Chapter 4

After Jack left as to not hear the seriousness of my condition I suppose. It took 20 minutes before Adam started to compose himself before he could speak. I knew something was wrong for his tears never stopped. Adam took my right hand again looking in my eyes.

"Heath bro before I explain the serious part of your stupidity." Adam paused glancing down at his wrist to only look back in my eyes continuing " I want you to know you are not the only you to know pain."

"Adam I know I am not the only one, but please tell me what is going on." I state as Adam shakes his head

"Sorry Heath first your going to listen to my story." My best friend tells me as I sigh

"Alright tell me then after you better explain why Jack left." I say seeing Adam nod

"My pain I think is not so different from yours. I have tried so many times to commit my own suicide but it never worked." He tells me letting go of my hand

I sit in bed looking at my brother as he starts to roll up his left sleeve. He has a wide band on his watch. You know I never thought about it, but he always wears long sleeve shirts and a wide banded watch. Adam sighs looking into my eyes as he removes the watch. I look at his left wrist and I see deep gashes and lots of them.

"Heath I know your pain bro, I had a bad childhood and when I was thirteen I tried to end it. Luckily for me if you will I was at school when I tried it and someone came into the restroom and they called the paramedics. I've tried multiple times, drinking til I passed out. Pills like you, shit I even tried to hang myself in the backyard that I grew up in." States Adam as if we are talking about a assignment for class

I look at him wide eyed because he always seemed so peaceful and calm like everything was good in his life.

"After a while I realized that I was only hurting myself and no one else. I stopped and made myself a promise ... I was going to leave my hometown when I graduated and never look back. That place only holds bad memories. When I got here I was scared that I wouldn't fit in, but then I met you in the cafeteria and I liked you right away. I thought here was a guy that might accept me and be my friend." I look at him dumbfounded as it all starts to sink in before he continues,"Then I find out your my roomie, and we got along so well. You even took me to meet May and she treated me like family just like you and Jack. Heath I KNOW the pain and I've BEEN there. Please don't try it again ok bro. I need you just like Jack, but you two are my only family and I don't know what I'd do if I lost either of you."

After finishing that statement Adam hugs me so tight that I swear he was trying to crush my ribs

I tap his shoulder to get him to lighten up which he does. I look at him in the face and tell him,

"I promise you Adam I won't try it again, but will find either you and Jack. I will find and talk with you guys if I ever feel overwhelmed ok?" Adam smiles which is something he only does around jack and me and I wonder who has hurt my brother so bad that he doesn't talk to many people and lets even less into his heart

"So are you going to tell me what is wrong with me?" I ask as he sighs getting serious

"Ok all the pills you took had a affect on your heart." He tells me as I nod before hearing more " The doctor says that your heart can't take a lot of shock. As if you get upset or overly stressed. He states that to him you could black out or have seizures. So he is going to put you on a medication to help keep you calm, plus help your heart stay strong. That is why Jack left as he is afraid that someday if you get overly angry you might die."

I take in all that Adam tells me only to let out a sigh. I look to see he is even afraid of something happening to me.

"Well guess we keep all the assholes as bro called them away, or tell them to shut up if they start the drama." I say as he chuckles getting me to join him

"Well since I told you might as well send Jack a text telling him the coast is clear." Adam says getting out his phone

After he sends our bro a text. Adam and I start talking about Christmas. I watch the door open to a upset Jack. He comes over to us except on the left side of the bed I am in. He takes my left hand looking down in my eyes.

"I am not going to yell, but if you ever pull this shit again I will stick my foot up your butt." He tells me with a stern look

"I promise you like I did Abs I will never do this again." I tell him as he nods leaning down half hugging me as my stomach growls before he raises continuing " Did you fart bro?"

"No it's my stomach growling." I say seeing him shake his head

"Did you fart ewww." Jack says as I protest before he tries to sing

"Wild Fart

You make my heart stink

You make everything smelly

Wild Fart"

Adam and I are laughing so hard as he tried to sing to the beat of Wild Thing. Jack is keeping his tune as I feel my ribs start to hurt. As Adam goes over to gag Jack.

