I got back from my sabbatical and found an email from a woman who, by accident, discovered that her seventeen year old daughter had a whole slew of my stories saved on her computer. She expressed some concern that her daugher seemed to be interested in young girls who were impregnated by older men.
I can understand that - the mother's concern, I mean. Not only that, I can empathize with her.
So, since I now know that people are reading my stories, who shouldn't be reading my stories, this blog entry is for all of you kids out there.
First off, don't frown like that. You ARE a kid. You may feel all grown up, but you're not. You may WANT to be all grown up, but you're not. You may THINK you have it all figured out, but you don't.
How do I know?
Easy. Most of us grown ups haven't figured it out yet either. Why do you think there is so much divorce out there? You think it's because the adults are just too picky?
The fact is that complex relationships are difficult, and frought with danger. Just look at your own best friend. Do things always go perfect for the two of you? Of course not. In fact, you've probably had more than one "best friend". And you're not fucking your best friend. At least I hope you're not.
And don't yell at me for using bad words. You're the ones who decided you were old enough to access an adult site, and I know you're familiar with the language.
What you're NOT familiar with are the complexities of human interaction on the level where sex takes place.
How do I know?
Easy. Most adults aren't there yet either.
So, you say ... "How am I supposed to figure this out, if I can't explore and experience things?"
Here's a tip for you: Talk to your parents.
That's right. I mean those (hopefully) two, (probably) clueless, adults who strained and sweated and anguished over you as you came to the conclusion that the world revolves around you, instead of the sun. I'm talking about the people who sacrificed what they wanted, for YOUR benefit. Hopefully I'm talking about the people in your life who HAVEN'T abused you, and are scared to death that something bad will happen to you. They've been living with that fear for years, and they know they'll be living with that fear for the rest of their lives.
"But they're clueless!" you gasp. "Nobody talks to their parents about ... sex!"
Wait! Think about that! Could we have possibly stumbled upon a key factor as to why nobody ever seems to be able to figure out this sex thing? Hmmmm.
What would the world be like if parents educated their own kids about the pitfalls of relationships? What if, as they filed their divorce papers, they explained to the kids exactly what went wrong ... how the love died ... how maybe it wasn't there in the first place ... how, quite possibly, it was all about sex when they started things up, and maybe not about love at all!
What if a girl was actually able to go to her mother and say "Mom, I'm really interested in this sex thing, and I think I want to try it. You've done that a lot. Got any pointers for me?"
No, that wouldn't work. There's no way a mother might actually be able to help her daughter understand the feelings inside of her, and how to deal with them. After all, Mom only had sex that one time ... right? That's why you're there. But she and Dad don't actually DO the bump ugly any more. Ick!
Look, kids. You're not stupid, no matter what the test results from No Child Left Behind say. You know full well that your parents have taught you a hell of a lot about life already. You watched them, and you saw them make mistakes. They made a lot more of them long before you were born, and most of them learned from those mistakes. If you don't talk to them about sex, you're wasting a very precious resource that could make your life a GREAT deal easier in the years to come.
"But they won't talk to me about sex!" you say.
You're probably right. Not at first, anyway. But I guarantee you that if you walk up to Mom and say something like "I really like Bobby, and I'm thinking he should be the guy to get my cherry," you'll get a dialogue going.
Yes, there will be some screaming and yelling at first. Yes, the law will be laid down, initially. But, if you approach it like the adult you think you are, and demand that they both teach you about the mistakes they made in their love lives ... ARE making in their love lives ... eventually you'll wear them down. Once the dialogue actually gets past the "I'm your Mother - THAT's why" stage, you might find out things that will save YOU from having to file all that nasty divorce paperwork some day in the future.
Don't try to learn about sexual relationships from stories by people like me. We're dreaming. It's all fantasy, for us. And the ones who swear it's all true, and that everybody else should do what they did too are just those of us who are a brick shy of a load.
But you're not living a fantasy. Your dreams should be of the future, not simply what you're feeling right now. Your life is real, and you can fuck it up royally if you make the wrong decisions right now.
How do I know?
Just look around. How many fucked up adults do you see around you?
Talk to them. Find out what happened, so it won't happen to you.
One more thing. For those girls out there who think a baby will solve a problem, or be "cool" ... those aren't good reasons to have a baby, OK? Life is precious, and a baby deserves a committed mother AND father, who will raise that child in an atmosphere of love and respect. Your Uncle isn't the best man to do that with. Neither is your brother. Your father's already taken, and if he's not, there's a reason. When you actually find that man, and fall in love with him, and are in a stable, committed relationship, then you can fantasize whatever you like as you go about creating new, precious life. Don't waste that on some guy who's just trying to follow his biological urge to scatter his seed around.
Now that you've read this, I don't expect to see you back again until after you're an adult. If you're wondering when that is ... you'll know when you get there because that's when you begin to realize how clueless you actually are.
And, for any parents out there who decided to see what I was telling your kids:
Talk to them. Tell them about your mistakes, and what you learned from them. Sex is NOT a taboo subject for YOU to talk about with your children. Help them work through what they're feeling. Help them differentiate between fantasy and reality.
I shouldn't have to tell you not to "help" them like happens in my fantasies. But I will, because your parents didn't talk to you about sex either, and maybe you're still a little confused.