What now my love?
The next morning found us on the road back to Homestead and Grace's house. Neither of us had more than a couple of hours sleep that night. We would make love, drift off to sleep and one would wake the other and start again. I felt like I would never be able to get enough of her. She on the other hand was able to take all I had to give and still be ready for more.
Thank goodness that there is a part of the male anatomy that reaches a certain point, where it just fails to respond. I had never reached that point before, but I did last night, or should I say early this morning.
We drove over the causeway looking for a diner to get some breakfast. We both were in serious need of coffee and some sustenance to regain some strength. We found a small place and stopped in and sat and waited for the waitress. As we waited, sipping coffee, my mind started to think about what came next. All that happened in the last two days had not been part of the plan. We had not talked much about anything other than just being together for now.
Was there going to be more than this? Or was this just a pleasant road bump on the way to life.
I believed that I knew what I wanted, at least in the aftermath of 24 hours of very intense emotional happiness. Could I trust those feelings, were they real, or were they just a sweet memory already that was never to be repeated? I guess I would just have to wait and see. Take one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other and keep going forward. Like the Marine Corps teaches you. Charge, adapt, overcome.
Grace was quiet, she looked like she was having some of the same thoughts. Neither of us put them into words. We just talked about normal things that an old married couple might discuss over breakfast.
As we started back up the highway, Grace scooted over to lean against me as much as a bucket seat and the center console would let her. She put her head on my shoulder and promptly fell asleep.
Heck, this was only Tuesday, I still had 5 more days before I had to be back to school and get going on finishing my degree. I stopped at Al and Bernie's place, they were already gone fishing. I left a note to let them know that I would see then later that evening.
When I reached Homestead, I went straight to Grace's store. When I parked, she woke up, realized where we were. She got out, told me to wait and went in to check on the daily operation of the store. About 30 minutes later she pulled around the store in her car and asked me to follow her home.
Her house was about as out of place as any house could be. It was in an older section of Homestead, it was what I would call a 4 square craftsman style. It was 2 stories tall with a red clay tile roof. It looked like an Iowa farm house transplanted to Florida, I later learned that her Grandfather had built it out of a kit that he had ordered from Sears. It came pre-paneltized with the complete house delivered by rail car to the train station where he picked it up and took it to his lot and with the help of some of his employees from the store, they put it up in quick order. I have since learned that there were 1000's of these homes built across the country.
Since it had been there so long it was shaded by all sorts of tall palm trees and other trees that I didn't recognize. It was on a large lot with about 3 acres of ground fenced in for pasture for some horses.
We parked, I got out and followed her into the house. She was met by a maid who took her purse and other things she was carrying. She introduced me to the maid and told me to make my self to home. She came back in a few minutes and asked me if I wanted to shower. I said yes, but what I really needed was to get a clean change of clothes out of the car that I had picked up at Al and Bernie's place when we stopped on the way back. I went out and got the clothes and she started the water running. I got into the shower and in a minute Grace joined me. We washed each other very slowly and sensuously we were both trying to out do the other in arousing the other and it was working. The shower was large with tile on all sides and a bench seat on the side opposite the spray head. I lifted her up and pressed her against the wall and her legs came up and wrapped around me. Her legs are so long, I almost think they could go around me twice. By this time my cock was at full attention and she reached down between us and lifted it up and slowly let her self down on to it. I backed up and sat down on the bench and we just held each other as our bodies worked against one another internally. It felt like I was in a milking machine. Over the next few minutes we rode each other to a sweet release. We got out, dried off and climbed into bed to sleep for a short while.
We got up late in the afternoon, fresh and feeling good. Grace asked me. "What would you like to do this evening." I told her I didn't care, it was her city and she knew where everything was. I would just go along for the ride.
"Have you ever been to "Joe's Stone Crab Restaurant?" She asked. "Nope, never heard of it." I replied.
"OK, we'll have to go there, I don't think the crabs are in season right now, but they have the best seafood in Miami." She told me. She called and made a reservation and I called an got a hold of Al and told him I was not sure just when the next time would be that I would see him and Bernie.