"Hey stop Adam bro. I'll stop jeez just trying to lighten the mood." Jack says as Adam stops

"Good as our brother didn't fart. He is hungry so go get him something to eat." Adam says playing big brother

"Hey why me? And besides it's freaking 3 a.m on a early Saturday morning." Jack says as my eyes widen

"Really? That late at night how long was I out?" I ask getting some serious looks

"Five hours bro, and yes we have been here the whole time." Jack tells me a I am floored

"Damn I am so sorry for spoiling the weekend." I say getting a hit to my left leg

"I hope that hurt as your more important then a weekend. So what about Christmas as in what are we doing?" Jack says asking Adam and I

I lay there thinking on Jack's question when I smile to my two true friends.

"We spend it at May's ... I mean my home. I think May would like us there all together." I answer as both look at each other then at me

"Likes that idea as it will be more comfortable, plus the kitchen will help me." Jack says as Adam and I look with raised eye brows

"What do you mean the kitchen will help you?" I ask as Adam agrees silently

"Hey I know how to cook, and Christmas I will prove it." Jack says as Adam looks at me concerned

"Ok bro, but if it catches fire you will owe Heath a kitchen." Adam says as I nod

"I promise not to burn the kitchen up." Jack says with a sincere look

"Alright you can cook our meal, but what is it your cooking?" I ask getting a smile

"Surf and Turf, baked potatoes, rolls and some kind of desert. What do you bro's think?" Jack states as Adam and I think

I lay there thinking of desert. I look over at Adam to see he is thinking hard. I know what I want to get him that will make that face very happy. Would have to get two though for us all. I also think of how fortunate I am to have them both. I never thought in a million years these two would actually be here right now. Just shows I was so very wrong. I smile as I know of another idea I want to start on that will help me with my stress factor now. I feel such like a fool for trying to take my life, but only if I thought more clearly. I look up at the ceiling and hope two people hear me. As I send my thought quietly I speak from my soul. ' Sorry dad and grandma May for almost goofing up. And thank you lord for these two guys coming in my life as May did. I love you grandma and dad.' I look to see Jack and Adam arguing over the remote for the t.v. as I chuckle. Yep this was going to be a interesting Christmas holiday.

I was released from the hospital on Sunday morning. The doctor wanted to keep me for observation. He gave me strict instructions, but also some pills to keep me calm. He stated I was not to get upset at any cost. Adam and Jack informed him I wouldn't as they were my brothers and would make sure I stayed mellow and calm. He nods taking their promise as Jack drives Adam and I to my truck. I told them I wanted to go Christmas shopping for them. Adam tells me he didn't want anything except us as close friends. I smile giving him a nod, but in the back of my mind I know what I am getting him for the holiday. I get in my truck, but not before promising to call if something happens. Jack says they will go ahead, and pick up what he needed for our Christmas meal. Once we split up going different directions I make my way to the place that Adam goes to get the cake he so much loves. He thinks Jack and I don't know, but we do thinking it's good for him to have happiness. Once I reach the nice little bakery I park going in to purchase two chocolate chip cakes. I smile to the image I have in my head of Adam's face. After purchasing the cakes and leave I make my way to the mall.

That Sunday was nice as in finding the perfect gifts for my two friends who were my brothers. The next few days we stayed at my house enjoying the atmosphere relaxing. To Adam and my surprise we found Jack was a good cook. He let us in on that while growing up the family cook taught him how to prepare food before cooking it on the right temperature. Adam and I smiled knowing we had a chef in the family. I spent those few days before Christmas setting up a auto email system. I would write a email then give it a certain time and day to be sent. I thought of this idea knowing it would be better then calling those that I once knew as family.

We didn't have a tree for Christmas as well there was still some hurt about going all that way for our first Christmas together. Adam came up behind me as I looked out the back double doors. He placed a hand on my shoulder to get my attention.

"Heath bro we are here man to enjoy this time together. So get out of that thinking your doing." He tells me as I shake my head

"How the heck did you know?" I asked getting a chuckle

"I can see it in your body language, and plus your facial expression. Think of this as a new start in life. Think of this place as the family home for the future." Adam tells me as I take in the words

It's at that moment Jack comes up on my right with a beer in his hand.

