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Insults

REP

My wife made an observation the other day that I found very enlightening. Her observation was:

"Every insult that I can think of is based on a person's body or bodily function."


I tried to come up with an insult that is not based on a person's body and failed. I thought "Idiot" would work, but that is related to a person's mental capacity (i.e., their brain).

Can anyone think of an insult that is not related to the body?

Dominions Son

@REP

Can anyone think of an insult that is not related to the body?


Insults directed to a person's moral character. Some insults in this category may reference body parts (asshole) but the body part is not really the basis of the insult.

Replies:   REP  awnlee jawking
Ernest Bywater

@REP


Can anyone think of an insult that is not related to the body?


Nah, but your mother wears combat boots!

Ernest Bywater

@REP

I tried to come up with an insult that is not based on a person's body and failed.


Down here, in Australia, we often insult people by calling them a bastard since that's their whole body, I don't know if it qualifies or not. Another is to call them a dingo and other animal related comparisons - especially when they chatter like a bunch of gallahs.

Replies:   REP  Bondi Beach
awnlee jawking

@REP

Your personality would make a tree shed its leaves etc.

AJ

Replies:   Bondi Beach
Ernest Bywater

@REP


I tried to come up with an insult that is not based on a person's body and failed.


How about the old drover stand by:

Your face is like the southern end of a north bound cow.

Replies:   REP
ustourist

@REP

Git is an oft used English insult.

Replies:   REP
Ross at Play
Updated:

debauched, degenerate, depraved, deviant, despicable, demonic, decadent, devious, deceitful, deadbeat, devil-worshoping delinquent.

Replies:   richardshagrin
G Younger

Let's hijack this thread and offer some creative insults.

- I love the feeling of relief I get when you leave.
- He couldn't make a friend if he milked a bull.
- To sink lower you'd have to dig with heavy machinery, or explosives.
- She doesn't have issues, she has the whole subscription.
- Were I to find him in the wild being torn apart alive by rabid dogs, I'd merrily sell popcorn.

Ross at Play

unbalanced, unbearable, uncouth, unctuous, underhand, unethical, unhinged, unholy, unkind, unkempt, unprincipled, unscrupulous, untidy, unwelcome untouchable.

Dominions Son

@G Younger

To sink lower you'd have to dig with heavy machinery, or explosives.


He's so low, he'd have to climb a ladder to:

1. scratch a snake's belly.
2. reach the gutter.

Replies:   REP
REP

@Dominions Son

I meant the word(s) used were body parts. All insults are about the person's character.

Replies:   Dominions Son
REP

@Ernest Bywater

I suppose bastard would work. Although it is the end result of a bodily function.

REP

@Ernest Bywater

Your face is like the southern end of a north bound cow.


good one although still a bodily part - face and cow's ass.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
REP

@ustourist

Git


I've never heard that one.

Replies:   ustourist  Grant
REP

@G Younger

offer some creative insults


I like those.

REP

@Dominions Son

He's so low


Yeah, that's really low.

Dominions Son

@REP

I meant the word(s) used were body parts. All insults are about the person's character.


That's ridiculous. Calling someone ugly is about their physical appearance, not their moral character.

ustourist

@REP

Some English ones that don't initially appear to be based on bodily parts or functions are still related to that via rhyming slang, so care is needed.
Calling someone a Merchant (Merchant Banker) or
a Gareth (Gareth Hunt, back when he was well known) both come under that limitation.
Git is really a character one originally, but is probably used more with an adjective to clarify or stress (stupid git is a redundancy, but would be common)...boring, drunken, cantankerous, or ethnicity of one of the four home nations. I can't recall ever hearing it used for other nationalities (or prefaced by colour), but that may just be the circles I moved in.

sejintenej

@REP

Can anyone think of an insult that is not related to the body?

It was the devil (Satan) who made the tree miss you

Not sure if this one found on SOL counts:
your parents spoiled a good fuck when they got together to have you

Everyone else merits a place in heaven

oyster50

He left our office and drove to Texas. Raised the average IQ of both states.

