A week ago, I hurt my leg and so I've been sleeping on the couch every night. I soon found out that it's too hard for me to make it into the bathroom in time so my wife bought me a urinal that I keep next to the couch and use whenever needed.
This morning, my wife was getting ready to go out for coffee with some girlfriends and our neighbor, Barbara kept popping in and out to talk to her. I was getting annoyed with her because the urge to pee was creeping up on me little by little. Finally, Ann Marie left as did Barbara and I was able to take care of business! I pulled down my pants and sat on the edge of the couch so I could use the urinal. My bladder appreciated the chance to fill up the urinal and a shudder of relief skittered down my back.
When I finished, I stood up to pull my pants up and I heard the backdoor open suddenly. Dammit! Barbara! She hurried in, completely oblivious, chattering about something inane while I was still struggling trying to pull my pants up over my ass without tipping over. Barbara had no idea what I was doing when she rounded the corner. Then she saw it! My bare ass!
"Oh my God, Bill ... I'm so sorry!"
"It's okay.", I said. "Don't worry about it."
I couldn't move any faster, so she got a good long look at my hairy butt, and to tell you the truth, I wasn't in any big hurry to pull my pants up. Barbara had the always-annoying habit of busting in unannounced, expecting us to drop everything and deal with her problems. So now she stood paralyzed while I finished, staring her right in the eyes. To my surprise, her eyes changed from urgent hysteria to something different, maybe something slightly sexual.
We both stood there silently while I zipped up my pants.
I wasn't embarrassed; not in front of her! I was more pissed off than anything. Barbara is isn't a good-looking woman by any stretch of the imagination. She weighs about 200 lbs. with big tits, and she always looks sloppy. She wears stretch pants, usually a stained t-shirt with no bra and today her hair needed a good brushing.
I sat back down on the couch and she found a place on the love seat sitting at a 90-degree angle relative to the couch.
"What do you want, Barbara?"
Her eyes were fixed on my crotch until my voice finally snapped her back to reality.
"What?" She shook her head. "Oh, yeah. I need your e-mail address. I'm applying for a job and I'd like to list you as a reference."
I gave her the information she wanted, but instead of leaving, she continued to sit there and chat about nothing important. Five minutes turned into ten and ten minutes turned into twenty. I began to squirm uncomfortably in my seat because I had to pee again, but I was waiting for her to shut up long enough for me to get a word in. Finally, I got my opening.
"Barbara, I have to go to the bathroom again ... too much coffee. Can you give me some privacy?"
She started to get up, but then she stood there staring at me for a few seconds. She glanced again at my crotch. Then she sat back down and grinned.
"You have to pee?"
"Yes, I have to pee."
"Where's your urinal?"
.... There is more of this story ...