"Hey man what are we talking about?" Jack asks as Adam and I chuckle

"Family man as in this house as the place to start one. May told me one time she wanted a big family, but that dream didn't come as her sons were killed. Her husband died leaving her alone, but then I came along." I say thinking of that first day showing a smile

"Bro you made her come alive man. Halloween showed it as she danced, laughed, and enjoyed the weekend." Jack tells me as Adam nods

"I know guys guess I was closer to her then I thought." I say as Jack places his hand on my right shoulder

"Heath you are, but she is never gone as long as you keep her there in your heart, and besides May is looking down on us. I wouldn't doubt she's in that kitchen wondering what I will cook for us tomorrow." Jack says getting me to look towards the kitchen doorway

"I agree with Jack bro. She will be standing in that kitchen wondering what you were thinking of letting our bro cook." Adam says getting me to chuckle

"Hey I am a good cook as you both admitted to it the past two days." Jack says coming back to Adams statement

"True, but I had to get our brother here to smile." Adam says getting a chuckle from Jack

We stood there enjoying the moment. I smiled feeling May was also standing there with us in spirit. I sighed feeling tomorrow was going to be good. The rest of Christmas Eve was spent with us watching the movies May bought before she passed away. We laughed to the few that were hilarious. That night I slept soundly after taking my medication. My dreams were filled with joy seeing May, Adam, and Jack all in the living room. We were spending Christmas together feeling the love flow from one heart to the other.

Christmas morning was finally here as I was woken up by two crazy guys acting like kids. I looked to see it was 9 a.m. as both Adam and Jack were bouncing up and down on my bed. I laughed as they finally landed on each side of me. Jack was being his normal silly self playing the kid.

"Daddy can we open our gifts please?" He says getting a laugh from Adam and I

"Have you been good?" I ask in a deep voice as they laugh

"You really have to ask that damn." Jack says as we laugh out loud

After some minutes past we got out of the bed. They left to give me some time to wake up. I sat on the side of the bed wiping my eyes from their blurry state. I looked at the picture on the night stand. It was of May and I on the beach smiling at my phone. I smile thinking of that day, but feeling tears come from out of the blue.

"Merry Christmas Grandma May, I love you." I tell her feeling goose bumps traveling up my arms

After drying my tears I make my way to the bathroom to do my business. Once done I got dressed in some jeans and a warm shirt. I make my way down to see Adam and Jack already to open gifts which made me chuckle. Talk about not showing excitement they sure were. Jack already had my coffee ready as it sat on the coffee table. I went over on the couch to sit between them. I leaned forward to take a few sips of my coffee that tasted just right. Jack started handing Adam and I his gifts he gave us. Adam looked at small package at first before opening it. I watched to see what it was as my bro opened the small box. Once he had it opened his eyes went wide. I guess Jack noticed as he spoke up quick.

"Adam what is it bro? Is it a bit too much or what?" Jack asked our quiet brother

"No it's just overwhelming man. I'll be walking in style." Adam says chuckling pulling the gold chain out

"Damn Jack what were you thinking bro?" I ask giving him a shove

"Hey I have to make sure my brother's look good." Jack tells me as I shake my head

I open mine to find I have the same chain. Adam laughs before he comments that we look like twins until Jack shows his.

"Well shit were triplets." I say getting laughs from them

Adam gets up at that moment to head up the stairs leaving Jack and I confused. After a few minutes he returns with his hands behind his back. Adam walks back over to the couch looking at us both.

"You both know I can't hardly afford anything as my money goes for my tuition." Adam says only to get two nods before he continues " So I made you both something instead."

Adam pulls his hands back around holding two picture frames with pictures that were taken during Halloween of us with May. He hands one to Jack then the other to me. Jack and I are in awe looking at the detail in the wood.

"I thought you couldn't buy anything bro?" Jack asks getting a nod

"I can't, but I made the frames with 99 cent stuff. Look at the sides of the frame." Adam tells us as Jack and I look

On the sides are all four of our names engraved in the wood. I feel the glass to find it's the plastic kind. I am very astonished at how detailed he made these.

"Adam bro you did one hell of a job on these. Mine is going by my bed." Jack says getting a smile

I think for a moment before I get up going to the mantle. I place mine by the urn that holds May's ashes. I turn to see both my friends looking at me.

"If it's ok with you two I want to place mine right here where it belongs." I tell them getting smiles

"Heath to me it looks good right there." Adam says with a smile as Jack nods as my emo brother continues " Now what about you buddy?"