Replies:   samuelmichaels
Crumbly Writer

@REP

good one although still a bodily part - face and cow's ass.

Though it's not the recipient's body parts, instead their analogies based on the recipients faults (i.e. not necessarily body parts).

richardshagrin

@Ross at Play

debauched, degenerate, depraved, deviant, despicable, demonic, decadent, devious, deceitful, deadbeat, devil-worshoping delinquent.


De words. Destroyer, debased, defensive, deprived, depleted, derailed, defrocked, deaf, Detroit. I am sure others can come up with DE (destroyer escort) words. Deep thought required, or a dictionary.

samuelmichaels

@G Younger

He's depriving some poor village of its idiot.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater

@samuelmichaels

He's depriving some poor village of its idiot.


I prefer the modern equivalent - The village council called, and they want you to return because they miss their village idiot.

samuelmichaels

@oyster50

He left our office and drove to Texas. Raised the average IQ of both states.

Way to insult both the former colleague and the whole state of Texas. I think that was used of Oklahoma and California originally.

When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.

-- Will Rogers.

Grant

@REP

Git


I've never heard that one.


"You silly git" if a friend's done something daft.
"Stupid git" when insulting someone.

Zom

@G Younger

offer some creative insults.

If you had a brain cell it would be lonely.

Bondi Beach

@Ernest Bywater

Another is to call them a dingo


I heard or read "wombat" frequently. After seeing one at Taronga Zoo, I understood the insult perfectly.

bb

Bondi Beach

@awnlee jawking

Your personality would make a tree shed its leaves etc.

AJ


"[Your proposal] would make a cat laugh."
--- Paul Keating, Australian PM (at the time) in Parliament to an opposition member.

bb

Replies:   Ross at Play
Ross at Play
Updated:

@Bondi Beach


"[Your proposal] would make a cat laugh."

--- Paul Keating, Australian PM


One of the most memorable insults by an Australian PM was by Robert Menzies.
A heckler at a rally yelled out, "I would not vote for you if you were the Archangel Gabriel."
The retort was, "If I was the Archangel Gabriel, you would not be in my constituency."

sejintenej

Moron

Zom

You are as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike!

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer
Updated:

@Zom


You are as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike!


You are as useful as a fact-checker at a Trump rally? or maybe: You are as useful as a deligate counter at a Hillary rally?

P.S. One of my all time favorite exclamations, when Bruce Wayne discovered he had an illegitimate baby.

Holey prophylactics, Batman!

Note: Correction, changed "delicates" to "deligates". Someone who counted sandwiches (or undergarments) would have been highly prized at a Hillary rally!

Jay Cantrell

Here are three if my personal favorites (sadly, directed at a single coworker).

1. You have perfected the art of failure.

2. I wish I could buy you for what you're worth, then sell you for what you think you're worth. It would be like hitting the lottery.

3. Do you have pictures of [the owner] screwing a sheep?

I am not sure how this reflects on the original post since it involves intellect but I like them and wanted to share.

Replies:   Wheezer
pcbondsman

One of my favorites from a master of the insult.

"Mr. Attlee Is A Very Modest Man. Indeed He Has A Lot To Be Modest About." -- Sir Winston Churchill

My #1 favorite from him refers to the body so doesn't really qualify for this thread. It has been cited in several slightly different forms, this is the version I chose to cite.

Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"
Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."

Replies:   samuelmichaels
Ernest Bywater

One I used several times, but haven't used for many years, is:

"He's a perfect arse hole, and a self-made man, at that."

sejintenej

If I throw a stick will you leave?

He is a man suffering from petrified adolescence (Aneurin Bevan of Winston Churchill)

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

As guests go I wish you would

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Wheezer

@Jay Cantrell

2. I wish I could buy you for what you're worth, then sell you for what you think you're worth. It would be like hitting the lottery.

3. Do you have pictures of [the owner] screwing a sheep?


Related to #2, I used to tell people who asked me what my salary was that it was a compromise between what the boss thought I was worth and what I thought I was worth, but biased in the boss's favor.

