Forum: Author Hangout

I like the parts about conflicts and having an agenda (#1 & #6). That distills what I was describing about my character motivation sheets. By establishing each person's goals, it's easier to tilt their conversation so it rackets up the tension in the story.

#5, about giving each character a different voice, got thru what Chris has been trying to tell me but I wasn't getting. (Now if I can just figure out how to apply it!)

#9 is good, but Harvey drops the ball. Punctuation isn't just important to get the details right, but because it affects the pacing of the conversation. As we've been discussing lately, we need to be cognizant of concurrent actions, or delays during speech. An ellipsis to show hesitation is one thing, but focusing on action can suggest a pregnant pause, as well as the character's trying to sidetrack the conversation, making readers wonder what they're trying to hide.

#5, about giving each character a different voice, got thru what Chris has been trying to tell me but I wasn't getting. (Now if I can just figure out how to apply it!)

For an extreme example, the London uni professor talking to the Cockney waif is a bit like this:

The prof said, "Well, young man, just what are you doing here today?"

The waif replied, "Iz bin paid ta giv dis letta to Mickey Laws!"

or a reply of:

The waif replied, "Iz gotta give dis to Mickey Laws," while holding up a letter.

- just from the dialogue you know there's a difference in education.

It's just as bad to slavishly use only "said" and "asked" as it is to slavishly avoid using them.

true

All things in moderation. It's just as bad to slavishly use only "said" and "asked" as it is to slavishly avoid using them.

I don't think that Switch and I would disagree, using "yelled", "shouted" or "whispered" is fine, as it indicates how the words are spoken. I'm not quite as precise as Switch is, though, as I'll often use other descriptive actions, though I'm cutting back.

The key is to minimize attributions as much as possible (only when necessary). You can offload many by using descriptions (action sentences), but "said" seems to work best (even "asked" can get repetitious if used much).

@Ernest

just from the dialogue you know there's a difference in education.

I was varying one character's voice--trying to show how he'd been alienated and felt isolated--by giving him a lisp. After a few tries, I gave up. I had one myself. When I was about five I couldn't pronounce "S"es. My parents sent me to a language coach, and I learned how to say it, but promptly developed a problem with "th"es. My parents assumed I had other issues that speech problems. I couldn't remember the sound of the words, but that wasn't my problem. Instead, it was just incredibly hard to read, and it ultimately wasn't worth the difficulty. Having a lisp would explain a lot, but I found it easier to modify his backstory rather than slow the readers down every time he said anything.

There is such a thing as cutting back too far.

Right now, I'm more likely to drop a character's name, using "he said" rather than using "said" too much. I'm now using said more than any other attribute, but I don't use it nearly as much as I use the others combined. Switch has been practicing this technique longer than I have.