I've definitely read it all. You can't imagine the kind of feedback I got since I posted SLM. I think writing a cheating wives story one of the hardest things to do. I mean the exhaustion that goes with trying to imagine what the characters feel emotionally, believe me it's not something I want to subject myself to ever again.
In essence what I'm saying is that SLM is the only cheating wives story I will ever write. Because people have asked me for an ending, I think I'm going to brave it again and give the story an ending. Whether it is a happy one or not I don't know for now. I'm still trying to understand the intersection between love, marriage and infidelity. From what I have read and that"s from feedbacks that I received, many marriages aee sort of an arrangement where most of the participants are unhappy but just don't want to do anytghing about it. This doesn't help my views on marriage in any way.
Some of you have expressed some concern about some facts of the story. Truth is, SLM is from my imagination and most of the things I expressed in the story are particular to me. Some say that it is unrealistic of him to find women that would share his bed and I ask; is it that far-fetched? Others say that his financial background is outrageous, still I ask; is it that far-fetched. Even the rich have marital problems like everyone else. The other group says I stopped the story too soon. Well, that is the extent of my imagination at the time, so bear with me.
I should also mention that some responders gave me great advice and insight into what constitutes a marriage and I am eternally gratefull to them because they gave me what I was looking for. All in all, it was a great experience writing SLM but as great as it was, don't expect another story from me, except maybe the conclusion. As one responder wrote, I should leave writing to real authors. Well, I am leaving the writing and the reading to you. Enjoy it all.
For weeks now, I have not written a single word. I am not blocked, I just find myself staring at the keys of my laptop. I can see the words, I can visualize the reality I want to manifest but I just can't seem to lift my hand to start painting what I see.
More than a month ago, I lost my grandmother. She was old, 83 years of age and her burial was a celebration of life. It shouldn't affect me so much because as sad as it sounds, I wasn't too close to her. I grew up rarely seeing her, most times I saw her once a year, during Christmas periods when we went down to the village for the Festivities. Even when I was in the university which was closer to my village, I rarely went down to the village. I knew on some visceral level that she was family, but I guess I just figured that I had time to show her how I cherished the little time we spent together, that I had time to show her how much she meant to me.
She was the most spectacular woman I've ever met. She had the biggest heart I've ever seen on any body. I know that grand parents are supposed to have big hearts but her selflessness was too legendary in the whole village. She was the type that would go hungry to see you eat, the type that would pray for you no matter how many times you disappointed her. I could still remember the stories she told me. I could still remember her flightiness, she would be talking about one thing and then change to another without preamble. Oh, how it grated me whenever she did that. I guess that was one of the reason I didn't really get closer to her.
I shouldn't have been affected by her death. Not after all the troubles I went through to shield myself. I guess I was taken unawares. I knew on some level that she was going to die someday soon, she was old ever since I knew her, always complaining of one ailment or another. I just thought that if I didn't get close to the fire, I wouldn't get burnt by it. I wanted to preserve myself that I lost the opportunity to really know the most amazing person I've ever known. All for what? Self preservation?
I haven't found it in me to cry. No, my punishment would be easier because of it. I haven't found time to grieve yet. We buried her on Friday and I saw everyone crying, I saw her lying in that casket, without breath or form of life and I could feel my world collapsing. It's happening all over again. I never get the chance to know the people that would make my life easier.
I wanted to cry but tears came not. How could I cry? when I never even allowed myself to get close to her? I've been racked by guilt and a sense of loss. I wasted too valuable time for something that makes absolutely no sense.
But at the heart of it all, I have learnt one lesson that seems to be driving me crazy. Life's too short and I need to make the effort to know the people close to me. I need to allow people in, somehow. I want to take the risk and just let myself feel, but it's the most difficult thing I can ever imagine. I need to be more for my family.
I hope that talking about it will help. I hope that I will start writing again. I hope that I will be happy. I wish I could be less guarded, but Life Happens.
So, I have been writing again, after a short hiatus and it feels incredible to be doing so again. I'm discovering the magic that made me start 'Fortune' in the first place.
But I have been unlucky in other regards. I can't seem to get an editor and I really need one, as I have come to see. I can't post any more chapters of 'Fortune' without an editor going through it. I don't want to be one of those writers that do not take writing here seriously. I want to put out something out there that is rich in quality and plot. I hope you understand and I hope that I get an editor soon because I can't wait to publish the new chapters of 'Fortune'.
I wish I find one soon. Anyway, that's the update to all things related to 'Fortune'. May Fortune guide you in your Journey!!!
It has been a while now, especially after my 'Disappointed' blog fiasco which earned me more than a fair share of harsh criticism. I do not mind though, because it was what I needed to hear, though the harshness of the responses was blunt if I do say so myself.
But I did learn a few things from that particular fiasco; I do need an editor. Many responders stressed this fact that it became the first thing I looked for in a response. I've never been good at having someone go through my work but I think it's time for old habits to give way to new ones. It is after all a New Year.
Secondly, I need to finish all my stories before undertaking new ones. Sadly, I don't see myself taking up 'Looking at You' any time soon but as soon as 'Fortune' is done, I'm going to start with 'Life is not Fair'.
So, having understood these messages, I have taken steps towards making them work for me. I have sent Editor requests to some volunteer editors here on SOL but sadly, nothing has panned out. I have only just gotten two replies and they seem to not be leading to anything concrete. I have sent out another bunch of request and hopefully something will come out of them. Although, I must stress that left to me, I'd much rather work with a female editor. Nothing personal to the guys but having dealt with women most of my life, I find that they can be highly motivating. So, if you know any good female editor, please do not hesitate to let me know.
Lastly, I'd like to thank Mattwatt and Mcguy101 for their responses, especially mcguy101 for his patience and tact in his criticisms. I owe it to you and to myself to finish this story. If I do find an editor, expect the remaining chapters from me soon.
Thank you all and A Happy New Year to all of you.
I am disappointed, very disappointed with the performance of Fortune. A 6.75 aggregate score, that's too poor, even for an amateur writer like me. And to think that I only got a single feedback for the second chapter, that's plain poor.
I have a system I keep to while reading a story here on SOL. If a story is good enough, I vote then send feedback to the writer. But, if a story isn't good enough, I don't bother voting or even sending feedback to the writer; it's my own way of telling him that he should just stop writing before I puke.
In the same vein, I think the message is loud and clear: stop writing dude before we puke! And I'm kind of taking the advice; I'm not writing.
I'm not much of a perfectionist but I don't like wasting my time on endeavors that aren't good enough. Clearly, Fortune isn't good enough and every fibre in me is telling me to not waste my time. I don't know yet, but we'll see after the break. But if I do not continue with Fortune, may I be the first to say that you just missed out on a very interesting tale.
Happy Holidays and Enjoy!!
May Fortune guide you in your Journey!!!