The second line to #3 is "would you like to buy some?"

Crumbly Writer

@sejintenej

He is a man suffering from petrified adolescence (Aneurin Bevan of Winston Churchill)

Except, that same criticism applies to the majority of the Great Minds of the 20th and 21st centuries. As such, it's hardly an insult, merely a reflection how out-of-touch the attacker is with the modern world (his criticism of Churchill being a prime example).

samuelmichaels
Updated:

@pcbondsman


One of my favorites from a master of the insult.

"Mr. Attlee Is A Very Modest Man. Indeed He Has A Lot To Be Modest About." -- Sir Winston Churchill


Another one, often misattributed to Lady Astor and Churchill:


after a heated argument on some trivial matter Nancy, with a fervor whose sincerity could not be doubted, shouted, "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!" Whereupon Winston with equal heat and sincerity answered, "And if I were your husband I would drink it."

StarFleet Carl

Your parents had to rub bacon on you so the dog would lick you.

The best part of you ran down your mothers leg.

You're the poster child for post-birth abortion.

You're standing as tall with patriotism as Colin Kapernick.

Of course, the easy one is to go after college rivalries - call a Boilermaker a Hoosier fan, or tell someone from Stillwater that they'd look good in red. (For those of you in the southern hemisphere, it's U.S. colleges. Want to get dead quick? Go to Auburn and holler out, 'Roll, Tide!'.)

Replies:   Dominions Son
joyR

You're so low you could parachute out of a snakes arsehole... And free fall.

You are an utter waste of a Y chromosome.

(Of a tall person) I never realised shit could be stacked that high.

You're what happens when a gene puddle evaporates.

A poster child for euthanasia.

Dominions Son

@StarFleet Carl

Your parents had to rub bacon on you so the dog would lick you.


Reminds me of a funny story from one of the veterinarian shows on Animal Planet.

A guy brings in a dog he had recently privately adopted from it's original owner. The dog has a persistent open sore on one leg. According to the guy who brought the dog in, it had the sore for more than a year.

The vet examines the dog. The sore is not an infection, but the result of the dog constantly licking that spot on it's leg.

The vet curious about how something so simple to treat could have lasted so long goes back to talk to the owner. The new owner says that the original owner claimed he had been treating it with a home remedy.

The home remedy: Wrap it with bacon.

Yeah, that's the ticket, wrapping a dog with bacon is just the thing to get it to stop licking itself.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@Dominions Son

Yeah, that's the ticket, wrapping a dog with bacon is just the thing to get it to stop licking itself.

If it licks one paw too much, then just switch the bacon to the other leg. That way, you keep shifting the sore from one leg to another, allowing each leg to almost heal each time.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son

@Crumbly Writer

If it licks one paw too much, then just switch the bacon to the other leg. That way, you keep shifting the sore from one leg to another, allowing each leg to almost heal each time.


Switch it often enough and the dog might not lick any one spot enough to get sore.

As the story goes, the original owner was wrapping the sore with bacon.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@Dominions Son

As the story goes, the original owner was wrapping the sore with bacon.

As I said, if you switch it repeatedly, it won't be long until each foot is sore (and seriously, once a dog gets something into it's head, there's no way you could switch it fast enough unless you switched it 24/7!

awnlee jawking

@Dominions Son

Coincidentally, in the shortie I'm currently working on, a novice nun is rewarding her rescuer with plenty of insults, all character related. The problem is I'm running out of insults. Being a nun, certain types of insult are off the table.

AJ

Dominions Son
Updated:

@awnlee jawking


The problem is I'm running out of insults. Being a nun, certain types of insult are off the table.


But that also brings in a whole other category of insults, questioning the recruiter's faith/dedication to the church:

Bride/daughter or Satan.

Heretic

Unbeliever.

Doubting Thomasina (feminized biblical reference)

Faithless

Jezebel
Judas
No words, but hand the insulted a bag of 30 silver coins.