We headed for Joe's in Grace's car. This lady was full of surprises. It was a big old 1940 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham. It was black and looked roomy enough to set up house inside it. It had been her Dad's and he had bought it new. It was immaculate and shined like it had just rolled off the assembly line.
I wondered what else there was to learn about her. We got to the restaurant, The owner's son met us at the door and kissed Grace on the cheek. It seems that she was well know there. Her Dad has started bringing her there when she was 3 years old. Her Grandpa and the original owner had been friends for years.
Grace asked. "May I order for us, I promise you will like it."
"Sure." I replied. My head was kind of whirling around, this was all a little too much for an Iowa farm boy who had been use to mucking out cow and pig barns for his Grandfather during my last 4 years of high school.
... after Grace left Colorado, it was only a couple of months later that my Mom told me that she and my Dad were getting a divorce. My uncle was coming with a pickup truck and trailer to move us back to her Dad's farm. My Grandpa and Grandma were great people. Every summer form the time I was able to ride the train alone, my brother and I would ride from Denver back to Atlantic, Iowa where Grandpa and Grandma would pick us up and we would spend the summer with them. He had about 1000 acres along a river east of Sioux City, my earliest memory was of lots of men and work horses around the farm when we went back there for Christmas.
When we would go back there for the summer, he always had a horse for each of us and chores and small jobs for us to do that would let us go out in the pasture and play in the creek and spend the day out of his hair. He was always around checking on us, just to make sure we were safe. Every once in awhile we would see his car driving through the fields up on the hill to check on the sheep or cattle in the field. Of course he could see the pasture and the creek and us and he would wave and we would wave back. We always knew that he was there watching out for us.
He was not rich, far from it. He was comfortable. We never wanted for anything. After we went back there to live, his house was not big enough for six extra people. Some of my brothers and I were farmed out to live with our uncles and their families. I went with one uncle who was married and had two small daughters and he milked cows. My next youngest brother went to a different uncle he had a wife and 3-4 kids, never knew how many exactly as there was always another on the way. I don't believe to this day that they knew what was causing it until they finally stopped after 12. My 3rd brother lived with the other uncle who had a wife who was paralyzed with a disease of some sort, never was just sure what it was. My two youngest brothers stayed with Mom and Grandpa and Grandma on the home place. All the farms were just a few miles apart. It was one really big extended family and we just slept in different beds. All the farming was done together, Planting, cultivation, oat shock stacking, threshing, baling hay. Lots of fun stuff to keep a kid out of trouble...
I was beginning to realize that Grace had grown up on a whole different level of prosperity...
When the food came, we ate and talked about life, she told me a little about her childhood and I told her a little more about mine.
It seemed that neither of us wanted to confront the elephant in the room...
When we finished, we went back to her place and went to bed.
The next morning, I got up really early. I wanted to get back down to Al and Bernie's place and do what ever they were going to be doing. Grace needed to go into the store and we agreed that we would meet later that day down a Al and Bernie's She didn't tell me how she was going to get there, just that she would be there.
Was there an Elephant in the room?
I rolled in to Al and Bernie's place it was still dark. That was good, payback is always so much sweeter when you can catch someone completely unawares. I crept in the side door and took the same broom handle and steel garbage can and announced in a loud and imperious voice that it was time to drop their cocks and grab their socks. Time was a wastin'. We're burning daylight!!!
You had better believe that those two levitated straight up out of their racks and proceeded to chase me out of the house and down to the dock, where they promptly threw me into the water. Oh' well, I thought it was a good plan when I thought about it on the way down. I swam to the sand and waded out. They were laughing so hard, I though they would fall down.
We went in and made some coffee. "What's the plan for today?" I asked. Al told me that they had to go out and catch some bait fish, they had a client showing up around 9:00 AM to go Tarpon fishing. We drank our coffee, grabbed some fruit, and headed for the skiff to go to their secret spot where they had some fish traps set up to catch bait fish. It was just a short run into the mangroves, we got back pretty fast with about 50-75 small shiny fish of some sort. I never can remember what they were, they were all between 4-7" long. Since I was not then and am really not now a fisherman in the sense of using a rod and reel, I didn't really pay too much attention to the small details. I figured that they knew what they were doing and I was just along for the ride.
