What can I say about this story? I'm unsure whether it was intended as a stroke piece or not, which would change my opinion of how successful it was. If it was a stroker, it came up a little short; if it was intended as a more 'serious' piece, it fared a little better.
Technically, while there were a number of flaws which an editor should have been able to catch - from typos to internal inconsistencies - it was still superior to much of what is available. The plot was pretty simplistic, which is fine for a stroke piece; it did develop eventually into something different, which was a good sign.
Personally, I was a little disappointed with the characterization; I just couldn't find any interest in any of the female characters, although I think the way TDK was able to make one of them so distinctly unlikeable was a success. Still, had I not chosen to review this story, I likely would have not finished it.
I would suspect those most likely to enjoy this story would be those looking for stroke with some occasional romantic elements. Those looking for pure stroke - and those looking for more romance - are best suited looking elsewhere.