The Green Magi
Chapter 5

Copyright© 2014 by Sebastian Tombs

from the journal of Cornelius Randolph

I literally bounced out of bed; unless you've been there you would not understand the pleasure of such an action. Going over to get my dressing gown from the back of the door I stopped dead in front of the big mirror on the wardrobe door. The reflection was not the 'me' I had become accustomed to. The face and hands were right, the hands were deeply veined, the finger knuckles swollen and age spots on the wrinkled skin. The face still had rheumy eyes, deep frown furrows, baggy skin under the eyes, neck still wrinkled and the hair was thin and grey with a rapidly receding hairline. I spoke to my reflection, "Let's see the buggers fix that ugly mug in a hurry".

The body however had definitely changed, no longer emaciated, pasty, bent or swollen jointed, and, I believe I've also mentioned a couple of times, a lack of pain. The walking corpse had transformed to something smooth skinned, definable muscle culture and straight joints. Even the shrivelled 'wee-wee' with walnuts had become (although still flaccid) a cock and balls. It looked as if it may do some damage, if only I could get it up. Fucking prostate operations. The anger I had felt on and off over the years welled up inside me yet again. 33 years ago I had entered a hospital for a prostate operation. They said it was very successful, I would be 'pissing like a horse' within days. They were right, a fucking gelding. I hadn't had an erection since. Of course my 'deflation' had nothing to do with the prostate operation. It was because of build up in the arteries, smoking, eating the wrong sort of cabbage, and whatever other shit excuse you could come up with. Quacks stick together worse than shit sticks to a blanket.

My good mood totally evaporated I made for kitchen and kettle. A surprise waited that knocked all thought of quacks out of my head. If I am to be truthful, my kitchen, indeed the whole damn flat was ready for spring cleaning and redecoration. Somebody had beaten me to it. The colour scheme was the same but the paintwork was sparkling, the units although the same looked brand new, and glory be, all the washing up was done and stacked neatly on the work top.

So busy gawking at this amazing site was I that I hadn't even put the kettle on when I was jerked back to the present by the wail of cats in a fight. Mr Thug Cat. I literally ran the length of the kitchen and pulled open the backdoor to be confronted by Thug on the back of a big tabby tom with his teeth buried in its shoulder. My opening the door robbed both cats of their concentration and the tabby took the opportunity to run for the fence and scale it in short order. Thug on the other hand gave me the sort of look that said "I had the bastard 'til you poked your snout in". He then paraded through the door like a Roman General being celebrated at a Triumph. Looking for a feeding bowl no doubt.

The Mr Thug Cat of fourteen years ago was back, living up to his name again. Oh happy days, now we will see the amount of cat shit in the garden declining! Thug would tolerate none but the occasional lady in his territory. Something unusual then happened Thug got his food before the bloody kettle had gone on; I soon rectified that after putting his dish on the deck.

Tea in hand it dawned on me I should consult the clock. Fri 8th 8 31 am. "Well I'll be buggered" I said to Thug. "I was only there for a few hours. Wherever there is?" The ignorant bastard didn't even lift his head from the dish. I went to find my chair in the lounge. Then I really got the hump. My lounge had been decorated and cleaned. And a very good job they had done on it too, but they had replaced the arm on my chair. I banged my fist on the offending arm saying, "Fuck; I got rid of this once". I had indeed slung it in the dustbin five or six years ago because it was a bloody nuisance, I kept getting hooked up on it. Any rate I sat drank my tea and had a roll up. While I was doing these important things I recalled Goldie's parting words 'Check your computer'. So I dived in the kitchen and made another cup of tea.

 
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