Jokes and Giggles
Chapter 936

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

This one is compliments of A.

von W IS YOUR LOVER REALLY FOR YOU or WOULD YOU BE BETTER OFF WITH YOUR HAND AND A PORNO FLICK This review/test deals mainly with the actual act of SEX or items/activities directly associated with that act. For instance, the fact that your lady looks good to you when you sit across the dinner table has nothing to do with how she looks while you are making love. A good example would be a Playboy Playmate who requires that the lights be out and all activity must be performed under the covers. This lady may be visually a 10 out on the street, but for the purpose of this test she would be a ZERO (of course, unless you are a little weird, the look of your hand is also a ZERO).

Your relationship with your lady/hand can be evaluated on two levels.

First is the positive impact of SEX with her vs the positive impact of SEX with your hand while watching a porno flick.

Positive Examples would be how the look of your love muscle sinking into her charms affects you, or how her reaction to what you do for her, affects your own pleasure.

Second is the negative impact of same.

Negative Examples would be chronic complaining about pain, or cost in dollars to assure the sex act occurs.

Questions are not necessarily in order of importance to you. Everyone has his own priorities. Add or subtract as instructed, the points in each column. The point count for your hand (with porno flick) is only included here as a guide. If you felt, for instance, that when you touch yourself it is so great that it warrants a 10, by all means put a 10 down. If the sound of a good porno flick does nothing at all for you, give it a ZERO.

Note that in college psychology classes the first item is known as incentive, and the second is known as environmental factors

Positive Points

Points for the following questions are positive. Just add points for each column (column one is your lady, column two is your hand/porno flick. 1. Kisses

Lady Hand How are your ladies kisses during sex? Does she kiss readily. Lips nose ears etc? Does she instead turn away or avoid kissing you.

Your hand can not kiss so rate it a ZERO

2. Caresses

Lady Hand Does your lady caress your back, front, arms? Does she rake her nails over you buttocks? Does she let her finger tips trail through your hair, across your neck?

Your hand can do limited caresses. Many men find their own touch pleasurable in small doses. Give your hand a 2.

3. Moves

Lady Hand Does your ladies hips move? Does she force her pussy as tight to your body as she can when you are driving in? Do your bodies move as a team to bring maximum pleasure to both of you? Or does your lady just lay there and let you do all the work? Do you ever wonder if she is really there? Would a pound of raw meat do the same thing as she does?

Your hand of course does all the work and therefore gets a 10

4. Noise

Lady Hand Does your lady verbalize the fact that you are making her feel good? Does she moan, groan, or otherwise show that she is a part of what is going on? If you use only your ears, is she there, or are you alone? A porno flick is a poor substitute for a vocal woman who is truly expressing her pleasure. However it beats a quite woman hands down. Give the movie a 4

5. Visual

Lady Hand Is the lady proud of her body and how it interfaces with yours? Is she willing to love you with the lights on, in full view? Does she want you to see the look of your hard member gliding into her body? Does she want you to see the way her body moves because you are loving her (the way her breasts jiggle when you drive in, the way her body wiggles as she rotates her hips)?

Again, a porno flick is a poor substitute for seeing your own wand slipping between her puffy, shinny wet, pussy lips. This is because the look and the feel coordinate in your mind (your real sex organ). But here again it beats to hell a lady who hides in the dark, under the covers, or both. Give the flick a 5.

6. Fun / Entertainment Value

Lady Hand This attribute is pretty subjective. It almost takes all of these items and rolls them into one package and says how does the package fit together. Does she put on a good show? Along with the drive toward ejaculation, is the time you spend with her entertaining, fun?

A good, well-chosen porno movie is always entertaining, but certainly can’t hold a candle to a turned on, uninhibited, woman. A woman who is caressing your whole body, and driving you toward orgasm. Give the movie a 3

7. Good Company

Lady Hand Almost a repeat of Fun / Entertainment. Does it feel good to be with her. Does it feel like she is there because she wants to give and receive pleasure with you? Do you feel, at least for the moment, like you are a couple.

Your hand and a porno flick simply can’t emulate a feeling of “togetherness” Give it a ZERO

8. Knows exactly what you like

Lady Hand Has she taken the trouble to figure out what turns you on? Does she even care? Men have long been accused of “Sticking it in” and satisfying themselves. Many women have used this as a smoke screen to mask the fact that they just aren’t interested in figuring out what their man really would like. Your hand already knows exactly what you like and the way you like it. Give your hand a 10. 9. Works to make you happy

 
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