Also questioning sexual morals with medieval and/or biblical/religious references.

Harlot

Succubus (A female demon that seduces men)

Crumbly Writer
Updated:

@Dominions Son


No words, but hand the insulted a bag of 30 silver coins.

Or, stealing from the "The Big Bang Theory", 30 pieces of silverware (it's certainly cheaper than that much silver!).

Ross at Play

@Dominions Son

But that also brings in a whole other category of insults, questioning the recruiter's faith/dedication to the church:

plus ... Protestant, Mormon, Scientologist, Pagan, Wiccan, Agnostic, Atheist, ...

Replies:   awnlee jawking
Dominions Son

@Crumbly Writer

Or, stealing from the "The Big Bang Theory", 30 pieces of silverware (it's certainly cheaper than that much silver!)


30 pieces of real silverware (flatware made of silver) would be quite a bit more expensive than thirty silver coins.

awnlee jawking

@Dominions Son

Also questioning sexual morals


I would never presume to recommend others to read my stories and I understand it probably wouldn't be your cup of tea anyway, but if you were to read it you would understand why your comment made me laugh so much my socks ended up on the other side of the room :)

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son

@awnlee jawking

I don't normally read short stories, but I do make the occasional exception.

By the way, it is precisely a righteous prude that would be most insulted by insults implying loose sexual morals.

sejintenej

@awnlee jawking

The problem is I'm running out of insults. Being a nun, certain types of insult are off the table

Has God divorced you yet?

richardshagrin

@Crumbly Writer

30 pieces of silverware (it's certainly cheaper than that much silver!).

Have you priced silverware lately? Pieces of silver could be old dimes, probably cost a lot more than $3 but a piece of silverware made out of silver, can cost a lot. Minimal online search found the cheapest 4 piece place setting was on sale for $674.95, "minimally accented" which means they didn't decorate it much.

Dominions Son

@richardshagrin

Have you priced silverware lately?


A lot of people confuse silverware with flatware, calling chromed steel or stainless steel flatware "silverware".

Dominions Son

@richardshagrin

Minimal online search found the cheapest 4 piece place setting was on sale for $674.95,


I have no idea where you looked, Bed Bath & Beyond has 5 piece sterling silver place settings from $160

Replies:   REP
awnlee jawking

@Ross at Play

I thought I was living in a twilight world until I spotted that someone had mistaken 'rescuer' for 'recruiter' ;)

AJ

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@awnlee jawking

I thought I was living in a twilight world until I spotted that someone had mistaken 'rescuer' for 'recruiter' ;)

Maybe he rescues recruiters, or recruits rescuers?

REP

@Dominions Son

5 piece sterling silver place settings from $160


Solid silver or plated?

Dominions Son

@REP

Solid silver or plated?


Solid as far as I can tell. However, it's sterling silver not pure sliver. And Bed Bath & Beyond seems to be listing it at clearance.

Amazon has the same 5 piece set listed at $350

However silver prices are fairly low at the moment. The spot price of sterling silver is $13.38 /troy ounce and pure silver is $15.98 / troy ounce.

I've searched around trying to get the piece wights for the set. Best I can find is that sterling silver place settings average 1 troy ounce per piece. The knife is 2 ounces, but unless it's a very old set, the only the handle is silver, the blade is stainless steel.

https://gold-forum.kitco.com/showthread.php?83416-Filled-knife-handles

So the actual silver value in the 5 piece set is only $66.90

Replies:   REP
Ernest Bywater

@REP

Solid silver or plated?


today most of what they sell as sterling silver is elctroplated in sterling silver.

Replies:   REP
REP

@Dominions Son

Sounds a lot like the markup in the jewelry industry.

Buy a piece for $1,000.00. Bring it back a month later and it's used, so the store will only offer you $100.00, if that much.

Of course, if you sell it to them, you can always go back the next day and buy it as used for $700.00.

REP

@Ernest Bywater

I know. That is why I asked the question.

Crumbly Writer

Add that to your insult list:

Your silver lining is only silver plated, and badly at that.

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