A few things (following my experiment having my book professionally edited) I didn't know about writing, and a few questions along the way.
First, using -ing verbs implies they all happen at the same time. Thus if I say "I went to the dance, dancing, drinking, singing and talking", it implies I did them all at the same time. Who knew?
Also, I'm confounded about how to apply her head-hopping observations. I'd always thought that, by writing in 3rd Person Omni, that I had more latitude in including observations of what the different characters's motivations are. However, according to her, the POV is whichever character gets the main focus, and anything she can't observe firsthand is invalid head-hopping.
In the following example, I present a scene which the unknown narrator is recounting how everyone in the car is reacting to an abortive party the family attended. If her head-hopping restrictions are true, none of the characters can actually know what any others are thinking, even if the narrator does. Thus I've got to toss the entire passage in its entirety (as I can't conceive of how else to present the information).
The passage follows:
The two denizens of the back seat wrestled with impatient expectations. It was a long evening, and the drive home seemed endless to Otis and his sister, Geraldine. They'd spent the evening at a cocktail party thrown by their father's co-workers. Not knowing any of the kids, the entire experience was strained. The children who knew each other teased and flirted, ignoring Otis and Ger, as she preferred to be called. The trip home didn't improve anyone's mood.
Otis stared out the window at the inky darkness surrounding them. There were few lights in this area of the country, and the few available were overwhelmed by the van's headlights.
Ger nibbled on her fingernails, a nervous habit which drove Otis and their mother, Kelly, up the wall. Ger's evening was worse than Otis'. While he'd been ignored, at least there were kids his age. She'd been stuck babysitting the five and under kids, while struggling for inclusion by the older children, who wanted nothing to do with her. Noting she'd bitten her nails to the quick, she sat on her hands. "When do we get home?"
Their father, Liam Cruz, sighed, glancing back in the rear view mirror. "We're almost home. You've driven this road hundreds of times. You should recognize it by now."
The party was his idea. He knew the kids had few friends and thought this get together would allow them to build friendships. Yet, they seemed more distant and his coworkers weren't pleased either.