

18. What do you loathe as regards 'nookie'?

Having my miss lick and do up my ass. It kind of makes my gorge rise.

19. Do you scrub down and wash your anus when rinsing yourself, or showering?

At most if I have Montezuma's revenge—diarrhea that is.

20. The cranium of your chopper (or Willie the Penis), is it cleansed and then dry-cleaned too as you are bathing?

Occasionally; if I call up to scour it!

21. What is your best-liked underwear tincture?

I am crazed on yellow.

22. What underdaks (or underclothing) style do you on average go for—the snug tight fitting one, or the sloppy baggy adjusting one?

The snug-fitting brand of underwear; have you not seen those underwear-shot picturesque-s of mine? I mean they are all over the Internet.

23. How generally do you change and wash your unmentionables (underwear)?

Twice in a day!

24. How many inches is your Cock?

12 inches! I am sizable ... this is what I guess ... at least...

25. Do you at times (off and on) ply and find a use for sex herbs and tablets and bits and pieces of the like?

Never! I am still youthful and fledgling and young 'un and cubby sort of. I might need 'em later in life.

26. Which megastar V.I.P have you on norm build castles with high up the vault of heavens—or fantasized over—poking and banging her exceedingly wild like the world itself is coming to a finale?

Charlize Theron.

27. What do you adulate and idolize relative to this leading dame?

I made it clear before. I am so conspicuously into fine, spindly, thin as a rake, and lean women—which Charlize Theron explicitly and literally speaking scrupulously is.