I smile giving them a nod as I reach behind the urn to grab their gifts. I walk over handing the envelopes to each of my close friends. Both give me confused looks as I tell them to open them. I watch as they do only to see wide eyed smiles. Jack pulls out a key plus a gift card as does Adam.

"Um what's with the key, and the card Heath man?" Jack asks as Adam gives a questionable look

"They keys are for here as I want you both to think of this house as home. The cards are 200 dollar gift cards. I tried to find the perfect gift, but there is no such thing that is more perfect then friendship." I explain getting eyes of truth

"You landed that on the mark." Jack tells me as they both stand coming to me

We bro hug then look up and with happy voices say at the same time.

"Merry Christmas Grandma we love you." All three of us say in unison smiling

Ellie's POV: Noon on Christmas

I am sat between Tiffany and Selena as they both smile at the baby clothes they received. Kiko, Verna, and I bought the clothes so our grand baby could start on her wardrobe. Although Selena was pregnant as of last month so she wasn't showing yet for any of us to know the sex of the little one she was going to carry. Her and Chris finally came to the point they could move forward, but were still hurt for what they had done. These past months has been hard as we all watch the door hoping the one family member would show up only to say he was home. I was looking at my email's on my phone when one popped up. I read it as I heard Kiko and Verna gasp as I did.

"What is it mom?" Tiffany asked Verna to see wide eyes

"Ellie, Kiko did you just get what I did as of now?" She asked us getting nods

"Mom what is it you three just got?" Chris asked me as I looked up with wide eyes

"A email from Heath, but there is no place to reply or a email." I answer seeing Nate go to Kiko

"Let me see that darlin." He says as Kiko hands her the cell phone

He looks at the email doing some technical stuff.

"That smart ass he has it where no one can find him, or send a email back. Heath is too smart for his own good." Nate says making us confused

"What do you mean by smart for his own good?" I ask as Nate chuckles

"He is using email A to send to email B. It's like sending a email at a specific time and day." Nate says confusing me more

"Nate maybe in English that I can understand." I exclaim as everyone laughs as I giggle

"Dad means Heath set up email messages ahead of time to be sent on holidays, but using fake IP's." Selena tells me making sense

"Oh ok so Nate why didn't you say that in the first place." I say as he shrugs handing Kiko's phone back to her

"So what does the email say?" Mike asks as I look at my girlfriends getting a nod

"It says ' I hope your family has a wonderful holiday, Merry Christmas, Heath'. I tell them all getting smiles

"At least we know he is still alive." Ricky says getting nods

I nod, but a big part of me wished my god son was here instead. I love him so much as my son. I keep thinking maybe if I just did something. Maybe if I called before this all happened he would be here. If only he came here the day after maybe I could of helped him in someway. And that dream I had Friday night didn't help. Greg telling me Heath needed us more. What did he mean by that. My heart was in pain as my other son wasn't here for the first time to receive his gift from me. I just hope Heath was safe and enjoying this day with others. I prayed he wasn't alone. I looked at his picture on the wall after getting a new frame. I looked at the blue eyes and in my mind spoke from my heart. ' Heath if you can hear me in your heart. Just know your god parents love you deeply. Merry Christmas my loving Heath'.

Tiffany's POV: Around 1 p.m. Christmas

As my family talk about the baby, and other things. I focus on the man I love hoping he is safe and happy. Once I found out I was pregnant from that first doctor visit I made sure to start eating right. I want Heath and my baby to be born with no problems. Every day I make sure to tell her of the man that I hope she will be like. Smart, caring, and love the family that stays strong. I have learned from my mistake all those months ago. I have stayed strong avoiding the other sex. I have focused my life in a positive way by decorating the nursery for the baby. So far it's coming along very well. I have even placed a big enough picture of Heath on the wall above the crib. I intend to tell my baby all about her father. The times we shared during the summers. The times on the flights to the school as well as home. How he cared for those around him besides loving them with his heart. Oh Heath where are you? Why haven't you called or wrote me. I am so sorry for my mistakes, and also the hurt I had caused. I just hope we meet again one day to me a family. I still love you with all my heart. I hope you can still feel my love that I have always held in my heart for you. I love you Heath so very much. As I said those words I felt a kick. My eyes went wide as I felt another kick.

"Tiffany honey you ok?" My mother asks as I massage my belly