When we got back, we started stocking up the big boat and I made an ice run to fill the ice well.
I followed a strange car down the dirt track leading to Al and Bernie's, it turned out it was the client and his friends. We loaded their gear and we were off. I just stayed out of the way, spent some time up on the fly bridge. The sun was warm, the view spectacular. Bernie told me they were headed for their most productive Tarpon area. They had never failed to get some nice fish out of it. It was about a two hour run. As I sat up above everyone, I had some time for quiet reflection...
... everything had happened so fast, I didn't know just what I wanted to have happen. I believed I knew what I wanted, however I also realized that I didn't want to be led around by my cock. I had let that happen a couple of times in the past and it didn't normally end well.
Of course there was the other side too. What did Grace want? I knew relatively little about her really, but how well can a person say they really KNOW someone. I know that we all think we have super human powers of perspective and intuition that will let us know the real deep down core of another person. In reality, most of that is just so much Horse Hockey ... Most of the time we are left to going with our gut and sometimes what you are feeling is hunger, or lust and not what really is true.
We all have an infinite ability to escape and evade letting our true selves be known. We think that by holding back, we protect ourself from being hurt sometime in the unknown future. Very rarely can we be completely open and honest with another person. It just leaves us too vulnerable.
So, what did I want. Could I put it into words? You know, very few of us can really put anything into words. Maybe in our head, but hardly ever into writing. When we put things down in writing, we feel bound by them. I had learned after my last major emotional catastrophe. Becky, what a screwed up mess that had been, and it hadn't been that long ago.
OK, here goes. I sat up on the fly bridge by myself and jotted notes down in a small notebook I had in my back pocket.
Was I ready for another serious relationship with a woman, albeit that I had known her from before?
Don't know will have to work on that one some more.
Did I love Grace?
Again, Don't know it sure. felt like love, or was that just my ditterdoo talking. I had been led around by it more than I care to admit.
She is about 8 years older than me. So what? Does that make a difference to me? Does it make a difference to her?
Do I want anything more than just kicks and giggles at this point in my life and plan? Does my plan have to be executed without regard to others in order for me to protect myself from making the same mistakes over and over again. Do I have room in my soul to let some one in, or an I to selfish.
Ditto, the above statement for Grace.
Grace has been hurt bad by the past, am I the Knight in Shiny Armour to ride in and rescue her.
Hell, most of the time I can barely rescue myself. When I look at her now, it looks like she had done pretty good with out any help from me.
Have you ever noticed that when you do an exercise like this that next step invariably leads to self preservation and pulling back and away, from that which you believe you want the most and you do it with the noble excuse that you are doing it to protect the other person. Because you tell yourself it is for their good and not yours. Of course you realize that we are all masters at the art of being able to bull shit ourselves...
As I stated earlier, Horse Hockey!!!
Do I have any answers? Or is all I have just questions. Well, this will have to wait, we are slowing down and it looks like it is time to fish.
I went down onto the main deck and stood back by the wheel with Al as Bernie started getting every one hooked up with gear. It looked like we were going to slow troll with 4 lines in, 2 on rods and 2 on rods connected to wide outrigger poles. Al kept the boat moving slowly forward while Bernie got the baits in the water and everyone got where the were suppose to be. Al gave the boat a tiny bit more throttle and we started moving a little faster. Al asked me to see if any one wanted anything to eat or drink as we trolled along. All of a sudden, Bernie screamed "FISH ON" and there was a mad scramble to get the other lines in to keep from having a tangled mess. It looked to be a nice fish as it gave a small jump. Bernie got the guy with the rod into a fighting vest and into one of the fighting chairs.
I asked Al, if it would be all right if I went in with my mask, fins and snorkel to watch the fight from underwater. He said it was OK with him, just be sure and watch for sharks. It seems that the sound of a boat in these waters was like ringing the dinner bell, and the sharks came around to check out what was on the menu. It seems that they like to sneak in and take a big bite out of the fish just when you aren't expecting it.